I'm confused what is going on. I took a
few test for depression and it said I was,
thus coming here. First I just want to
say how life use to be like. My life
revolved around video games, anime, food,
porn, friends, and school. Me and my
friends would play a lot of video games
with each other, talking online through
ventrilo and having good fun while doing
it. I would eat a lot. It was fun I
thought, but didn't help me only made my a
lil chubby but I really wasn't worried.
Wasn't worried because I could never get
girl friends that were... well good ones.
I would also grab the fun stick. And
school was school, I did well and still do
well but the social aspects changed on me.
And now.. now, I don't know when it
started but I lost interest in almost ever
thing. Video games lost there greatness,
my DBZ, Death note, Bleach type animes
were just not good anymore. Also I have
stopped eating. Only eating when it hurts
and when that comes have a few cherrys or
grapes. Porn completely lost ever thing I
hate it now. I don't talk to my friends as
much as I remember we use to. And school I
feel like I need a girl friend really bad
( its weird cause I dont want ANYone to be
my girlfriend I just feel I want one)
What I do all day is look for people with
my problem or check if it is a problem at
all. Look for romantic animes, yes I lost
all connection with my affection to blood
and gore and lots of violence. Workout,
which I never really did before. And
sleep only thing that gives me pleasure
now is romantic stuff and ever sense I
started getting in to romance I felt the
need to get romantically involved with
some one. I have studied myself and I
thought hard about whats happening to me,
I tried to connect everything together.
What I think is that my need for romance
has trigged a "emo" type state, which
gives me the impulse to get slim, watch
romantic stuff, and stop doing EVERTHING
that used to be great.
I just want to know if this story is my
maturing or is it me becoming emotional or
depressed, and to add to that I did think
about killing myself once what was going
on in my head was "I am so fat, no girl
friend, people make fun of me because I
have no life, I will probably never get
romantically attuned to anyone, for some
reason my chest hurts and I believe this
to be lust for love or something and it
really does kinda hurt" but I was like
these are retarded reasons to kill myself.
sorry if I'm in the wrong place but in
needed to say something to anyone.
|
Marfa2107
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jul 2007 Posts: 1552 Location: Galena, Kansas United States
Posted: 08-09-07 08:03am
hi hun..
how old are you??..
these feelings sound like a mixture of you
growing up (maturing)
and a little bit of depression mixed in..
what do you look for in a girl??..
what do you see for your future??..
=)
i'm here to try and make you feel better
about yourself..
|
cloe2979
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Aug 2007 Posts: 16 Location: CT
Hi Posted: 08-09-07 09:01am
It does sound Like your growing up. I
think this is a mixture of maturing and
depression. I am a 27yr women and delt
with very deep depression for yrs now.
Getting older is always confusing and new,
but having a depression problem over all
the things u need to sort out between
adolescence and adulthood can be
overwhelming.
Let me give a bit of my background.....I
started my depression in Middle school. I
had no Idea what was happening to me and
it lead me to bad places in my mind. I had
friends but didnt want anypart of them.
I'm fairly attractive but didnt want
anything to do with boys. Most time I
cryed and never ate and bearly left my
house. As I got older it got worse cuz I
never seeked a Doctors advice. Finally I
did seek out a Doctor but I was so far
gone. My hair was falling out, my weight
was down to 90lbs and I was so weak. He
put me on a anti-depressant and it helped
for a bit. I had to be on a milkshake diet
for weight gain cuz my mouth wasnt
allowing me to chew without feeling sick,
and vitamins to try and help with the hair
and skin. Years passed then I got manic
and refused to take my meds. That
spirraled me right down. Lead me right
back to old patterns of icealation and
crying. The boyfriend I had was confused
and angry and all the other feelings I can
only imagine. My thoughts were of death
and any other means of escape. I took 24
colonapins and 12 tylenol and allowed
myself to just lay down, fall alseep and
die..... but god had differant plans for
me.
(whew) its not easy to talk about
this........
So my advice to u is, if u start getting
bad thoughts STOP! Go see a doctor they
can help u. Talk to someone before things
get drastic. This is just a small peek
into what I delt with and I wouldnt wish
it on my worst enemy. I'm sorry u have to
go through this but your not alone.
Millions of people deal with a kind of
depression, (some worse than others). I
just EMPLORE U to seek help before any
negative thought grow into somthing u cant
control. I'll be here if u need sumone to
talk to.....
I hope I helped....
|
tkadin
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Aug 2007 Posts: 1 Location: oregon
More Purpose Posted: 08-09-07 09:02am
What I would suggest is finding meaning in
your life. Obviously nothing is holding
your attention, you feel no satisfaction
in things that used to fill your sense of
worthwhileness. If you are looking for
fufillment in romance, or relationships,
you will be eventually let down. you need
to find a peace, and joy, a sense of
higher calling. I have found this in Jesus
Christ. I'm talking about picking up a
Bible and reading it, and hearing his
words of love, "I will never leave you or
forsake you", "Come to me if you are weary
and tired and I will give you rest". I am
not neccesarily saying go to a church
(again, full of people that may let you
down). Church is more of a support group
for those who believe the message that
Jesus brought, which is hope, and love,
but those people are just like you and I,
they struggle with the same issues and
feelings. I love the people in my church,
they are all like me, trying to live a
better life, but they can't fix me, only
Jesus can. I realize that my answer may
offend you, or other readers, and I
wouldn't post it if I didn't think it
truly would help.
|
Quickqusetion
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Aug 2007 Posts: 2
Thanks Posted: 08-09-07 13:31pm
Hi again, thanks for replying. That alone
made me feel a lot better. I will take in
to consideration everything you have said
to me. Just to answer and reply to you
guys. I'm 16, I'm just looking for a girl
that is there, I can talk to her about
anything and maybe a bit shy because I can
relate to her. And just to make it clear I
REALLY thank you for replying, just being
able to read someones thoughts about me
made me happy. I did try talking about
this with someone but I just got " your
paranoid it will pass " and that really
didn't make me feel anything better.
Just to add 2 things, I have read the
bible and stuff but I really never got in
to it like I don't know what to think
about it. Just seems that the stuff I read
from the bible never happened to me like
just amazing things never really happen.
To the future question I kinda get sick
when I think of the future like all these
thing are going to happen that will be
great but so far away so I just kill
myself just thinking about it.
I am going to see a doctor I guess... but
I feel uneasy about that =/
|
Marfa2107
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jul 2007 Posts: 1552 Location: Galena, Kansas United States
Posted: 08-09-07 13:40pm
why do you feel uneasy about going to a
doctor?
is it just b/c you feel uncomfortable
talking about your situation??..
i'll tell you about when i was severely
depressed
my best friend got killed the night before
thanksgiving in 2004...
my boyfriend of 2yrs. broke up with me 2
wks after that..
i slumped..
i lost all of my friends b/c of my
boyfriend...
so i pretty much sat in my room and slept
all the time
i got to the point where no one wanted to
be around me..
my rock bottom hit when i started passing
out...b/c of the depression
i was outside one day talking to my
parents and i passed out and my dad
said my head bounced on the road 3
times...
that's when they took me to a doctor..
he prescribed me anti-depressants and they
worked wonders for me
i became happy again.. and i actually got
confidence..
just a lil bit about me
i am chubby, short, and quiet..
not popular...so i had no self
confidence..
after taking my anti-depressant for about
a year i weened myself off of it
making myself believe that it was not the
medication making me feel
better...
i was making myself feel better...
i now attend a counselor every 2wks and
she tells me how to act upon
my emotions and how to deal with things..
she has helped me so much
and i think just sitting talking to a
counselor (not a psychologist..just a
counselor that deals with teens) would be
great for you..
someone to talk to.... it's great...
you are 16 you have your whole life ahead
of you!!
you sound like a great kid and have your
head on straight
(from what i can tell)
you seem to be stuck in between
adolescence and adult..
it's a tough spot... i was there not too
long ago
i'm happy to talk with you about
whatever!!
you can PM me anytime =)
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