Ending a Relationship Forum

I have been with my boyfriend (now ex) for eight years and 6 of those 8 years I have been cheating on him. We started dating in High School and went away to separate colleges. In my Freshman year, I cheated on him (no sex involved/ merely very long make out sessions) with one of my friends and we even snuck around for a couple of months without anyone knowing. Anyway, after a few months, I couldn't keep it inside and told my boyfriend that I kissed someone else, but it only happened once. I felt horrible for what happened, mainly because he was so pissed when I told him and also because I didn't tell him the whole truth. After it happened and I confessed, I stopped seeing the person and we decided to remain friends while my boyfriend and I resumed our relationship. For the next few years I remained faithful to my boyfriend until a similar incident occurred with another friend. The only difference was that this time we had sex and continued to do so for about 3 months unbeknownst to anyone (including my boyfriend). Eventually I broke it off with the friend and told him that I valued my relationship with my boyfriend and didn't want to mess things up by being unfaithful. Finally, senior year of college, I hadn't had a chance to see my boyfriend that much as he was busy with school and I started to become sexually attracted to a younger chap at my uni. We had sex and continued to sneak around for over a year and once again I didn't tell my boyfriend because I thought I would die without him and didn't want to lose his love.

Anyway, fast forwarding a few years... This summer, I started a new job out of town and began to develop feelings for a co-worker who had just gotten over a breakup himself. We went out on a few dates and I never told him I had a boyfriend. As the days went by, my feelings for the person started to grow even stronger on an emotional level and I told my boyfriend about it. The more I saw the guy, the more I wondered what it would be like if we were in a relationship, especially since he treated me like his girlfriend whenever we went out. Eventually, I broke down and told my boyfriend that I thought we should take a break because I needed to clear my head. The next day, all I could think about was the person and the fact that he had so many qualities that I look for in a man (some qualities which my boyfriend lacks). We eventually ended up having sex and we hung out more and more. He introduced me to his friends and invited me to events with them. I feel a connection with this new person and keep wondering if our meeting was truly meant to be. After a week of being on a break, I told my then boyfriend that I felt we should break up. He did not take it well and told me he didn't know if we could be friends. I was devastated. I really didn't want to hurt his feelings but after years of cheating and lying about it, I felt that I could not go on in a relationship with this person that I obivously didn't care about. The truth is, I would tell myself that I loved him so much and that I couldn't live without him, when in reality, I would go and cheat and not even tell him. My conscience was getting to me and although I still haven't told him about all the cheating, I felt that he deserved better.

My job has relocated and I am no longer working with the person I developed feelings for; however, I still call him everyday and still feel that strong connection that I felt over the summer. My ex and I had a lot in common and had families that were very close so it hurts to hear his name being uttered by my sisters/brothers and other family members. My question is, did I make a big mistake by breaking up an 8 year relationship and is it safe to say that I may find love again with this new person?

Truly Confused