My Heart Is Smashed Not Broken Posted: 10-01-07 21:47pm
First and foremost, I have to state
something. I believe I am truly in love
with somebody.
I am only twenty and many, many people I
am sure as the people that surround me
say: "It's not true love you are too young
to know what that is."
What bothers me greatly is that I am truly
in love. Or at least I truly love
someone.
You see, for me true love doesn't go away.
You learn to live without it, but it's
lasting. It's not infatuation, or puppy
love... it's something unconditional.
Something that makes you think, "If he is
not happy with me I'll let him go so he
can find his happiness."
Although you wish with all your heart to
be the one who makes him happy, you are at
least glad that he is happy.
I will not say my story because it's too
long and too disheartening, but what I can
say is that once when he was my
'protector', my 'best friend,' my
fiancee... Now he's the person that causes
me so much misery, my enemy, and my
ex-lover...
Needless to say, he doesn't deserve me at
all. I have so much to give, but he is
disgusted by me...
It's insane how this one guy who would
make love to me, now won't even kiss me if
I asked.
Anyway I feel ugly, rejected, useless,
stupid, and of course because I cannot let
go of him.
My mind, and everything points out that
he's a big jerk. How can I let him be
stuck in my head?
Why is it that my heart would take him
back in a heartbeat... why do I still
yearn to be with him.
Even after everything...
I have tried so much to let go, but it's
so insane... how he changed. Or rather,
showed his true colors...
I just wish there was some medicine that
would take him out of my system....
Because it's as if I am blind, and in
denial.. I cannot accept that I lost him
forever.. and I still hope that someday
life will give us another shot.
At the same time I know it's dumb to think
like that, but without him...
Life seems so bleak. Everyday I wake up
without him is another sad day... it's so
tough learning to be without him.
It's like..every day I think of him, I
dream of him, and almost everyday I cry.
I really just want to be able to not feel
anything for him, but feelings cannot just
dissipate like that you know?
I cannot... it's simply so much pain, it's
as if my body feels like it can't take it
and just wants to fall on the floor and
rest...
I asked my Christian friend, "If it's true
that there's a devil that exists.. this
devil really played with me.. he gave me
something that seemed so real only to take
it away and cause me pain."
My friend then said, "The devil doesn't
give, he only destroys. God gives."
Whatever the heck it is.. I don't know!
I just wish I could stop thinking, wish I
could stop feeling.. wish I could just get
over true love.
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nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2486 Location: ,
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Posted: 10-01-07 22:28pm
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. What
you are going through most of us we all
been through and trust us that in time it
will get better and you will find a new
man and you will get married and you will
have children and all those good things.
Yes, true love happens at all ages so we
believe that you truly loved this man. He
just evidently didn't loved you the same
and a relationship does not survive if
only is the one loving.
I'm older, I'm 34 and I'm getting married
now at this age and what older people mean
to say is that when you are younger you
like don't realize certain qualities in a
man that you do as you grow older and go
through the experience like just this one
that you are unfortunatetly having.
Because from this experience you are going
through now you are learning what a good
partner should be like vs what not a good
partner is like. In the end you will
desire for a man that doesn't make you
suffer so you will end up liking some
fellaws that you may have thought before
that you wouldn't like. See what I mean?
Hope you feel better soon!
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marvel
Supporter
Joined: 09 Sep 2007 Posts: 1096 Location: Toronto, Ontario (but only a private message away)
Thanks: 50
Thanked:8
Posted: 10-01-07 22:44pm
I always say this: I believe in purpose,
and I think that everything happens to us
for a very good reason. I think, though
it's painful, that this is a valuable
learning experience for you. Take from it!
Feel the pain and learn how to overcome
it. You will be stronger in the end. You
will be happier in the end knowing that
you can rely on yourself in such a time of
heartache, I promise!
If this love didn't work out, just think
ahead to the one that will. It will be so
intense you won't know what hit you!
