My Kids Step Mom Has Ms - She's Nasty. Is It the Ms? Posted: 08-23-07 22:24pm
My kids step mom has MS and she doesn't
show any symptoms of the disease
physically. She's 40. I NEED HELP. This
woman is very difficult to deal with. Can
anyone tell me if this is becasue of the
disease or possibly medication side
effects? She HAS EVERYONE AT WAR.
She's very petty and nit picky. Very
controlling over every little thing. Her
husband has basically given up his own
identity to try to keep her calm. If she
doesnt get her way she FREAKS out.
She never eats dinner with the family.
She just grabs a piece of bread or donut
and walks off. My kids miss having dinner
as a family there.
She looks like an average person, is good
looking, dresses nice, and is very
conservative and strict. She takes alot
of diff. meds.
She is a huge trouble maker. She has
everybody fighting, in court, dividing the
kids from the father and me from her
husband, and her husband from his mother,
creating problems at my kids school and
with theit friends, leading multiple
crusades against my ex husband closest
people...She has no right having her nose
in any of this.
She's ruining so much that existed before
she came into the picture 3 years ago.
He allows it. That's the type of guy he
is. This was the wrong person for a guy
like him.
Every little thing is an excuse to fight
or get lawyers. She plots 24/7, as she
has no job as is running her husband into
the ground financially. He's lost all the
money he had.
Shes very quick to temper and very
critical. One time she was coming over my
house to hurt me for my disagreeing with
her. She leaves her husband when he
disagrees.
Is this part of the disease? He married
her 3 years ago and she has hated me from
day 1 and treats my kids like dirt. I am
so tired of it.
I used to give her leadway for being sick,
turned the other cheek, and hoped one day
to be there for her if she ever needed
care but that has run out.
She blames me and my daughter for every
little thing she imagines is wrong. It
gets all blown up. SINCE HER ITS BEEN
NOTHING BUT PROBLEMS.
Any light you can shed I appreciate. I
know I probably sound insensitve but I
started out with very open arms and my ex
and I were great friends. I envisioned so
much better than this and my kids do not
understand why she acts like this.
Should I tell my kids its part of her
disease? It's plain AGRESSION and
IMPULSIVITY and it's hurting my kids
emotional well being.
|
Quincybug09
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Aug 2007 Posts: 41 Location: Birmingham, AL United States
Re: My Kids Step Mom Has Ms - She's Nasty. Is It the Ms? Posted: 08-25-07 01:09am
Wow! It sounds like that might just be
the kind of person she is. I have MS and
step-children and we have no problems like
that. If she is newly diagnosed with MS
she may be going through some emotional
adjustments and the anger may be part of
the grieving process. If that is the case
it may get better after she adjusts. But
it doesn't sound like that is the case.
Have you tried to talk to her or your ex-
and find out what all of the hostility is
about? Maybe there are some issues that
can be worked out over a cup of coffee.
I hope you get some relief from it soon.
|
mom07
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Aug 2007 Posts: 4
Posted: 08-29-07 21:43pm
She is not newly diagnosed. She is
hostile because she evesdrops on my phone
calls to my ex, or makes him put me on
speakerphone without telling me, and
evesdrops on calls with my kids and has
heard some things she shouldnt have, like
concerns with her son in relation to my
girls and concerns over my kids not liking
the way she treats them (she cant even be
quiet when evesdropping, she busts in).
I can see how steriods would make someone
so moody and nasty but I guess they do not
use them anymore from what I read.
She has refused to have a 4 way family
therapy session. Holds too many grudges
the therapist said to be in a room with
me.
My poor kids....Looks like theres no
solution in sight to her personality
|
Quincybug09
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Aug 2007 Posts: 41 Location: Birmingham, AL United States
Posted: 08-29-07 22:47pm
mom07
wrote:
She is not newly diagnosed.
She is hostile because she evesdrops on my
phone calls to my ex, or makes him put me
on speakerphone without telling me, and
evesdrops on calls with my kids and has
heard some things she shouldnt have, like
concerns with her son in relation to my
girls and concerns over my kids not liking
the way she treats them (she cant even be
quiet when evesdropping, she busts in). My
poor kids....Looks like theres no solution
in sight to her personality
I can see how steriods would make someone
so moody and nasty but I guess they do not
use them anymore from what I read.
She has refused to have a 4 way family
therapy session. Holds too many grudges
the therapist said to be in a room with
me.
I am really sorry to hear that you are
having so much trouble with her. It
sounds like she may just have personal
issues. Steroids are still used
frequently in the treatment of MS relapses
and also MS medications do have the
side-effect of causing depression. But it
really sounds like it is much more than
her MS that is causing the problems.
We have eHealth forums on marriage and
family relationships. Maybe you can find
some answers and ask some questions there.
The first is - http://ehealthforum
.com/health/forum187.html - This
should take you to the forum on family
relationships. And also: http://ehealth
forum.com/health/marriage_vows.html -
this should take you to marriage and
relationships (not sure if this will have
info you need, but might be worth checking
out).
I sincerely hope you can find some peace
in your family life, for everyone's sake.
Especially the kids. Sometime they tend
to suffer the most. Take care. - T
|
young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 08-29-07 22:58pm
do i smell jelousey brewin?
|
Quincybug09
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Aug 2007 Posts: 41 Location: Birmingham, AL United States
Posted: 08-30-07 01:32am
the_girlfreind
wrote:
do i smell jelousey
brewin?
Sounds like it is not just brewing, but
boiling. Right mom07?
|
mom07
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Aug 2007 Posts: 4
Posted: 08-31-07 14:33pm
Jealousy gone wild... Part of me feels
bad because she is sick and part feels
guilty because I really dont care anymore
if she's sick or runs herself into the
grave from stress. It doesnt seem like
she's caring for herself to create all
this unnecessary stress-- whatever happens
is her own fault.
My kids had it all...Everyone was happy,
well off, thriving. Now they are pawns in
her game.
Now he's broke due to her making him by a
McMansion and legal fees with me and wants
to cut out spending on his support. He
wont win but its something to aggravate
everyone. My kids get it from every
which way. And they fought and lost
(after $$$) to take the kids away from me
right after their marriage (because of
delusions they are a better family).
Why can't she get a job and help out? She
has plenty of energy, albeit negative.
Is she getting $$$ from the gov I wonder.
|
young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Posted: 08-31-07 14:34pm
mom07
wrote:
Jealousy gone wild... Part
of me feels bad because she is sick and
part feels guilty because I really dont
care anymore if she's sick or runs herself
into the grave from stress. It doesnt
seem like she's caring for herself to
create all this unnecessary stress--
whatever happens is her own fault.
My kids had it all...Everyone was happy,
well off, thriving. Now they are pawns in
her game.
Now he's broke due to her making him by a
McMansion and legal fees with me and wants
to cut out spending on his support. He
wont win but its something to aggravate
everyone. My kids get it from every
which way. And they fought and lost
(after $$$) to take the kids away from me
right after their marriage (because of
delusions they are a better family).
Why can't she get a job and help out? She
has plenty of energy, albeit negative.
Is she getting $$$ from the gov I
wonder.
sounds like shes a gold digger maybe? poor
kids
|
Fairy*Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1422 Location: , Georgia USA
Thanks: 61
Thanked:76
Oh Yeah! Posted: 08-31-07 14:40pm
My father remarried this physcho from hell
4 years ago, he passed away last
year...she ran everyone in the family off
even his friends........his own children
me and my brothers had to sit in the last
row visitors section of his funeral. We
were never allowed to view his body. This
woman needs to be put in her place but as
long as this man allows it, it will only
get worse. My father was put into the
position to choose her crazy ass or us. He
was on chemo for over a year and the meds
really messed with his way of thinking. I
feel sorry for your children because I am
a child o divorce.....I had a wonderful
stepmother (God rest her soul) and have a
great stepfather.......but I know too many
situations where the stepmother gives the
family hell. Please keep trying to talk
some sense in to your ex and have the kids
talk too. Maybe he will wake up and see
the light before its too late like it was
for us!
|
Quincybug09
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Aug 2007 Posts: 41 Location: Birmingham, AL United States
Posted: 08-31-07 15:20pm
mom07
wrote:
Jealousy gone wild... Part
of me feels bad because she is sick and
part feels guilty because I really dont
care anymore if she's sick or runs herself
into the grave from stress. It doesnt
seem like she's caring for herself to
create all this unnecessary stress--
whatever happens is her own fault.
My kids had it all...Everyone was happy,
well off, thriving. Now they are pawns in
her game.
Now he's broke due to her making him by a
McMansion and legal fees with me and wants
to cut out spending on his support. He
wont win but its something to aggravate
everyone. My kids get it from every
which way. And they fought and lost
(after $$$) to take the kids away from me
right after their marriage (because of
delusions they are a better family).
Why can't she get a job and help out? She
has plenty of energy, albeit negative.
Is she getting $$$ from the gov I
wonder.
Yes mom07, you are right for not having
pity on her because of her MS. I think it
is all just a personality disorder/issue
that has nothing to do with her MS. She
has control issues. And that is never a
good thing. I think it might be safe to
assume that she has always been this way.
That is probably how she sucked your ex
into marrying her.
Did you check out the other forums on
family relationships? I bet there is
gonna be someone out there who has had the
same experiences with their kid's
step-mom. I kinda understand some of the
stuff you are going through. I had a
problem with my stepson's mother. But now
he is my ex-stepson. I feel so sorry for
him and wonder about him all of the time.
He was a good kid. But between his mom
and his father (who I don't wonder about)
he is going to have a screwed up life.
I hope you can find some
answers/suggestions and maybe some comfort
from someone who has the same experiences.
Try those family relationship forums on
eHealth. They are linked in my previous
message.
Take care of yourself, and don't make
yourself sick over this! - T
|
mom07
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Aug 2007 Posts: 4
Posted: 09-05-07 19:11pm
Can otherwise healthy women who have MS
get a job outside the home? Do they
receive government assistance they would
lose if they worked?
|
Quincybug09
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Aug 2007 Posts: 41 Location: Birmingham, AL United States
Posted: 09-05-07 19:43pm
mom07
wrote:
Can otherwise healthy women
who have MS get a job outside the home?
Do they receive government assistance they
would lose if they
worked?
That is a very hard question to answer.
Every person experiences MS differently.
I'm sure that anyone could look at me and
say that I look healthy. A lot of MS is
what people call an "invisible disease".
We get comments all of the time that we
don't look sick. I'm not sure how much
you know about MS, but if effects your
brain and spinal cord. There can be
extreme fatigue involved. That is one of
the most common MS symptoms. People like
me, with Relapsing Remitting MS usually
"look healthy" on the outside. My
diagnosis began with a loss of vision in
my right eye, but no one could see that,
so they assumed that nothing was wrong.
Before that, I had multiple problems that
none of the doctors could pin down. They
just weren't doing the right tests. Now I
continue to have extreme fatigue that
keeps me from working as a nurse.
Sometime people get cognitive fatigue.
Basically, you just feel so exhausted that
you can't think straight. One can have
trouble with problem-solving. I know that
I sometimes have trouble finding the words
to say what I am thinking. I guess my
point is, you don't get MS until you get
MS. Meaning that you can't understand it
if you don't experience it. My husband
even agrees with that, and he knows all of
the problems that I experience.
According to the government, as long as
someone can at least do a job like being a
greeter at WalMart, they don't get any
money from them. I don't get disability
income, but I can't work at what I am
trained to do, nursing. That is why I am
here trying to help others. That is what
I do.
I hope this gives you a little better
understanding of the invisible illness
that we call MS. I know it is hard to
believe and that makes it even harder on
those of us who suffer from it.
Take care and good luck dealing with your
kid's Step-mom. I wish so much that I
could tell you something that would make
it all better, because I have been there
too.
- T
|
QuantumGravity
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jul 2007 Posts: 9 Location: Chicago
Posted: 09-10-07 12:40pm
I'm in the process of divorcing my wife
who has M.S. for quite some time... but it
lay dormant until about 7 years ago. Now
she's gotten pretty bad... losing a lot of
her strength... slowing her down a lot...
and she's lost her "common sense" and much
of her memory and reasoning ability. (she
also wrecked two cars...) She also
suffers from "social disinhibition
disorder" and has pretty severe brain
atrophy... so at 44 she has the brain of a
90 year old.
It has affected her personality
irrevocably. As her husband and
caretaker... I find it overwhelming,
particularly since we also have a severely
autistic 8 year old daughter. She is very
petty and abusive... and sarcasm to her is
a mainstay of her social skills... it's
very sad.
M.S. doesn't just attack motor function.
It can take away what made a person who
they were once... the sweet lady I married
is gone. Getting out of the marriage is
how I am coping to survive for me and my
daughter.
|
Quincybug09
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Aug 2007 Posts: 41 Location: Birmingham, AL United States
Posted: 09-10-07 17:42pm
QuantumGravity
wrote:
I'm in the process of
divorcing my wife who has M.S. for quite
some time... but it lay dormant until
about 7 years ago. Now she's gotten pretty
bad... losing a lot of her strength...
slowing her down a lot... and she's lost
her "common sense" and much of her memory
and reasoning ability. (she also wrecked
two cars...) She also suffers from
"social disinhibition disorder" and has
pretty severe brain atrophy... so at 44
she has the brain of a 90 year old.
It has affected her personality
irrevocably. As her husband and
caretaker... I find it overwhelming,
particularly since we also have a severely
autistic 8 year old daughter. She is very
petty and abusive... and sarcasm to her is
a mainstay of her social skills... it's
very sad.
M.S. doesn't just attack motor function.
It can take away what made a person who
they were once... the sweet lady I married
is gone. Getting out of the marriage is
how I am coping to survive for me and my
daughter.
If that is how you are coping with her
disease and disabilities then you should
rethink your description of yourself as
her "caregiver". By you "getting out" I
am sure you will both be better off. I'm
sure your daughter will have a good life
no matter who she ends up living with
|
QuantumGravity
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jul 2007 Posts: 9 Location: Chicago
Posted: 09-12-07 08:41am
Quincybug09
wrote:
If that is how you are
coping with her disease and disabilities
then you should rethink your description
of yourself as her "caregiver". By you
"getting out" I am sure you will both be
better off. I'm sure your daughter will
have a good life no matter who she ends up
living with
I am NOT sure that's the case. My wife is
becoming increasingly incompetant in many
ways. I see it in the ways she makes
mistakes with paying bills (which I
recently had to assume responsibility
for)... and in the way she tries to
recount previous conversations... and the
very fact that she's physically too frail
to wrangle our daughter during one of her
meltdowns. And perhaps because of her
physical frailty, she's easily rattled and
becomes impatient and upset. In many ways,
I'm already living with an old woman,
because that's what it's like. I literally
feel like I'm living with an old woman in
a nursing home. She cannot have custody.
Her own siblings see that.... I wish her
mother did.
As far as being a caregiver... I really
have been for the last seven years. But
I'm mentally and emotionally and
physically exhausted by it. The things
I've been doing for her are less the job
of a husband and more the job of
therapists and housekeepers. Whatever it
was that made me a husband hasn't been
there for years. I can't be this or do
this anymore. It's too much.
|
Quincybug09
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Aug 2007 Posts: 41 Location: Birmingham, AL United States
Posted: 09-12-07 17:19pm
QuantumGravity
wrote:
Quincybug09
wrote:
If that is how you are
coping with her disease and disabilities
then you should rethink your description
of yourself as her "caregiver". By you
"getting out" I am sure you will both be
better off. I'm sure your daughter will
have a good life no matter who she ends up
living with
I am NOT sure that's the case. My wife is
becoming increasingly incompetant in many
ways. I see it in the ways she makes
mistakes with paying bills (which I
recently had to assume responsibility
for)... and in the way she tries to
recount previous conversations... and the
very fact that she's physically too frail
to wrangle our daughter during one of her
meltdowns. And perhaps because of her
physical frailty, she's easily rattled and
becomes impatient and upset. In many ways,
I'm already living with an old woman,
because that's what it's like. I literally
feel like I'm living with an old woman in
a nursing home. She cannot have custody.
Her own siblings see that.... I wish her
mother did.
As far as being a caregiver... I really
have been for the last seven years. But
I'm mentally and emotionally and
physically exhausted by it. The things
I've been doing for her are less the job
of a husband and more the job of
therapists and housekeepers. Whatever it
was that made me a husband hasn't been
there for years. I can't be this or do
this anymore. It's too
much.
I'm really sorry that you feel that way.
I am sure it is a very difficult
situation. But even though she is
difficult to deal with, she still needs
someone to care for her. Just like your
daughter does. Is there someone else in
your extended family that can offer some
assistance so that you don't have to
resort to breaking apart your family? You
had mentioned her mother. Were you
talking about your wife's mother? Can she
help out? Will she help out? I always
say that even if you have nothing else,
you always have your family. They are the
most important thing. At least, to me.
