Joined: 04 Oct 2007 Posts: 5 Location: Fredericksburg, VA USA
17 And Pregnant, Need Opinions/advice. Posted: 10-04-07 19:14pm
Okay first off I'm 17 and I recently found
out I'm pregnant. But before I go into
more detail about that, I'll tell you the
root of the problem.
When I was 14 I was raped by an older
boyfriend and ended up being pregnant. My
mom didn't believe I was raped because I
had waited so long to tell her. My mom had
me at 16 and she wants the complete
opposite life for me. I was so young and
uneducated I thought because I was under
18 whatever she said I would have to do,
now I know better. She told me to get an
abortion, like an emotionless zombie I
went along with it, I didn't understand
anything I was getting myself into. She
told me if I became pregnant again that I
would be hopeless, alone, and I'd be
getting another abortion. I believe at the
time it was the best that could happen but
I will admit to wanting that baby with
every part of my soul.
I met this guy who knows everything about
me, even more than I know about myself and
we've been together for close to 3 years.
About a year and a half ago we started
having sex. The closer we got to eachother
the more carefree we became and now you
find me here today.
I need advice on when and how I should
tell my mom. I wanted to wait until after
I was able to go to like a prenatal check
up and make sure everything was okay
beforehand. I also wanted to know if they
do check ups for pregnant teens without
parental consent. I believe I'm about 6
weeks.
I've held 2 jobs consistently for over a
year, have my license/car, in a very
supportive relationship... So I know I'm
way more ready than I was at 14. I know I
can do it with tons of hard work.
I just want my mom to see that, and maybe
be supportive. But shes not the kind of
person who is, she's the type of person
who would kick me out.
How can I get her to understand I need her
help?
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Ingi
Moderator
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8758 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
Thanks: 160
Thanked:194
Posted: 10-04-07 20:45pm
You can go to the doctor without your mom
knowing anything about it.
Sadly, you cannot change your mom's
opinion or how she is going to deal with
this. Be prepared for her to be angry. Be
prepared for her to ask you 1,000
questions.
And, sweetie, I know you may not
understand why she is the way she is, but
it is coming from love. She wants better
for you than she had. The same way you
will want better for your child than you
had.
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princess_b
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Oct 2007 Posts: 8 Location: houston texas sw, usa
What Ever Posted: 10-04-07 20:56pm
hey im 17 im do in 6 weeks. i got pregnat
at 16.i knew my mom wasnt going to like it
but the hell what she thinks.i wanted this
baby im ready for this baby and me and my
baby daddy are still together unlike my
mom said we would. if you belive you can
handel this then you can dont let nobody
tell you diffrent not even yo mamma.
medical question what every body else
thinnk.
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princess_b
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Oct 2007 Posts: 8 Location: houston texas sw, usa
And Posted: 10-04-07 20:59pm
what your mom has to understand is that
you have your own life and she cant live
hers through you.have your baby you can do
it.
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cwilliams41
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Oct 2007 Posts: 5 Location: Fredericksburg, VA USA
Posted: 10-04-07 21:13pm
thanks.
i really want to just tell her. the more
i've been reading peoples stories on here
is giving me the courage. i think i might
write her a letter so I can get all my
feelings out without her interrupting me
and then like go to work or something. so
she can simmer with herself.
i want to stop hiding it. because i want
to tell the world =).
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amylyn
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Oct 2007 Posts: 8 Location: ,
Posted: 10-05-07 04:46am
I am 12 and I am in my 6th week of
pregnancy.I advice you to wait until you
are in 3rd month,so she won't be able to
make you have an abortion.
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chelseaandco
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Oct 2007 Posts: 5 Location: ,
Posted: 10-05-07 05:47am
you should maybe tell her at about 12 to
15 weeks that is when im going tom tell
mine!! im 8 weeks and 6 days pregnant and
loving every minute of it xx
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jessamyn
Moderator
Joined: 18 Aug 2004 Posts: 4101 Location: San Diego, CA
Thanks: 11
Thanked:3
Posted: 10-05-07 09:29am
Simply put if abortion is a key option in
your life with your mom and you are a
minor andd you wnat to keep this child
then you need to think of your options.
You need to have a plan of action. You
need to be prepared for everything se will
ask you and hoe to defend your
relationship and your unborn child. Yes
you may have a job and car and all but are
you paying for the car, the insurance?
would you be able to without her help? are
you a junior or senior in highschool? you
need to tell her your plans for education,
for commitment to teh childs father, his
plan of action, everthing. I know there
are cases where you feel your parents are
just out to get you when it comes to being
a young parent... but honestly it took me
2 years to realize it but they just know
because they've been through it and only
wnat the best for you!
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cwilliams41
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Oct 2007 Posts: 5 Location: Fredericksburg, VA USA
Posted: 10-05-07 10:30am
Yes I do pay for everything. Car,
insurance, cell phone, internet, gas, I
buy my younger brother things all the time
just to reward his behavior. I make enough
from one job to pay for that, and in my
other job all of it goes to savings so I
have quite a bit. It was mostly for when I
got older and wanted to move out but it
could be sooner than I think. My mom
doesn't pay for anything unless it
benefits her. My grandma pays for the food
and utilities. She couldn't say anything
to me about that because she still lives
with her mom at 33. She tried moving out
twice but no luck. Which is not an attack,
I just hope she doesn't attack me about
it. Although the other day she told me
I'll probably get my own place before she
does. hah.
I mean my mom had me at 16 and didn't have
a job, my dad left the second she told him
and she dropped out of high school.
I'll graduate before i'd be due. I only
have 2 classes everyday anyways, still
with my boyfriend, and have a steady
income from both sides. I learned from her
mistakes. Deon, my boyfriend, graduated
last year and his family is really
supportive, he's not ready to tell them
yet though. Though in fact if my mom
really did kick me out I would have a
place to stay with his aunt because she
told me I could a while back. I was
planning on attending a nearby community
college before and still plan to.
I have a rough blue print on how its going
to work and be good for everyone. I just
don't know if she'll believe I can do it.
I'm going on friday to the doctor. From
there I guess I'll figure out what to do.
it's just weird because in my school
agenda there is a different quote every
week and this week it says,
"if you wait to do everything until you're
sure it's right, you'll never do much of
anything."
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jessamyn
Moderator
Joined: 18 Aug 2004 Posts: 4101 Location: San Diego, CA
Thanks: 11
Thanked:3
Posted: 10-05-07 10:55am
How far alogn will you be when you
graduate? because most public school will
not allow you to attend if it becomes
apparent that you are pregnant
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Ingi
Moderator
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8758 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
Thanks: 160
Thanked:194
Posted: 10-05-07 11:17am
From the American Civil Liberties website
Quote:
CAN GIRLS BE KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL IF THEY
GET PREGNANT?
No. Federal law prohibits schools from
discriminating against pregnant students
or students who are married or have
children. So, if you are pregnant, school
officials can't keep you from attending
classes, graduation ceremonies,
extracurricular activities or any other
school activity except maybe a strenuous
sport. Some schools have special classes
for pregnant girls, but they cannot make
you attend these if you would prefer to be
in your regular classes.
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jessamyn
Moderator
Joined: 18 Aug 2004 Posts: 4101 Location: San Diego, CA
Thanks: 11
Thanked:3
Posted: 10-05-07 13:42pm
I am in a mentoring mothers program for
teenage moms and majority of public
schooling wether thats the way they word
it or not do not promote pregnancy amongst
teens and comtinueing education within
normal schooling. But agian you girls
quote everything to death that is personal
experience for what I deal with
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Ingi
Moderator
Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8758 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
Thanks: 160
Thanked:194
Posted: 10-05-07 13:54pm
jessamyn
wrote:
I am in a mentoring mothers
program for teenage moms and majority of
public schooling wether thats the way they
word it or not do not promote pregnancy
amongst teens and comtinueing education
within normal schooling. But agian you
girls quote everything to death that is
personal experience for what I deal
with
No. I completely understand it is really
going on in the real world. But it is
illegal for them to kick anyone out of
school based on pregnancy. This could be a
major law suit if it is done. It is
federal law. Now, they may use some other
bogus reason for kicking someone out like
saying she was sick and never there or
causing disruptions or something. However,
a good lawyer and that school would let
you back in.
If this happens to anyone in your
mentoring program you should call the ACLU
- or you could threaten the school with a
call to the ACLU.
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cwilliams41
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Oct 2007 Posts: 5 Location: Fredericksburg, VA USA
Posted: 10-07-07 08:13am
they will let me graduate at my school.
they're pretty cool about it. they let you
use the elevator, give you special
bathroom passes, leave class early so you
don't get caught in the student traffic...
I appreciate it.
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embarrassed40
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Aug 2007 Posts: 323 Location: topeka, kansas
Posted: 10-08-07 01:38am
cwilliams41
wrote:
Yes I do pay for everything.
Car, insurance, cell phone, internet, gas,
i buy my little brother things all the
time just to reward his behavior. I make
enough from one job to pay for that, and
in my other job all of it goes to savings
so I have quite a bit. It was mostly for
when I got older and wanted to move out
but it could be sooner than I think. My
mom doesn't pay for anything unless it
benefits her. My grandma pays for the food
and utilities. She couldn't say anything
to me about that because she still lives
with her mom at 33. She tried moving out
twice but no luck. Which is not an attack,
I just hope she doesn't attack me about
it. Although the other day she told me
I'll probably get my own place before she
does. hah.
I mean my mom had me at 16 and didn't have
a job, my dad left the second she told him
and she dropped out of high school.
I'll graduate before i'd be due. I only
have 2 classes everyday anyways, still
with my boyfriend, and have a steady
income from both sides. I learned from her
mistakes. Deon, my boyfriend, graduated
last year and his family is really
supportive, he's not ready to tell them
yet though. Though in fact if my mom
really did kick me out I would have a
place to stay with his aunt because she
told me I could a while back. I was
planning on attending a nearby community
college before and still plan to.
I have a rough blue print on how its going
to work and be good for everyone. I just
don't know if she'll believe I can do it.
I'm going on friday to the doctor. From
there I guess I'll figure out what to do.
it's just weird because in my school
agenda there is a different quote every
week and this week it says,
"if you wait to do everything until you're
sure it's right, you'll never do much of
anything."
Hey girl, you are on the right track.
Stay strong and make your own decisions,
you are capable! I think you will have
ahard few years, but you will be happy
with your decision.
