feeling depressed for the last 9 months Posted: 07-23-07 07:20am
I have been feeling depressed for the last
9 months. I don't know what to do. I am in
a bad spot. I really don't know what to
say...so ill just start from the
beginning. Please don't be upset with me
and my spelling or grammar, I'm just going
to write.
I am a 38 year old male, father of a 14
year old son and have been married for 16
years. I am a former Marine and gulf war
vet. I have dedicated my life to others. I
have been a full time police officer the
last 14 years and have been involved in
law enforcement the past 22 years.
The trouble started November of 2006. In
2006 I was asked and accepted a bid to run
for sheriff of my home county. I was
currently a Sergeant with a small city
just outside the county i lived in. I knew
it would be a hard fight and really didn't
think i stood a chance. During the
campaign i started to pick up some
momentum. In March we surprised a large
number of people by winning our party
nomination as a large underdog. I was on
cloud nine. The sacrifice my family had to
make, the 80 hour work weeks and flat out
hard worked had payed off...right...not
really. This is when the good ends and the
bad starts.
During the primary campaign i was promoted
to Chief of Police, after winning the
primaries i was given a letter stating
that I would no longer be needed as Chief
due to my political endeavors and that
they felt I was no longer a good fit. One
board member told me when i confronted
them about the letter that i was "two
timing" the city by running for sheriff in
a different county. I received this letter
on September 4Th 2006. Why do I remember
the date...cus it was my birthday.
So that was a bad thing... the good thing
was that i was still in the running for
sheriff. The November election was two
months away and i felt i would win.
November 7Th came and i lost. Now i have
no Job. This is when the depression
started. I was fine for the first few
months but when i started to apply for
Jobs in the area i soon found out that,
the guy who beat me out for sheriff had
black listed me. So i couldn't find work.
I did pick up some part time work for a
small town and then got hired back by the
city that let me go, also part time. After
a while i noticed i was getting angry at
things that never bothered me before. Then
I lost my sex drive and that has affected
my marriage.
Now as time has gone by my anger, pain and
embarrassment has gotten the best of me. I
hate myself for being on the pity pot
almost as bad as i hate myself for putting
my family in this spot. I love my wife and
son and would never think of suicide. I
would never hurt them in that way. However
i am hurting them daily by being down or
angry. I hate to go to work for the first
time in my life. I hate that I hurt my
family. I hate that I hate.
I would go talk to a therapist or
something but if it ever got out that i
needed help it could affect me getting a
full time job in the area. I know about
the Hippa laws but as a supervisor i know
that that info can and has leaked out
costing some a chance in law enforcement.
I just can't take that risk.
Some of my anger and depression stems for
the fact that i have helped 100's of
people with some of the same pain I'm
going threw now...but i can't help myself
and i can't go get help. I feel trapped
with no way out. Well this ends my first
post. I know no one can help me on this
forum but writing makes me feel a little
better. Anyway thanks to anyone with a
kind word.
|
tasha_ivey
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jul 2007 Posts: 35 Location: USA
Posted: 07-23-07 18:53pm
First of all, don't beat yourself up about
losing your job as Cheif of Police. You
know how politics work. You should have
been commended for trying to make your
life better for you and your family. You
did nothing wrong. Someone was jealous of
you, and had the power to take that away.
It wasn't your fault. And, you knew that
when you ran for sheriff that there was a
chance you would lose. Again....all
politics. I really feel like you should
talk to someone about how you
feel...keeping it to yourself won't help
for sure. If you are afraid that someone
may find out you are seeing a therapist,
go to a different town where no one knows
you. Are you a religious person? I
recommend finding religion. I am a
Christian person, and I believe that what
you tell yourself...that is how your life
is going to be. If you believe that
things will go better, they will. I
recommend a book by Joel Osteen called
Your Best Life Now. It will really help
you have hope in your life. Take a look
at your family and how much they mean to
you. They deserve you at your best. Be
thankful for every blessing in your life,
and try not to focus on the negative
things that have happened. You love your
wife. She is obviously very important to
you. You don't want her to have to see
you this way. She and your kids want you
to be happy and full of life. They want
to see you smiling and laughing, not
depressed. I am a wife and mom of 2...It
would kill me to have to watch my husband
go through this. Do this not only for
yourself, but for your family, too. I
will be happy to help you in any way that
I can. If only just someone to vent to.
Let me know how things go. Best wishes!
Tasha
|
The Ginger 1
Supporter
Joined: 09 Jul 2007 Posts: 556 Location: Loony-tune-land, England
Posted: 07-23-07 19:05pm
Hello Friend
Firstly - I'd be angry at the way you were
treated and how it's effected your family
and you in the process.
Who asked you to run for Sherrif in the
first place? do they know how you were
treated and the consequesnces you incurred
because of it?
Doesn't the law protect good guys like
yourself, you were running for a job that
would have benefitted your county.
Turn your anger into positive action, find
out if the law is with you on this, and
fight for your rights ...
I hope your wife and son are supportive,
although I can imagine how difficult life
has been for you all over the past
months.
You seem a decent guy, that was looking to
progress up a ladder, and someone had
taken the rungs away, it's not a fair game
that these people have played, now learn
thier game, and use it to win.
Don't turn it into an obsession, but stay
level headed, you've hit rock bottom, now
it's time to get back onto your feet.
Good luck - and keep us posted, we're
always here to help and support you.
Ginger
|
onegoodcop
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Jul 2007 Posts: 2
Posted: 07-24-07 21:35pm
I want to thank you both for responding to
me. I don't have a lot of time write now
to answer all your question...but i will
soon.
As for my job i was a non union
department..employee at will thing. I have
no grounds to sue. If i did i dont think
they would have been so candid with me.
Anyway thanks for your response...i will
write again soon.
The site is not a replacement for professional medical opinion, examination, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your medical doctor or other qualified health professional before starting any new treatment or making any changes to existing treatment. Do not delay seeking or disregard medical advice based on information written by any author on this site. No health questions and information on eHealth Forum is regulated or evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and therefore the information should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease without the supervision of a medical doctor. Posts made to these forums express the views and opinions of the author, and not the administrators, moderators, or editorial staff and hence eHealth Forum and its principals will accept no liabilities or responsibilities for the statements made.
Schizophreniahealth
This page was last updated on June 11, 2008
