I am not sure if anxiety is the right word
for my irritability, un-ease on-edge
feelings but I don't feel relaxed at any
given time. I want to be calm just like
other people. There is a constant noise in
my brain that I need to relax. Since I
don't know the name of my disorder I am
going to call it Anxiety.
In order to calm my feelings I am
medicating myself with alcohol. This has
started 8 years ago, when I was 27. (I am
35 now) Before that, I don't have any
drinking history. At the age of 27, I
realized that I was never calm in my life.
After a night out with a lot of drinks I
felt great. What a great discovery!!! I
wish I visited a doctor instead of
starting relying on alcohol. Since then I
am abusing alcohol. I used to smoke
cigarettes too but a while ago I realized
that it is doing nothing but adding to my
anxiety so I stopped smoking. (I don't do
any drugs)
Right now, I am an alcoholic. I can stop
drinking (I did it for a while) but I know
for fact that I am going to relapse if I
don't treat my anxiety appropriately.
Till now I tried several things. 6 years
ago, I went to a psychiatrist and she
prescribed me Paxil. Paxil made things
much much worse. After 3 months I realized
that it wasn't doing anything good so I
stopped taking paxil. This increased my
depression to a point where I started to
have suicidal thoughts.
After that, I turned my back to treatment
for a long time. I started seeing another
psychiatrist last year and with my request
he prescribed Valium. Valium was actually
the drug I needed it works great but I
read and experienced the fact that 1) Its
effects are very short term, I need the
same feeling longer term 2) I am afraid of
the fact that I am going to get addicted
to Valium, the last thing I need is
another addiction 3) I saw the tolerance
effects.
At the beginning of this year, even though
my feelings weren't great (they were
better than now) I started seeking help
through Reiki, Acupuncture i.e. eastern
medicine. I tried that for another 4
months and couldn't get help there either.
In the meantime, I am trying to do a
behavioral therapy by myself by writing
things down. Even though it helps a
little, it cannot fix the root cause of my
problem.
Through some internet research and some
documentaries, I know that we can look
inside the brain and treat the problem
with medications. I am open to medications
(very skeptical to SSRIs though as I had a
very bad experience) because I know that
my problem is biological rather than
anything else. I am saying it is
biological because I have this feeling
since I was 12. We need to tune things
down.
I also want to have an outpatient
treatment, if possible. The reason is that
I will be very bored and being inside will
add to my anxiety. So, we might do things
even worse. I want to windsurf, play
soccer and do water sports as these
natural activities relieve anxiety a
little bit. I am very sure that if we
resolve Anxiety problem and tune things
down, I will automatically stop drinking
and depression will go away.
Why am I seeking treatment now? Because I
don't want to wait until I crush and burn.
I am already seeing the effect of alcohol
on my brain: Very bad short term memory,
difficulty in concentration impaired
mental functions in general. And I cant
stand these feelings anymore.
I don't know where to start and any
referral / suggestion is highly
appreciated. I need a referral to a doctor
or a facility who can look inside my brain
and prescribe a medication that can solve
my problem and is not addictive. I live in
San Francisco, CA. If anyone experienced
the same / similar problem and found out a
solution with medication/treatment please
let me know. Thank you for your time/help.
It is time to get well!
|
shadowalker164
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Tampa, FL
Posted: 07-24-07 09:11am
Sfanx…
My name is Richard and I am an alcoholic.
I get it when you said “In order to calm
my feelings I am medicating myself with
alcohol.” Ain’t that the truth!
As I read your post you just about covered
every symptom of this disease. From the
constant noise in the brain to short term
memory loss. Yea, you sound like one of
us.
I am not going to bore you with my tales
of a drunken life, just let me say this, I
haven’t found it necessary top pick up
that first in an endless string of drinks
in years.
There is a solution.
The only thing that gave me pause in your
story was the line… “I am very sure
that if we resolve Anxiety problem and
tune things down, I will automatically
stop drinking.” Maybe, maybe not.
Once we cross that line into active
alcoholism, we drink when things are bad
to ease the pain, and we drink when things
are good, to celebrate. And we drink when
nothing is going on at all, to ease the
boredom. In short we drink!
Do a web search and look at recovery
rates. Not the stated recovery rates of
organizations who make a living off
alcoholics, but look at unbiased recovery
rates. You will find they suck!
Why? Because what is wrong with us runs a
lot deeper than our physical symptoms.
There is no medication that can change my
mind about drinking. No pill in a bottle
that can make that next drink not sound
like a good idea to a drunk like me.
Look into everything you mentioned,
investigate all paths to sobriety, but my
suggestion is to add Alcoholics Anonymous
to you list.
I would wish you good luck,
but luck doesn’t really have anything to
do with it.
Your friend on the road to sobriety
Richard
|
sfanx
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Jul 2007 Posts: 4
Posted: 07-24-07 17:26pm
Richard-
thank you for your response. AA is
definitely on my list. I am still
researching the best option for my
conditions now. My plan of action is:
I am going to get a brain scan of mine,
functional MRI, PET and SPECT. I am hoping
that these scans will help me identify the
root cause of the problems. Then it is
goin gto be a dual therapy. Dual for both
anxiety and alcoholism. Because I know
that I cant solve one problem without
solving the other one.
The next step for me is to get a
medication treatment. I know that pills by
themselves are not enough at all. But I am
hoping that they will make it easier for
me to recover and will give me an edge.
The most important part is to stay siber
and calm. I am planning to achieve this by
attending AA, changing the way I live and
think. I am hoping to get counseling and
support from my loved ones as well.
I will keep everyone posted with my
progress and learnings about all the
different treatment options from AA to
medications, from brain imaging to
counseling.......
shadowalker164
wrote:
Sfanx…
My name is Richard and I am an alcoholic.
I get it when you said “In order to calm
my feelings I am medicating myself with
alcohol.” Ain’t that the truth!
As I read your post you just about covered
every symptom of this disease. From the
constant noise in the brain to short term
memory loss. Yea, you sound like one of
us.
I am not going to bore you with my tales
of a drunken life, just let me say this, I
haven’t found it necessary top pick up
that first in an endless string of drinks
in years.
There is a solution.
The only thing that gave me pause in your
story was the line… “I am very sure
that if we resolve Anxiety problem and
tune things down, I will automatically
stop drinking.” Maybe, maybe not.
Once we cross that line into active
alcoholism, we drink when things are bad
to ease the pain, and we drink when things
are good, to celebrate. And we drink when
nothing is going on at all, to ease the
boredom. In short we drink!
Do a web search and look at recovery
rates. Not the stated recovery rates of
organizations who make a living off
alcoholics, but look at unbiased recovery
rates. You will find they suck!
Why? Because what is wrong with us runs a
lot deeper than our physical symptoms.
There is no medication that can change my
mind about drinking. No pill in a bottle
that can make that next drink not sound
like a good idea to a drunk like me.
Look into everything you mentioned,
investigate all paths to sobriety, but my
suggestion is to add Alcoholics Anonymous
to you list.
I would wish you good luck,
but luck doesn’t really have anything to
do with it.
Your friend on the road to sobriety
Richard
|
shadowalker164
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Tampa, FL
Posted: 07-26-07 14:54pm
Sounds like a plan, keep us updated on
your progress.
Richard
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