Just would like to know a little bit of
everyone here. Personal stories. If you
overcame it and how. What are your
reasonings behind why you cut?
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bio_muggle
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Aug 2007 Posts: 2 Location: USA
Re: Why Do You Cut? Posted: 08-12-07 13:42pm
Hi, about 3 yrs ago I started cutting and
I used to cut alot. Everytime I felt upset
about something I couldnt take the
pressure within myself. About a year ago I
eased up alot. And about 6 months ago I
told myself that I will be strong and save
my body & not cut , and what is the
point of cutting - if cutting would NOT
change any situation. Recently I have cut
only like twice - and when I asked myself
why are you doing this if it wont change
anything and the answer that
I got (from myself) was that it will
relieve some pressure from ME (and
althought it does this, it does keep me
being weak)
thanks for sharing, i am the same way,
when i got really upset over things i
ended up cutting to releive the emotions.
I was never an open person to share my
feelings with people and i did this rather
then talk to friends or family when i got
upset, luckily i havent been ina
situation where im really upset and feel
the need to cut. I do alot better when im
taking antidepressants as well, wich i
currently got back on a few mths ago, but
thats cuz i went to the drs for my anxiety
and told them i was on antidepressants
before for depression so she gave it back
to me. So so far i am doing quite good.
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this_is_me
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 May 2007 Posts: 5
Posted: 09-04-07 22:07pm
Hey,
Why do i cut? It all started because of my
family background and some things I have
been through. I grew up with my father as
a drug addict and absolutely no peace in
the house, police visits and late night
drives to find my father was routine.
Along with screaming and throwing things.
I always had to deal with things like an
adult even though i was just a little
girl. I was the one to calm my parents
down when they fought, I was the one who
had to comfort my brother, and take care
of him. So therefore (along with family
history of anxiety and depression) I
develop anxiety. One day the stress just
got too much and I knew a few people who
cut themselves to relieve it. So I tried
it. From there on out it got worse and I
used it as a release. Then from there it
soon became an addiction. Not only would i
cut to release pain but i would cut for no
reason. Even on a good day I felt the
need. And from there i had to cut deeper
and see how far I could go. I haven't
threatened my life with it yet....or at
least not with cutting (I've tried other
things) but i fear everyday that it will
only get worse.....the only thing that
subsides the fear? cutting! Or at least
for the moment. I'm afraid its just one
vicious cycle.
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keys101
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Sep 2007 Posts: 87 Location: , USA
Posted: 09-28-07 08:57am
i used to cut because:
a: i couldn't understand my emotional pain
and i wanted to release it in a way i
could understand. "my arm hurts because i
cut it with a razor."
b: (no joke) I just felt like it.
c: I wanted to "get back" at people by
freaking them out.
fortunately now i have a better outlook on
life and love. I would never hurt another
person like that so therefore why should i
do it to myself? Simple as pie, really.
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sillysallie1990
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Oct 2007 Posts: 308 Location: ,
Posted: 10-08-07 03:11am
i was different i cut for dicipline it was
like hey so your gonna say something
stupid? well you will regret it later....
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silentbear777
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Oct 2007 Posts: 32 Location: Portland, Oregon
Posted: 10-09-07 03:13am
I cut for about a year, I reached a peak
with I did so over 500 times in about a 4
hour period... I did it for the blood, the
release... partially out of boredom, but
mostly out of rejection... at that point
in my life I had been rejected by everyone
around me. I felt unwanted and unloved. So
I turned on myself, to make myself look
more ugly... Though I realized that there
is love for everyone. And my girlfriend
makes me strong now. I stoped for her, and
have never really looked back... Well
becides thinking about some profesional
Scarification (like a tattoo)
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azurete
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Oct 2007 Posts: 6
Posted: 10-29-07 21:56pm
I guess I started... two years ago? Back
then it was just scratching myself or
heating bits of metal and pushing them
into my skin, just as a release for when I
felt overwhelming emotions. After a while
a friend of mine, who's always been the
one person who could get through to me,
took me aside and told me that I had to
take care of myself, and that just trying
wasn't good enough. So I stopped for
months, and then there was always that
morbid curiosity that made me want to do
it every time I felt hurt, or when I
couldn't handle the way life was going..
but I held out and I'd just do it once
every few months or so, and then about two
months ago life began to spiral downwards
and where I was an emotional wreck before,
I started to not feel anything.. sadness,
happiness, it all disappeared and I just
started doing it again, doing it badly,
for no specific reason, every day - 10 or
more a day, in school, in the washroom, in
my room, on the couch every night, and I
don't know how to stop at this point.. I
haven't gone too far yet, but I'm afraid
if those emotions ever come back too
strong that I could go too far =/ I want
to stop so badly.. its destroying my life
-- and yet I've gotten rid of 6 razors, 2
exacto knives, and I still find things, I
still carry a razor.. and as soon as I see
it I think one more wont hurt. And on
nights like last night, one more turns
into 25 more -____-
I do it to punish myself, mainly. If I do
something wrong, or stupid, I go into the
bathroom & start cutting. I suppose
it's also due to low self-esteem, same as
starving myself. I hate my body, &
cutting is my way of punishing myself for
not getting rid of this fat.
i was the same way zanny, when i was
anorexic and bulimic, i cut to punish
myself for eating etc. Sometimes i m iss
the eating disorder, i hate being fat. I
havent cut in like 2 mths now. last time
was over eating to much. blah.
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eOns of gREy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Nov 2007 Posts: 35 Location: , United States
Posted: 11-04-07 21:41pm
I did it in the past because I wanted to.
I liked having cuts on my body. I'm not
sure why. It made me feel better but I
didn't do it because I was so depressed. I
still wonder, did I do it from depression
or did I subconsciously think it made me
feel better(which it did).
It seemed fun, it was fun, I liked
bleeding, I liked the scars, I felt better
aftwards. And I didn't cry or contemplate
suicide, but I wasn't one of those people
who love cutting themselves for the fun of
it. (E.X. This Guy ----> http://www.bm
ezine.com/ritual/A40901/ritwatch.html
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PenguinsRus
Moderator
Joined: 05 Nov 2007 Posts: 1181 Location: New York, NY United States
Thanks: 28
Thanked:8
Posted: 11-05-07 14:00pm
I used to do it years ago. I started
because I was really depressed and
couldn't think of ways to cope with the
pain. First I started with tiny cuts,
just using safety pins and the edge of
scissors. As time went on, I moved onto
exacto knives and other things that
produced much deeper cuts.
I loved to watch myself bleed. It just
soothed me and made my soul feel so much
more complete. I did it on my arms,
belly, chest, legs, wrists...just about
everywhere, but only places I could cover
up (tshirts, pants, wrist bands). I
didn't want anybody to see because I was
ashamed of it.
My father was an extreme alcoholic, so I
did something kind of stupid. He was
trying to recover, and I gave myself the
mentality of "I will only cut when he
drinks. When he fails his addiction, that
means I can too".
Eventually I realized that his addiction
should have nothing to do with mine, and
just because he fails doesn't mean that I
had to fail too. Time went on, and with
the help of friends and family I started
to do it less and less. My boyfriend
ended up helping me to stop all together,
and now I've been cut free for over a
year. Sometimes I miss it, but my life is
much better off without it. I used to be
so bad to the point where I carried around
an exacto knife with me in my wallet/purse
everywhere I went. It's such a relief to
know I can rely on other things to make me
feel better.
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eOns of gREy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Nov 2007 Posts: 35 Location: , United States
Posted: 11-05-07 19:19pm
Glad to hear PenguinsRus
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Winged_shadow_girl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Oct 2007 Posts: 6 Location: ,
Posted: 11-05-07 22:23pm
I started cutting 3 years ago in 8th
grade. It started kind of weird for me.
My mom and I get in a really bad fight and
of course, I was upset, so I started
hitting myself until I got bruises because
I was seriously planning on blaming her
for them. Anyways, every time after that,
I just kept hitting myself because of the
relief I got from it. As it goes, after a
while, bruises weren't enough. That's
when I actually started cutting, and you
know what; it felt amazing. The first
time I did it, I felt so much relief and
such a burden was lifted from me. Since
then, that has been my release in every
bad situation. I know that I have that
sort of release, so I use it. Now that
things have gotten more complicated for
me, it's become more of a way to feel some
sort of emotion. My depression has become
more of me just being devoid of feeling
and emotion, so that really opens up a
wave of feeling for me.
Even after the cuts were done and healing,
I could look at them and remind myself of
the pain I'm dealing with. Realizing the
pain and what it's causing me to do to
myself at least lets me feel something, if
only for a minute.
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lucy315
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Oct 2007 Posts: 122 Location: New Jersey, USA
Thanks: 10
Thanked:5
Posted: 11-07-07 03:58am
I haven't cut in awhile, but I used to do
it for the pain. I have terrible phobias
and anxiety. I'm scared to death of germs
and of getting sick. If there was ever a
time that I thought I was "exposed" to
some kind of sickness, I would start to
panic, and anxiety would take over my
whole body. I would go into the bathroom
and cut to feel something other then fear.
(only on my left arm) To me, the pain
felt better then being scared.
One night, my boyfriend walked into the
bathroom and caught me. It looked worse
then it was, as I never stopped the
bleeding until I was done cutting. I
would just let it run down my arm. He
freaked out, and we talked about me
getting help. I have been in therapy for
7 months, and have not cut once since
then.
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uniqueness
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Nov 2007 Posts: 2 Location: england, england
Posted: 11-12-07 17:22pm
hi i used to cut when i was twelve i had
so much going on i got to the stage where
i hated my body and saw i was ugly i
started to destroy my face and neck aswell
i tryed to slice my throat, i just wanted
relief from the pain inside and let it out
on the outside.
i dont cut anymore it doesnt help atm i am
overdosing alot i saw cutting wasnt enough
if i overdose i sleep and i will never
have to wake up. and now i smoke aswell as
relief i dislike blood but i enjoy
suffering and being in pain i have anger
problems and when im angry i make bruises
and still cut my self now and agen to
releave the anger as last time it built up
n i tryed killing my mum and sister im 14
now and still screwed up its amazing what
simple cutting can lead to ... it just
makes things worse when no one i know
understands me and my family and friends
never listen, never talk to me ... i even
had councilin ... she didnt listen i
walked out and now i only have myself to
talk to ... trust me cutting isnt good
becus u see cutting as not enough and move
on to bigger things ... i should know . i
have .... cutting helps because it makes
you forget for a small amount of time but
then u jus have scars and the pain comes
back ...
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freefall
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Nov 2007 Posts: 14 Location: ,
Posted: 12-01-07 22:11pm
Physical pain relieves mental pain. I
realize that I have a lot of self hatred.
Maby allot of us do. I punish myself for
being fat, ugly, stupid, weak, whatever
short comings I have. I do not cut where
others can see because I am not asking
for help. I am very private about my
issues, accept with you. I dont buy the
"love yourself" bull...pucky by the way.
There are ways we all deal with our selves
when we screw up, as disfunctional as they
may be. Of course its wrong, but maby
there is just not a very effective
solution for us right now besides self
punishment. Obviously we are we not stable
enough to handel these problems
rationally....DUH. Besides, there is the
natural endorphins released after pain, so
of course thats a bonus. So much more to
this as you all know.....peace.
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Antiz
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Dec 2007 Posts: 6 Location: Clarkesville, GA, USA
Posted: 12-10-07 14:12pm
I know its pretty low, and feel bad
reading the reasons of why others cut
because of it... but, I dont have one
really. I just cut, to cut. Its kind of
like smoking, in a way; I dont really need
a reason. If I want to feel justified in
what I do, I'll find a way to make one [a
reason] up.
I like how it looks, how it feels, and its
just something to do. ATM, I dont even
plan on trying to quit TBH. I havent
taken it too far yet, just clean sharp
razors to the upper arm... and if I do
take it too far... I'll worry about it
then...
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mzLiLi
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Sep 2007 Posts: 60 Location: ,
Posted: 12-17-07 14:09pm
me i started cutting for one reason. And
that was that i was going to slice my
wrist and kill my self but got scared, I
didn't want to hurt my nana(grandma)
again. She found me last time i tried to
kill myself. But i keep on for many
different reasons. It made me feel
something other than sad for that moment(i
felt pain, relief, high, in charge).
Because sometimes you feel like screaming
or like tearing something apart, well i
chose my skin. Plus, its very addictive.
Right now i'm not cutting that is because
i dont want to lose the love of my life
again. But when me and him broke up. I
tried to kill myself and i was cutting
about 5 times every other hour. including
in school. it got to the point where i had
a blade in my locker.
And to be honest it is something that i
will always have to try hard not to do.
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shake
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Nov 2007 Posts: 25 Location: , Canada
Posted: 12-18-07 13:40pm
i used to just punch myself in the face
alot, or punch a wall, usually when im
drunk cus i totally lose control of my
emotions when im blacked out, but recently
i started grabbing knives and making cuts
on my leg
i really dont know why i do it, probly
just out of self hate, but i dont do it
that often cus when i feel like im gonna
lose it, and i think of grabbing a knife,
i always say to myself, "ok, ill smoke a
bit of pot, and if i still feel like
cutting myself after, then i will", and
you know what? i never ever have hurt
myself after getting a lil stoned, never.
you feel really stupid for ever even
thinking of hurting yourself after you get
stoned. but weed is just a temporary cure.
the next day i feel just as low. thats
probly why i smoke so much pot.
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