19 yrs old single mom with bipolar disorder, low self esteem Posted: 08-14-07 15:20pm
I have had enough of people and society.
This is my last attempt to communicate
with the rabble that never understands me.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound mean to
all people but my anger is what sustains
me. Please! There must be someone out
there who I can genuinely communicate
with! I had a baby boy on July 10th and I
have been trying so hard to keep at least
one piece of my mind so my baby doesn't
have a psycho for a mom.
Yeah, that's right, I'm 19 years old and
a single mom. I was extremely promiscuous
in high school because I didn't fit with
everyone else. I have very bad social
phobia and low self esteem. I wanted sex
all the time and the stupid thing is I
never even enjoyed it. I guess it made me
feel some kind of acceptance or love. Now,
the father of my baby has ignored me,
avoided me since I was 6 months pregnant.
I never leave the house because I am so
scared I will run into those horrible
people from high school. To make myself
feel even more ugly, my breasts are ugly
because of breastfeeding, my face breaks
out more, etc. I am so ugly and stupid.
Whenever I am with anybody (which is very
rare) I am worrying the whole time that I
must be boring and wierd to them. I was
diagnosed with bipolar disorder 4 years
ago, no medicine helps, and its almost
like one side of me gets me in horrible
situations and unexpectedly I'll switch to
a different side and that makes the whole
situation worse and terrifying.
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MyTorturedExistence
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Aug 2007 Posts: 1 Location: Seattle
Posted: 08-14-07 19:08pm
I don't know where to start. I can't
claim to "understand' everything you are
going through, but I can say i truly
empathize. I have always felt like nobody
"gets it". Now more than ever that is
true for me. The fact that you are
posting indicates that you want change.
If all the meds and doctors you have tried
did not help...try one more. 90% of the
therapists i have encountered in my life
seemed like morons. Not sure if they were
or whether that is jus tpar for the
course. All i know is that i was so close
to suicide and decided to give one more a
shot. He doesn't have all the answers,
but he doesn't talk to me like I am stupid
or incapable of making decsions that
effect me more than anyone else.
