I am plagued by voices, hallucinations,
delusions, paranoid-scattered-disorganized
thoughts, drastic changes in mood,
confusion, and lose of time.
All these increase><decrease
depending on...whatever, who knows. I
used to have a great life...Had everything
going for me, friends, love and so
on...Everything was just Great.
BAM!!
What happened?
There's no help. It's been 3yrs...Things
will never come close to what they used to
be. No way in HELL!
So, why I on here. I really don't
know...
I'd elaborate, but I just can't right
now...it's just too intense. I'll come on
later, preferably after I get a few
responses, people who understand ...Not
much point otherwise.
Anyways, does anyone know what I'm talking
about? How'd you get by? (I can't
imagine living in this state for much
longer. Things have got to
change...Soon!) Is it at all what it was
once like? (Once upon a time, it was like
riding the waves, instead of sinking ...
dammit, how do I find my board.)
Oh and I've been to a few psychiatrists,
psychologists, clinician whatevers. I've
been locked up for two weeks after an
over-dose. Recently, after getting drunk
I took a steak knife and started slicing
my arm...Road to recovery! I've been
prescribed anti-psychotics. I threw those
into a nearby river.
There's much more...Obviously.
I'm 21yrs old. I still have a chance, to
get out. There are days, even weeks,
where my symptoms seem to vanish...I have
my reasons for why that is...But hopefully
the world isn't that messed up
If you read this. Sorry.
Thanks. I'll be sure to keep posting, and
I hope you may do the same.
The "filter" in our brains, filter out the
unimportant information. How does it know
this. Do we control our filters, can we
tweak it?...If so, I need a full
re-install. I cannot go out in public,
because of the large amout of stimuli
assaulting my senses, leaving me mentally
handicapped and unable to focus on the
task at hand. For instance, reading a
newspaper on the subway was once a
pleasurable activity and I was able to
concentrate, without being forced to pay
attention to the "outside". That's all
changed now! I feel watched, hear people
talking about me, notice other peoples
awareness of me, noises are louder,
thoughts pop into my head...usually of a
paranoid nature, I start to feel
"different" like I don't know what's going
on, like I shouldn't be here...It just
doesn't make sense! There are reasons for
all this and it doesn't necessarily mean
something is chemically wrong with me.
I've noticed "things" that are real.
There's just too much consistency and
coincidence. It cannot just be delusion,
those are uncovered and hallucinations are
realized, voices go away. I start to
become me again....until...BAM! medical
question YOU problem!! It's another trap
and you've been tricked again! Damn.
I'm not sure if the above makes sense, but
that's just a really vague describtion of
my daily experiences ... Can anyone
relate?
It would help a lot, if I got a few PMs,
maybe chat with someone who's been through
something similar...
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1nsomni4
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Mar 2007 Posts: 27 Location: ontario, canada
Posted: 09-01-07 18:09pm
You said you it wasn't always like this.
Tell me something, when did it all start?
What do you think the cause to all this
is?
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victoria16
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jul 2007 Posts: 451 Location: ,
Posted: 09-01-07 21:51pm
Did something intense or life altering
happen around the time this started?
Is thier a history of paranoia or
dellusions in you family?
...You really should take your med though,
it could make you alot better.
N dont stop taking them even if yu feel
better, yu know? I cant imagine how
difficult this is for you...hope you find
an answer.
Thanks For Responding. It Makes Me Feel Less Lonely... Posted: 09-02-07 01:43am
I think this all started when I was 17yrs
old, althought, the first symptoms may
have started much earlier then this...For
all I know I may have been born like
this--this is what the scientific
community thinks (obviously). They have a
good point and it makes sense, which is
why I refuse to believe it. A
predisposition to mental illness. Nature
vs. nurture. Mental illness can and is
created, in that I mean a normal,
perfectly healthy person can develop a
mental disorder under the right
conditions...Experiments are done all the
time and tell me, what's more useful then
an unsuspecting subject? Why do you think
zoologists (or whatever they're called) go
out into nature, instead of studying
animals within a zoo. Simple. We act and
behave (think) differently, when under
observation, in public, and so
on...Whatever, I don't want to get it all
this. So, yeah...the "noticeable"
symptoms started when I was 17. I started
to smoke weed and cigarettes, drink
alchohol and coffee...All this during
school. I had a hard time being myself
infront of others. I started changing,
thinking in odd thought patterns, noticing
weird things about myself, which I never
noticed, nor would I care in the past.
The alcohol and all that, made it much
easier, but only for a short period of
time. There's MUCH more...Obviously.
I'll write about my father and my quest to
guide him out of his own delusions...
...That is why I wanted to help him out.
I began to think... if I help him realize
his faulty reasoning and thinking habits,
he'll ultimately get better and stop
believing in his delusions. So, the first
step was to delve deep into his reasons
"why", he believes in whatever he believes
in (most of it had to do with the usual
issues, such as: religion, politics, mind
control etc). We'd take walks in the park
and debate back and forth. It got really
messy and complicated, resulting in our
coming home angry. The problem was that
while I was trying to teach him, he in
turn, was trying to teach me, so none of
us really considered the other persons
point. Basically, we were just arguing.
So, that didn't work. I still think I
learned a few inportant things such as,
it's a complete waste of time in trying to
change someones mind (especially when
someones that stuborn and completely
convinced he's right). Another thing is,
people learn from their experiences, while
using logic to connect facts (or whatever,
you know what I mean). Well in mentally
ill people, that doesn't mean there's
something wrong with their reasoning
skills. There may be, but not always.
Their experiences are the problem. For
example, you find a five dollar bill, go
to a store, attempt to purchase something,
when low and behold you realize it's a
leaf. How could that be. You clearly
"saw" a five dollar bill. So, the problem
is you start jumping to conclusions and
gathering supporting evidence. THIS is
mental illness and It's fk-ing scary.
We see the effect, not the cause (keep in
mind, no on really knows what that cause
is)...
A year or so ago, I walked into my fathers
office (he owns a respectable business)
and I found him working in front of his
computer...With a large jar filled with
urine between the computer and himself.
When asked what the hell he was doing.
His response was something along the lines
of: "It's O.K., this way I'm protected
from the probing minds of others". I
think he was talking about the "third
eye", or some sort of organization that's
after his business, or whatever...I'll
leave it at this. I know how weird this
must sound, though, like with everything
one gets used to it.
...I feel very sad sometimes, but life
goes on. I'll be going back to school in
2wks or so, that should be refreshing.
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victoria16
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jul 2007 Posts: 451 Location: ,
Posted: 09-02-07 11:02am
So your father has been haveing issues
also??? Then it does run in your family.
Its very inpotant for you to take the
medicine perscribed. People with paranoid
skitzafrenia ( <--- spelling?) dont
usually take thier meds but they need 2...
It's Worthless to Me, to Continuously Post Like This... Posted: 09-02-07 11:38am
...Without getting much feedback. The
reason why I posted in the first place, is
to get other people's opinion (what they
think is going on and what they think
about mental illness and so on) and/or
experiences. I want to fix this and I
want to get my life back! There's no way
I'm going to live like this. No way!
What I don't need is sympathy, nor do I
need someone giving me advice like: Go
see a doctor. This doesn't do anything
for me and it doesn't help me in any way.
I've been there, done that...No thank
you..
I'm sorry if I sound like an a-hle...I'm
just very tired of this.
I wish I could help you more, honestly.
Good luck. Private message me if you find
any help I would like to know how you are
doing.
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naomi48
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Feb 2007 Posts: 21 Location: europe
Posted: 09-03-07 14:20pm
Hey Trace, although you don't want it -
you *have* my sympathy, lol...
My best friend has to go through something
similar to this, started happening to him
also during highschool) so I understand
where you come from...
I'd like to know do you have any visual
hallucinations and do the thoughts you get
popping inside of your mind sound like
they're your own, or are they made by
voices that aren't your own (either male
or female)...
When did your father's breakdown start
happening and how is your mother coping
with all of this (please forgive if your
mother has passed away or something
similar, I know it's a touchy subject)?
Trust me, you do not. Back when I was
"healthy" I was conviced the mentally ill
were weak. I felt they didn't understand
reality for what it is (lol whatever that
is), because they were less intelligent
and couldn't deal with all the krap in
life. IMO, they weren't much better then
the Mentally retarded. Sadly that has all
changed, now that I'm no longer
ignorant...
I have also read about schizophrenia.
Those symptons are said to be
uncontrollable in a schizophrenic, whereas
in a normal person, those "symptoms" are
actually called your imagination.
Obviously, schizophrenics have some sort
of defect or brain damage... or both. See,
we are all the way we are through
experience and genetics. In a way, one
can say that there is no freewill; every
choice you make is already predetermined
by your past. Cause and effect. For
instance, if you're walking outside at
night and someone clubs you in the head.
If it's hard enough and severly damages
the area that enables you to walk. Then
no matter what you do, you'll never(?) be
able to walk again. You will still have
legs, you will look normal. Sad.
Anyways, I don't have visual
hallucinations, nor do I experience
voices. Do you?
I wrote about my father...
Quote:
(please forgive
if your mother has passed away or
something similar, I know it's a touchy
subject)?
Who would be able to stand 2 crazy ppl at
one home !....No she didn't
pass away, thanks for being so
considerate...You must really know how
touchy these subjects are! Nah, my mom
has a relatively have life.
naomi, if you ever wanna talk, just PM me,
I really care
ps. Victoria, nice pic. reminds me of a
pile of photos I lite on fire.~bitter
break-up. (I didn't want to go out or see
her anymore...She changed...I feel like
people are fakers...They're there, until
the going gets tough...pfff.)
I've noticed that "trying" to act normal
is the hardest thing...!
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mkor4
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 May 2007 Posts: 21
Re: Hmm... Posted: 09-14-07 09:44am
TraceOfHope
wrote:
I've noticed that "trying"
to act normal is the hardest
thing...!
Hi traceofhope
I dont have schizophrenia but for me to
trying to act normal is the hardest
thing.
Has any medication helped?or do you have
any physical symptoms
!....No she didn't
pass away, thanks for being so
considerate...You must really know how
touchy these subjects are! Nah, my mom
has a relatively have life.
