Need Some Help/advice.

Hello,

This is my first post; thanks for taking the time to read it. I believe my wife is a paranoid schizophrenic and I'm about at the point where I don't want to deal with it anymore. Here is some history:

My wife had her first episode (that I know of) long before I met her. When she was in high school, she went to a concert and took some LSD. It made her so sick that her parents had her hospitalized. Eventually she "came to" and a doctor had diagnosed her as Bipolar.

When we met, she told me that she had been diagnosed as Bipolar and that she took medication for it (Lithium). I thought she was fantastic, and had already learned that mental illness has a huge stigma attached to it, but that people who treat it can lead successful, "normal" lives. To me, she seemd successful and normal.

I decided to go back to school, and she decided to move with me to the town in which the University is located. During the week of moving, she had talked about wanting to switch meds because she had been on Lithium for so long, and it had horrible side-effects. So, the first week we were in a new town, she was on new meds (Depakote). For the first two weeks of living there, she was - what I call - terribly ill. She had no facial expression, could not sleep, was in a perpetual state of fear, and completely "mixed up" in her thinking. I convinced her that the new medicine was probably causing it, so she stopped taking that and went back on the Lithium. It took less than 24 hours for her to be close to "normal" again...phew! Later (and even today) she will say that she was poisoned by some people in our old town. They had done this to her to make her go crazy.

For about a year and a half, she was alright. Then she decided that she didn't want to take Lithium anymore, and that she had been tricked into taking it by her family because they didn't want to admit to being bad parents, so they just got her diagnosed and medicated. By now, we were engaged. She went to her doctor and they devised a plan to wean her off of the Lithium over an entire year, at which time she could start making plans to have a baby.

The weaning seemed to be working, but as she neared the end (the last two months of the year-long plan), she quit taking it entirely - "I feel fine!". As soon as she stopped taking the meds, she began being paranoid about work. She thought people were out to get her, they had wiretapped our house, she were poisoning her to make her sick, and so on. I told her that she had stopped the meds too soon, and that she was going to have an "episode". This is when she became very angry with me, and even wanted to break up. It was terrible. Her "wrath" didn't last long though, becasue she was soon "full blown" sick. Talking about God hating her; all sorts of religious stuff. She wouldn't sleep at all and would wake me up often to ask me "questions" like "I really have to pee" and then say nothing and look completely confused and helpess. Then I would say "go ahead" and she would reply "okay, but I have to go outside to do it, don't I?" - and be totally serious. She would ask almost every half-minute if I planned to leave her and if I was going to have her hospitalized, and if the people at her work had poisoned her because she wasn't a proper Jew (neither one of us are Jewish and we were both brought up in Christian families - but whenever she would recover from being sick, she would say that she had realized she needed to be Jewish - in fact, the only time she will ever really talk about Christianity is when she is full-blown sick). Eventually she agreed to take her medicine, and once again, within a day she was on her way to recovering.

We got married later that year, and other than the wedding night, things were alright for a few months. After that, though, she started to become extremely paranoid of everyone. She thought the town we were living in had a conspiracy against her. She thought that we were being "bugged" and wire-tapped. She used to check up in the chimney regularly, because she was shure that was where the recording devices were. She openly accused some of our friends of spying on her (very awkward situation, let me tell you). Wherever she went she thought people (strangers) were saying things to her - about her. Sometimes we would leave the grociery store and she would be crying saying that she can't believe I would let people talk to her like "that" (I had noticed nothing). I "knew" that these were signs of her "Bipolar disorder", and that after we had a baby, she could go back on the meds and things would return to the successful, "normal" way of life we used to have.

We did have a baby, which was awesome, and surprisingly the time of the pregnancy, was the best time we ever had together - hardly any paranoia, very little fighting, and a new house. But two weeks after our daughter was born, my wife was full-blown sick again. Unable to care for our daughter alone (unable to care for herself alone). She was completely delusional and had extremely disorganized thoughts (like before, but a lot worse). I felt like we were in an emergency, and needed to get her back on some medication. She was scared too - thought I was going to take her to the hospital and take her baby away from her. We were in a new city, and found a new "doctor" (more of a nurse, but one who can prescribe medicine - can't remember what they are called). We told her what was happening, but my wife was adamant that she didn't need lithium, and that she was just having postpartum depression (and did her best to not reveal any of the crazy things she was thinking or saying at home), so the "doctor" decided she just needed some sleep and an anti-depressant. Which, to my utter amazement, worked - even though it took about three weeks. But, after some regular sleep (via Ambien), and some Zoloft, my wife got a lot "better".

Since then, we've had many ups and downs, but for the last year it has been mostly downs. My wife is constantly accusing me of infidelity - even though I am 100% loyal and a devoted family man. She thinks she has stalkers. She thinks her phones are tapped. She sporadically freaks out and takes our daughter and goes to her parents (4 hours drive). She has forbidden me to play music with some friends I had because one of them was a single girl. She has forbidden me to hang out with any of the few friends I have left because she thinks that their girlfriends are hitting on me. I am (and have been) living in a complete prison.

Our daughter is three years old now - and she will soon start noticing all the craziness at home. It's really stressful. I can hardly concentrate at work (single income family - my wife hasn't gone back to work yet) because when I go home, I'm attacked with accusations and insults. I'm really at a point of not being able to take it anymore. My wife won't see a doctor. She thinks she is fine.

I saw another post here, where someone advised a husband of a schizophrenic not to tell her she is crazy - and I've mostly followed that advice throughout my marriage. But, I'm at the point where I am tired of validating my wife's false reality. I'm tired of arguing with her about hings like "I'm loyal, I've never cheated on you" - I'm at the point where I'm seriously pissed that she is crazy but won't admit it. I feel like if she could admit it and get some help, then there would be a chance we could go on. But if it doesn't happen soon, I'm going to leave her.

This is the scariest action for me because I love my daughter more than anyone ever and I would not want to have her brought up by my crazy wife. The guy almost NEVER gets custody. Also, I work full time and my wife has been home with our daughter for three years. These things weigh badly in my favor for custody. This is a terrible situation and I'm just so worn out and stressed out about it all that I'm spending an hours of my work time searching on the subject and writing this post. Any advice would help, especially from people who are in similar situations.

Longest post of the day.

Thanks,
Sad Dad