I am currently in an interracial
relationship. I am white, and my
boyfriend is half white, half
samoan/black(although everything about him
besides his skin color is white). I love
him so much - he makes me happy, we have a
lot in common, he's supportive,
respectful, funny, caring, fun to be
around...Everything I could possibly ask
for in a boyfriend. Aside from our own
personal character flaws (which everyone
has), we have an almost perfect
relationship...Except for the fact that my
parents are very unsupportive of it. His
family is great, and all of our friends
think nothing of it. We do have a good
hours distance between us, and he is 4
years older (i'm 1, but neither of
those factors affect us (except that we
miss each other and and can't see each
other every day). I do not know how to
get through to my parents, and I am
feeling really betrayed by them. They
seem to care more about what other people
think than what makes me happy. We have
been dating for nearly 9 months now, and I
am only getting closer to him. It hurts
me that they won't open their minds a
little to give him a chance, and it hurts
him because they have no interest in
getting to know him. I'm at my wit's end
right now, because I feel like I have to
chose between my family and my boyfriend.
If anyone has any advice for me, it would
be greatly appreciated. I also want to
know what the forum members feel about
interracial relationships, and multiracial
children. Any input would be great, thank
you.
|
KissyBai912
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Aug 2003 Posts: 1762 Location: Venice, Florida
Posted: 03-18-04 11:03am
I say if he makes you happy, go for it.
My parents don't support inter-racial
relationships either, which I guess is ok
because my b/f and my son are both 100%
white. Lol. But I have no problem with
it and don't see why society does. In a
world of free will and freedom to do as
you please, you are limited by the
invisible restraints of ethnic beliefs.
But I say go for it. Your family may
eventually accept it. Maybe not support
it or be happy with it, but accept it.
Hope everything goes well. And by the
way, I think bi-racial children can be so
pretty! Look at tyra banks! Gorgeous!
|
sammisa
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jan 2004 Posts: 250 Location: Washington, State
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 03-18-04 11:06am
Yeah, I know where you are coming from,
my parents told me they would dissown me
if I ever dated a person of another race.
Im sorry that you have to go through
that, but sometimes you gotta just go with
the flow, and eventually they will except
him.
|
Kails
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Apr 2004 Posts: 31
Do What You Want Posted: 04-22-04 15:45pm
Im white and dating a chinese person.
Who I love greatly and has enhanced my
life in so many ways. At first my parents
were very unsuportive with this, and kept
asking why I would want to date someone
who is a different race. I told them
that it would be the same type of choice
if I decided to date another girl...
Personal reason, and ccause I liked who he
is. Over the next few months I made sure
I brought him home a few times so my
parents could meet him. And eventually
they also began to see past his race.
Just show the people who disagree that he
is a wonderful person. Allow them to see
what u saw, then they might beable to
think the in same way. But most of all
dont think differently becuase of what
your parents think. If u let them change
ur mind, u will only regret it in the
future
|
nice2beeme
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Apr 2004 Posts: 7 Location: Maryland
Re: *interracial Dating* Posted: 04-25-04 17:40pm
rocketfire114
wrote:
i am currently in an
interracial relationship. I am white,
and my boyfriend is half white, half
samoan/black(although everything about him
besides his skin color is white). I love
him so much - he makes me happy, we have a
lot in common, he's supportive,
respectful, funny, caring, fun to be
around...Everything I could possibly ask
for in a boyfriend. Aside from our own
personal character flaws (which everyone
has), we have an almost perfect
relationship...Except for the fact that my
parents are very unsupportive of it. His
family is great, and all of our friends
think nothing of it. We do have a good
hours distance between us, and he is 4
years older (i'm 1, but neither of
those factors affect us (except that we
miss each other and and can't see each
other every day). I do not know how to
get through to my parents, and I am
feeling really betrayed by them. They
seem to care more about what other people
think than what makes me happy. We have
been dating for nearly 9 months now, and I
am only getting closer to him. It hurts
me that they won't open their minds a
little to give him a chance, and it hurts
him because they have no interest in
getting to know him. I'm at my wit's end
right now, because I feel like I have to
chose between my family and my boyfriend.
If anyone has any advice for me, it would
be greatly appreciated. I also want to
know what the forum members feel about
interracial relationships, and multiracial
children. Any input would be great,
thank you.
i think that as long as he respect you and
treat you like a lady should be treated
then to hell with what anyone say or
think. As long as you are happy that is
all that matters because life is to short
and you can not please everybody all the
time so please yourself now. Me
personally I do not have a problem with
interracial dating. Good luck and keep me
posted. :d
|
snowangel451
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Apr 2004 Posts: 16
Well Posted: 05-10-04 03:10am
Parents opinions arent always right, if
you guys are happy, who cares what anyone
else thinks? Adventually they will
hopefully come around, but if they don't,
dont' worry about it because you need to
concentrate on the relationship, not what
other people think about it
|
Riversmommy
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 May 2004 Posts: 711 Location: Springfield,Illinois
Posted: 06-10-04 17:14pm
Hey hun im white and my boyfriend is black
and our son is black and white.....Well my
parents have been against our relationship
from the very beginning and when I got
pregnant they tried to keep us from seeing
or talking to eachother......If u really
care for eachother u wont let ur parents
opinions stand in the way....I kno its
hard my parents dont even invite him to
dinner when they invite my other two
sisters b/fs to dinner tehy absolutely
hate him and im staying w/ them for right
now till we get our own place so he comes
over and visits..They just snub him off
they are the biggest health forum e s
towards him they never gave him a chance!!
They wont now even tho hes there
grandsons father.....But u kno wat we love
eachother and were not letting that stand
in the way of our relationship.
|
Jackpot777
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jul 2004 Posts: 11
Good ? Posted: 07-03-04 00:28am
Hey everyone, I just had a question that
came to mind..........How come that you
see soooo many more white girls w/ black
guys.......Than.........White guys w/
black girls. I personally dont have a
problem with whatever. Just thought I
could see what some of your thoughts
where on that. All welcome to respond.
Later, j
|
paulv
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jul 2004 Posts: 55 Location: Canada
Inter-racial Relationships Are Tough. Posted: 07-29-04 10:43am
It kind of depends where you live.
If mixed couples are respected then you do
get a more even mix.
Many black girls feel disrespected by the
white boys, and are unwilling to get into
an unequal relationship. Many white guys
don't want to deal with the anger of black
males who feel they are taking advantage
of the girl.
The power balance between a white girl and
a black guy is a little more easy for
everyone to accept, except for maybe the
parents. Parents always have difficulty
dealing with this situation.
|
Sweet_pea
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Dec 2004 Posts: 7 Location: Canada
Posted: 12-09-04 17:54pm
I remember having a(n italian) guy come up
into a club and we chatted about this,
that and the other thing. He mentioned
that white guys are sometimes afriad to
approach black girls cause they're scared
of the reaction (attitude?) they may get.
|
tamayoduck
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Jan 2005 Posts: 1
Re: *interracial Dating* Posted: 01-07-05 18:18pm
rocketfire114
wrote:
i am currently in an
interracial relationship. I am white,
and my boyfriend is half white, half
samoan/black(although everything about him
besides his skin color is white). I love
him so much - he makes me happy, we have a
lot in common, he's supportive,
respectful, funny, caring, fun to be
around...Everything I could possibly ask
for in a boyfriend. Aside from our own
personal character flaws (which everyone
has), we have an almost perfect
relationship...Except for the fact that my
parents are very unsupportive of it. His
family is great, and all of our friends
think nothing of it. We do have a good
hours distance between us, and he is 4
years older (i'm 18), but neither of those
factors affect us (except that we miss
each other and and can't see each other
every day). I do not know how to get
through to my parents, and I am feeling
really betrayed by them. They seem to
care more about what other people think
than what makes me happy. We have been
dating for nearly 9 months now, and I am
only getting closer to him. It hurts me
that they won't open their minds a little
to give him a chance, and it hurts him
because they have no interest in getting
to know him. I'm at my wit's end right
now, because I feel like I have to chose
between my family and my boyfriend. If
anyone has any advice for me, it would be
greatly appreciated. I also want to know
what the forum members feel about
interracial relationships, and multiracial
children. Any input would be great,
thank you.
i am in your exact same situation! X_x I
am 18, white, and my boyfriend is black
(although he comes from a good family with
money and education) and we also live
about 2 hours apart.
My parents don't agree with it, well,
mostly my mother, and I am extremely torn.
We have been dating for well over 2 years
now (started online, became offline about
5 months ago) and he is my best friend in
the world. I love him to pieces despite
knowing that I am young and unsure as to
exactly what I want in a lifelong mate.
I love how everyone says to "just forget
about what your parents say" and that "it
shouldn't matter what everyone else
thinks" because I know, it does matter a
great deal. There's nothing better than
being able to make decisions with your
parents supporting you. In our cases, our
parents don't support us and this is very
difficult and emotionally trying. There
are some things that our parents will
never be able to accept fully - they are a
different generation than us and of a
different time when interracial
relationships were very uncommon and
looked down upon.
I'm not sure what i'm going to do in this
situation either - my parents have yet to
meet my boyfriend. However from what it
sounds like they don't really care what
kind of person he is - they don't even
care to see all the great qualities that I
see. All they care about is the fact that
he is black and therefore life would be
too hard for me if we were to get married
and have kids. Which is probably true,
but what they don't realize is that we are
young and we want to explore our lives.
We're definitely not talking about
settling down anytime soon (and we
shouldn't, come on, we're still 18!) but
my parents don't see that.
All I can do to help you is to tell you to
hang in there. Please remember you're not
alone - I think if more people like us got
together and talked about our race-related
issues, it would make us feel better. But
until it happens, just know that you're
not totally alone. Others probably have
it worse than we do (like what if our
boyfriend's family didn't agree with it
either?! Wouldn't that be terrible?) so I
suppose we can just comfort ourselves in
that.
|
Justin_Toronto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jan 2005 Posts: 418 Location: Toronto, ON
Posted: 01-29-05 19:26pm
I believe I might be able to provide some
insight from a male's perspective here.
Although i'm born and raised canadian,
(heck i'm listening to aerosmith now), my
parents are caribbean giving me a tanned
complexion. By the time I was 21, I
already spent 9 years in long term
relationships with girls of another race
than my own. (either white or asian).
Since I was 21 i've dated (both casually
and seriously) a good 80-100 girls of
mixed races. (i.E. British, australian,
canadian, italian, portuguese, irish,
american, chinese, etc.) i've never dated
a girl my own race.. Ever. (go figure)
anyway, my parents are fine with me dating
girls of almost any race.. (save for
blacks). I've been in relationships
where the parents didn't agree with me for
one reason or another.
There are two things which need to be
understood here. Number one is, your
family is very important and their
opinions do matter. They are from
another time where this multicultural
society didn't exist... All this
multiculturalism is very very recent.
Their ideals and morals are different, and
there is nothing wrong with this. It's
not racism, it's preference based on their
own life experiences and upbringing. You
can't blame them for feeling this way.
It can even be threatening to them, or
shameful to extended family members
(aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.)
if your parents don't agree with it and
you know they never will... Then
honestly, you have a big decision to make.
The family stress will hinder your
relationship on various levels. It will
cause problems and bring you down from
what would normally be a healthy
relationship. This weight on your
shoulders will be with you all the time.
Imagine the tension if you two ever got
married. If you cry on your wedding, it
should be tears of joy.
However, it's possible for some parents to
come around. Eventually i've always been
accepted by parents. Typically because I
come from a decent family, very well
raised, I work hard, and do well in
school. All these influces usually rub
off on their daughter and sooner or later
I hear praises on how well she's doing in
school, how much she calmed down, how much
more polite she is, or how they've never
seen her reading a book for fun before.
Usually when they make this association of
the boyfriend being a positive influence
on their daughter, they seem to lighten
up. It also helps that I made an effort
to learn more about their culture, or to
be a positive part of their lives. In
the end, it always worked out for me...
So it is possible for parents to come
around. But as I said, some parents are
predisposed to other thoughts and changing
that can prove very difficult if not
impossible.
I think there is nothing wrong with
multicultural children, some are very
beautiful. And I like the idea of
children being raised without this bias
towards a single culture (their own) but
being more open to the world. On the
other hand, i'd like if some people also
retained some "purebred" children.
Cultures are important to keep too, they
are our roots.
|
Justin_Toronto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jan 2005 Posts: 418 Location: Toronto, ON
Posted: 01-29-05 19:26pm
I believe I might be able to provide some
insight from a male's perspective here.
Although i'm born and raised canadian,
(heck i'm listening to aerosmith now), my
parents are caribbean giving me a tanned
complexion. By the time I was 21, I
already spent 9 years in long term
relationships with girls of another race
than my own. (either white or asian).
Since I was 21 i've dated (both casually
and seriously) a good 80-100 girls of
mixed races. (i.E. British, australian,
canadian, italian, portuguese, irish,
american, chinese, etc.) i've never dated
a girl my own race.. Ever. (go figure)
anyway, my parents are fine with me dating
girls of almost any race.. (save for
blacks). I've been in relationships
where the parents didn't agree with me for
one reason or another.
There are two things which need to be
understood here. Number one is, your
family is very important and their
opinions do matter. They are from
another time where this multicultural
society didn't exist... All this
multiculturalism is very very recent.
Their ideals and morals are different, and
there is nothing wrong with this. It's
not racism, it's preference based on their
own life experiences and upbringing. You
can't blame them for feeling this way.
It can even be threatening to them, or
shameful to extended family members
(aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.)
if your parents don't agree with it and
you know they never will... Then
honestly, you have a big decision to make.
The family stress will hinder your
relationship on various levels. It will
cause problems and bring you down from
what would normally be a healthy
relationship. This weight on your
shoulders will be with you all the time.
Imagine the tension if you two ever got
married. If you cry on your wedding, it
should be tears of joy.
However, it's possible for some parents to
come around. Eventually i've always been
accepted by parents. Typically because I
come from a decent family, very well
raised, I work hard, and do well in
school. All these influces usually rub
off on their daughter and sooner or later
I hear praises on how well she's doing in
school, how much she calmed down, how much
more polite she is, or how they've never
seen her reading a book for fun before.
Usually when they make this association of
the boyfriend being a positive influence
on their daughter, they seem to lighten
up. It also helps that I made an effort
to learn more about their culture, or to
be a positive part of their lives. In
the end, it always worked out for me...
So it is possible for parents to come
around. But as I said, some parents are
predisposed to other thoughts and changing
that can prove very difficult if not
impossible.
I think there is nothing wrong with
multicultural children, some are very
beautiful. And I like the idea of
children being raised without this bias
towards a single culture (their own) but
being more open to the world. On the
other hand, i'd like if some people also
retained some "purebred" children.
Cultures are important to keep too, they
are our roots.
|
mountainskydancer
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jun 2005 Posts: 7 Location: Australia
Its So Wrong! Posted: 06-25-05 20:51pm
I met my fiancee online 4 years ago,i
dreamed of meeting him one night and I did
meet him.....With the owrds"who are you"
my reply?"who are you?"....He is north
american native,he a grass dancer and has
taken me to many powwows and ceremonys I
am australian and my mother is very
supportive and proud my grandfather I feel
is not sure and I myself have felt
discrimmination because im with a
different race and out children are
mixed....I feel that love has no colour
only the feeling has a colourand that
colour is joy....We all have the same
colour blood..We are one
|
smileyface
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Nov 2005 Posts: 15 Location: California
Posted: 11-06-05 03:38am
So that's why my white male friends are
afraid to approah me.I'm a black female.
|
missbon8
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Dec 2005 Posts: 2
Posted: 12-10-05 03:18am
Man, who cares what anyone thinks. That's
exactly how I felt when I got with my
boyfriend. I'm mexican and he is black
and we have 4 beautiful girls together.
My family didn't like it. But oh well.
That's why as soon as I turned 18 I got my
own place. It's just takes parent's a lot
of time. They still don't love him like I
wish they would, but they accept him and
treat him like guest. So don't even trip,
just follow your heart.
|
nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2461 Location: ,
Thanks: 14
Thanked:7
Posted: 12-17-05 00:43am
I would definetly continue with the guy if
he is good, doesn't matter what his
parents think. They will accept it
eventually.
|
JANI523
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jan 2006 Posts: 1
Posted: 01-14-06 00:35am
I am currently in this same exact
situation. I am colombian and my
boyfriend of 4 and 1/2 years is black. I
try to envision what my future will be
like, and it is a scary sight. I love my
boyfriend very much, but I also love my
parents. I think my parents would get so
embarrassed of me dating out of my race
that they would forget about what makes me
happy.
I honestly do not know where my life is
heading at this point because I am only
18, but I am making sure that before I
make any decision between my boyfriend and
my family that I have a solid foundation
financially so that I could become 100%
independent. It is very difficult to be
in an interracial relationship, but you
can't help you who fall in love with. I
say to make sure that you keep yourself
focused on your life to make sure that
when something happens, you can hold your
own. Keep me posted...
|
Tamadrummer
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Oct 2004 Posts: 710 Location: Zephyrhills,Fl
Posted: 01-14-06 09:55am
I am sorry, I did not read all of the
comments so I am sure this is already been
said but the color of anyones skin doesnt
make them less human.
If someone in your family feels that
because his skin doesnt look "right" he
isn't right. You should make them feel
like the animal that they have made you
significant other into. I despise the
fact that some think people should "stick
in their race" no one is pure anything, at
one point or another we were all in
cultures of nomads.
There were culturistic empires through the
ages and there has been lots and lots of
mixing, no one is 100% anything but human!
|
diamondsz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2005 Posts: 3173 Location: , Candyland-Canada
Thanks: 74
Thanked:104
Posted: 01-14-06 17:19pm
I agree but here is the difference
i am mixed french/italian and my husband
is filipino(asian) most cultures are very
closed in because of what the parents
teach their children and this makes a
mixed relationship almost impossible.
Italian, portuguese spanish etc usually
carry a tradition and the
parent/grandparents are willing to enforce
this sometimes at any cost. Now I know
this sounds bad but I had two choice one
day get kicked out and live with my bf or
breakup and stay with my nona(grandma)
anyways I left because I felt our
relationship had potential and he took me
in. Im 22 married and my grandma has
now forgiven my hubby although it took
time once I stood up to my family they
gave me the respect I deserved.
If you feel he is a good man then stand up
for him and leave your parents breathless
sometime old fashoined ppl need a wake up
call, they need to understand that
although were young were still able to
make decisions for ourselves..
Best of luck
dont ever be afraid to confront someone if
they judge you
jess
, but neither of
those factors affect us (except that we
miss each other and and can't see each
other every day). I do not know how to
get through to my parents, and I am
feeling really betrayed by them. They
seem to care more about what other people
think than what makes me happy. We have
been dating for nearly 9 months now, and I
am only getting closer to him. It hurts
me that they won't open their minds a
little to give him a chance, and it hurts
him because they have no interest in
getting to know him. I'm at my wit's end
right now, because I feel like I have to
chose between my family and my boyfriend.
If anyone has any advice for me, it would
be greatly appreciated. I also want to
know what the forum members feel about
interracial relationships, and multiracial
children. Any input would be great, thank
you.
