Ladies/guys : Need Your Advice Posted: 08-21-07 08:46am
I am 30 my bf is 36. We have been together
7 months and live together. Problem is
when it comes to sex or sexual
conversations..I clam up. I want to relax
with him-I can't. He asks me to tell him
what I like that he does... what turns me
on.. etc.. and I just say "everything". He
wants me to be specific and I can't.. I
clam up. My mind goes blank. He wants me
to "attack" him once in a while and I clam
up.. can't do it. This is driving me crazy
... Can anyone help me with this???
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Rosie H
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1083 Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Thanks: 13
Thanked:4
Posted: 08-21-07 10:00am
Well the best thing to do is ask yourself
why? Is there something that happened to
you in the past, was it your upbringing to
not talk about sex, or are you afraid of
something? Most of it sounds like
embarrassment and the only way to overcome
that is too either "do it" or talk about
it.
A lot of help I know. I went to therapy
to overcome my issues with sex and it was
the best thing I could have done. I love
my hubby but I was just to scared and it
felt dirty. But my therapist helped me
get to the bottom of it and well I feel
better. I am still shy when it comes to
saying things out loud.
One suggestion that has worked for me is
talking about sex when we arent having
sex. It takes the pressure of the
performance. We talk about sex at
different times like when we are laying
down or even over dinner. I also bought a
sex book and we both got to point out
different things we really liked and didnt
like, without saying a word.
Just explore different things, its very
hard at first but as you get going you
will become more confident and that I have
learned is a total turn on for a guy.
Good Luck
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meblonde01
Supporter
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 2113 Location: ,
Thanks: 6
Thanked:2
Posted: 08-21-07 10:20am
I think it is cool that he is asking you..
that's a good thing.. Try and relax and
enjoy the fact that he cares enough to
want to please you..
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Aryeani
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 128 Location: Edinburg, Texas, United States
Posted: 08-21-07 11:13am
Do you clam up at the thought or when
you're actually doing something? If it's
just at the thought or mentioning, you may
just be a shy person like me. I'm unable
to talk sexually unless I'm in the mood. I
get really nervous and I've always been a
shy person. If that's your problem, just
do what I do and go with it. When you're
in the mood its surprising how you can
change. Most guys like the two personality
thing. It turns them on.
If that's not your problem, maybe you can
try talking to him about what happens to
you and you can discuss how to get past it
or work with it. Good luck!
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5321 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 62
Thanked:28
Posted: 08-21-07 19:15pm
I'm very open and willing to try anything
during sex- but I can't really seem to get
myself to talk about it either. If you
need to communicate something, there are
other ways to do it..... if you are trying
to get him to do a certain thing, you can
use encouragement- "Yeah just like that "
therefore avoiding saying stupid sounding
things like "stroke my clit in a quick
circular motion" or whatever. Try just
using normal language and work yourself
into it.
Or if you need to tell him what turns you
on, say something like "I'll show you
tonight" so you can perform on him what
you would like performed on you, etc.
But it could be fun to surprise him and
attack him- when he's gone, prepare an
attack for him- etc., get naked, light
some candles, whatever helps you to be in
the mood and will excite him. You won't
have to say a word- he'll know what you
want and be turned on.
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