Time to Vent a Little Bit! Posted: 08-04-07 12:03pm
Tell me what you hate about this disease.
Tell me how hard and painful it is for
you.
Tell me about the hardships you face
because of it.
Tell me how unfair it is and why.
You get the gist, just vent.
And lastly, tell me that it sucks, go
ahead, just get it off of your chest.
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midne
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Aug 2007 Posts: 2
You Are Wrong Posted: 08-07-07 03:07am
Mental Illness does not exist! Medication
does nothing!
There is no proven link between the brain
and mental illness. Because it is not
biologically caused than it cannot be
called an illness.
This sick lie has been propagated by
psychologists since the beginning of the
twentieth century. There is no
philosophically solid basis for the
existence of mental illness! Defined
academic knowledge is not necessarily
true. It is the weight of history that
defines this knowledge, not reality. There
was no conception of any of these so
called disorders before the twentieth
century.
"The car's on fire and there's no driver
at the wheel
The sewers are muddied with a thousand
lonely suicides
And a dark wind blows
The government is corrupt
And we're on so many drugs
With the radio on and the curtains drawn
We're trapped in the belly of this
horrible machine
And the machine is bleeding to death"
This system is messed up and the lie of
mental illness is just another symptom of
this. The way the goverments are going
this world will be dead soon enough. Think
about the amount of death and insanity and
conformity in this world.
"I open up my wallet
And it's full of blood"
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Philo
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2007 Posts: 331 Location: Montreal
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Posted: 08-07-07 13:45pm
If there's no proven link, then why do
brain scans show different brain activity
than normal? And why do I feel all sorts
of physical stuff going on in my brain?
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woops
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 222
Posted: 08-08-07 11:25am
Philo has a good point, I mean, what do
you expect us to believe? That it is
witchcraft and satan? CCCC'mmmonnnnnnn.
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Philo
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2007 Posts: 331 Location: Montreal
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Posted: 08-08-07 15:33pm
By the way, I feel too sick to vent!
Sorry.
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ONDERDONK
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Apr 2004 Posts: 81 Location: red shift space,
Volcanic Vent Posted: 08-13-07 14:23pm
no, they're right, no such thing as mental
illness. you see a bitmap and you think
it's your brain. the emperor has new
clothes!!!!
Want to really see the "mind" (not
"brain", 'cause who cares?)
well, I went to the demon world, went to
let the madness teach me the purpose of
madness.
There's nothing to vent but madness
itself.
i was reading "the history of madness" by
focault, the past 500 years of
understanding about what madness is and
where it fits in in the world. I had to
make a presentation in the demon world
called "obstacles to integration of the
demon world and the human world that have
arisen in the past 500 years, and
proposals for the removal of these
obstacles"; the presentation became a sort
of conference, where the point came down
to this: what good can
"madness/shamanism/the demon world" offer
to the human world. As usual, the final
repot from the demon world came in the
form of an "image", as usual, quite
complex.
So I walked around in the mountains for a
day, thinking about this image. Now I have
some interpretations.
It was the answer to "where does madness
fit in to the scheme of things." the mind
became illuminated to itself, instead of
just being a big black box, "it's all in
your mind" was never a helpful comment.
now the mind can be analyzed as a vision.
the mind was a big castle, connected to
the body though deep pipes that allow
steam to rise up - like the 18th century
ideas of "humours" and "vapors" of the
body that affect the mind. And a
homunculus - a tiny man in charge of
orchestrating everything - is in the
central tower, looking out on the hills
and lakes and villages of the soul.
And as turbulent wind affects the
environment, the homunculus/will is in
charge of orchestrating everything back to
the best possible scenario.
There's a huge "heat gradient" across this
landscape that this will looks out upon:
the higher regions, corresponding to the
height of the castle tower, are cold.
icicles hang. hope and promise. i could
add the material world, comfort,
companionship, etc. this is available only
in the upper, colder reaches.
Mankind at this point in its development
has risen out of the lower,, hot, molten,
alchemical (molten gold lake), and has
reached the frigid heights. Continuous
landscape that it is, the upper reaches
are constantly threatened to be overcome
by the hot below (the lake of "madness");
so the cold upper reaches have tried to
close the door, stop talking to unreason,
confine it in the sanitarium, drug it with
SSRI's, but keep it from melting our
icicles of "hope and promise".
But the homunculus itself is the evolution
of the tadpole-from-the-depths, that's not
only the source, where it came from, but
it's what will sooner or later be needed
to rise up again, when there's a crisis,
when the red light on the top of the
castle comes on. that's when the
homunculus will have to raise up more
"mystery and wonder", when there's no more
"hope and promise" to cling to.
I am the homunculus. I lead my own soul,
in and out of madness. I flood the upper
reaches with storms of molten gold. I let
them drip off and dry and freeze, for a
little while, see what kind of butterfly
emerges from the cocoon, but I am a wildly
experimental homunculus, and I get bored
with my cold and frail little butterflies
of "proper behavior in the physical moral
human social world", and I choose to raise
up continuous streams of phantasms, out of
the molten gold lake of madness.
Did I find my way out? I gained and
understanding of madness from the madness
itself; I will continue to inhabit and
guide my own soul-landscape, and mine will
be full of the molten tadpoles turning to
fiery dragons, the dragons of "mystery and
wonder".
A mind becomes objective to itself: the
castle is like a grand central train
station, trains going out in every
direction, above ground, (and coming back,
from every direction, below ground);
Beneath the white castle, four black
stakes penetrate deep into the earth, and
a single red light like Rudolph’s red
nose is placed at the top of a central
tower, where a central figure – a
homunculus that feels like the force of
will itself – can look out on the
surrounding hills, valleys, and towns,
like a panopticon of the soul. The central
figure pulls a book from the library in
the tower, and as he reads, the pages are
produced dynamically, from the steam
rising up out of the black pipes below.
The book he is reading is called
“MADNESS RISING”;
“PRIVATE GIGGLES IN A POSTCARD TO YOU:
OUT OF A GOLDEN LAKE, MOLTEN LAVA RISES UP
LIKE A TADPOLE THAT CATCHES THE ECSTATIC
DRUMBEAT OF TIME AND LEARNS TO RIDE THE
AIR; HOPE AND PROMISE TWINKLE AS ICICLES
AN INCREASINGLY COMPLEX TADPOLE CAN NEVER
QUITE MASTER, MYSTERY AND WONDER FLYING
ABOVE THE SURFACE OF THE LAKE AGAIN AND
AGAIN.”
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Philo
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2007 Posts: 331 Location: Montreal
Thanks: 4
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Posted: 08-14-07 11:07am
Onderdonk, you have come to a certain
interpretation or understanding of your
condition. So have I - I see it as a
manifestation of inner deep meanings and
not a sickness like a cold or flu that is
effected by a bug from outside. However,
no matter how meaningfully I interpret the
meanings, I still FEEL sick, and I feel
the symptoms that just kill me. I can
sometimes hardly do anything I'm so ill.
You seem not to have symtoms that disable
you (you just have hallucinations,
right?), so you're lucky. So for me, in
reality, the sickness does exist in the
form of symptoms - it is the symptoms that
are deadly.
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ONDERDONK
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Apr 2004 Posts: 81 Location: red shift space,
Posted: 08-14-07 13:01pm
no i have my problems too. take the past
60 minutes of my life: I got off the
train, and got into the elevator with my
bike, overheard part of a guy's
conversation, when the elevator opened i
yelled 'POLICE", claimed assault (cause he
tapped me on the shoulder as a stranger)
and stood around for a while, then took
off before the police came, but i assume
he had to deal with them, and all the
accusations i had made. then i got to
work, and told the boss that if he sends
me to texas next week, as had been agreed
and the tickets were already paid for,
then i'm declaring war on texas at
lackland airforce base, and i'll never get
back here, i'll be in jail or dead, and
there will be a national incident, and
unitek's name will be all over it. so the
boss told me the class is cancelled. then
he told me all my future classes are
cancelled. so i'm out of a job, yet again
in life, set to enter starvation in 3 to 4
weeks.
it's my delusions of power that get me in
trouble, and i get in states like this,
kind of sociopathic, and it gets out of my
control. it's not hallucinations exactly,
those i induce in the evening with my
shamanism drum tape, it's more the sz
thinking pattern of WAR. i have a whole
lot of frontal lobe tissue, most of it
hard wired for mind to mind combat.
-onderdonk
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Stan
Moderator
Joined: 01 Jan 2006 Posts: 1620 Location: ,
Posted: 08-14-07 14:05pm
Man, you've got it bad.
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ONDERDONK
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Apr 2004 Posts: 81 Location: red shift space,
Bad? I Was Just Venting Posted: 08-14-07 14:09pm
i was just being the volcanic vent.
venting at work. i am a contractor, so i
am not paid all this week, yet i am
expected to spend all my free time working
for the days i do work, for instance, i
had to study linux all week, buy my own
books, go in and spend a few days, so i
don't fall on my face in texas next week.
i also had to dedicate a day or ttwo to
teaching the new guy my citrix stuff, so
he can teach my class when i'm gone. plus
i have a cold and don't feel like
studying. plus i have to get up at 3 am
and go two miles in the dark to get to a
cab, to get my 6am flight, so that takes
up saturday evening even, and of course
all day sunday, and i'm not compensated,
and on top of all that i was going to have
to go to an airforce base, lackland. i
don't believe in america, or democracy, i
believe in their enemy , al quada, and the
war against women's rights. all women
should be out of the workplace, and
blindfolded and handcuffed, evolution out
of the hands of women. yeah! so that air
force thing wouldn't ahve worked out. i'd
have been arrested or killed. so it was
called off. this is good, but i'm fired
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ONDERDONK
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Apr 2004 Posts: 81 Location: red shift space,
Polictically Incorrect? Posted: 08-14-07 14:52pm
alright stephanic that post was
politically incoorect. but i blasted all
that at my bosses today at work. and i was
prepared to blast it at lackland airforce
base in texas, until they cancelled the
class. and this thread did say: VENT. so i
did.
suffice it to say that i have some
horrific ideas and the people around me do
not want to interact with my mindset, so i
take that as a declaration of war, i have
delusions of power, very great power, and
i declare war
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Stan
Moderator
Joined: 01 Jan 2006 Posts: 1620 Location: ,
Posted: 08-14-07 17:32pm
Why don't you apologize fully or stop
posting here? That post wasn't just
offensive, it could also get you in a lot
of trouble. When I worked in mental
health we had a bi-polar man that once
said certain things...
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derealized
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Aug 2007 Posts: 5
Posted: 08-14-07 21:46pm
You can't declare war when you don't even
have any military power which I'm sure you
don't. You believe in all that you're
saying but it really has no fact or
meaning to it that is tied to your
external reality. You are living in your
own mind believing what it produces and
externalizing all your thinking.
Your brain is like a computer hard drive,
your mind is the software, your software
is glitching, why? not because anything in
your environment is acting differently but
because your brain is acting differently.
Firing the wrong neurotransmitters or too
much of the same nt's. Why is it firing
the wrong nt's? Hard to say but most
likely because the brain grew wrong.
Why did it grow wrong? External factors,
genetic factors etc.
Treatment? Psychiatric drugs just like
illegal drugs. They may not be addictive
but you need them to function properly.
Illegal drugs you don't need to function
properly, you use them to get high or
change your brain's function for a while.
Illegal drugs cost big money and cause
mental problems leading you to go to buy
legal prescription psychiatric drugs! yay!
that's the system we live in. All by the
big driving force in this country MONEY.
Money buys you Marijuana, Marijuana gives
you psychosis, psychosis leads you to the
psychiatrist, psychiatrist gives your
prescription for Medication. Go on and on
and on .
I see psychiatric drugs as big business,
you see advertisements every day on the
commercials for pills that make you ,
sleep, get a boner, get happy, stop your
legs from shaking, etc.
Best scenario would be a healing drug, not
just a drug a that blocks specific
neurotransmitters in the brain. But if you
heal and go to 100 percent and don't need
the drugs anymore that means the drug
companies aren't gonna be making anymore
MONEY.
What I wanna know is who funds the
research and the development of these
drugs, Do we not have the technology and
know how to develop a cure?? something
that stops the problem at the source?
Prevention is the best thing anyone can
do.
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ONDERDONK
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Apr 2004 Posts: 81 Location: red shift space,
Posted: 08-15-07 16:34pm
I know the best thing is that i do not go
to lackland air force base, in texas. it
is good the class is cancelled. now i am
free, walking around san francisco,
otherwise i'd be in jail, questioned by
the fbi 24 hours a day sitting in a chair
with a leg iron. been there. i have
military power, but it isn't in this
world, exacltly, though occasionally it
pokes through in all its force, so i
consider it a military force in this world
too. i have used it - or rather it has
used itself - to kill for me. it is my
alibi, 'cause it kills across state lines.
i never know when i am going to activate
it, but if the mindset for days is to
declare war, i figure i might activate it.
here's the principal military advisor's
name - Zhen Wu. He's from Qing Wei.
-onderdonk
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Philo
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2007 Posts: 331 Location: Montreal
Thanks: 4
Thanked:0
Posted: 08-16-07 08:52am
At first I thought you had something
going. Now I'm starting to lose faith in
you, ondie.
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Stan
Moderator
Joined: 01 Jan 2006 Posts: 1620 Location: ,
Posted: 08-16-07 09:22am
I'm not sure what you thought about him,
he clearly has gradiose, ridiculous
thoughts. You're pretty much the putty
that seems to keep these guys together
sometimes and the only responsible
schizophrenic I've probably ever seen.
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Philo
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2007 Posts: 331 Location: Montreal
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Posted: 08-16-07 09:30am
1. He was original, while I'm not (not
very much)
2. He makes sense to himself, while I
doubt my own opinions
3. He doesn't seem to suffer as much as I
do, so what he's doing must be working
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Stan
Moderator
Joined: 01 Jan 2006 Posts: 1620 Location: ,
Posted: 08-16-07 09:45am
The fact that you're able to carry a
normal conversation shows to me that you
seem much more healthy than he, though I'm
not trying to downplay your agony in any
way. I'm not sure what's so original
about what he says, you should have seen
the post that was moderated. Wow. And I
don't see much sense in there either, most
people doubt their opinions, but when you
get as bad as he is and begin to believe
your rambling nonsense you're worse off
than anyone.
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ONDERDONK
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Apr 2004 Posts: 81 Location: red shift space,
I'm Not So Bad Posted: 08-16-07 15:48pm
it's just ideation. it's not in my
behavior. sometimes i 'act out'. I try to
tell myself not to. In a way, i avoided
'acting out' in texas, by displaying the
ideation ahead of time. now i'm not
necessarily fired, it's just that class
that's cancelled, and i am going to be
splitting a class with another instructor,
they know i'm ok as long as i stay in the
bay area. i have the support of my two
birds: turtle doves, 23 and 13 years old.
the male had 33 babies, mostly with this,
his second wife. They aren't supposed to
live that long, but i use magic - no, just
fresh vegetables, but in a way thats
magic. the 13 year old female may be
dying, she can't fly, but she eats, and
the male is geriatric, but still squawks.
Ralph the 23 year old is my 'itzam ne',
the mayan word for a bird that accompanies
a shaman on his journeys through the other
worlds.
I have outrageous grandiose delusions. for
my own entertainment. i (kind of) know the
difference between this and consensual
reality. and i so attempt to stamp
consensual reality, change it.
yes, all my life i have made sense to
myself, which is the comfort when everyone
else tells me i'm crazy. that is just the
phrase for 'we don't understand the big
picture, now, charlie', but no worries, i
always do.
i'm fine, just schizotypal as always. and
today and yesterday i'm reading a
wonderful polish novel frrom a very
schizotypal writer. Bruno Schulz. He has a
story that is from his childhood, where
"father" is the great demiurge, the
herseiarch, he hatches condors and eagles
in his attic, he hallucinates all kind of
ideas into every page, and this is
referred to as one of the greatest writers
of the 20th century, so sometimes madness
is obviously a good thing.
thanks for the attention, a schizotypal
personality like me eats it up!
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