Depression Forum - Why I'm Pissed And Sad When I Feel Lonely?

i just came here and figured out that there are ppl out there who are feeling the same as i do. i hope.

i've been through a sad sad depression during college, i was almost all the time alone, going to college alone, to the mall alone, etc...because im avoiding ppl asking me questions and stuffs. and even though i'm ok now, it changed my way of thinking, and emotionally i'm not as strong as before.

i'm now continuing my studies abroad, this place is abit diff. tho i make friends with everybdy [because i can be super friendly when im happy] none of my mates here in this univ seems like they wanna go out. they prefer being in their rooms, and stuffs like that.

im the type that would go somewhere else for lunch, and maybe go to another place for dinner. u know, just to have fun. but none of them are into that. i dont even have a night life here - and im still trying to cope. So whenever they said they're not interestd to go out, i go on my own. have lunch on my own. sushis, ice creams, getting new piercings, all on my own. i used to prefer doing this all on my own, but now is my 2ndyear in univ, all i ever want is to go out. go get lunch or dinner with some ppl, etc etc... it seems the kids here are abit too antisocial - all i ever want are some outgoing friends who can be a good company. when things dont turned down, me beng stuck in my room doing assignments, i keep having a feeling that i dont wanna be alone. i dont wanna be alone. i called my bf but he's not all the time available to talk to me, to just be there everynight, coz he has his own stuffs to do too. but the longer i let this happen, until last month, everytime my bf is not msging/calling me i would feel down. i get pissed coz it seems like everybody's soo bz with their own stuffs, and me being left alone. i'm not trying to pry any attention from anyone. i just hate the feeling of being alone. few months ago it starts to make me moody when im alone. and then lately it even made me pissed but im not sure what about. im pissed when nobody called or txt me, i m pissed at myself for not being able to get use to this new environment [where the ppl are too studious and not wanting to go out] i m pissed and started to blame my parents or bf for not calling or txt me when they know im alone... arghhh. i dont know if i explained this right. im actually drowsy after popping one of my sleeping pills. i used to have insomnia and my doc prescribed me some pills. and now im using those pills to go to sleep whenever i feel depressed for being alone. if im alone in my room and nobody calls/txt me to ask how my day is or just to say hi, i just pop the pill so i can skip another dull day.

i dont know whats happening to me...
i used to like being alone
and during depression in college days i was always alone
then when i got better, i enjoy being alone, like i used to
but now, in this univ, i feel abit depressed when im alone.
its a mixed feeling, angry, depressed, dissappointed, but im not sure of what Crying
or Very sad

found this forum, and joined it.
maybe i just need to talk things out
maybe i'll feel better
i dont know Confused