Suffering From Sexual Anxiety ? Posted: 07-26-07 00:15am
I am a 20-year old male in college and I
have been suffering from what I believe to
be anxiety of some sort regarding girls
and sex for the past couple years of my
life due to some things I told my mother
regarding sexual emotions during high
school. My case is, at least I feel,
EXTREMELY abnormal and I am thoroughly
frustrated because I feel like there is no
end to these tense feelings/emotions that
I have been dealing with to some degree
for about three years.
Ever since 4th grade, I have been prone to
strong feelings of guilt and worry when
there really was never a need for concern
(I'm thinking that this may have been OCD
all along). I was raised in a fairly
morally and sexually conservative
household and several times in high school
when I frequented a couple fetish websites
I had unbearable, uncontrollable amounts
of guilt. The only way to empty this guilt
was to voice what I did to a superior. In
this case, it was my mother. It was
humiliating but it was the only way to get
rid of the extreme guilt emotion I was
feeling (I had been raised in a household
where porn was considered downright
horrible. Today, I don't necessarily view
porn as bad or good, but how one handle's
it, just like many things in life).
The pivotal case of this happened when I
was a sophomore in high school. I was on
Amazon.com when I happened upon a picture
of the new Sports Illustrated swimsuit
issue. Upon viewing it I had the guilt
return, and the next day I voiced it to my
mom again to relieve the guilt.
This is where my problem started. Ever
since that day when I got the extreme
guilt/anxiety emotion upon viewing the SI
pic I have had moderate to strong anxiety
around the presence of females, especially
especially their breast and rear areas due
to the SI pic I viewed. There have been
periods in recent years I have been
worried to look at a girl/woman I find
attractive because of the fear of the
guilt emotion I felt returning. This
anxiety is unbearably strong and I don't
know how to relieve it. The anxiety became
extremely heavy a little more than a year
ago when I viewed a sex-related video (I
rarely do it, just to make sure no one
thinks I'm some loner with no friends) on
the web and since then I've always felt
that the reason my anxiety increased then
and persists now is because I feel that
since viewing such material in the past
gave me such a sharp guilt emotion that I
had to tell my mom to get rid of the pain
that this would be mandatory in this case
too. Obviously I didn't but the anxiety
remains. I believe this may be a symptom
of possible OCD since I can't seem to get
over the guilt emotions internally, even
though I rarely actively think about it.
In conclusion, I am wondering whether this
feeling of tension/anxiety around
girls/females is I think it is related to
one and/or two things: 1) the fact that my
mother is extremely overbearing (always
pressuring me to "succeed" and constantly
nagging me and giving me aggravating
advice all the time) and I live at home
over the summers and the thought of her
thinking and dwelling upon the things I
told her is unbearable to me, or 2) an
internal tensing up (perhaps a defense
mechanism of some sort) against the guilt
emotion I felt because I was so afraid of
it. I am thinking it may be more of the
latter because strangely enough I suffer
the SAME TENSITY/anxiety feeling watching
television today ever since two years ago
when I felt YET ANOTHER strong rush of
guilt for watching a movie that I felt
that my mom would not want me watching due
to the high level of violence (and no, I
am not and never was a loner or "momma's
boy" type - I just happened to grow up in
a slightly overbearing household that had
a strong effect on me).
If anyone has any feedback or advice on
what they think I'm suffering from (I
assume it's anxiety of some sort) and any
idea of any remedies or advice, I would
appreciate it so much. I've mentioned this
problem on another forum and someone made
the suggestion that I may be OCD and this
may be contributing to my anxiety, stress,
and tenseness. I believe that's probably
true because I have a lot of common OCD
symptoms (compulsively making sure my
car's locked, washing hands a lot,
triple-checking calculations at work,
etc). I know this sounds pathetic, but
believe me I have many friends and am a
fairly typical individual for my age. No
one would ever be able to tell that
something of this magnitude is on my mind.
This is taking a major toll on my
sexual/emotional well-being and also my
internal relationship with my mom. Thanks
again to all for reading this, I'm aware
this was an extremely long and complex
post.
|
futurelovers
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 101
Posted: 07-30-07 03:47am
Hi.
You are love shy and you are experiencing
social anxiety and sexual frustration. All
those conditions are well documented -
read on the internet for a start.
The good news is that all of those
problems are easily treatable - you just
have to read about them, learn how to
treat them, and start trying things out.
In order to overcome your fears of talking
with women you find attractive - you need
to talk with them more and be around them
more often... because the only way to
overcome a fear is to face it. And please
change your view on women - they are not a
threat to you. In fact, if you believe
that a woman is a threat to your
relationship with your mother - then it's
about time you told your mother to loosen
up and stop compromising your chances of
sexual intercourse and reproduction with
women. If she still doesn't relieve you of
that guilt, then threaten to become
homosexual.
I know that this advice may have sounded a
like a ridiculous way of fixing your
problems, but I think it's something you
should try.
Look at the whole sexual frustration issue
with a light heart - add some humor into
the whole thing... it's not as bad as you
are making it sound. Of course in your
mind it's a real struggle, but when you
start trying new things and reading about
your fears and then facing them - then
there's nothing and no one who can stop
you.
|
monsieurb56
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jul 2007 Posts: 5
Posted: 08-01-07 01:20am
Thanks for the feedback. I really really
appreciate it. I want to thank you for
introducing me to the term "loveshy",
because I looked it up and YES, that is
definitely me (right down to sharing like
20 or so of the common traits and
characteristics loveshy people have). I
also have really bad social anxiety: I was
born with a cleft lip and palate and was
an awkward dork growing up. All through
elementary school, middle school, and
through most of high school I was teased.
I'm positive that is the root cause of
it.
In regards to my sexual anxiety which
stems from the things I told my mom years
ago (which is really a separate problem
from the "loveshy" problem I have...and
I'd love to hear your feedback on what I'm
about to say): I actually feel that the
main reason I have this strong sexual
anxiety in regards to girls/breasts/etc.
is perhaps a sort of "fight or flight"
reaction because deep down I'm afraid of
that irrational guilt reaction coming
back. NOT rationally feeling guilty per
se, but just that irrational EMOTION. The
reason I'm saying this is because I had a
flash of guilt watching a movie several
years ago and ever since, I have had very
similar anxiety with watching movies and
television. I'm not sure if that sounds
bizarre or not, but I feel THAT is the
root of this anxiety. When I told my mom
about the fetish sites I went to, I didn't
get that anxiety. But when I told her
about the SI mag pics (involving bikinis
which are commonplace in everyday life in
magazines and at beaches and such), I
think the anxiety went into place because
I realized that the source of that "guilt
emotion" was something commonplace and
thus could be a threat to bring that
emotion back. Where with the fetish
material it was NOT commonplace and in
everyday life.
I think OCD may have been the root cause
of the original guilt feeling i first
felt. For a while after first visiting
some of the fetish sites (back in 8th
grade), I always had a RECURRING THOUGHT
(OCD symptom) that "You'll feel guilt for
this." It was almost like I brought on the
guilt myself by thinking that over and
over. But yeah. I'm sorry if this was
longwinded again, but I'd love to hear
your feedback and opinion on what I just
wrote. And again thanks for your post: it
helped me a lot.
|
vickey_98101
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jun 2007 Posts: 5 Location: India
Re: Suffering From Sexual Anxiety ? Posted: 09-05-07 01:35am
Hi..even i suffer from sexual anxiety..26
and still a virgin...i am from india...
it's really depressing and
frustrating..where are you from?
what do u do?
would like to meet people alike to cut
down this problem..
reply back & take care my friend...
|
futurelovers
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 101
Posted: 09-05-07 02:04am
I think you guys are in the wrong forum
for this.
For problems with women, you need to be
reading dating and seduction material -
not medical forums. A lot of dating advice
covers approach and sexual anxiety - but
in a way that is more relevant to the
field of dating and relationships.
If you have problems with re-occurring
thoughts that you find to be negative or
unpleasant - then it's usually a good idea
to try to figure out why you are getting
those thoughts in the first place, and
then figure out what you can do to stop
them. I sometimes try to "re-program"
negative thoughts into positive ones. For
example, whenever I get a negative thought
that I don't like, I immediately start
thinking about a past experience in my
life that I actually enjoyed... and I try
to keep focused on that thought for a
little while. When I'm focusing on a
pleasant thought, I forget that I was even
thinking about a negative one earlier. The
more I do that, the more I put myself into
a positive state of thought and emotions -
and that eventually overwrites the
negatively re-occurring thought(s).
Another technique is to just try to not
make a big deal out of a particular
thought. Whenever you get a negative
thought - imagine what it looks and feels
like... (ie. what is the scenario in the
thought, are you in that thought or are
you observing from third person view, what
is the mood of the thought, what are the
colors, what is the sound, what is
actually happening in the thought) - and
then make a black and white movie out of
it (by changing the thought's colors to
black and white), slow all the action of
the thought down, add some silly circus
(or smooth classical) music in the
background... and just look at that
thought as if you were watching an old
black and white movie from the 1930's. The
more you do that to each of your negative
thoughts - the less serious they will
start becoming, until you realize that
they are just foolish thoughts, and you
will forget them.
However, my favorite negative-thought
eradicating method is the re-programming
method. I used to play competitive tennis
for many many years - so whenever I get a
negative thought, I immediately start
thinking about my victories in tennis, and
I even start to feel the physical,
emotional, and mental symptoms of those
victories. Just the thought of them makes
me feel great, and I forget that I was
just thinking about something negative.
Now, if your problem is sitting at home on
the computer all the time and not going
out - then you need to start going out.
You can't expect to overcome the fear of
meeting new people by being away from them
and not interacting with them. You need to
actually get out of the house and
socialize. Take up a new hobby that will
put you around lots of people. But you
NEED to do it - otherwise you will not
overcome your fear... and I know really
well that it is your fear. I had the same
problem - but I corrected it by the same
advice I just gave you.
Another important thing is to not consider
yourself to be the casualty of society -
because everything that is currently
happening to you is your own doing, and
not someone else's. You need to take full
responsibility for your own life. Start
small, and progress with small steps - but
the key is to constantly be moving and
doing something.
Anyway. Your guys' problems are not
medical anxiety. Your problems are lack of
knowledge in dealing with social and
personal situations. Educate yourself on
the topics of dating, psychology,
self-improvement, etc. - because if your
parents haven't given you the skills that
you need to possess in today's society
(due to them being oldskool and not
knowing any better), then you probably
don't have those skills. The only way to
gain those skills is to read, read, and
read...
