Pregnancy Calendar Conception : When did I Conceive ? Forum - Pregnancy Verification


Pregnancy Verification - Can Paternity be Proven w/Dates?

Medical Questions-> Health Forums -> Pregnancy Calendar Conception : When did I Conceive ? -> Pregnancy Verification - Can Paternity be Proven w/Dates?

Medical Questions

Author

Message

jmu1

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 01 Oct 2007
Posts: 7

Pregnancy Verification - Can Paternity be Proven w/Dates? Posted: 10-01-07 12:03pm


Hello. My girlfriend and I split up for a few weeks. During that time, she had sex with another man. A few days after we got back together, she said she was pregnant with my child. She is 15 weeks and 5 days pregnant, which means she conceived within two weeks of her last period which was June 16. She admitted to having sex with another man on or around June 30. We were intimate on July 4. On July 11, she told me she tested weakly positive. On July 16, she was told she was pregnant, but lied to me about the results. I don't believe the child is mine. She has since told me there is a chance it could be mine and showed me a picture take of the fetus. I am more than willing to assume responsibility for it if the child was mine, but she delayed the paternity test and I am wondering if I can be proven right by the dates I provided, if only to satisfy myself while I petion for a paternity test. Any comments you all could provide in this regard would be greatly appreciated. Needles to say, she has not contacted me in over a month, so my suspicions are great at this time. Best, Jack

Marianne0558

Supporter

Joined: 10 Sep 2007
Posts: 1641
Location: Charleston, SC USA

Thanks: 36

Thanked:5

Posted: 10-01-07 12:14pm


I wouldn't rely on the dates that SHE gave to you. The only way to prove if you are the father or not is a DNA test. Pregnancy dates go by how old the egg is, not by when fertilization occurred. Best bet is DNA test or the Maury show. (joking)

Ingi

Supporter

Joined: 09 Mar 2006
Posts: 8437
Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,

Thanks: 121

Thanked:156

Posted: 10-01-07 12:48pm


You cannot get a paternity test until the baby is born. But that is the only way you would know. Because she has admitted to having sex with more than one person in a short time period, it could be either you or the other guy. Good luck.

jmu1

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 01 Oct 2007
Posts: 7

Posted: 10-01-07 13:08pm


A paternity test can be done after the 18th week. Amniocentesis? Thanks anyway.

Marianne0558

Supporter

Joined: 10 Sep 2007
Posts: 1641
Location: Charleston, SC USA

Thanks: 36

Thanked:5

Posted: 10-02-07 08:13am


Yes, I was going to say the same thing. The baby doesn't have to be born to perform a DNA test. They can take the amniotic fluid and test. Sometimes the doctor won't perform an amniocentesis unless there is a possible problem with the baby. Amniocentesis is dangerous because it only takes a small mistake with the needle to possibly hurt the baby. I would go with her to the next doctor appointment and ask her doctor some questions. This way, you can hear it direct and not through the mother.

jmu1

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 01 Oct 2007
Posts: 7

Posted: 10-02-07 12:39pm


I already did that part over a month ago. The "dates" that you mentioned as being incorrect are dates the doctor, my GF, and I discussed. She did not even admit to the Dr. that it might be someone else's child until well after we stopped speaking. In any case, thanks for your help.

jmu1

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 01 Oct 2007
Posts: 7

Posted: 10-02-07 12:44pm


BTW, we had agreed to do the amnio procedure and she backed away from it. To tell you the truth, I think it has less to do with her concern for the child and more to do with her not wanting me to know the truth. I think she felt she could convince me to go along for the ride, so to speak. She did not tell me she was pregnant. I found out accidentally, through a misplaced phone call to her mother. She DID tell another man he was the father. Yet, she no longer speaks to him and he promised to sign over his rights to the child. The plot thickens, but I'll save that for another time. It is hard to know the "truth" when someone lies so often. But, thanks.

Marianne0558

Supporter

Joined: 10 Sep 2007
Posts: 1641
Location: Charleston, SC USA

Thanks: 36

Thanked:5

Posted: 10-02-07 12:55pm

jmu1 wrote:

BTW, we had agreed to do the amnio procedure and she backed away from it. To tell you the truth, I think it has less to do with her concern for the child and more to do with her not wanting me to know the truth. I think she felt she could convince me to go along for the ride, so to speak. She did not tell me she was pregnant. I found out accidentally, through a misplaced phone call to her mother. She DID tell another man he was the father. Yet, she no longer speaks to him and he promised to sign over his rights to the child. The plot thickens, but I'll save that for another time. It is hard to know the "truth" when someone lies so often. But, thanks.

Well it's not over yet. She can't string you along for much longer anyway. Once the child is born, you can get a court order for DNA testing to determine if you are the father or not. This way, she will be unable to take away your rights as the father, if you are.

I understand that it's hard to believe what is true and what isn't when you are constantly being lied to. Trust is hard to obtain and keep.

I feel strongly that you should go ahead and look into going through the courts to get a DNA order. For one, you don't want to be taking responsibility for someone else's child, and also you don't want to not be apart of the childs life IF the child belongs to you.

Ingi

Supporter

Joined: 09 Mar 2006
Posts: 8437
Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,

Thanks: 121

Thanked:156

Posted: 10-02-07 12:56pm

Ingi wrote:

You cannot get a paternity test until the baby is born. But that is the only way you would know. Because she has admitted to having sex with more than one person in a short time period, it could be either you or the other guy.

Good luck.

As I see you now know, you cannot force a woman to have an amniocentisis ~ and if there is ever a question of paternity, a woman will not have one. Therefore you must wait until the baby is born ~ exactly like I said ~ before a court will become involved.

And I'll mention this because I have been noticing this coming up a lot of time recently. An amniocentisis has RISKS. A lot of doctors will not do an amniocentisis on the basis of DNA testing alone. It is too risky when you can wait a few more weeks and SWAB the mouth of the baby.

jmu1

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 01 Oct 2007
Posts: 7

Posted: 10-02-07 13:27pm


No. What you said was that "you cannot get" an aminocentesis test. Since she had agreed to take the test, it is more a question of her concern with the truth, then with the child. Her doctor agreed to perform the test, prior to learning of the question of paternity, which she delayed telling him. It may be a woman's right to avoid the test, but the courts will decide if it is her right to deny custody of a child. . . be it mine or another mans. And, on those grounds alone, I think she will suffer a loss.

jmu1

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 01 Oct 2007
Posts: 7

Posted: 10-02-07 13:32pm


And, if you haven't read it already, it is beyond a "few more weeks." She is at 16 weeks. So, the baby is due around mid-March (give or take a week). Her Dr. agreed to perform the amnio, as per her request, after the 18th week, as he felt it would be a safer time to do so then conduct another procedure at the 12th week. (His words not mine.) Although, I have heard 1/200 amnios result in a miscarriage. My primary concern, is primarily the child, then the results of the test. In any case, I have no intention to raise a child that is not mine.

Ingi

Supporter

Joined: 09 Mar 2006
Posts: 8437
Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,

Thanks: 121

Thanked:156

Posted: 10-02-07 13:38pm


You cannot get an amnio. You can request that she do it. But you cannot force or persuade her to get one. And I do not blame you for not wishing to raise a child that is not yours. No one would force you to, that is why there is a court system set up to help you. Family Court. It doesn't sound to me like she even wants a relationship with you at this point. What is 24 weeks in the lifetime of a person? Truly... a few more weeks versus risking the baby's life. And what will be the difference if you know in 3 weeks if the baby is yours or if you know in 5 months?

sexxybexxy

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 28 Sep 2007
Posts: 217
Location: England, Grimsby

Hi Posted: 10-03-07 04:41am


HI,a DNA test should be performed once the baby is born.

luscious10

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 27 Sep 2007
Posts: 44
Location: Long Beach, Ca USA

Posted: 10-04-07 15:56pm


I think that you have the right to know if it is your child or not. Before a baby is born you form a bond with that child. How does anyone think it would feel to go through 9 months wondering if it's your baby, going through delivery, and then finding out that its not, after you've already formed that bond. No, you can't make her, but you know what, she can't make you either. She should do what is right, and give you an opportunity to know the truth so that you can be a part of some of the decisions that go on with the baby, for example names, or buying baby furniture, or building a baby nursery. Dang, you might be the father. So instead of someone telling you that it's her right, they have to remember that not only does the father have a right to know if he's the father, but that baby has the right not be caught up in no mess.

Marfa2107

Extremely EHEALTHy

Joined: 11 Jul 2007
Posts: 1552
Location: Galena, Kansas United States

Posted: 10-04-07 16:01pm


just to answer your question if i was a male.. acting and think the same way i do now and i went through 9 months of thinking a child was mine delivery everything... adn then find out... that the child wasn't mine i would not feel ANY differently about taht child... just because i would not be the biological father.. i would still be the daddy.. and that means alot...

Ingi

Supporter

Joined: 09 Mar 2006
Posts: 8437
Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,

Thanks: 121

Thanked:156

Posted: 10-04-07 16:22pm

All this talk is well and good, but we need to really read the part where this man said the mother is not speaking to him and did not originally tell him she was pregnant.

It sounds like a tangled web of lies and deceit - where we are only getting a fraction of the story.

jmu1 wrote:

She did not tell me she was pregnant. I found out accidentally, through a misplaced phone call to her mother. She DID tell another man he was the father. Yet, she no longer speaks to him and he promised to sign over his rights to the child. .

We don't know the true circumstances and can only provide information based on what he tells us.

I agree, a child is a child, whether it be my blood or not. If I love that child, I love that child. It amazes me how people can turn their emotions on and off like that.

Marfa2107

Extremely EHEALTHy

Joined: 11 Jul 2007
Posts: 1552
Location: Galena, Kansas United States

Posted: 10-04-07 16:44pm


i understand now ingi.. =) i had only read the beginning of this post when i was originally posted and then some at the end.. my bad.. and i agree it sounds like a lot of lies now that i'm reading it all the way through

Ingi

Supporter

Joined: 09 Mar 2006
Posts: 8437
Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,

Thanks: 121

Thanked:156

Posted: 10-04-07 16:51pm

Marfa2107 wrote:

i understand now ingi..
=)
i had only read the beginning of this post when i was originally posted
and then some at the end..

my bad..
and i agree it sounds like a lot of lies now that i'm reading it all the way through

Oh, that wasn't directed towards you at all. I completely agree. Why want the baby then not want the baby when it isn't yours?

I think there is way more going on here than is being said. Their relationship doesn't sound stable at all. Nor does it sound like anything but drama putting a poor infant in the middle.

Sad. Sad

Marfa2107

Extremely EHEALTHy

Joined: 11 Jul 2007
Posts: 1552
Location: Galena, Kansas United States

Posted: 10-04-07 16:53pm


yep i agree.. there's no way i could go from loving a baby that was mine and find out it wasn't mine..and just end up not loving it anymore... poor baby

jmu1

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 01 Oct 2007
Posts: 7

the Results Are In! Posted: 10-28-07 19:14pm


For those of you who understood "my" side. Thanks. For those of you who were pretentious health forum, F=off! NOW TO QUOTE MAURY POVICH: JMU1, YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!!! The ole'battle axe went for amnio on the 16th. I was the only potential father to show up, and sadly for her, for her 5 year old son, and more so for the new child, I am not the father. So, the relationship is OVER, and she is screwed. Kind of appropriate. I think there is a message in this for all of you HOES. Her mother is letting her live with her for a bit after the baby is born, but the mother even told me she is done with her daughter. She even feels her daughter is a prostitute and although she loves her grandson and her future granddaughter, she is disgusted with her and wants her to get out on her own. LOL. Doubt if that is going to happen. From what her mother told me, she is collecting welfare and insurance from the state; she can't find a job and she is lying to everyone online telling them she found a new apartment and that they can't contact her now because she hasn't had her phone turned on. LOL. Like I said, one lie begets another. She is full of them. So, peace to all my peeps, and I'm out! JMU1==FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, I'M FREE AT LAST!

Pregnancy Verification - Can Paternity be Proven w/Dates?