Breaking Up With An Alcoholic Boyfriend Posted: 07-19-07 09:16am
Hi,
I'm new here and need some advice. I've
been iwiht my bf for 10.5 years, living
with him for 7 years. I did not know that
he was a heavy drinker until I moved in
with him. Needless to say his drinking
has gotten worse over the years. After
numerous times of trying to help him,
telling him that I would leave if he did
not stop drinking, he never did anything
and yesterday I finally broke up with him.
When he drinks he abuses me mentally and
verbally (never physically) and that has
got me tired. After I told him that I am
breaking up he said he would stop drinking
and that he is going to change, he kept
begging me to give him a chance, and I
feel terrible for leaving him as I do love
him, but I'm just tired of all of these
years putting up with the drinking and
everything that comes with it. I feel so
horrible and bad, as I see him cry and beg
me for another chance, but I've giving him
so many chances everyday that I stuck by
him and did not leave was another chance.
I'm confused I'm not sure if I am doing
the right thing by leaving him...
Any thoughts?
Thanks for reading and your comments.
|
Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 07-19-07 09:54am
My advice: he isn't going to change.I was
in the same position as you some time ago
and gave my ex so many chances,it was
insane.be broke up 3 times (more than that
bt those 3 were serious) and all 3 times
he said he would stop.the last time he
said it he did stop for me,we hadn't sen
each other in months.He stopped but the
urge was still there.I finally just broke
it off and that night he went and got
plastered.He has to do it for himself not
someone else or else it isn't real.Stay
away
|
miss optimistic
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jun 2007 Posts: 11
Posted: 07-21-07 12:32pm
well, i wouldnt say that he will NEVER
change.. BUT he has to do it on his own.
and it could take several years to before
he gets there too, and before you could
trust him again. he really needs to get
into a recovery program, and NO, you can't
be with him as he goes through this. if
he really is going to get help, than he
has to do it solo. it is most likey it
get worse before it gets better. if you
two are truely meant to be than you will
find your way back together another time.
good luck.
|
young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 07-21-07 12:40pm
no one here can tell you if he will change
or not
you have the power to help him
you never know what ya got til its gone
and you did the right thing
hes scared hes gunna loose you now
id stand your ground and say youll be
there for him as a friend for now and when
he shows you hes sober or when he takes AA
classes or something then youll go back
but for now stay strong girl-
it can either get 10times better or 50
times worse
best of luck
-suzy
|
Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 07-23-07 06:32am
miss optimistic
wrote:
well, i wouldnt say that he
will NEVER change.. BUT he has to do it on
his own. and it could take several years
to before he gets there too, and before
you could trust him again. he really
needs to get into a recovery program, and
NO, you can't be with him as he goes
through this. if he really is going to
get help, than he has to do it solo. it
is most likey it get worse before it gets
better. if you two are truely meant to be
than you will find your way back together
another time. good
luck.
I say I kinda disagree
with one thing you said about him having
to do it solo.It s *always* good to have
someone there to help you and be there for
you!
|
change is good
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2007 Posts: 112 Location: Mesa AZ.,
Posted: 08-20-07 09:20am
well said melissa
|
silverbullet52
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Sep 2007 Posts: 4 Location: St. Petersburg, FL United States
Re: Breaking Up With An Alcoholic Boyfriend Posted: 09-17-07 13:15pm
mim77
wrote:
Hi,
I'm new here and need some advice. I've
been iwiht my bf for 10.5 years, living
with him for 7 years. I did not know that
he was a heavy drinker until I moved in
with him. Needless to say his drinking
has gotten worse over the years. After
numerous times of trying to help him,
telling him that I would leave if he did
not stop drinking, he never did anything
and yesterday I finally broke up with him.
When he drinks he abuses me mentally and
verbally (never physically) and that has
got me tired. After I told him that I am
breaking up he said he would stop drinking
and that he is going to change, he kept
begging me to give him a chance, and I
feel terrible for leaving him as I do love
him, but I'm just tired of all of these
years putting up with the drinking and
everything that comes with it. I feel so
horrible and bad, as I see him cry and beg
me for another chance, but I've giving him
so many chances everyday that I stuck by
him and did not leave was another chance.
I'm confused I'm not sure if I am doing
the right thing by leaving him...
Any thoughts?
Thanks for reading and your
comments.
Being a recovering alcoholic myself, he
has to WANT to stop for HIMSELF, the only
solution that has worked for me is AA. An
active alcoholic reeks havoc on those that
love him. Sometimes interventions help. I
wish you well.
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