Eating Disorders Forum - Would I Be Anorexic/bulimic, If...?

Hi lovely people,

I have gone through many posts here in the forum and i am surprised, what kind, friendly and brave and sensitive people suffer from ED. I hate this, i myself have suffered from anorexia/bulimia for 10 years now, more or less, with periods of free and hard times. several months now i am clean.

a key to complete and continuous releaf lies deeper in mentality i think. At least i have made such a conclusion after an intense consentration on a how to stop this hell.

A majority of us addicted to ED are girls who have a lack of self astimation and women who have not "grown up". A character is a destiny. habits do make up our character, but what makes us to choose a way of sufferer habit? Is there an unswer in subcontiousness???

Talking of myself i, and i am no longer a teenager, have not yet found my path my style, unlike F. Sinatra, I am not doing my life in my way.

From a side I am a successfull and and have my style, but these things are not mine. the way i dress or work is not a part of my soul this is something i used to do under a family and social constant 'advice'. Yes we get adviced what to think, what to eat, how to make up, what to read, what our proportions must be. we get these advices in way of information. And most of us have no time to think over, is what and how i live my life my choice?

Now, while typing i look at my nail polish and ask myself, is this the color i like for myself? i dont know the unswer? yes this is a nonimportant thing, but even in small things about my life i am not quite sure. the color of my polish is pink, they say pink is what fits me most and my boyfriend likes when i put on bright colors. but i dont know if my attitude is pink. i would rather choose distinct colors like red ....
a story with a nail polish is just an example, u can imagine how my life is full of steps i have made not willing to do so......

thus i ask myself would i stick fingers in my mouth if i was living my life in my own way???

u may have seen children brushing carefully their own toy dolls? so why me, a grown up, dont treat carefully my life. maybe because it is not mine, in a true sense of this word.

to summarise, my idea of healing is to carefully choose the things we do in our life: listen to the music u really love, do the job u really think meets your interests, date a guy u really think is cool, dress up the way u feel and like, fill up your day with activities you find fullfilling and interesting to you.....

we were born without our consent, and an escape may lie in doing he things of our own decision

best

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