Unsure On How to Label My Feelings. Posted: 07-31-07 12:29pm
well. My names jack im 18 living with my
family who have no idea whats been going
through my mind these last couple years. I
guess ill begin when i was 16, i was
bullied a lot at school everyday i would
look for somewhere to hide from the fear
of being bullied somewhere small, hidden
from watching eyes.
Of course at the time being 16 shy and had
no confidently in myself and what i should
do. i ran and hid everyday from the
bully's and eventually myself, i grew to
believe everything they said to me.
My apparence my feelings were controlled
by them after i realized i wasn't getting
anywhere in school i convinced my mother
to allow me to drop out of high school
without giving a good reason only an
excuse again running from my problems.
i had very few friends only one i open up
to but doing all i could to make sure she
didn't say anything to anyone after i left
school i barely saw her or talked to her i
fell into my own black hole of sadness,
confusion wondering who i really am.
ive had my fair share of girl friends
loving them all differently but loving
them truly constantly heart broken i
became fearful of loving someone. when
convinced to open up im used and thrown
aside complete disregard of my feelings.
all i have done is care for other people
its who i am my friends and people close
to me always come first, i never turn away
i do everything i can to help them without
thinking of whats happening to me.
Happy on the outside, my heart bleeding
and torn on the inside fighting everyday
to hide my emotions trying harder and
harder not to cry, i want to cry now as i
open up asking for help but ill end up
questioning if i really should be doing
this.
I have no motivation to do anything
currently living in a house that needs
work done to it but i always want nothing
to do with it. staying up late like i am
now to 7-9am then sleeping the day away
with no social life other than an
occasional txt from friends. i wake up at
6-8pm and end up going in a circle seeing
no point in my existence.
Trying everyday to find someone to love
that could understand me, but no one wants
a depressed wreck like me i know i wouldnt
want me im a passionate romantic but it
still wouldnt change anything.
i feel sad, angry, disappointed in myself,
depressed, lonely, and so much more i cant
seem to name at the moment. each feeling
feeding the next as i think of a way out,
ive had 3-4 nights thinking hard about
suicide but i cant leave the ones i love,
im sure if i was alone i wouldnt be here
is all im saying earthbound by the ones i
care so much for yet they have no clue
whats going on.
5-6 people i care for so much i would give
my life and soul for their happiness give
up anything for them to lead a life i
havent even dreamed of...a fairytale.
cant stop crying now so ill say good bye.
any reply at all i would greatly
appreciate even just a new friend i can
talk to.
love jack forever
|
sanjayk
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jul 2007 Posts: 16 Location: ,
Hey You Are Not Alone !! Posted: 07-31-07 23:55pm
You can have my shoulder to cry on.
Let me tell you my story. I still have
these problems but I see it only as a
situation which will change my life for
BETTER.
A)I have lost my job from the company
where I worked faithfully for 10 years.
B) I have some 25 million debt to pay off
for the house I bought with NO job to pay
the mortgage.
C)My wife had desserted me for a year
eventhough I loved her with all my heart
but fortunately my love prevailed and she
has come back to me.
D)My son suffered with asma like condition
who is just 3 years old and could not
breathe in the night and could not sleep
at all but by God's grace has recovered
now and is well.
E)I suffer from slip discs and suffer
intense backpain at night and cannot sleep
whole night because of it.
I should have died long along if I did not
have to take care of my family with 2
little children to take care of.I see the
twinkle in thier eyes and it makes me cry
at heart.
You say you love, your loved ones that you
can die for them.
Well I would say your purpose for coming
in this world is to LIVE FOR OTHERS.
You will get satisfaction only if you care
for them and fulfill your responsibilties
for them.
IF you don't fullfill your responsibilties
NOBODY ELSE WILL.
DO YOU WANT TO LEAVE THEM UNSATISFIED , AS
ORPHANS ?
You say you care for them then don't you
think you have lot of work to do.
You just be with these loved ones and you
will find that they carry immense value in
thier life for you.YOU ARE VERY VERY
VALUABLE.
Start thinking positively, read some good
positive thinking books, inetrnet provides
a lot of very very good listening
tapes,CD's, videos and mateial.
I found some and have listed in my blog
one is about how to change your thinking
in life. Affirmations by Peggy Mchole are
also helpful. Just have a look and cheer
up.
You have lot to live for.
sanjay
|
j_j89
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jul 2007 Posts: 19
Posted: 08-01-07 00:11am
Hello Jack, great to read your post. I
would say first to see a therapist if you
have not already. (sorry if you have
already said this). Its a great way to
sort things out! Finding the right one you
feel comfortable with is the key. Just
always know you are not alone, I am sure
within minutes of reading this forum you
have seen that. Stay strong in your day to
day challenges. A better day is coming to
those who are in pain. My biggest piece of
advice to you besides seeing a
professional, would be to TAKE CARE OF
YOU, always lend a open hand to others and
give. But never lose yourself, because you
is all you have above all else. Love
yourself and nurture your heart as you do
to others. I say this because I am
similar to you in that I find peace and
happiness in seeing others happy and taken
care of. The one problem with this is that
although others are happy, I neglected
myself. Whenever you give love to yourself
you are better able to care for others.
Keep in touch, and if you ever need a
friend or someone to talk to just let me
know. Keep your held high.
|
Shorty123
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 31 Location: United States
I Know How You Feel Posted: 08-01-07 14:34pm
i may only be 13 but i know how you feel
ever since 3rd grade i hav been bullied i
always use to hide or just stay inside and
my parents got divoreced when i was a
little kid i didnt understand back then
but now i do my mother has been married 3
times shes getting married again my dad
was the 2nd with my mom being divoreced
she had to get a job she became a truck
driver and i never saw her much anymore
then my sister moved out and my brother
always snuck out to see his friends so i
was always alone and my mother calls me
worthless and i dont see my dad anymore my
brother lives with my dad he gives my
brother everything a truck a new cell
phone after years i started to get this
feeling inside me its like a big black
ball its a horrible feeling and i never
could get rid of it i thought of suicide
but then i decided that would be the easy
way out even if i was worthless so i
started to cut myself to punish myself for
being worthless and to get rid of that
feeling ive been trying to quit its really
hard dont start whatever you do dont do
what i do i have to keep cutting deeper
and deeper just to get rid of that feeling
but just listen there are other people out
there that know how you feel
kyle
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