How Do I Put My Wife At Ease? Posted: 10-03-07 15:16pm
Hello All,
I've been with my wife for 3 and a
half years. We got married about 3 weeks
ago, and just this monday took a positive
pregnancy test.
Neither of us is ready for this
challenge yet. We are 26 years old and she
just moved to the US and also started
working. We have no money and upon seeing
the positive pregnancy test, we both knew
right away we weren't ready for this.
We both knew right away that we
didn't want to have the baby and contacted
our local PP and scheduled an appointment
for as soon as possibe. That was tuesday
morning, and the earliest date they could
give us is this Friday afternoon. Needless
to say it has been the longest week of our
lives so far.
As the week is moving along, we are
both having semi/second thoughts about
this. I know she is sitting at work at her
desk, knowing that she is pregnant, and I
believe the guilt about what we decided to
do it weighing heavy on her and she is
telling me now that she is considering
keeping it. I know that we can take care
of a baby on a day to day basis. We're
smart enough to know when to change
diapers and both of us are stable people.
We've determined she is about 3 weeks
pregnant. and in that time she has smoked
some marijauna and drank alcohol socially,
as have I.
We are scheduled for a medical
abortion this Friday at 2pm. Does anyone
have any advice for our situation, or what
thoughts we need to focus on in order to
stick to our plan to make it to this
Friday?
Thanks everyone. I will post here again to
let you know how we got through this week,
no matter what happens.
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Carifairy
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Joined: 12 Nov 2005 Posts: 2610 Location: Charlotte n.c.
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Posted: 10-03-07 18:41pm
You sound like you have really thought
about many things, and you have made an
appointment for an abortion, which is a
bog first step.
Babies require more than diapers. They
need DRUG FREE parents, a LOT OF MONEY,
AND stability.
If you cannot truly provide a stable
homelife, including money and doctor
appointments, then having a baby is not a
good idea.
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seedybe
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Oct 2007 Posts: 3
Posted: 10-04-07 03:13am
This must be driving you mad!
Your wife has to make the final choice in
the end so i really feel for you.
I had an abortion nearly a month ago now
and i went through everything.I changed my
mind for about 3 weeks and it must of
really messed with my boyfriends head.I
dont know what advice to give to you for
the mean time but if you guys go through
with the abortion then you got to be
prepared to have a emotional reck for a
wife.Im not saying she will be a reck but
just be prepared and make sure you let her
know you love her,just try to be there for
her more after the abortion then you
normaly would be.Even if she pushes you
away and tells you to leave and
stuff,dont!.I do that to my boyfriend all
the time and as soon as he listens to me
and leaves me alone i feel worst..
Ha! sorry if im scareing you but an
abortion is the hardest choice you wife
will ever make so you got to be prepared
for this,but if you know in your self (and
so does she) that it was the right choice
then all the after emotion's will pass
with time..Best of luck..
hi, i was pregnant at 13 and at first i
thourght about an abortion. I was with the
father all the way and i still am,
although when i got to the abortion
building i could not go through with it
and so i live with my son know aged 2 and
my fiancee. I am 15 and pregnant by 10
weeks. I would never change life for
anything as i feel so happy that i kept
the baby.
I knonestly think that an abortion would
be the best thing in your situation as a
baby needs a stable homelife, alchol free
parents and a lot of money and stability.
Anyway, good luck on the abortion.
keep me informed on how it goes
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Jules
Moderator
Joined: 19 Aug 2006 Posts: 3752 Location: Merrie Englande, UK
Thanks: 75
Thanked:65
Posted: 10-04-07 09:40am
I think if your wife is having second
thoughts then she shouldn't keep her
appointment on Friday - it's a recipe for
disaster. She needs to be completely sure
about her decision or else she'll beat
herself up over it. Don't rush into it,
really talk it through, over and over if
necessary until she is sure of her
decision. Also, be careful what you say
to her. If you try and push one option
over the another then you are liable to
get blamed later on if she is unhappy with
her decision. She might do that anyway -
it must be hard being the bloke!
Good luck, keep us informed!
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amino65
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Apr 2006 Posts: 263
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Posted: 10-04-07 11:58am
Hello,
I just wanted to let you know that you are
not alone.
I was in this situation 6 months ago, and
my boyfriend of 2 years and I thoroughly
discussed our options. We finally decided
on abortion, and I hear you on waiting a
week. At least you didn't have to wait 2
weeks like I did, and I was going on field
trips for an honors colloquium, so I was a
mess. It may be hard, but like seedybe
said, stay with her and let her know how
much you love her, even when she says she
wants to be alone. If she needs to talk,
express that you are more than willing to
listen.
I wouldn't even ask for it and my
boyfriend would just hold me and let me
know how much he loved me and it made me
feel much better at times.
Anyway, like Jules said, talk it over and
think VERY carefully. Make sure you are
both positive in doing this.
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Mommy35
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Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 3165 Location: Vacationland, USA,
Posted: 10-04-07 12:11pm
If you think she's only 3 weeks along than
you still have some time to think it over
and decide what is right for you and make
a decision you are not going to regret.
Babies are a huge responsibility and it
does take money to give them what they
need, but above all loving parents are the
most important factor.
I hope your wife isn't beating herself up
over drinking and smoking, because granted
it isn't a healthy choice many people do
things like that and worse before they get
a positive pregnancy test and their babies
come out just fine.
Good luck to you both and I hope you find
peace with whatever you choose. Thank God
you live in a country where this is your
choice!
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Birch
Supporter
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 3962 Location: Bliss,
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Posted: 10-04-07 16:29pm
If she is having second thoughts and/or
doubts and/or feeling guilty then an
abortion may not be the right decision for
her. She needs to take time and consider
what she wants because in the end; she has
the final say and will have to live with
her decision for the rest of her life.
I would suggest she receive counseling
from an unbiased source independent of her
husband.
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bostonhusband
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Oct 2007 Posts: 2
Posted: 10-09-07 09:50am
we went to planned parenthood on Friday
morning together. When we got there and
began filling out the information, they
told us that her being pregnant for only 3
weeks was too early.
they performed an ultrasound and found
nothing, then gave us four prgnancy tests
and they all came up negative.
they let us know that a huge number of
pregnancies end in miscarriage the first
few weeks.
They let us know that should could have
miscarried a few days before or after the
pregnancy test we took, at a time when the
pregnancy hormones would still be in her
system.
So we were relieved at nature taking its
course, and in our case it saved us a lot
of difficulty.
This has put a lot of things in
perspective for us, and we've already gone
an openend a baby savings account, to help
us prepare for the time when having
children is the right thing for us.
Thank you all for your posts and advice.
It helped us a lot. Last week was a
difficult week for us and I appreciate all
of your thoughts and advice.
Mike
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Marianne0558
Supporter
Joined: 10 Sep 2007 Posts: 1722 Location: Charleston, SC USA
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Posted: 10-09-07 09:56am
bostonhusband
wrote:
This has put a lot of things in
perspective for us, and we've already gone
an openend a baby savings account, to help
us prepare for the time when having
children is the right thing for us.
That is a really, really good decision! I
wish more couples did this. Now, you all
will be prepared if/when this happens
again.
What a relief. No decision to be made.
Although you all were contemplating
whether or not to abort or keep the child,
your wife may still be experiencing some
emotions after miscarrying.
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Jules
Moderator
Joined: 19 Aug 2006 Posts: 3752 Location: Merrie Englande, UK
Thanks: 75
Thanked:65
Posted: 10-09-07 11:28am
Thank you for updating us. Good luck for
the future!
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Verizon-y
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 3291
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Re: Hi Posted: 10-18-07 02:21am
sexxybexxy
wrote:
hi, i was pregnant at 13 and
at first i thourght about an abortion. I
was with the father all the way and i
still am, although when i got to the
abortion building i could not go through
with it and so i live with my son know
aged 2 and my fiancee. I am 15 and
pregnant by 10 weeks. I would never change
life for anything as i feel so happy that
i kept the baby.
I knonestly think that an abortion would
be the best thing in your situation as a
baby needs a stable homelife, alchol free
parents and a lot of money and stability.
Anyway, good luck on the abortion.
keep me informed on how it
goes
How old is the father? How do you support
yourselves? Was this second baby planned?
