Hi,im really sorry but this post is going
to be quite long so please bare with me.
About three years ago I suffered my first
major bout of depression.Alot of things
happened to me all at the same time
(including a family death) and I couldnt
really cope very well,i even atempted
suicide.I struggled along for a few
months.But it just got too hard.I was put
on prozac and I did begin to feel better.A
few months passed and I slowly weaned
myself off them.I was ok then I had
another spout (im wondering if going on
prozac in the frist place has made alot of
my problems worse.
Anyway I went back on the med for a few
more months.I weaned myself off them again
and I was doing ok again.I did something
absolutel stupid and something I cant
forgive myself for.In fact I really hate
myself and because of it I feel I dont
deserve to live.I had a faboulus
boyfriend,ahouse,a dog.I stupidly cheated
on him with a guy from work.I couldnt keep
it in and wanted to tell the truth to my
boyfriend.I told him and I lost him.That
was almost a year ago.Nd ever since then
it has been a major major struggle to even
get out of bed.I think I still love him.He
doesnt want me.(not surprsing really) I
cant bbeliev what I have done.It screwed
me up so much I have had councelling.It
helped fr a while but lately I have been
feeling so so down.The stupid thing is im
still with the (thr guy from work) what am
I doing? I feel so stupid,alone and
pathetic.This morning has got to be the
worst morning.I feel caca.I feel numb,i
feel like crying,i feel sick,loss of
appetite,loss of interest in my job (which
I love) loss of sex drive,i dont sleep
properly.I hate what I have done.I hate
what I am.Another thing to make matters
worse is.My sister is getting married in
two weeks.My family are really excited.It
makes me feel sick.I dont hink I will ever
find someone else like I had.I will never
settle with someone.The only thing that is
keeping me going at the moment is the
wedding.If it wernt for that I probably
would have attempted suicde again.My best
friends know I have and do suffer from
depression and they are there for me.I
want to talk to me sister but I dont want
to spoil her big day.Me and my sister used
to be quite close but I feel like we have
drifted apart now this also upsets me a
great deal.I feel I dont have a very good
qulity of life at the moment.It sounds
absolutly bizzare but one day I can feel
so so so low or this can go on for a few
dyas and then I will get a good day.Im
moody im very very snappy.
My dad,has had numerous affiars behind my
mums back.I cuagt him the other night in a
video store he didnt see me.I cought him
with another woman.Even though I know what
he gets up to it made me feel sick to the
pit of my stomach.I dont want to be like
him.But so far I have already done the
first steps.This is anohter factor.I dont
want to be like him and sometimes I see
the only way of stopping that is if I
wasnt here.
Pretty soon my sister we want children.I
just dont see all this stuff happening to
me.I feel like I am just a big big let
down to my family and friends.I really
really dont want to go back on the
prozac,so far I have manged for over a
year without taking it.Unfortunetly my dad
suffers from depression to.So could this
be hereditry.Why do I have to feel like
this everyday?Like ive just been told
someone has died? I feel
heavy,tired,down.All I do in my spare time
is go to bed I get in bed and lay there.I
sometimes sleep through the day and lie
awake at night.I cant beleive what I have
done.What I have lost.The guy im with is
not a bad guy.I just dont know where its
going.Ive tryed finishing it but I just
cant physically seem to do it.Any help
would be appreciated.
|
qt3
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2003 Posts: 264
Cbt Posted: 03-16-04 09:17am
The answer for me was cognitive behavioral
therapy (cbt). I was on meds for many
years before I found cbt and it cured me
and got me off meds in a remarkably short
period of time. Best of all once you
learn the tools in cbt you have them
forever so you are able to give yourself
relief almost instantly whenever you are
feeling stressed, anxious or down. It's
all about using the tools to learn to
think more clearly and accurately about
things and once you do your anxiety, panic
and depression will miraculously begin to
lift before your eyes. My favorite
starter book on cbt is "been there, done
that? Do this! By sam obitz like
anything in life the more you put in the
more you get out of cbt. The obitz book
also has a couple of good chapters in the
back on suicide that may help you. As the
back of the book says in big lketters: you
can change your future but you can't
change your past :d
good luck!
Q
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Haley
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Feb 2004 Posts: 122
Posted: 03-17-04 16:07pm
I have to agree with qt3. I'm in the
ninth week of my cbt group and weaning off
drugs and feeling great. The two books we
are using in my group are really good and
I would recommend them both highly: been
there, done that? Do this! By sam obitz
and mastery of your anxiety and
panic-third edition by michelle craske and
david barlow if you suffer panic disorder
as well.
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AMAZINGSTAR
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Nov 2003 Posts: 53
Just Feel So Down Posted: 03-17-04 16:17pm
Thankyou to both of you for replying to
me.I just feel so down.The wedding is in
less than two weeks.Its my sisteres
wedding and I should be feeling so happy
and excited but instead I feel depressed
and down.Im at work at the moment.All I
want to do is go back to bed and sleep so
I can shut everything off.I feel like I
dont want to be here.I dont see the point
anymore.I sincerly feel I have lost
someone I was meant to be.I dont hink I
iwll ever find anyone again.I feel so sick
all the time.The rate im going my dressis
going to fit by the wedding but I dont
really care.I hate my life,i hate what ive
become.Im lonely.No one couldnt really
care what happens to me really.
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qt3
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2003 Posts: 264
I Care! Posted: 03-18-04 02:12am
I care and i'm sure a lot of others that
you do not realize do too it's the way you
are thinking about things that is making
you so miserable more than the things that
are happening. Please try and find a
local cbt based support group as they will
teach you how to think more objectively as
right now I can tell you are blowing
things out of proportion which is one of
the most common thinking errors people
make. I've been there and it is not fun
but cbt can give you the tools you need to
change how you think in a short period
time and learn to enjoy life more. You
have a bright future, but right now you
are in a fog and can't see it clearly
q
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misterlighthouse
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Feb 2004 Posts: 5 Location: Edmonds, WA
My Two Cents Posted: 03-19-04 18:27pm
That book "been there, done that? Do
this!" is a fine book, I got a lot out of
sam obitzs book. Also nothing beats
talking things out with a friend or
trained psychologist, in my opinion. So
many of our mental problems boil down to
not being able to accept that a proverbial
2+2=4
accept all things in life- both good and
bad.... Imo :p
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purple333
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2003 Posts: 1420 Location: Sydney
Posted: 03-19-04 21:56pm
If we didn't care we wouldn't bother
posting so you see there are people who
care & we're just strangers, I know
your family & friends care too!
I know what you mean about sleeping all
day & staying up at night & not
feeling like there's anything worth living
for, but there is - you!! But I also know
that right now you do not believe that so
stay alive & start working on getting
bettr for the sake of your family &
friends. Your sister needs you, & if
she has kids they will have awonderful
aunt, remember, even if you were still
with your former b/f you may not have had
kids for all sorts of reasons but you can
still be the greatest aunt!!
How do you get better, well apart from
cbt, there are alot of things you can do.
I beleieve that when we're really down we
need to take "baby steps" we aren't ready
or capable of taking big ones.
Some suggestions of baby steps are: print
out or buy some smilies & put them all
over the place :d I know it sounds corny
but a smile releases chemicals in our
brains that make us feel better so the
more you :d smile :d the better you
feel.
You can also practise smiling at yourself
in the mirror (pull some silly faces!!
)
then there's exercise, even taking a walk,
especially around sunrise *again releases
chemicals to reduce stress/depression).
:p
also there's several natural
anti-depressants you can take; vitamin
b's, 5htp (tryptophan), sam-e (all can be
checked on the net).
don't make any major life decisions like
moving, changing jobs, leaving current
guy. You know if you're half as bad as
you say you must be terrible to be around
so how come he's still there??
maybe he really cares & maybe he's
worth sticking around for then when you
feel better & you will (so long as you
take "baby steps" & work on yourself,
it won't happen without you) then you can
decide whether maybe this guy is better
than you are giving him credit for. :d
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swissmiss
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 5 Location: Switzerland
Sending a Hug.... Posted: 03-19-04 23:19pm
The first thing you have to do is realize
that you are just beating your head
against a wall. Everybody does things in
life that we regret, but I guarantee you
that we learn something that we need to
everytime. You are also not a slave to
the mistakes that your father makes.
Every situation that life offers us gives
us a chance to make new choices about how
we live, and to change our endless cycles
of destruction. Expecting that you have
inherited the cheating or depression from
your father can help you to make excuses,
but that will never heal you.You don't
have to expect yourself to change
everything in one day, but the longer that
you dwell on the past, the worse that your
health & vitality & peace of mind
will suffer. No wonder you can get out of
bed!, you're not reminding yourself of all
the reasons to live! Stop running away
from your life, take it for all it's
downfalls, and it's beauty too. Give
yourself the love & forgiveness that
you deserve. Life isn't punishing you,
you are punishing yourself, and there is
so much beauty in life to
enjoy.....Starting with your sister's
wedding for example.
I send you lots of love and good vibes for
healing, june
p.S. There is a book called "energy
anatomy" by caroline myss that may help
you to better realize that you are not
alone, and help you to heal peace
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Haley
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Feb 2004 Posts: 122
Posted: 03-23-04 11:12am
I think it is obvious a lot of people care
based on the latest responses, but the
only person who can make you feel better
is you and that requires some effort. So
get involved in cbt or buy that book
swissmiss mentioned or try some of
purple333 suggestions but do something!
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 03-23-04 11:38am
When you are severely depressed the last
thing you are is motivated! Much easier
said then done.
I would talk to your doctor about being
put on meds that will actually help your
situation. All you have to do is swallow
them. Then once you start to feel more
like you, look into cbt or counseling or
whatever you think will help your
situation. Meds are not "the answer" but
they should help give you at least enough
motivation to try to help yourself. That
is one of my biggest problems. I want to
be cured, but I don't have the energy to
work for it.
Hope you feel better! Just know you are
definately not alone.
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qt3
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2003 Posts: 264
Posted: 03-24-04 08:32am
hotasfrick
wrote:
when you are severely
depressed the last thing you are is
motivated! Much easier said then done.
I would talk to your doctor about being
put on meds that will actually help your
situation. All you have to do is
swallow them. Then once you start to
feel more like you, look into cbt or
counseling or whatever you think will help
your situation. Meds are not "the
answer" but they should help give you at
least enough motivation to try to help
yourself. That is one of my biggest
problems. I want to be cured, but I
don't have the energy to work for it.
Hope you feel better! Just know you are
definately not
alone.
i agree with hotasfrick-
i was on meds before and during the time I
learned cbt and probably would not have
ever made it to the point I learned cbt
were it not for meds!
it's the way you
are thinking about things that is making
you so miserable more than the things that
are happening. Please try and find a
local cbt based support group as they will
teach you how to think more objectively as
right now I can tell you are blowing
things out of proportion which is one of
the most common thinking errors people
make. I've been there and it is not fun
but cbt can give you the tools you need to
change how you think in a short period
time and learn to enjoy life more. You
have a bright future, but right now you
are in a fog and can't see it clearly 
)
maybe he really cares & maybe he's
worth sticking around for then when you
feel better & you will (so long as you
take "baby steps" & work on yourself,
it won't happen without you) then you can
decide whether maybe this guy is better
than you are giving him credit for. :d