Joined: 23 Aug 2007 Posts: 36 Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Trying AA - non Spiritual Person! Sober for 48 hours Posted: 09-09-07 17:29pm
Well, having posted on here just a bit
ago, I have decided that I will try AA.
There really aren't any other options
given to me by my therapist, who actually
told me to go to inpatient rehab after
only sitting with me for 20 minutes. She
cut me off when I tried to tell her when
and what I drank. She assumed a great deal
about my life and me, which, in my
opinion, is not a good thing for a
therapist to do. Everyone should be
treated as an individual. Anyway, my
husband and I BOTH agree that inpatient
treatment is not an option for us. It's
about the family and rebuilding my life at
home, not in some fantasy world that goes
away when I leave the hospital.I have
known other people who have relapsed and
gone into the inpatient rehab 2-3 times in
one year. They however were religious and
relying on a higher power yet did not
attend AA meetings.
Now I however am not religious. I am not
an Atheist, but I admit that I don't know
what the purpose of our being on this
planet is or if there is any higher power.
I don't believe in giving myself up to
some higher power. However, I do believe
that I do not have control of my drinking
and I do not ever want to drink again. So
I beg for anyone not to reply that finding
Jesus or God is the answer to my drinking.
I respect your point of view but need
people to understand mine as well. I just
want to know that if because I choose not
to follow a few steps of those 12, that I
can still be a member at these meetings.
Is it possible to find a sponsor who will
respect my point of view? Any help is
great! Sober for 48 hours and
counting....
Oh and my husband will be attending
meetings with me as well.
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UCanQuit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Feb 2007 Posts: 109 Location: SEATTLE
Posted: 09-10-07 08:20am
There is a book that might be able to help
you out also.
It is by a man named Allen Carr. It is
called " The Easy Way to Control Alcohol."
Don' let the name fool you. It isn't a
gimmick book about tips on cutting down
and "controling" your alcohol. It is a
book about the brainwashing of society and
alcohol. The illusions of pleasure that
alcohol gives and ultimately helps the
reader remove their desire to drink.
Allen Carr is more known for his book,
"The Easy Way to Quit Smoking." It is by
far the most popular book mentioned in
quit smoking forums. It is an excellent
book, that I have personally seen help a
lot of people. Allen Carr used to smoke
up to 100 cigarettes a day.
What's less known about Allen Carr is thta
he was also a heavy drinker. He then quit
drinking too and wrote that book.
You might be skeptical of a book being
able to help you, but just about every
smoker trying to quit smoking that I have
reccomended to read the Easy Way To Quit
Smoking has thanked me and said what a
great book it was and how it really helped
them changed how they saw cigarettes.
Which made quitting smoking so much easier
to do.
If you decide to read that book, hopefully
it can help you.
Eric
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shadowalker164
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Tampa, FL
Posted: 09-10-07 08:40am
PghMom, way to go!
Just take this thing one day at a time.
Don’t try to swallow the whole thing in
one gulp. Just start showing up, and
listen. Other women, much like you, have
much to offer.
I showed up in my first meeting a
confirmed agnostic. After eight years, I
am still a confirmed agnostic. I don’t
have a clue what the meaning of life is,
probably never will, but my kids aren’t
scared and confused by living with a fall
down drunk. And I am so grateful for that
gift.
Let me assure you right now that you are
free to believe or not believe anything
you see fit. That isn’t what is
important to get started. Rigorous
honesty, willingness and an open mind,
those is at the heart and soul of the
program.
When I started this post, I told myself I
wasn’t going to use the “G” word.
But when I first showed up, I was told I
that I could use that “G” word to
stand for “Group Of Drunks”. After
all, they have that needed power to stay
sober for just today. I could use the
group as my needed power.
Again congratulations on your getting into
action, keep us posted on what you
discover.
Richard
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PghMom
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Aug 2007 Posts: 36 Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Tonight Posted: 09-11-07 05:32am
So thank you. I'm on day 4 and I'm feeling
emotionally and physically so much better.
My husband and I have alot of work to do,
but tonight we will go to AA together. I
was/am nervous and scared, but I am going
to look at it as one of my graduate
classes. This is a case for me to go in
and listen and learn. While I am still
ashamed of myself, I know that I am
learning through this whole experience and
will take a deep breath and walk through
those doors ready to learn how to get my
life back. Thanks for your support and
suggestions. I am also currently reading 7
tools to staying sober and it's
interesting and I'm learning from that as
well. I will post again to describe what
happens tonight.
PghMom
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Dale123
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jul 2007 Posts: 697 Location: Barrie, On Canada
Re: Tonight Posted: 09-11-07 10:36am
PghMom
wrote:
So thank you. I'm on day 4
and I'm feeling emotionally and physically
so much better. My husband and I have
alot of work to do, but tonight we will go
to AA together. I was/am nervous and
scared, but I am going to look at it as
one of my graduate classes. This is a case
for me to go in and listen and learn.
While I am still ashamed of myself, I know
that I am learning through this whole
experience and will take a deep breath and
walk through those doors ready to learn
how to get my life back. Thanks for your
support and suggestions. I am also
currently reading 7 tools to staying sober
and it's interesting and I'm learning from
that as well. I will post again to
describe what happens tonight.
PghMom
How are you doing now?
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shadowalker164
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Tampa, FL
Posted: 09-11-07 12:08pm
Yea, what Dale said, how are you?
Richard
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PghMom
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Aug 2007 Posts: 36 Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Doing Good Posted: 09-13-07 06:17am
Well I'm doing really well. Thanks for
asking. I went to the AA meeting with my
husband in tow and it was nerve racking at
first but everyone was so nice and
understanding. The key was that first
impressions on appearances of people had
to be thrown out the window. The place was
intimidating because it was dirty, smoky
run down and not in the best part of this
area, but for some reason I was really
comfortable there. I didn't think I would
actually even SPEAK at the meeting, but I
introduced myself and stated my sobriety.
I'm still working on admitting I'm an
alcoholic to the whole room. But give me a
break it was my first meeting. I know they
all say it and I know I am, but I'm not
ready to cross that line. The one lady
gave me literature and a bunch of other
women's numbers. However, that said, I
don't believe my husband would be
comfortable with me going alone there and
we may find an alternate place. The
reasons being, that while some people may
be sober for a year it doesn't make them
sane...But what happens in the meeting,
names and stories should stay there. I
have to get ready for work, but if anyone
is interested I can post more on the
meeting. I guess it's good because we will
be going back tonight and I almost look
forward to it. Thanks for all your help. I
think I can do this...IT FEELS GREAT TO BE
SOBER, even on my worst work day.....
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UCanQuit
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Feb 2007 Posts: 109 Location: SEATTLE
Posted: 09-13-07 08:29am
Hi PghMom,
Have you considered reading the book I
reccomended to you? It can really help
change how you see alcohol.
When you change how you see the drug that
you're addicted to. It really makes it a
lot easier to quit using that drug,
because you realize that you're not
depriving yourself of it, but freeing
yourself from it.
Eric
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shadowalker164
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Tampa, FL
Posted: 09-13-07 10:25am
PghMom…
What a great post! You have done the thing
that so many other people in the same boat
that you, I and countless others are in
refuse to do. You took positive action!
You did something different and in turn
you got something different in return.
One of the definitions of insanity is
doing the same thing over and over and
expecting a different result. We all have
done it, I am glad you are out of that
rut.
You are right, just because someone is
sitting in an AA meeting doesn’t mean he
has been returned to sanity. Mostly the
men in a meeting are regular guys, but
remember, we all came in with our lives
completely out of control.
This world is peppered with people who
don’t have our best interests at heart,
not just in AA, but just about everywhere.
That is why using those numbers all those
women gave you is so useful.
They can help you if you if you do cross
paths with some bad actor. Women in the
program look out for each other. Mom, take
the time to call every woman on that list,
just to say thanks for giving me your
number. That phone call will do then as
much good as it will do you.
And I think it is a good idea to try as
many different meetings as you and your
husband can, Each one is a little
different. I tell the guys I work with,
that AA is a little like a new pair of
shoes. Try on as many as you like, and
when you find the pair that fit well, then
you start walking!
Congratulations again on your first
meeting.
Richard
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PghMom
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Aug 2007 Posts: 36 Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posted: 09-14-07 12:10pm
Yes, I have considered the book you
recommended, but right now I am swamped
with my graduate work and don't have many
more hours in a day to sit down, read, and
apply it to my life. Which I would feel is
necessary for me to do right now. I don't
intend to ignore it,However, I have to
make my graduate work #2 priority only
after the not taking another drink. I feel
that having the bond and support of
other's like me is where my strength will
come from for now. And as I am able to
complete projects, I will have more time
to devote to the examining and rebuilding
of "me".
I attended another AA meeting and while
there was a poor topic choice, my husband
and I still walked away with a positive
feeling. We will be going back sometime
next week, even though I'd like to go
tonight. And I'm not really going because
I feel like I need to go or I'll drink, I
like listening to the stories and seeing
the emotions and KNOWING, I'm not alone in
this. It's a room full of faces that
respond with a nod or smile...No one told
me to look at it that way before and it
eases the pressure knowing I don't have to
be religious to be a part of it.
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shadowalker164
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Tampa, FL
Posted: 09-18-07 08:36am
PghMom…
How are you doing? Well I hope. How many
days is it now?
Richard
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PghMom
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Aug 2007 Posts: 36 Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posted: 09-19-07 07:11am
I actually posted a reply accidentally
under a new topic "great". But things are
going well. today is day 12..and I 'm
moving right along with my life, changing
things here and there, and being more
aware of myself and my feelings towards
things. I was one of those moms who just
does everything for everyone else, except
myself, that's where drinking came in. I'm
finding myself to be more assertive, yet
sometimes overly aggressive, so I have to
find a balance...To sum it up, I'm all
about finding my balance AND staying
sober...Thanks for asking...
PghMom
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dickb
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Sep 2007 Posts: 2
Recovery And Improving Prayer Life Posted: 09-21-07 15:32pm
IMPROVE OUR CONSCIOUS CONTACT
WRITINGS AND DISCUSSIONS ABOUT STEP ELEVEN
FROM VARIED RELIGIOUS VIEWS
SEPTEMBER QUESTION ~ STOP IN THROUGHOUT
THE MONTH TO SEE WHAT THESE WRITERS HAVE
TO SAY.
"Step Eleven states that we are trying to
improve our conscious contact; does this
imply we already have a conscious contact?
Or must we develop it?”
7.26.2007
My Prayer Progress by Dick B.
"When did you first start praying and how
has your prayer life evolved since then?"
At the editor's request, here are a few
words about the duration, progress, and
effectiveness of my prayer life: First, my
mother was reading the Bible to me at the
earliest receptive point in my life. She
did the praying and I did the believing.
Like so many who go to institutions of
higher learning, I probably left prayer
behind during my University of California
and Stanford Law School years. On
graduation from Law School, I thought I
was marrying a Christian women who would
respect my beliefs and I hers. Instead,
she immediately had a nervous breakdown
with bipolar consequences that lasted from
1951 to about 1968. Even then, it was my
mother that did the praying, and I the
reliance on doctors and pills and
hopefully TLC. During that period, my wife
became a church and minister shopper at
Protestant Churches that were not to my
taste. I went to no church. I read no
Bible. And I left the prayers to my
mother. My wife and I never prayed
together, never read the Bible together,
and never asked God's help for her
problems or our difficult marriage. The
two sons were sent to Sunday School, after
the great Protestant dumping tradition.
But I did not participate. Her church
asked me to teach Sunday School and handed
me a book that was titled something like
"Why prayers don't get answered." I
declined to teach on such a subject
because I believed that prayers do get
answered and that healing is possible
through prayer and reliance on God. But,
in the meantime, my alcoholism flourished
and replaced my wife's schizo-affective
disorder. I joined her church. I became
President of the church. I became a seeker
of power and profit rather than a seeker
of God and His righteouness. And I saw no
evidence that the people in the church
gave much credence to the power of prayer.
And then things changed. My older son had
joined a Bible research, teaching, and
fellowship ministry; his mother opposed
it; her mother opposed it; and I probably
made fun of it. But then he invited me to
the Holy Land on a fellowship trip. It was
there that I saw some solid Christian
believers daily praying, daily reading the
Bible, and counting themselves as
believers who had gotten born again and
gotten "into the Word." I was very
enthused, but treated the next few years
badly. I took all the Bible classes. I
attended all the Bible fellowships and
conferences and teachings. I became born
again. I spoke in tongues. And I drank.
The problem was not God's. It was Dick's.
And then the storms came. Typical storms
involving alcoholism--resentment against
my wife, denying my drinking problem,
regularly abusing alcohol and sleeping
pills, raising heck with church people,
adversaries, and anyone who stood in my
way. Not a single prayer for recovery. On
April 21, 1986, I had had it. That date
was preceded by nine months of drinking
and unbearable depression; by unpardonable
ethical conduct; by a host of emerging
legal problems; and then a week's
blackout. Still, however, no resort to
prayer. As happens in these cases, the
legal problems, the withdrawal problems,
the marriage problems, the criminal
problems, the confusion and memory and
thinking problems, to mention a few, all
converged to make my early sober months
unbearable. I had been in A.A. since April
23rd. I had and have not had a single
drink nor a single sleeping pill. I loved
A.A. and thought very little about
prayer--being told that I should not read
the Bible, only A.A. books; that people
who read the Bible got drunk; and that any
interest I had in my Bible fellowship was
premature and distracting. In despair, I
checked into the Veterans Administration
Psychiatric Ward in San Francisco. There I
languished for five weeks, finally
deciding I ought to consider suicide. My
older son and his wife thrust Bible study
and prayer upon me; and an older gentleman
in our Bible fellowship called me long
distance every day and listened to my
whining. He said, Dick, why don't you stop
trying to program your life and ask God
what to do and for help. He asked me to
check the story of "Peter walking on the
water." I told him (erroneously) that only
Jesus had been the water walker. But he
persisted. I found from the Bible itself
that verily when Jesus beckoned to Peter
to walk and said, "come;" Peter believed,
obeyed, and walked. Then Peter looked at
the waves, heard the winds, became afraid
and sank--only to be rescued by Jesus. I
got the point. I dived into the Bible. I
read Christian literature. I dragged
psychos to A.A. meetings all over San
Francisco. I listened to Christian tapes.
But from the first moment of Bible study
in the psych ward, I believed. What's
more, I immediately got over the immense
anxiety and fear and was ready for
discharge. From that moment to this very
day, I have worked with newcomers in A.A.
incessantly. I have taught them the Big
Book and the Twelve Steps. And I have led
them to Christ and brought them into my
son's Bible fellowship. Prayer to God for
forgiveness, for thankfulness, for
guidance, for praise, for healing, for my
needs to be met has been daily fare. I've
never had or wanted a drink or sleeping
pill. I've had no fear or anxiety. I knew
and believed that the accomplishments of
Jesus Christ had released me from shame,
guilt, fear, condemnation, obsessions,
physical infirmities, and resentments. And
that has been the case. Since then, I have
prayed for and received deliverance during
eye implant surgery and extremely
difficult open heart surgery. In the last
few years, I degenerated into a couch
potato, only to have my doctor tell me I
had to get moving. More prayer. But More
arthritis. More breathing difficulty. More
danger of a heart attack. No significant
moving or cessation in eating too much.
Prayer continued. I was joined on Maui by
a young Christian recovered AA who was and
is on fire for Jesus Christ. He is also a
fitness expert. He volunteered to help me
with my research into the Christian roots
and Biblical stress in early A.A. He came
here around the first of May,
providentially as Dr. Bob would say, but
in answer to prayers I would say. It's now
late July. My arthritis is hardly even a
problem. My breathing is no longer
labored. I'm back swimming, losing weight,
dieting, and praising and thanking our
Heavenly Father in the name of His
precious son Jesus Christ. I'm raring to
tell others by every means possible what
my Heavenly Father has done for me in
answer to prayer and believing and
standing on the truth of His Word.
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shadowalker164
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Tampa, FL
Posted: 09-24-07 08:24am
PghMom…
I couldn’t be happier for Dick. I am
glad he found something that works in his
life. Don’t we all need something? But
let me reiterate, any conception of a
power greater than ourselves is
sufficient. In face in most meetings we
refrain from naming a specific deity. That
seems to breed more dissention than
harmony.
That said, welcome Dick, like I said,
it’s good that we find what we need when
we first start to seek it. Keep coming
back.
