Joined: 23 Aug 2007 Posts: 36 Location: Pittsburgh, PA
I am a Drunk for four years and I need help Posted: 09-05-07 05:03am
I am an on again off again drunk. I have
two beautiful children and a very loving
patient husband. Yet I drink and drink and
drink...I hate myself when i drink, I am a
much better person when i don't. I need
help. I can't do this alone and there is a
history with my mom and sister that
enables my drinking. I had gastric bypass
and while I lost weight, I am a drunk now.
For four years. This is too much for me to
handle and I need to be better. I need to
know that this can be overcome. I know I
am in charge of my life, but sometimes, I
can't control this. please someone let me
know that I can get through this..and I
will be a better person, mom, wife. I
can't be this loser anymore.
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shadowalker164
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Tampa, FL
Posted: 09-05-07 13:12pm
Hello PGHmom, my name is Richard and I am
an alcoholic. And I haven’t found it
necessary to pick up that first in an
endless string of drinks in years.
I get it when you say, “I hate myself
when i drink,” I would wake up in the
morning and despise myself for being this
pathetic drunk that can’t be depended on
to do anything but get drunk. And when the
pain of living like I was became great
enough, I did something about it.
This is what I did, and you can do it too.
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous.
My suggestion to you is search the
internet for a meeting near where you live
(they are everywhere) and show up. Go to
90 meetings in 90 days, sit there and
listen, you might learn something about
yourself.
I haven’t felt like a loser in a while,
but mom, I remember what it felt like, and
it ain’t no fun. Try your hand at AA
recovery, what do you have to lose?
Richard
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 09-05-07 13:40pm
Hi there! I am sorry that you are in this
situation but you know that you need to
make changes Alchoholics Anonymous is a
pretty good place to go and there are also
other treatment places you can go to. You
might want to talk to your Dr and see what
he/she suggests, They can prescibe you
meds that will make you sick if you drink
alchohol. This illness that you have is
not worth ruining your relationship with
your children or husband, you need to get
help. I had a Step-Mother who was an
alchoholic and her alchoholism pretty
much ruined our relationsip as she said
negative things to me while she was
drinking that really hurt and then she
became physically abusive. I also had a
husband that was an alchoholic that I
tried to help and later I learned that I
could not help him that he was the only
one that could help himself, I could not
take his abusive drinking anymore and had
to leave. Some people say things when they
are drinking and do not know what they
said or did the next day. You need to get
help, the sooner, the better and know that
we are here for you! Alchoholism is an
illness, one that can be fixed especially
if you fix it soon.
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PghMom
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Aug 2007 Posts: 36 Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Struggling Posted: 09-06-07 11:27am
I tried going to an AA meeting about a
year ago. I was intimidated by the mostly
male attendees and lack of women. I know
that there are women groups but none are
close to me. I'd have to drive an hour
each way and that's what led me to this
site.
Today, I am alcohol free. For today. For
this hour and hopefully the next. I don't
get what the allure is and why I need to
drink. I guess I need to first realize
that I don't NEED to drink, but this is a
very depressing situation. My husband has
agreed to go to therapy with me. I can't
understand why I would mess this up. It
sucks and to know that there's a long road
ahead makes me nervous and scared. I have
hurt my kids. Especially when my 8 year
old son is crying uncontrollably on my lap
because he's afraid I'll die. All I could
do was hold him and tell him I'll get
better. I will, but just as much as
everyone is asking me why I drink, I ask
myself the same question and I don't have
any answers....I'm not an abusive or mean
drunk, but I'm a lazy drunk that becomes
distanced from everyone around me. It's
like I'm in some kind of black hole,
alone.
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shadowalker164
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Tampa, FL
Posted: 09-06-07 12:48pm
PghMom… maybe your husband could go with
you to the meetings? Don’t be
intimidated, we, all the people in that
meeting, in any meeting, are just like
you. People who drink too much and want to
live sober today. There is almost always
at least one woman in a meeting, go sit
next to her.
And I know Pittsburg is a fairly big city,
I went to school there, you in all
probability have more than one meeting to
choose from. In fact, go to as many
different meetings as you can, each one is
a little different, find the one you are
most comfortable in, and make that
meeting, your meeting. The women in that
meeting can tell you what they are doing
today to stay sober today.
And is an hour behind the wheel worth your
life, worth the happiness and well fair of
your children, worth your marriage?
As to your other question, We all drink
for the exact same reason. We like the
effect alcohol has on us. It’s just that
simple. Don’t waste your time looking
for that episode in your childhood that
put you on this path. Even if you identify
one, that knowledge won’t keep you
sober.
Finding that meeting, getting a sponsor
and working the 12 steps, now that can
work miracles.
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