Stillbirth - 6 Years Later... Posted: 09-04-07 15:31pm
It was the day before he was due.
December 14th, 2000. I got home after
work and my wife said that she was
counting kicks and fell asleep. When she
woke up, she wasn't getting any kicks.
She had gone for a couple of hours without
feeling anything. It was on instinct that
I told her we were going to the hospital
to check things out. When they hooked her
up to the monitors, they couldn't find a
heartbeat. They went to get some other
equipment that could better detect it and
had her roll around to try to find the
heartbeat. But my heart was already sunk.
I knew our son had died. Hours later, on
December 15th, our son, John Ethan Burden,
was stillborn in the hospital. I still
held out a small glimmer of hope that he
would come out and some how would still be
alive. I didn't fully hit me until he was
coming out of her and he wasn't moving. I
dropped to the ground. Crushed by the
weight of emotion.
My wife and I chose to part ways a few
months after that. We were a loving happy
couple until that day. We weren't strong
enough to overcome such a thing.
I now have a new girlfriend that I've been
with for over 4 years. We had a baby girl
named Lindrielle born last year. She's
almost 16 months old already!! I can't
help but feel that I was robbed of those
years of fatherhood by losing my son.
I still cry...not every day. But almost.
Sometimes, when I'm alone, I'll just sit
and cry for awhile. I feel like nobody
could understand why, 6 years later, I
still have the strong feelings of loss.
I'm the best father that I know how to be
to my little girl. She is a little
healthy princess angel. I'm sad that
she'll not be able to grow up with her big
brother, John Ethan. Luckily, my
girlfriend already has a 7 year old boy
that Lindrielle can look up to.
My heart truly goes out to anyone who has
experienced anything similar.
you might want to consider seeing a doctor
to talk about it i am sorry for your loss
the old saying time heals all isnt true it
is a hard loss that most never get over.
on a positive note your lil girl will
always have a guardian angel watching over
her from above. that is how i look at it
when i lost my lil son last year.
|
my3kids
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Jul 2007 Posts: 29 Location: san diego, ca,
Posted: 09-15-07 23:42pm
Hi,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I too have
been in your shoes. My husband and I lost
our son three weeks before I was due to
give birth. I truly can relate to the
emotions you are feeling. It has been 4
years since my son's passing and I cry
about what happened to him frequently,
mostly when I'm alone. Probably because I
have to keep my head up for my other kids,
and because I don't want to subject them
to any more pain than they have already
endured. I find it hard to comprehend why
such things happen, especially to us
parents who do the best we can to provide
uncondiditonal love to our children, but
as "they" say, everything happens for a
reason ( I really hate that statement;
what could the reason possibly be?),
sometimes it's hard to understand what
that reason is, but I know for sure that
when it is my time, that will be the first
thing I ask the man/woman above.
I just wanted to say that you are not
alone. I am truly sorry about what
happened to your baby boy. I think it is
a very comendable thing to come here and
express your feelings, as hard as that
is.
If you ever need to "talk", please feel
free to private message me anytime.
Almost another year later, I'm doing
pretty good. My daughter turned 2 in May
and she's doing great. Running all over
the place, saying a few words, wanting
everything her way, getting into things
she shouldn't when we turn our back for 5
seconds. A perfect little 2 year old!!
My daughter was really a super highlight
in my mom's life. Her only surviving
grandchild. She would come out to visit
pretty often from Illinois to Colorado. I
would send frequent pictures and videos to
her to see the baby growing and turning
into a little person. She couldn't come
out to visit that often because she had
cancer and had frequent trips for
treatments she had to make. I had always
planned to drive my daughter out to
Illinois when she was 2 or 3 in the summer
time. My mom looked forward to seeing her
grow up and turn into a beautiful young
woman. To see her go to college and all
those great things.
Unfortunately, my mom passed away recently
when she lost her battle with cancer. My
mom was my closest friend. She is the one
who helped the most with trying to get
through the pain of my son's death.
When she was dieing (we knew several days
before her death that she wasn't going to
make it), I thought and tried to figure
out who was going to help me get through
the death of my mom when my mom was always
the one who was there to help with all the
difficult things when something happened
in my life.
I couldn't really think of anyone. My dad
and sisters, of course. But they were
going through their own pains and we sort
of helped each other as much as we can.
When I got back home to Colorado and had
to get back to my life's routines with my
family while everyone else stayed in
Illinois and tried to adjust to the tragic
loss, I felt alone like I had noone. And
guess who stepped up and got me through
it. My great daughter, Lindrielle. She
wouldn't let me feel sad. She's always so
cute, laughing, playing, doing little
things that astonish me as a father.
She's so smart and intuitive. One day,
when she truly understands, I'll have to
thank her for all that she had done for
me. All that she had no idea of right
now. I thank God for her. Without her, I
don't know what I would have done.
