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20 Years Old - 5 Weeks Pregnant - Father Wants No Part

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Pods4455

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1
Location: Il

20 Years Old - 5 Weeks Pregnant - Father Wants No Part Posted: 08-13-07 20:29pm


Hey guys-- im 20 years old-- Ill be 21 in November-- and am expecting my first child April 14th!!-- Im excited but SO SCARED at the same time-- the father and I have been friends for the last 4 years-- he is 27 years old and lives in Boston-- I live in Illinois. I went to see him last month and low and behold-- a night of too much tequilla turned into a baby-- haha! I could never get an abortion-- its just my own personal choice-- he wanted me to get one so bad-- we faught about it for DAYS.. he hates me now because I wont get one-- tells me he doesnt want anything at all to do with me or the baby-- that this isn't really his child because hes being forced into it-- etc. On top of all this- hes in trouble for violating an order of protection and he has a court date here on the 30th and is dealing with that-- hes scared hes going to go to jail. His mom supports me (kind of.. she wanted me to get the abortion too.. but said it was all my decision) and seems to think he's just in "freak out mode"-- hes really a good guy-- like i said he's been my best friend for 4 years-- Ive never had him talk to me like this or say the things hes been saying to me EVER--- its so hard-- and I dont even know how to talk to him :-/ on the upside-- my parents are supportive-- my friends are supportive-- and I really want to have a good pregnancy-- any advice??

becca38

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Joined: 18 Aug 2007
Posts: 2
Location: PA

Posted: 08-18-07 02:03am


You are not alone, I am 8weeks ( almost 9)pregant at 38. I already have an 11yr old, that I have raised alone and really did not think I would have another child. I knew the FOB for years and we ended hooking up. He is still legally married but has been separated for 3yrs. I did not start anything with him until he was gone for over 1yr. He seemed like a great guy and I really liked him, we have been together for over a year, but I knew this relationship was going downhill. We never offically dated or was considered a couple, more like friends with benefits. I had trouble dealing with this, because I started to care for him, so I have tried to end it a few times. He would always call or come back, so i figured he must care a little bit. Fastfoward to 3weeks ago, I found out i was pregnant and he wants me to have an abortion. I almost did, but realized I couldn't do that. As soon as he realized my decision changed, he has not talked to me, unless it is to ask if I changed my mind. I have alot of friends and family, but the one I need support from the most is not there. Boy did he fool me, because this behavior proves he is not a very nice person and I feel like a fool. So don't think you are to blame for what has happened, you are doing the right thing, but you have to face the fact that any man that can abandon a pregnant woman, is not a very nice person. Goodluck

notyourgurl

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Joined: 05 Aug 2007
Posts: 29

Pods4455 Posted: 08-18-07 14:41pm


Pods4455 hello hope you're doin great... great you'll keep the baby...and im glad as you have the support of your family and friends and that's a great relief. Once you see the baby and once you hold the baby...I think all the hate will fade away... In the future, you will be able to meet somebody right for you and the baby. For now, just relax, listen to some good music and smile

meredith122

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Joined: 27 Aug 2007
Posts: 1
Location: Ohio

Re: 20 Years Old - 5 Weeks Pregnant - Father Wants No Part
Posted: 08-27-07 10:30am

Pods4455 wrote:

Hey guys-- im 20 years old-- Ill be 21 in November-- and am expecting my first child April 14th!!-- Im excited but SO SCARED at the same time-- the father and I have been friends for the last 4 years-- he is 27 years old and lives in Boston-- I live in Illinois. I went to see him last month and low and behold-- a night of too much tequilla turned into a baby-- haha!

I could never get an abortion-- its just my own personal choice-- he wanted me to get one so bad-- we faught about it for DAYS.. he hates me now because I wont get one-- tells me he doesnt want anything at all to do with me or the baby-- that this isn't really his child because hes being forced into it-- etc.

On top of all this- hes in trouble for violating an order of protection and he has a court date here on the 30th and is dealing with that-- hes scared hes going to go to jail. His mom supports me (kind of.. she wanted me to get the abortion too.. but said it was all my decision) and seems to think he's just in "freak out mode"-- hes really a good guy-- like i said he's been my best friend for 4 years-- Ive never had him talk to me like this or say the things hes been saying to me EVER--- its so hard-- and I dont even know how to talk to him :-/

on the upside-- my parents are supportive-- my friends are supportive-- and I really want to have a good pregnancy-- any advice??

Hi, I hope I am replying to this the right way. I too am a single pregnant mom to be. I met a guy almost 4 months ago and started what I thought was a wonderful relationship. In July I went on an antibiotic and low and behold my birth control wasn't effective any longer. When it came time for my period my boyfriend made comments about thinking I was pregnant and even joked about it. Needless to say, I am. After telling him he first went into denial mode than into self pity mode and than what I thought was acceptance. We talked of names and future plans. Than this past weekend everything went straight to hell. He decided our relationship was messed up and he didn't want to be in a relationship with me any longer. So we broke up on Friday, than on Saturday he came over and stayed. I assumed everything was ok and he had just had another freak out session but to my surprise I was wrong. He informed me on Sunday he has no intentions of being with me but does act as though he will be there for the baby. I'm confused, hurt, angry and shocked at this point! If you need to talk I would love to. I am actually oddly surprised at the amount of woman who are in a very similar situation.

angie03red

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Joined: 02 Sep 2007
Posts: 12
Location: houston

Wishing You the Best Posted: 09-02-07 19:43pm


if this is his first child maybe he is scared and really wanting the child and to be in your life. sometime when the father sees that there family is involved then he will come around. i was int he same situation in january of this year but my childs father had left completely. i did nt speak to him for 3 weeks, i was depressed all the time crying all the time. but my family and his family and my co-workers were always chering me up, they would say he is going to come around and call. i had a miscarriage in february from stress and worrying. One after noon when i got home he was waitng at my door he then was ready to accept the baby and me. what mad me so confused was my frist doctor visit where they confermed my pregnancy he was right there and left a couple days after that. Just saying i know it is hard and frustrating but you will be okay it wint happen all in one day but eventaully it will come, hard to say but dont stress alot. Teh more you talk about it the better you will feel.

maza

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Joined: 02 Sep 2007
Posts: 18
Location: australia

Posted: 09-03-07 02:01am


Congrats I became pregnant at 15 and the father wanted me to have an abortion too but I didn't I now have a wonderful little girl(6) and her father has seen her twice she is one of the best things in my life (along with my other daughter 3) If he breached an order of protection are you sure you want him in your childs life especily if he doesn't want to be there

angie03red

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 02 Sep 2007
Posts: 12
Location: houston

Posted: 09-03-07 18:37pm


i am not understanding what you mean he never breached an order of protection. i was saying that we talk to each other every day but we cant get along when we are together. i talked him to today for a long time.he is concerned about the baby he wants me to have the baby and his family i am the one that doesnt want the baby. which makes us argue all the time. dont know what to do? now my first pregnancy back in january was a problem pregnancy and baby daddy we fought all the time. and he left me. we dont speak to each other and because of everything that was going on i had a miscarriage and we were still fussing. now he is locked up, he gets out in november and he writes every 2 weeks wanting to start all over when he gets out. confused!