Should This Be the Last Straw? Posted: 07-23-07 08:59am
In my current relationship, we've been
together a little over a year, he lived
about 1000 miles away with his parents
since he graduated last year, and I was
still in college. He drove all the way
here to visit me for the summer and he's
been living with me in my apartment for
the past two months. And....he has a
gambling problem. He thinks that after he
plays enough, he'll be able to "make it
big" and that online poker can be his
career. He borrowed probably around
$10,000 last year from me and his other
friends to play poker...in the end his
parents had to pay us all back cause he
lost it all. These past few months, he
used my credit card and took money out of
my bank without permission, adding up to a
total of probably around $9,000 (including
charges my bank gave me because he
overdrew $1000).
The couple months we've been living
together he's been smoking lots of
cigarettes, smoking lots of weed with our
friends, "borrowing" money from me so that
he can pay for these habits, and just
basically sitting on his ass playing poker
and video games all day. (I play video
games also, but he plays like it's all
there is to life)
After we've been talking about this the
past few weeks, he's admitted to his
gambling problem, and that he's going back
home to live with his parents and they're
making him find a full-time job to pay me
back all the money. He says he promises
he'll pay me back every cent. I thought
this was a very good turnaround. He wanted
to get his life on track and make a good
life for both of us.
Lately he's been irritated easily. He gets
mad easily, frustrated, and overreacts.
For example, today (probably the worst
overreaction I've seen from him) he was
playing an online video game and he wanted
to get food somewhere. I looked up the
number for him in the yellowbook so that
he could call it. He ended up dying in the
game/getting his teammates mad at him
because he wasn't paying attention to the
game. He kinda flipped out and yelled at
me about why I couldn't call and order
food for him cause he was busy. I told him
I was writing a long e-mail to my dad, and
he was just playing a video game. He
proceeded to get incredibly angry saying
how he was sick of putting up with my
crap, and he got his suitcase and packed
up all his things. He couldn't find his
cellphone, so he grabbed mine and started
using it. I asked for it back and he
wouldn't give it back so I tried to grab
it. He pushed me hard down to the floor
and said "yeah, go ahead and start crying,
as if it's all my fault". (he denies it
ever happened like this)
I don't want to go into too many
details...but I feel like this should be
the last straw, but I can't seem to let
go. I still hope that he'll come back in a
few hours and apologize and everything
will be okay. Did I do something wrong to
make him act out in the way that he did? I
know he's been upset at me lately because
he hates being nagged and I've been asking
him how he's going to pay for the $9000 he
owes me. Maybe I just asked for too much?
I don't know, I'm really confused. I love
him, and I feel that when I decided to be
in this relationship with him, I was also
saying that I would be there for him, have
faith and believe in him, and help him
through the hard times (and vice versa, of
course).
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Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3402 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 07-24-07 06:38am
reread what you just wrote and ask
yourslef that question?Is he really
someone you want to be with?I know I
wouldn't want to deal with that.He gambles
all your money away.You should definetly
be done with him.He deserves to be nagged
about the money,he owes it to you but you
should know your never going to get it
back.(don't remember if he stole it or if
you gave it to him but) if he stole it you
cuold take him to court (if you have
proof).I think you should let him go.why
would you wanna keep someone so negative
in your life?
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Marfa2107
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jul 2007 Posts: 1552 Location: Galena, Kansas United States
online
Posted: 07-24-07 07:57am
i agree with melissa 100%...
this guy seems to have no respect for you
at all...
and that is something that NO ONE
needs...
i know that it is hard to let go of
someone but, if you don't these
"overreactions" are going to keep getting
worse and worse....
I say tell him he needs to move out and
find a job and live on his own for a while
to see how hard it actually is...
not only have you been living on your own
but you have been taking care of HIM...
and his habbits, which is NOT fair to
you...
so think about it, decide if this is how
you want to live your life...
and make sure you make the decision for
yourself and no one else i'm
just giving you advice from what you have
told us.
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fantasyangel
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Jul 2007 Posts: 2
Posted: 08-10-07 02:20am
Well, now the situation's gotten worse. I
did read everyone advice, and I really do
take it to heart...but I just couldn't do
it. I really really wish I didn't love
him, because that would make things so
much easier.
Him and I talked to his dad about all the
problems...we've all agreed that he'll
find a full-time job and pay off my credit
card and all the money he owes me. I
figured that he seriously wanted to fix
everything and understood how severe the
situation was.
He's moved back to the east coast now,
while I've moved back home with my parents
in the midwest. He's planning on going to
grad school at home, and he wanted me to
find a job there and move out there to
live with him. I did think about this for
awhile...wondering if picking up
everything I know and moving out there for
him was the best thing for me...but
knowing me and how attached I am, I
started looking for jobs near where he
lives.
I asked him to please help me find jobs
because I was so frustrated not being able
to find a job (and if I couldn't find a
job soon, I would have to stay at home
with my parents and take some classes at a
community college). He said he would, but
then he kept procrastinating and playing
online video games, watching tv, etc. for
a few days. I got fed up one day and
called him. He didn't answer, so I called
his house phone. He got angry and told him
not to call him on his house phone and
hung up on me. I got mad about this and
then IMed him saying I wanted my computer
back (I lent it to him). He IMed back
saying that it was totally over between
us. The fight was basically me bringing up
all the caca he did to me with the money
he stole from me...basically I got mad and
brought up how he "wronged" me. He blocked
me from AIM for a few hours, then
unblocked me...but still refused to answer
my calls and wouldn't talk to me. When we
finally talked...he said that he decided
he doesn't want to date someone who brings
up his faults when we fight. That he was
sick of putting up with my caca. I didn't
think he was serious about breaking
up...but this was Tuesday evening...two
days ago.
I understand that I shouldn't have brought
something up that was irrelevant to the
topic at hand...I was at fault for getting
so mad and using the past against him.
Right now I can't think of anything other
than how I really don't want to lose him.
It hurts so much, even though I know that
he's done some horrible things to me in
the past. Please, any advice on how to get
through this or what to do.
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Painfulcard
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Aug 2007 Posts: 3 Location: California
Posted: 08-25-07 17:06pm
take if from me a fellow gambler...leave
him NOW! do not look back...best decision
ever
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childofgod777
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Aug 2007 Posts: 35 Location: Indianapolis
Last Straw? Posted: 08-29-07 23:19pm
Are you kidding me! The last straw should
have been awhile back. He gambles,
borrows money and doesn't pay it back, (
which, by the way, is called stealing.)
He has temper tantrums like a three year
old. He won't work, and has the
aspirations of a twelve year old. Now he
is abusing you. Does he have to put you
in the hospital and the poor farm before
you have the sense to dump him. GET OUT
NOW. The longer you stay, the worse it be
be. How could you possibly love this
jerk. I think you need counseling, and a
good dose of self esteem.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Re: Last Straw? Posted: 08-29-07 23:20pm
childofgod777
wrote:
Are you kidding me! The
last straw should have been awhile back.
He gambles, borrows money and doesn't pay
it back, ( which, by the way, is called
stealing.) He has temper tantrums like a
three year old. He won't work, and has
the aspirations of a twelve year old. Now
he is abusing you. Does he have to put
you in the hospital and the poor farm
before you have the sense to dump him.
GET OUT NOW. The longer you stay, the
worse it be be. How could you possibly
love this jerk. I think you need
counseling, and a good dose of self
esteem.
\
childofgod777 i have sent you a PM
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childofgod777
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Aug 2007 Posts: 35 Location: Indianapolis
Posted: 08-30-07 01:02am
Sorry, but I lost your PM. before I even
got to open it. Please try again.
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