Depression Forum - Is This Depression? I Just Want to Fix It And Move On.

I know that I am an energetic person that loves to be around people, its just i think I have depression that is keeping that from coming out. Right now it seems like i have a very low energy level. This is also keeping me from opportunities that will help me grow. I am 21, almost 22 but I feel younger(not in a good way) than that because of these feelings.

There is a lot of things going on right now with me and one of them is depression. It seems that I am very easily irritated, have mood swings, sad...etc. Lately since I have started trying to figure out what si wrong, i have noticed that I usually think of the negative side of things first. I have also noticed that when people give me instructions, i hear everything they say but i am easily confused by what they say, explain or ask me to do. On the flip side, I cant seem to explain things or talk to people; they are easily confused with what I say. I always forget things all the time too.

Looking back on my childhood, i was never the most popular kid in school but that didnt bother me. One thing that did sort of bother me was when I was usually one of the last people to be picked. I never really fit into the popular croud but I didnt mind. I had friends back then though, that was no problem. I have never really liked my brother because hes always caused trouble and was never really good to me; i remember i used to have to give him things(baseball cards...etc) for him to play with me outside, he just wanted to stay inside and play games or watch tv.

While growing up, my parents fought a ton and brought my brother and i into it. A lot of the time it was things that had nothing to do with us like when they would fight about not having sex. When my dad would walk off after fighting about it(my dad has erectile problems) my mom would yell at me saying "if you get married you better have sex with your wife!!", yelling like whatever this sex thing was, was bad...remember this was when I was about kintergarden, first or second grade, i cant remember. I have always lived like getting in a relationship was bad because it would lead to how my parents were...but also in general it was bad to have sex, kiss....etc. even thought I knew this wasn't the case, deep down i felt like i couldnt have a relationship.

I cant seem to talk to people, i want to so much but i really cant think of anything to say, it feels like a wall thats blocking me. Not just talking but i cant seem to think either; all of my creative and organizational thinking seems to be gone. Also like said above i am confused and do confuse when i listen and talk, respectively.

I know this is a limited version of what some issues are but what methods do you recommend to start tackling these problems? My guess is that some of it is a chemical imbalance in my brain. On the 25th and 26th i have a psychologist appointment and a psychiatrist appointent to see what I should do but I would like eveyone's input also.

I just want to fix whats wrong and start living a normal life.

Any input is greatly appreciated, thanks!