Joined: 05 Aug 2007 Posts: 1 Location: Portland, OR
Complete Sexual Failure Posted: 08-05-07 02:15am
Hi. I am a 19 year old going into my third
year with my boyfriend. Neither of us had
had sex before, and we started having
intercourse around 2-2 1/2 years ago. At
first my body seemed normal--I would look
forward to trying again, I'd get aroused,
etc. Somewhere along the line, though, I
started to have problems. Just to mention,
I've been on BC (OrthroTricyclen high at
first, more recently low) since 13 or 14
for my skin.
I've never had an orgasm. Ever. I've tried
masturbating, and even in that I've never
had anything other than a brief moment of
enjoyment before feeling goes away
entirely.
My body seems deadened--my breasts may as
well be fake for all the sensation I get
from them, and attention to my clitoris
merely makes me squirm as if I'm being
tickled.
As for when I actually have sex, there are
two points of discomfort: 1. When my
boyfriend is entering, the skin at the
base of my vagina stretches, and I always
find spots of blood later. 2. The muscle
inside doesn't rlymond chronicles Game of
Kings summary relax very easily sometimes,
changing what would be a slightly pleasant
experience into one of pure hell.
What with the complete failure to orgasm,
the difficulty of arousement, and the
occasional painful results, I am *never*
in the mood to have sex. However, I love
my boyfriend very much and I am attracted
to him--he knows of all the difficulty I
have, and I know he tries to believe it
doesn't have anything to do with him, but
how believable would that seem if I was
honest and told him I never wanted to have
sex ever again?
I'd like to like sex. Everyone talks like
it's something special. Why does my entire
body and situation conspire against me?
What can I do? Is it normal for a girl to
not ever have attained an orgasm after two
and a half years of being active
regularly?
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Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 08-05-07 11:35am
Well, I achieved orgasm long before ever
having sex... I think maybe you could see
a women's specialist or sex therapist...
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Lion79
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Posts: 256 Location: Sunderland, UK
Thanks: 0
Thanked:1
Posted: 08-05-07 17:30pm
Oh, it sounds like a similar thing to what
I've been having.
I have vaginismus and that's my main
problem but it's led to other problems
that sound similar to what you're
describing, like when he touches my
breasts it kinda hurts a bit and when he
touches my clitoris it's not painful but
it's like 'whoaaaa, what you doin there??'
sort of feeling so I squirm and get away.
It was like some sort of phobia. I also
had a weird thing about him touching my
belly button, he couldn't go near the
place lol and all of this led to me being
completely uninterested in sex and
actually getting really annoyed when he
kept asking me for it.
Have you tried using lube when you have
sex? It might help with the pain.
I can't relate to you with the no orgasm
thing during masturbation, but I could
never have one with my bf trying because
of how it felt when he touched me there
but through some joint exercises for our
therapy he's managed to twice make me
orgasm by touching me, and I'm almost over
my belly button thing lol. I think it
might be down to nervousness. Try spending
a long time on it, and aim to enjoy rather
than to orgasm.
I would suggest seeing a sex therapist to
help you with this, because it sounds like
there's a barrier there, which is not
because you don't love him but it's
subconscious. That's what I make of it
anyway because it sounds pretty similar to
some of the things I was experiencing.
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silvrbreeze
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jul 2007 Posts: 26 Location: Texas,
Posted: 08-05-07 23:31pm
Have you ever had oral sex with him? Some
woman only are able to orgasm this way,
and only when they are really turned on
and relaxed. Why don't you spend a long
time really getting turned on and then
trying that. If he's never done it
before, then make sure you let him know
what feels good and what doesn't. It
takes time for some women to orgasm,
sometimes thirty minutes or longer.
Don't feel as if your body abandoned you
or that there is necessarily something
wrong. Just relax, and really get into
the mood.
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JH2007
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Aug 2007 Posts: 32
Posted: 08-06-07 17:36pm
I agree with Lion79. Try to let you bf
perform oral on you. I am almost never
able to reach orgasm w/o my dh perform
oral on me first. Also try to experiment
different positions and rythms. It took
us 18 years of marriage to get my first
orgasm. Never give up. Research shows
the older you get the easier it get to
reach orgasm. It's true for me.
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everyday_struggle
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jul 2007 Posts: 304
Posted: 08-06-07 18:45pm
billyruffian,
The reason why u cant orgasm, is the same
reason why u cant masterbate. You find it
dirty, when its very natural. You should
first learn how to get yourself off, so
you can show your boyfreind what he needs
to do to get you off. I applaud the fact
that even though u dont like it, you will
give him sex. Most women dont do that, and
lose their man because of it. Just get
used to your body and learn to "let go"
sexually. Oh and one more thing. Sex is
only special to women, not to the guy and
if a guy tells you that it is, well duh,
we will say anything to drop them
panties.
=P
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5323 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 65
Thanked:28
Posted: 08-07-07 11:48am
I've never been with a man who didn't find
sex just as special as I did.
Just don't pick the wrong men!
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arcadia
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 May 2006 Posts: 4468 Location: Illinois,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 08-07-07 12:13pm
Yeah, that is completely wrong. There are
some good guys out there who find sex just
as special as women do. My boyfriend does.
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wazzyandme
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Aug 2007 Posts: 18 Location: texas
Time And Practice Posted: 08-07-07 13:08pm
How much time ? days weeks years we are
all different but my first orgasm was at
like 17 but my best was at 46 so how much
do you really want it ? with patience and
some effort and communication here it can
happen any minute just tell yourself its
ok to enjoy it ...give yourself permission
...best wishes . wazzy woman
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everyday_struggle
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jul 2007 Posts: 304
Posted: 08-07-07 18:30pm
Georgia and arcadia, im sure your men have
told you "its special". But they are
honestly just saying that to make you feel
special. Thats it. Plus, your not a guy,
so what would u know. =P
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5323 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 65
Thanked:28
Posted: 08-08-07 11:02am
I'm not saying that there aren't guys who
feel that way. I know men are pigs.
I am saying that not all guys feel that
way, and if you take time to know the guy
before you have sex and make sure that he
has an emotional age over 13 (which I
realize is about 10% of guys) than many
times you'll find one who really does
value sex for the emotional connection and
not just the physical.
And when you find that one, you marry him!
I did.
|
everyday_struggle
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jul 2007 Posts: 304
Posted: 08-08-07 11:10am
Georgia59
wrote:
I'm not saying that there
aren't guys who feel that way. I know men
are pigs.
I am saying that not all guys feel that
way, and if you take time to know the guy
before you have sex and make sure that he
has an emotional age over 13 (which I
realize is about 10% of guys) than many
times you'll find one who really does
value sex for the emotional connection and
not just the physical.
And when you find that one, you marry him!
I did.
thats womens fantasies and dreams, not
reality.
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Marfa2107
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jul 2007 Posts: 1552 Location: Galena, Kansas United States
Posted: 08-08-07 11:15am
everyday_struggle
wrote:
billyruffian,
I applaud the fact that even though u
dont like it, you will give him sex. Most
women dont do that, and lose their man
because of it.
give him sex??
what is she like a slave??
you say it like it is her
responsibility..
and if a girl loses a guy b/c she wasn't
comfortable having sex...
i'm glad b/c that guy wasn't worth a
crap...
oh and btw.. my boyfriend finds sex just
as special as i do it's not just a f***
fest... it's intimate and means
something..
ane i don't have to GIVE HIM SEX...
you remind me of the men that everyone
complains about
only in it for the sex.
|
young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 08-08-07 12:45pm
Marfa2107
wrote:
everyday_struggle
wrote:
billyruffian,
I applaud the fact that even though u
dont like it, you will give him sex. Most
women dont do that, and lose their man
because of it.
give him sex??
what is she like a slave??
you say it like it is her
responsibility..
and if a girl loses a guy b/c she wasn't
comfortable having sex...
i'm glad b/c that guy wasn't worth a
crap...
oh and btw.. my boyfriend finds sex just
as special as i do it's not just a f***
fest... it's intimate and means
something..
ane i don't have to GIVE HIM SEX...
you remind me of the men that everyone
complains about
only in it for the
sex.
everyday struggle
are you ok? because seriously...why do
people think like you?
what the heck
|
Tylanas
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2005 Posts: 12985
Thanks: 3
Thanked:0
Posted: 08-08-07 12:52pm
everyday_struggle
wrote:
Georgia59
wrote:
I'm not saying that there
aren't guys who feel that way. I know men
are pigs.
I am saying that not all guys feel that
way, and if you take time to know the guy
before you have sex and make sure that he
has an emotional age over 13 (which I
realize is about 10% of guys) than many
times you'll find one who really does
value sex for the emotional connection and
not just the physical.
And when you find that one, you marry him!
I did.
thats womens fantasies and dreams, not
reality.
Excuse me? I was with a guy who valued sex
as an emotional attachement. He waited
until I was ready, and he never pressed
the issue. So it's not just a fantasy
I'm not saying that there
aren't guys who feel that way. I know men
are pigs.
I am saying that not all guys feel that
way, and if you take time to know the guy
before you have sex and make sure that he
has an emotional age over 13 (which I
realize is about 10% of guys) than many
times you'll find one who really does
value sex for the emotional connection and
not just the physical.
And when you find that one, you marry him!
I did.
thats womens fantasies and dreams, not
reality.
Look buddy if you are not able to think sex
is special that's your problem, but don't
state something if you don't have a clue
of other guys point of vue (I'm talking
about further than your direct
cirle of friends).
If you ever see sex otherwise than a 20min
woman rear banging, you'll discover a
whole new dimension.
Sex is incredibly great, period.
|
everyday_struggle
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jul 2007 Posts: 304
Posted: 08-09-07 14:57pm
s_kalb
wrote:
everyday_struggle
wrote:
Georgia59
wrote:
I'm not saying that there
aren't guys who feel that way. I know men
are pigs.
I am saying that not all guys feel that
way, and if you take time to know the guy
before you have sex and make sure that he
has an emotional age over 13 (which I
realize is about 10% of guys) than many
times you'll find one who really does
value sex for the emotional connection and
not just the physical.
And when you find that one, you marry him!
I did.
thats womens fantasies and dreams, not
reality.
Look buddy if you are not able to think sex
is special that's your problem, but don't
state something if you don't have a clue
of other guys point of vue (I'm talking
about further than your direct
cirle of friends).
If you ever see sex otherwise than a 20min
woman rear banging, you'll discover a
whole new dimension.
Sex is incredibly great,
period.
im talking about me and every other guy. We
just dont find sex as special as women.
Women place more emphasis on the emotional
side of sex, while we focus more on the
physical side of it. Theres been studies
about it, you can google it and find out
for yourself. Now when you settle down and
find that "special" someone, i guess its
more special but ironic how it dies down.
lol. These women will never understand
men.
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Marfa2107
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jul 2007 Posts: 1552 Location: Galena, Kansas United States
Posted: 08-09-07 14:58pm
just like you men will never understand
women...
and yes some guys do find sex as special
as women...
i agree that sex for women is different
then with men..
but only when it's a new relationship or a
one night stand
i do not agree if it is a long term
relationship..
|
everyday_struggle
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jul 2007 Posts: 304
Posted: 08-09-07 15:00pm
Marfa2107
wrote:
everyday_struggle
wrote:
billyruffian,
I applaud the fact that even though u
dont like it, you will give him sex. Most
women dont do that, and lose their man
because of it.
give him sex??
what is she like a slave??
you say it like it is her
responsibility..
and if a girl loses a guy b/c she wasn't
comfortable having sex...
i'm glad b/c that guy wasn't worth a
crap...
oh and btw.. my boyfriend finds sex just
as special as i do it's not just a f***
fest... it's intimate and means
something..
ane i don't have to GIVE HIM SEX...
you remind me of the men that everyone
complains about
only in it for the
sex.
Well it really is a responsibility, Guys
need sex, simple as that. You dont get
that because your a women and testerone
doesnt run through your veins like it does
us. Your boyfreind can tell you whatever
he wants to get you into bed, cuz god
forbid he was truthfull, im sure you would
hold out just to "punish" him.
|
everyday_struggle
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Jul 2007 Posts: 304
Posted: 08-09-07 15:01pm
the_girlfreind
wrote:
Marfa2107
wrote:
everyday_struggle
wrote:
billyruffian,
I applaud the fact that even though u
dont like it, you will give him sex. Most
women dont do that, and lose their man
because of it.
give him sex??
what is she like a slave??
you say it like it is her
responsibility..
and if a girl loses a guy b/c she wasn't
comfortable having sex...
i'm glad b/c that guy wasn't worth a
crap...
oh and btw.. my boyfriend finds sex just
as special as i do it's not just a f***
fest... it's intimate and means
something..
ane i don't have to GIVE HIM SEX...
you remind me of the men that everyone
complains about
only in it for the
sex.
everyday struggle
are you ok? because seriously...why do
people think like you?
what the heck
Because i am a guy. Im not a phony and i
tell it like it is.
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