Joined: 08 Aug 2006 Posts: 251 Location: North Carolina
Does This Sound Right to You? Posted: 09-09-07 09:17am
Okay i've been with my boyfriend for a
year & a half now. We have a very
loving relationship & are very
compatible with eachother. But there is
something that bothers me so much about
him & i confronted him about it
yesterday.
See, he works during the week & i have
college classes, so we normally get
together around 7 on weeknights. Then on
weekends, we normally don't do anything
together during the day so we just get
together later on in the evening. [weird..
i know.] so basically he just sits at the
house all day just chillin - to himself.
which i can understand honestly because he
works his butt off all week long. so on
days like that [mainly saturdays,
sundays.] he doesn't call me all day long
until he wants to get together. it's been
that way ever since we got together. i
find it very odd & i asked him about
this yesterday..
He told me that the reason he doesn't call
me earlier on days such as this is because
he's afraid i'll want to come over &
he won't want me over yet. Now i think
having that mindset is very pessimistic
& kinda weird actually.. he's my best
friend & i love him to death. But, the
thing is - i give him plenty of space,
plenty of alone time, plenty of "man time"
if you will. So what is the big deal about
picking up the phone to just see how my
days going? Or just to tell me he loves
me? I just can't understand that. I think
it's messed up how he just assumes that i
want to smother him all the time. Do all
men think like that sometimes? How
stereotypical is this?
So to conclude i'll say this. I don't call
him, I let him call me. I give him plenty
of down time to himself & do not
invade on that. Let me also mention that
he is bipolar. Do any of you agree that
this situation is a little odd? I know he
isn't "hiding" anything or cheating.
That's out of the question.
He says that this is just the way he is
& not to take it personally. But how
can i not? He asked me "what are we going
to talk about if i call you up early on in
the day before we see eachother?"
[inquiring that we spend a lot of time
together so phone convos aren't normally
2-3 hours long] he says "it's not like
we're going to have some big inspirational
convo on the phone.. it'll prolly just be
dead air."
but see, that's the thing. what the
conversation would consist of is
COMPLETELY beside the point. it's the
simple fact of him taking the time to ring
me up for a quick hey baby what's up.
that's the thing. but guys are wired so
differently than women, so i guess that's
why he failed to see it the way i do last
night.
Thoughts?
This is something that honestly makes me
feel like crap. Even my mother has said
she finds it pretty weird.
Is he just being a dude?
|
Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 3165 Location: Vacationland, USA,
Posted: 09-09-07 09:27am
Some men are odd. Maybe he just enjoys
his down time and doesn't feel like
talking on the phone. I hate talking on
the phone and it is quite annoying to sit
with a phone to my ear with "dead air".
He likes his space. You accepted it for a
year and a half, so what changed? If you
don't suspect he's cheating or doing
anything that would be upseting to you
than I guess you just have to let him have
his time.
Go out and do something with your friends
during the day. Don't sit at home and
wait for his call or when he does get
around to calling you could say, "well,
since I didn't hear from you today I made
plans already, I hope that is ok".
You are correct, men are wired differently
than we are, and sometimes that is not
always a bad thing.
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deebaby621
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Aug 2006 Posts: 251 Location: North Carolina
Posted: 09-09-07 13:35pm
yeah see that's the thing though. i never
sit around waiting for him to call.. i go
on with my life. he loves me, cares for
me, & tells me i'm beautiful when i
first wake up in the morning. he's not a
bad boyfriend whatsoever. i guess this is
just one of those things that i gotta
accept.
|
Birch
Supporter
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 3962 Location: Bliss,
Thanks: 126
Thanked:12
Posted: 09-09-07 14:34pm
I think it's great that he's honest about
"because he's afraid i'll want to come
over & he won't want me over yet" and
stuff like that.
If it was really important to you that he
calls, I wonder if you could get him to
compromise and call, and he could tell you
then "I'm just calling to say hi and see
how you are, but I'm not ready for you to
come over and I want to be alone" or
whatever.
I think guys think that the conversation
is the whole point, and girls just think
that calling in and of itself is the whole
point! Heh. Men.
Have you told him what you wrote down
here? If he sees how much it bothers you
he might consider just ringing up once in
a while.
