My husband and I have been together for 3
years now, and in the first year or so, we
had a great, active sex life. But now,
even though he is still really
affectionate & loves to cuddle, he
hasn't tried to initiate sex for a really
long time. For the last year or so we've
only had sex an average of once a month.
I often have tried to initiate sex but
often he just doesn't want to. He
complains that he's too ticklish, or too
tired and doesn't respond. I have gotten
tired of always being turned down, and
feeling like an ugly duck afterward. I
have spoken with him many times, both in
inappropriate, and healthy ways, and he
just says that he doesn't really know why.
He says that he still finds me very sexy,
but his sex drive is really low, and he's
happy to just cuddle too. Is this because
he's over 40 now? Too much stress at
work? I honestly don't beleive that he's
cheating, we're always together, and we're
really happy to be together. Does anyone
have the same situation? Or some advice
on how to change this situation? It
bothers me alot because I am always having
sexual dreams with other men as a result
of not getting my needs met, and I only
want to be with my husband.
Any ideas, advice, similar stories? Thanx
|
sharon12
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 6
a Bit Worried Too... Posted: 03-27-04 02:58am
Hi
my boyfriend & I have been together
almost 2 years. We have got into a bit of
a routine when it comes to sex. I was a
bit worried about it a month or so ago
& tried to spice things up a bit by
telling him that I wanna try different
positions etc... We've done a few, since
then, but I don't think it did much for
him. He doesn't seem bothered about
experimenting, he says he likes it the way
we do it normally. He also says that
certain things I do r too ticklish &
he can't get turned on because he ends up
laughing too much. It really hurt me
because I thought that I didn't turn him
on anymore. I know he's not cheating
& he also loves cuddling &
kissing. I have decided to carry on as
normal even though I feel a bit bored at
times. We make love about 3 times a week
but I still feel unsatisfied. I love him
to peices & so i'm just gonna put up
with it until I find a nice way of telling
him how I feel. If anyone has any advice
please let me know.
|
TBECK12
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Dec 2003 Posts: 62 Location: MICHIGAN
Posted: 03-27-04 05:50am
Men don't typically become dis interested
in sex. He may be having his needs met
elsewhere. Keep your eyes open! Men
are sneaky.
|
needsomehelp
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Mar 2004 Posts: 46
Posted: 03-27-04 12:31pm
I don't think just because he's not
interested in sex means he's cheating on
you... Infact, i'm kinda sick of people
saying men and women are so different!
I'm not too old, but I don't like to be
judged by my age. My own theory is that
since men, typically thought by the
majority of the population, are considered
to be very horny at a young age, this
calms down after a certain point in life.
While women, stereotyped as not to want
sex as much as men, will always want it
equally throughout their lives, atleast
more than men. Even though this might
not be true, if people think this way the
human mind is capable of making it become
true.
Then again you never know.
|
tigermoth
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Mar 2004 Posts: 15
Posted: 03-27-04 19:23pm
Me and my boyfriend have been together for
jus over a year and he doesnt seem half as
randy as I am haha, still thinks im sexy
and stuff but its hard to find time when
we can be alone together and actually get
round to it, he just seems a bit
uninterested in that department sometimes
maybe hes embarrassed? But I quite often
hint at it buts he jus seems unavaliable,
tired or has to do work.... Its really
irratating does this mean im not satsfying
him enough? Hmm maybe I can get too much
for him sometimes?
|
2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 03-28-04 06:50am
I had actually posted a really long reply
to this yesterday and as I was typing it
deleted itself! Pissed me right off!
Anyway, here goes again. I was engaged
for two and a half years. The last year
we may have had sex ten times. He made
me feel so ugly and fat and just plain
gross. He always had some excuse like
"my head hurts" or "i'm too stressed out"
(being as I supported his ass I dunno what
in the world could have stressed him out!)
or "i'm too tired" (from what?)
he had my self esteem so ruined that by
the time I left him I did not even date
for two and a half years after the fact.
It has been about seven years and I still
do not have my self respect back.
I do not wish those feelings on anyone.
But, I do know exactly how you feel. Of
course, we had some underlying issues (at
least he did) so that is why I finally
left. So, I am not by any means saying
to leave your husband! You are married
and commited and I am sure that you love
each other very much, you just have some
things to work through.
But, don't let it go on like this! You
have to force him to do something about it
before you suffer permanent damage! I
know that sounds severe, but it is true.
So many people say that men thing about
sex all day and they always want to have
sex and blah blah blah. Well, let me
tell you what: if that is really true for
some men, then please send one mine way!
No man I have ever been with could ever
keep up with me! So all of this men vs
women stuff is not true. Maybe in
teenagers or just in majority, but not
true in general.
Anyway, the only thing I can tell you is
the next time you sit your husband down to
talk to him about this, let him know
exactly how important this is to you.
Explain that it is not just the act of
having sex. It is the needing to feel
wanted, desired and loved. And that your
self esteem is going to get ruined if
something is not changed. Maybe he needs
to see a doctor or counselor.
As for "spicing up your sex life" (a lot
of people will tell you that) there is
nothing wrong with trying that, but if you
are in the situation that I was, it wont
work. I mean how do you spice up a sex
life when your sex life is nonexistent?
I even tried the lingerie and candles and
whatever(along with many other things),
and he still turned me down. That is
definately a feeling that you do not want!
And when he actually did give in, I knew
he wasn't interested. Sex like that is
worse than no sex at all!
So, ultimately you are going to have to
talk him into getting help. Help of some
kind. Maybe, you two can take a vacation
or something. Even just get a hotel for
the weekend and act like teenagers again!
|
2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 03-28-04 06:54am
Sharon....
You have to talk to him about it. Trust
me, my ex was the same way... That whole
ticklish thing really got on my
nerves...But the longer you wait, the
harder it will be to convince him to try
new things.
I understand the boredom of doing the same
things each time and it wont satisfy you.
At least it never did me. So, try to
talk to him. If he loves you as much as
you love him then he will listen. He may
get defensive and embarrased at first, but
if he cares then he will work on this for
you.
|
san54
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Dec 2003 Posts: 227 Location: Virginia
Uninterested Husband Posted: 03-28-04 10:22am
Swissmiss, have you considered that it
might be a medical problem that makes him
not interested. I am not an expert, but
I would both go to the doctor to find out
why he feels like he does.Good luck, sandy
|
Justsomeone
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Apr 2004 Posts: 1
Uninterested Husband Posted: 04-14-04 07:56am
After almost 4 years of marriage i've
learned this about my husband when he's
uninterested in sex.
1. Men are depicted in this world as
being sex feinds. They feel the need to
live up to that. And insecurity of
theirs is, sometimes they don't want sex!
So they run from sex alltogether in fear
afraid that they'll never satisfy their
wives.
2. They've learned that sex is for
pleasure for themselves. The media is
everywhere screaming this at them. What
they don't realize is, the most pleasure
is derived from giving their wife
satisfaction and love.
When my husband realized that he wanted
sex not because he was just horny and I
was sexy, but because he loved me and
wanted to feel close to me it was like a
light switch was turned on in our
marriage.
Don't be afraid to share with your husband
your need for love/sex... But it is very
important to support him in everything:
hobbies, work and even his lack of need
for sex. Also- he may be dealing with
hidden insecurities and hurts he can't
explain to you. Perhaps you should look
into a sex counsellor. I know that's a
big step- but isn't it better than going
on like you are now?
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Lack of Sex Posted: 04-14-04 09:40am
You might ask the Dr. If he could get a
couple of pills for this.
Sandy
A 40 year old broad can't hold a touch to
a young playboy playmate, no sag there,
no cellulite on those hips, no crowsfeet
under the eyes.
Be grateful to the nookie that you get,
why hassle the guy and have him boink you
when he's not ready, you sound like a
real demanding wench, he'd be better off
without your demands. Don't ask what
your sweetie can do for you, ask what you
can do for your sweetie.
Hit the road toots.
|
2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 04-14-04 13:06pm
To the above poster. I can see why you
don't get any.
She didn't say she wanted sex 24/7, and
you know what, you get lost.
Sorry swissmiss, trying to be humorous,
apologize for being rude.
|
2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 04-15-04 02:04am
I am sorry bethesdabob, I did not realize
you were joking. I feel badly now.
|
Lovemeinfinite
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Apr 2004 Posts: 6
Posted: 04-15-04 05:17am
Well I have only had one experience with
this...I was younger and I was I a
relationship, and all of a sudden
boyfriend didn't want sex anymore, said he
loved me still...Blah blah blah, come to
find out he lost interest and found it
somewhere else. No not all men are the
same, no not every this happens means it
is what I said, but most of the times that
is the truth. You have to admit to that.
But as I said everyone is
different...Hopefully your men are the few
good ones...Just not super sexual anymore.
|
bully
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 8
Posted: 10-21-04 10:27am
Hey folks trust me when I say this.What
you ladies are seeing is andropause, it is
when men's levels of testosterone decline
the lose intrest in sex connot be easily
aroused and some have weak erections.
They also tend to be moody and tired all
of the time.Just go to your md and get a
blood test then they can supplement him
then he will be his samerold passionate
self.
|
doola
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2004 Posts: 22 Location: south carolina
Posted: 10-22-04 08:47am
Well swissmiss you mated maybe using his
hands when he think you're asleep
sometimes a man like to masterbate
|
idcrossthesky
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jan 2005 Posts: 7 Location: Jacksonville
Posted: 01-25-05 13:55pm
Swissmiss, I totally feel your pain.
Apparently it has nothing to do with age.
My husband and I have been together for 2
years, married for 1 and 1/2, he is 23 and
he has totally lost interest in sex.
Like you and yours, we are happy, loving,
and always together, but he typically
turns down all of my advances and he never
initiates sex himself. He's tired,
ticklish, or just "not in the mood." it's
not medical because he doesn't seem to
have a problem with oral stimulation, but
many times he's even turned down one-sided
pleasure because he just "doesn't feel
like that." he's told me over and over
that it has nothing to do with me, but
that's just so hard to accept. I know
i've put on about 10 pounds since we
married, but they were there before this
problem started. Still, I can't help but
feel like it's me. Sometimes I worry
that the real problem has to do with the
fact that, as far as I can tell, he
doesn't seem to associate sex with love.
I think to him they are two completely
seperate entities. Does anyone else
think that could be a factor in their
situation too?
|
idcrossthesky
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jan 2005 Posts: 7 Location: Jacksonville
Uninterested Husband Posted: 01-25-05 13:57pm
Swissmiss, I totally feel your pain.
Apparently it has nothing to do with age.
My husband and I have been together for 2
years, married for 1 and 1/2, he is 23 and
he has totally lost interest in sex.
Like you and yours, we are happy, loving,
and always together, but he typically
turns down all of my advances and he never
initiates sex himself. He's tired,
ticklish, or just "not in the mood." it's
not medical because he doesn't seem to
have a problem with oral stimulation, but
many times he's even turned down one-sided
pleasure because he just "doesn't feel
like that." he's told me over and over
that it has nothing to do with me, but
that's just so hard to accept. I know
i've put on about 10 pounds since we
married, but they were there before this
problem started. Still, I can't help but
feel like it's me. Sometimes I worry
that the real problem has to do with the
fact that, as far as I can tell, he
doesn't seem to associate sex with love.
I think to him they are two completely
seperate entities. Does anyone else
think that could be a factor in their
situation too?
|
idcrossthesky
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jan 2005 Posts: 7 Location: Jacksonville
Uninterested Husband Posted: 01-25-05 13:58pm
Swissmiss, I totally feel your pain.
Apparently it has nothing to do with age.
My husband and I have been together for 2
years, married for 1 and 1/2, he is 23 and
he has totally lost interest in sex.
Like you and yours, we are happy, loving,
and always together, but he typically
turns down all of my advances and he never
initiates sex himself. He's tired,
ticklish, or just "not in the mood." it's
not medical because he doesn't seem to
have a problem with oral stimulation, but
many times he's even turned down one-sided
pleasure because he just "doesn't feel
like that." he's told me over and over
that it has nothing to do with me, but
that's just so hard to accept. I know
i've put on about 10 pounds since we
married, but they were there before this
problem started. Still, I can't help but
feel like it's me. Sometimes I worry
that the real problem has to do with the
fact that, as far as I can tell, he
doesn't seem to associate sex with love.
I think to him they are two completely
seperate entities. Does anyone else
think that could be a factor in their
situation too?
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