Marine With a Trust Issue Posted: 09-02-07 21:16pm
Hi guys my name is Anthony, im 20 years
old and currently enlisted in the United
States Marine Corps. Here is my story
(kinda long)Ive been dating my girlfriend
for almost a year now, we met over the
internet on a video game while I was home
on leave for christmas. I had just got
done with a relationship were a girl that
I was in love with cheated on me and
basically put my heart in a bag and
stomped on it and proceeded to do other
degrating things to it. Anyways my
girlfriend stole my heart over the phone
basically. Eventually we got to meet in
person when I returned from leave. At
that time I was in my MOS training, I got
to see her on weekends mostly. After my
school I got stationed in NC and we now
have ourself a long distance relationship.
I fly her down here almsot every month and
she stays for a week or so at a time. I
took her home on leave with me to Texas
were she got to meet my family and all
that good stuff. It sounds as if we have a
good thing going on, we love eachother
very much and we both admit it all the
time. But ever since the last girl I had
cheated on me I think I might have a trust
issue. Let me tell you the story and maybe
you can decide for me. She went to florida
to visit her mom during the summer. While
she was there she called me one day and
said she was going to the mocies with a
friend. I asked the usual questions "Who
you going with?" and "is it a girl?" Well
she said it was a guy she knew from a long
time ago and hes just a friend. I just had
to ask her this question "did you ever dat
him or have sex with him?" She said "no we
never dated, but I did have sex with him
one time when I was drunk" No I know I
cant be mad at her for sleeping with him
since it was before I met her. I do think
I have a right to be angry that shes is
deciding to go to the movies with him
ALONE. So I threw a big hissy fit of
course and she ended up not going. Should
I have been angry? Ever sonce that Its
hard for me to trust her when she goes out
or does anything. I ask her a bunch of
questions and I get jeaulous when theres
any guy present what so ever. Its hard
when im so far away because I cant see
whats going on adn I have to rely on what
she tells me. Heres another problem. Now
shes back at her dads in Ohio going to
college. There this guy she swears up and
down is gay thats shes been hanging around
with. Ive seen his Myspace and he clearly
look gay and advertises it all over his
page. Hes been hanging around her alot and
they started riding to school together.
Ive told her I feel uncomfortable about
the situation but shes tells me not to
worry that she loves me and wouldnt do
anything to me. I am trusting her on that.
But it doesnt get me past the fact that
there a guy in the picture and Im 800
miles away. Ive never met this guy and I
dont know him. How do I know hes not a
Bisexual and trying to get with her? Is it
ok for me to feel this way? Am I being to
overprotective? One more thing, Im soon
about to go up there to visit her and meet
her father. She tells me I cant sleep in
her room with her and that I have to sleep
in the guest room and that we cant even
lay under teh covers on the couch or
anything.. Im like what the hell? My
parents didnt care as long as we wernt
having sex when she was down meeting them.
We slept in my room together and
everything My father is a minister and he
didnt care. He knew this was the girl I
love and he didnt see anything wrong as
long as we didnt have sex...we did anyway
but thats beside the point LOL. I dont
care about sex, all I want to do is to be
able to hold the woman I love in my arms
at night and be able to cuddle with her. I
cant do that becasue im so far away and no
I have the chance to go see her and do
that and I cant because she says it is
disrespectfull to her parents and she has
high morals. Well the thing that gets me
is she didnt have a problem doing it at MY
parents house. This makes me think these
wild scenarios like maybe she doesnt want
to do that because this so called gay guy
might see it ant she doenst want him to
know im her boyfriend because she is
secretly dating him behind my back.. thats
a wild scenario but with my past
realtionship its kinda not. So am I wrong
thinking like this and do you think I have
a trust issue? If I do what can I do to
help it?
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Fairy Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1492 Location: , Georgia USA
Thanks: 81
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Hi Posted: 09-02-07 21:24pm
Of course you have a trust issue and you
can not be blamed for this. You have benn
hurt in the past and I can clearly
understand, being 800 miles
away.........doesn't help. You have only
known this girl for a short time and have
not really gotten to know her enough to
completly trust her. You met over the
internet. Anthony, I would guear my
heart..........if I were you, I'd ask her
directly up front about this gay friend, I
would also ask if she had a problem with
me talking ot him myself....If she has
noting to hide, there is no reason for her
not to let you talk ot him. Make
sense.....I've been a girl for 50
years................I just hate to see
nice young men get taken advantage of.
This girl may not be doing anyhting wrong,
but ot be so secretive makes me
wonder???????
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Makoto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jul 2006 Posts: 276 Location: Japan
online
Posted: 09-03-07 10:24am
but then again, if everything I did, and
everyone I talked to was going to cause my
GF, or in this case the BF, to get mad and
jealous, I would keep something secret as
well.
Cant see friends, cant hang around with
this guy or that guy. If he had a choice I
would say she could have no male friends.
Too controlling. Yes you have issues. You
cant control people. You can control how
you feel about people though. You need to
trust her or not worry about things until
they happen, if they happen. You can not
go around trying to prevent things that
are out of your control.
If she is going to cheat she will no
matter what you do or say. There is not
use in wasting time in worrying about it.
Deal with it when and if it happens. You
will lose her if you do not.
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victoria16
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jul 2007 Posts: 451 Location: ,
Posted: 09-03-07 13:37pm
Hey Anthony,
I dont blame you for having trust issues.
I understand why your feeling the way you
are. But try n think about this for a
minute...how would you feel if your gf was
acting the way you are acting. Would you
want to be with her? If when ever you
talked you knew she didnt trust you,
wouldnt that make you question you
relatiop ship? If she really loves you,
she wont hurt you. Are you guys planning
to move in with each other at any point? I
hope this helped. If you ever need to just
vent, private message me, Im a good
listner and have been through a simmilar
situation.
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d3v1ld0g
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Sep 2007 Posts: 5 Location: ,
Posted: 09-04-07 00:20am
Thank you guys so much..sometimes its
easier to hear things from a non biased
source. Im going to just try and trust
her. Last night I questioned her about the
guy and told her when I go up there im
going to meet this guy face to face and I
will ask him questions as well. She seemed
very confident in saying that she didnt
care if I talked with him and that I
really shouldnt worry so much about it. I
do realize I have issues with trust i will
work on it because she doesnt deserve me
treating her like this because of some
other woman who cheated on me. I just
wanna say thanks again for listening to me
vent and your replys helped out alot.
Semper Fidelis (always faithful)
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victoria16
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Jul 2007 Posts: 451 Location: ,
Posted: 09-04-07 19:10pm
d3v1ld0g
wrote:
Thank you guys so
much..sometimes its easier to hear things
from a non biased source. Im going to just
try and trust her. Last night I questioned
her about the guy and told her when I go
up there im going to meet this guy face to
face and I will ask him questions as well.
She seemed very confident in saying that
she didnt care if I talked with him and
that I really shouldnt worry so much about
it. I do realize I have issues with trust
i will work on it because she doesnt
deserve me treating her like this because
of some other woman who cheated on me. I
just wanna say thanks again for listening
to me vent and your replys helped out
alot. Semper Fidelis (always
faithful)
Thats great. I hope it goes well. Update
us on how it goes.
