I married the most amazing man. I was so
in love. I had hit the jackpot. I had an
amazing life. We both came from upper
class families. I lived in a beautiful
home in the nicest part of town, I drove a
Range Rover, I played tennis 3-4 times a
week at our country club, I didn’t have
to work, I shopped at Neiman’s and
Sak’s. I had a dream life. Except…my
husband became addicted to Adderall. He
had been diagnosed with ADD and his
doctors gave him Ritalin and then
eventually Adderall. At first, as with
most, it did help. However, as with most
medications, your body will develop a
tolerance; so therefore, you need more to
get the same effect. My husband’s
problem was two-fold. His body developed
a tolerance and he really liked the
effects of Adderall. He began taking more
and more. He also added to the mix the
exact opposite of the Adderall, primarily
Xanax and Vicodin but he included almost
anything from benzodiazepines class:
Valium, Klonopin, Restoril and even odd
mixes like Soma’s. So he was self
inducing a yo-yo effect, hence Dr. Jekyll
and Mr. Hyde. He had become so angry
towards me and his 8 year old son, he
wouldn’t see us for weeks and we lived
in the same house. When we did interact,
he treated his son and me so badly, I just
wished he would go back out for another
“business meeting”. I tried to reason
with him, but to no avail, there is no
reasoning with a drug addict. I tried to
leave several times, he would promise he
would clean up, he promised our life would
be as it once had. I was living with a
drug addict who would say anything. I
know he loved me, I know he loved his son,
but more than anything he loved his pills.
In his mind since they were a
“prescription” drug they weren’t as
bad “street” drugs. His claim to fame
was he didn’t drink alcohol. His
reality became blurred and his lying hit
new levels, to the point where his lies
were so outrageous and that it wasn’t
worth fighting about, I just ignored most
of it. I had a home and an amazing
step-son, who I thought of as my very own,
to take care of. He had been desensitized
by the drugs towards everything including
sex that he wandered outside of our
marriage. However typical that is for a
lot of marriages when drugs are a factor,
the main problem was nothing really
excited him anymore, so he had to find
more and more exciting things to stimulate
him, including different type of sex. He
went to prostitutes, he went to sex
orgies, he went to bondage type places and
then he crossed over and he went to men.
He said it was erotic. I told him if this
really were his true feelings regarding
his sexuality, that I can understand and I
personally didn’t have a problem with
the notion of his being bi-sexual or even
homosexual but that I was not going to be
in a marriage to a man that wasn’t only
sleeping with me. Of course, I was
verbally and physically beaten down and
was almost thrown off the balcony of our
home because of this honesty I had with
him. I became a hostage in my marriage.
I took him to rehab twice, the last time I
had a mental health warrant issued on him
due to violence and the police came and
handcuffed him and took him to the
facility. When he was taken to rehab the
second time, he was taking 280mg (14x20mg)
of Adderall, 3000mg (4x750mg) of Vicodin
and 20 mg (10x2mg) of Xanax a day easily.
My dream was shattered. Once inside
rehab, he was given Depakote and
Seraquel. He told me he loved me, he told
me would get better. It lasted 6 weeks
before the Adderall, Xanax, Vicodin,
Klonopin and Soma cocktail re-entered his
life. Slowly but surely it took over. He
was back to the extremely high doses he
was at when I had him put in rehab the
second time. He had sources on the streets
that could obtain the prescription drugs,
I couldn’t stop it. My step-son's
mother had taken custody back of her son.
He hadn’t lived with her since he was 2.
I was heartbroken, but I knew he would be
safe with her than in our home. I went to
do the banking for our home and his
business and started looking at the
finances and I was distraught. My husband
had lost his company to the drugs, he
swindled his grandmother out of
$1,000,000.00 to sustain our lifestyle,
and he couldn’t stop. I tried to leave
on several occasions and the police were
at our home at least a dozen times. They
told me to leave him…I did, but I would
come back because he was now an expert
liar and he was hiding his drug use very
well. Of course all things hit a wall and
I grew the backbone I had lost in our
marriage. One night, I left with a duffle
bag of clothes, under police protection.
Since then, with my court issued
protective order in place against him, he
had my car reported stolen on our
anniversary and then he had the bank
repossess it. He will not give me the
remaining 95% of my clothing, baby
pictures, books, even my hairbrush. Our
home will go to auction because it is
being foreclosed on and he is fighting me
in the family courts to a new level of
bizarro world. I wonder about how any
attorney could believe him, but then the
attorney is now dealing with a true drug
addict who can spin a story to new levels.
The saddest part for me regarding him is,
as happy as I am that he has a new
girlfriend (he can harass and harangue her
instead of me), two weeks after I left
him, his new girlfriend has a cocaine
problem. He has since introduced cocaine
into his drug mix. His reported cocaine
usage is apparently astronomical and he
still takes all the pills. I thought
during our marriage that we had hit rock
bottom several times, but apparently it
was not far enough down for him. I was
unwilling to go any further in his
downward spiral. I have no idea how badly
he has damaged his heart and liver form
the heavy levels of prescription drugs,
but I know he will never be the same. If
anyone can learn anything from this post,
please know that this can affect anyone
from any socioeconomic background. I had
a dream marriage, he was handsome, loving,
caring, fantastic lover, a good provider
and it is has been shattered. Adderall
killed the most amazing man I had ever
known and loved and left in his place a
corrupt, shallow, vicious, revengeful
shell of a man who is absolutely incapable
of telling the truth and seeing the beauty
this world has to offer.
This can happen to anyone, please don't
let this happen to you.
