Abusive Relationship. Can Anyone Analyze Please?

i've been friends with this guy long before we even started having a relationship, he always had the tendeacy to go and come when ever he wanted so it was ok then bc we were not involved as a couple. So finally he came back and told me he was having trouble with the family business and our friendship picked up and i just had gotten out of a 2 year relationship. we started carrying a relationship around summer of 2000. i ended up telling him i had feelings for him and he did the same by the time i know it i'm in another relationship.

I'm usually a type of person when i get to know someone for quiet sometime that i fall so comfortable with the person that for me it would be a bit hard to actually let go of.

so we tell our parents my parents were not okay with it but i told them i was in love with him and thats all that it matters. he told his folks as well and his mom was never okay with out relationship in the beginning. so i get to know him more and more and after a year into our relationship i go and finally met this guy.

When i met him its like we clicked right away. To me i found the love of my life, i found my soulmate. I was at his country for 3 months we went out alot we talked about our future, kids, life, we actually went to go look for engagment rings it was that serious between us. But never proposed. and thats one reason that left me devestated that you know i'm here carrying a long distance relationship for about a year everything going so well i would had like some sort of indication that where the relationship was going or if there would had been a future for us and if there was then the least he could had done was to make me his fiance. To me what everyone would say it wouldn't matter to me because i was in love with him and i knew this is the guy i wanted.

So i go back and finish college. After i came back things had started to fall apart between us what happened to him i dont know. We would get into little arguments but not to big. Something i would had let it slide. After months passed by things had started to become irriating. He would leave for about 2 to 3 weeks not telling me where he would be going or about a month the max. and when he came back he said i was busy with work. we had an huge argument of having do this because i was sick of him actually doing this. you know going back and comming back.

i know it was long distance and sometimes long distance does put its strain on it as well, and i didnt blame him on that part because i knew it was difficult for him as well. Being away from each other.
things go back to normal but a month later things start to pick up again but this time it was bad mouthing either he started it and i would yell at him. he would call me disgusting names and i would tell to leave i never wanted to hear from him he would go off on me again and not hearing from him. did the same exact things but come back as if nothing ever happened. This went of for 3 years. And would had gotten to a point where we would have big fights which led us to not talking to each other for a month or 2. basially with him when the names callings start well like that i had lost myself esteem, felt like i was worth nothing. I isolated myself from my family, never went into family gatherings, and when i come home i would end up crying and my mom knew something was wrong but tried to hide it somehow, i would basically cry myself to sleep, i would wait up till 2 to 3 am in the morning trying to hear from him and basically take more of his abuse. (he is a drinker but how heavy i dont know)

My depression actually started in 2001 up until now.
I was working at foley's at that time and my job was the one helping me stand on my feet and not thinking about stuff and would go to the gym everyday. So i was in good shape. I know for a fact that his mom had a big influence on him. I never got along with her but with the rest of the family were very supportive of us.


in 2004 i broke up with him bc i could had no longer take this. his form of abusinvess towards me. i took it the hardest bc i really didnt want to do it he too was devestated and told me so many times that he try to fix the relationship and when he did it would fall apart again i just couldn't go through that anymore. his sister and i were very close she had practially begged up to get back together and try to make things work but i never gave in and tried explaning things to her nicely but she took it hard as well. a week after the relationship i met someone else. i know i shouldnt had but i didnt want to be alone anymore. And also never had recovered from my relationship with my ex. I met my boyfriend which is now my husband. my bf took me out and told me if i was sure i wanted to take the relationship further with him and see where the relationship was headed and had asked me if i wanted to go back to my ex. i told him lets take the relationship futher but never mentioned anything about the ex.

i also didnt want to let go of the relationship with my ex because he was a big part of my life and just didnt want things to end. I had a hard time accepting the fact that he's no longer going to be a part of my life anymore but gradually our contact started to drop but always get picked back up.

i found myself engaged to my bf couple of months later and in 2005 got married. I told my ex bf he took the news very hard. And just congrgulated me in my wedding website. And i emailed him back and said thank you and our conversations started. My husband know about the sitution because i'm really upfront with him.

So about a month or 2 pass by with no interputions in my life i was in my honeymoon phase. But after that, thats when everything starts to get worser.
Till that day i didnt want to let go of the ex bc still i had a hard time letting him go. My ex had started to become more aggressive with me and basically threw most of his anger on me. He too got engaged my ex and kept talking about how happy he is in his life and how he found the love of his life, and that his love for his fiance is so real, and how he found his soulmate i could had cared less so i just congragulated him. It was like he was throwing her in my face.

When he basically threw his anger and aggressivness towards me i would be the one going crazy. Because everytime everyday would be back to back. cussing me out, calling me names, everything you could name he called me. I wouldn't sleep i was up till 3 to 4 or 5 in the morning. i had lost weight, sometimes i would walk out of the apartment walking towards the hotel and husband everytime kept picking me up. I wouldn't had showed up for work. I told my ex if he wouldn't cut it out for what he was doing then i would call and have a big talk with his father. My panic attacks would start to having anxity attacks, most nights i couldn't breath. this went of for about basically for about a year. While he was married at the same time he had asked me if possible we could stay friends i said no because i had basically had it with his attitude so he goes off on me again saying that

"okay if u really want this thats ok with me im leaving for good and u better get lost too since i dont wanna c ur name in my mailbox anymore and dont wanna hear from u at all and this is the last thing i wanna do but if i hear one word only one word from u i fu... ur a... up im dead serious now u can f... off "

now, this is while he is married. i had left a message to him warning him that if he didnt cut out this crap then i would make that phone call to his father. I left him alone for about 5 months never heard from him again. Until he messaged me again. I asked why he's back and he said i'm just answering your lovely messages. i told him that he was an fool for even responding and that message was 5 months old. i told him to go and look at the dates of those message and have him tell me how old that is and why he'd respond.

This is what he said again

"" hey listen bi...,i dont have time to dig in my inbox and search for your sh...,ok? and on the other hand u cant talk to me like that,underestood? who the fu... u think u are? by the way lets pretend that all u said was fu... right,then what? what a f... difference does it make ? to me nothing, i dont give a sh...,ok? i dont give a sh..


I was really at the end of my wits with him. really was. i came from my real estate class. I called his sister tried to act like nothing was going on. And had asked nicely to put her father on the phone so i could have a big talk with him. My ex soon found out it was me he grabbed the phone and told me to f..... of and never wanted to hear from and said if i hear from you again i make sure i f.... u up. why, i tried calling his father was because i wanted to tell him the situation thats been going on and he needed to get some sort of help. At least trying to get some sort of sense to him.

my situation had become much worser at home i would take out my anger on my husband. we would seperate and get back together. at one point i tried opeining up to my parents they too thought i was crazy so basically i had no help and at the same till i was still fighting with the ex. My husband sent me home to my parents but i would end up going back home. i called my husband and told him i promise to get my act back together. My husband too was disturbed during this situation.

my panic attacks and anixty would had become much worser but i never got any treatments for them. i would stay up till 5 to 6 in the morning everynight. i couldn't eat, sleep. i had lost weight the stress was getting to me, my husband nagging, my parents on the other side as well as my ex. i still didnt want to let my ex go after all this. i would get up in the middle of the night and walked away from the apartment and would walk towards a hotel. my husband picks me up. my husband was going crazy through this situation too as well. he too had no support system my husband he wanted to so many time mention the troubels between us to his parents i didnt let him. i didnt want him to make me look like a fool. so i was basically in a tough situation and husband was too. basically my husband was crying mostly everyday. and i was the one hurt the most during all this.

a month passed by. it started again with the ex. i just messaged him in yahoo just to say hi how are you like that kind of message. and asked how his sister was doing. he slams me again saying that why are you trying to get into my emails. he says why are you reading into my emails. i said what he was talking about and i had no acess to his personal stuff. it came to a point where i was at the end of my wits with him really was. and here he is accusing me. i logged off the computer and was up all night and figured out what was going on. I knew at the beginning that he was having troubles in his marriage as well. So i called him up the next day. his wife picked up the phone hung up but called back again. and he picked up. i started yelling at him telling him that his wife has nothing better to but to sit down and read every conversation that you and I had together from the first momment that you and I carried a conversation and told him how he could do something like that. and hung up the phone. i went upset. basiaclly crazy. my husband tried to calm me down. and tried to fall asleep that night. with all the nagging going on. i was at the end of my wits really was. i started tearing up the house apart the next day. i tried committing sucide. but the people from the apartment complex came in the apartment before i wanted to go through with killing myself they found me in the tub with my face turning purple. my husband had called tha apartment complex. and they had called the ambulance and wheeled me off to ER and they had thought that i was over dosing with medication.

So the hospital didnt realese me that night so they transfered me to an psycatric hospital for 2 days. and kept calling my husband if he dont get me out of here that i try killing myself again. cuz i was going crazy in there too. so he took me out the 2nd day.

i stoped the contact with the ex. in January of 07 i told my husband i needed to get away and just leave the country and i booked a flight to middle east to go visit my family. i could had cared less about the family because i was trying to recover with my problems. I just needed some place to get my thoughts together and wanted to see if i wanted to stay in my marriage.

i was suppose to stay for 3 weeks but stayed for 2 because just being there in the same country as where the ex was just brought back alot of memories
i did however inatiate contact with the ex. Trying to get some sort of clousre if possible. Before we met face to face we had a talk over the phone i told him i made a mistake in the relationship and i wanted him back. he told me if there is anything he can do to try to help me that he be there for me. he even mentioned if he wanted to talk to my parents for getting help i said no. i ended up crying and i broke down. so we met up that day he picked me up. went out but as usual never got any talking down as far as closure he basically wanted to know what was going on with me and my marriage. i told him it was none of his business to know. so after a couple of minutes with him in the car he turned around and told me he wanted to have sex with me. That hit me again and i got mad at him big time. while he was talking in the car i got out slammed the door never said goodbye and left. And left things like that again. but later i called and apologized for my behavior. that day i met with him the next day i returned back to where i belong. he told me that if he ever hear from me that he would call my folks and nag about me. then at the end of the conversation he ends up telling me that he still love me. i hung up the phone and its been nearly 6 months never heard from him. And an update that a couple of months later i find out he's in california. he mentioned having family in california but what his other plans are i dont know. i'm always thinking if he comes here to where i am do i file a restraing order on him do i deport him back to where he belongs. i dont think i'd ever have the guts for doing the restraning order on one person i use to love so much. I dont want things ending up tragic for me again. i dont want to be the one that having to take him to court for harrssment towards me and my family. alot of things run in my mind. i know he's back for more.