Wow, I am so glad I found an honest, open
forum to discuss my issues. And lately I
have been so stressed by them that I feel
I need to get someone's help.
I have been dating this girl for a year
and half, and it has been great so far.
We have traveled, explored, and grew
together. But her past has been more
colorful than mine.
I was raised with strict moral values, and
was always told that girlfriends will
distract me from my goals and my career.
I was home-schooled in high-school and all
my phone calls were screened by my parents
to make sure I am not hanging out with bad
kids or dating some floozy. So I didn't
really get the normal childhood and the
mandatory high-scool sexual experience.
Even when I got in to college, I evaded
advances from girls for a long long time.
Now at the ripe old age of 25, I had only
two girlfriends. I never had sex outside
a relationship. And this wasn't for the
lack of opportunities, but rather just
because the way I was brought up.
On the other hand, my girlfriend had four
boyfriends between 17 and 22, including
people from two different races.
This fact pops up in my mind everytime I
see a young couple, even on TV. I have
this visual of her kissing someone else or
saying "I Love You" to someone else when
she was so young and naive. And it makes
me sick to the stomach.
Now as I am thinking of settling down, I
wonder whether I missed a lot in my life.
My parents delayed my social life, and
hence I was never anyone's first. I
wonder if it makes any difference that she
has more sexual experience than me. I
feel like avenging: I feel like going out
and getting some girls just to get even
with her behind her back. She wouldn't
know the difference, and I will feel
better. I was taught to be competitive in
everything, and I am feeling that I am
going to lose this battle to someone I
will spend my life with.
I don't know what to do.
|
Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 6594 Location: Planet Tampaxia,
Posted: 07-26-07 06:46am
you have nothing to avenge or revenge
for.
so what you slept with less people, it
isn't a race to see who can sleep with the
most.
my partner has slept with only me - ever
he's 37.
I on the other hand slept with a far far
greater number between the ages of 13 and
21.
I'm more than happy with my partner.
Why would you want to run the risk of
ruining everything you have just because
you think you missed out on sleeping
around?
|
hugglez
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Aug 2007 Posts: 9 Location: ,
Well........ Posted: 08-02-07 19:10pm
I understand how you feel because I've
been through this with my husband. We are
young, he is 21 and I'm 22, but we know
that sometimes no matter how hard it may
be if you really love someone TRULY you
have to make sacrifices. And if you want
to be with this girl the getting back at
her shouldn't be an option because if you
do it will come back on you, I know it
will because I've been through it in a
past relationship and it always does. Also
if you plan on cheating you need to think
about the consequences such as diseases
and the break of trust in your
relationship. Do you talk to her about
your feelings? And about her dating people
outside of her race, why does that bother
you?
|
Georgia59
Supporter
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5323 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 65
Thanked:28
Posted: 08-08-07 11:30am
You have to accept her past. She didn't do
anything wrong. Although I understand why
you would feel the way you do, you can't
take your past out on her. She lived a
completely normal life, and you can't be
angry with her for it. That's just
projecting your problems on to her.
I think you need to talk to her about it
and find a way to deal with your feelings.
|
sillyakchick
Supporter
Joined: 12 Apr 2007 Posts: 2689
Thanks: 4
Thanked:0
Posted: 08-27-07 10:53am
Why does it matter that she had boyfriends
from different races? There is a very
tiny portion of the population that falls
in love with their first
boyfriend/girlfirend, thus most people in
the world have said " I llove you" to
other people before they come across the
one they will marry. I would advise you
not to go sleeping around for "revenge"
beccuase eventaually it will catch up and
then you will have a relationship filled
with lies and deciet.
I am not sure I think this relationship is
right for you. You harbor such anger and
resentment toward this person you
supposedly love. Furthermore, your racist
comments really scare me. That's just my
opinion.
|
nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2381 Location: North Carolina
Thanks: 11
Thanked:1
Posted: 09-13-07 06:30am
sillyakchick
wrote:
I am not sure I think this relationship is
right for you. You harbor such anger and
resentment toward this person you
supposedly love. Furthermore, your racist
comments really scare me. That's just my
opinion.
Yes, I agree this guy don't really love
this lady. I think the guy needs to
breakup with lady, then go then go
sleeping around and when he is done then
he should look for a serious relationship.
He clearly not ready for serious
relationships and evidently has no clue of
what true love is about.
|
Marianne0558
Supporter
Joined: 10 Sep 2007 Posts: 1641 Location: Charleston, SC USA
Thanks: 36
Thanked:5
Posted: 09-13-07 06:46am
Ok well I don't see a reason for you to be
seeking any kind of revenge-what so ever.
4 boyfriends from ages 17-22 is actually
not that bad, comparing to what the other
girls have been up to. I knew of a 14 year
old (one of my friend's little sisters)
who had been sexually active with more
than 5 men. And that seems to be the norm
around here! It scares the hell out of me
because I have a daughter.
Anywho... back on track....
If you really love this girl, her past
wouldn't matter. The past has already come
and gone and all you can control is the
present and the future.
It's not her fault your parents locked you
down, nor is it yours.
My fiance and I had a similar problem. He
didn't have very many girlfriends, and I
had a few boyfriends. Yeah, I have told
other men I loved them, but I did at the
time. There is a reason we are not
together anymore. Usually because they
cheated on me.
If this girl meant anything to you at all,
you wouldn't even THINK about cheating on
her to avenge something that is out of her
control.
It's not like she can get into a time
machine and change her teenage years so
that she sat at home with Mommy all
night.
Be thankful you HAVE a girl that is a
little more experienced. That could be a
great opportunity for YOU to have her
teach you a few things. It's a LOT OF FUN
learning what to do, and you shouldn't get
all bent out of shape just because she
learned sooner.
I don't think you are emotionally mature
enough to withstand a relationship right
now, especially if you are deciding
whether or not to seek revenge.
Maybe you should break up with her and
THEN date around. At least have the
decency to tell her how you feel before
you muck everything up.
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