Bipolar 2 Disorder And Trt, 26 Years Old - Long History Posted: 10-06-07 17:41pm
Thanks in advance for any help....
I am 26 years old. For the past 7 years I
have struggled with anxiety, depression,
insomnia, irratibility, manicness, mood
swings, inconsistency, etc. etc. etc.
Life has been one hell of a roller
coaster, but in this time I have managed
to graduate college and an MBA, secure and
maintain a well-paying and fulfilling
business career and marry the love of my
life (and hang on to her thus far).
I have seen 3 different family doctors, 2
different psychiatrists and 1
endocrinologist... I have been diagnosed
with it all, and been prescribed just
about every drug imaginable for these
symptoms: Anxiety & depression:
Effexor, Effexor XR, Cymbalta, Prozac,
Zoloft, Lexapro. Sleep/Insomnia: Sonata,
Ambien, Ambien CR, Lunesta, Restoril,
Melatonin, Elavil, Seroquel, Provigil,
Trezadone, Xanax. Bipolar 2: Lamictal.
Low Testosterone: Testim. None of these
drugs have solved my problems permanently
- some have mitigated some symptoms in the
short term.
My current diagnoses and treatments are:
Bipolar 2 disorder, insomnia and low
testosterone (tested at 104 ng/dl). I am
currently taking the following
medications: Lamictal 200mg once a day.
Testim 5g (50mg testosterone) once a day
(on this for 2 months now, testosterone
levels at 380 ng/dl now). Xanax 2mg and
Melatonin 9mg at night for sleep.
I am suffering. I am constantly in a
daze. I rarely sleep more than four and a
half hours a night. My mood is up and
down in a moments' time. Anxiety is free
floating and depression occurs at least
once every day for an hour or so. I am
quick to snap at my wife and our dogs. I
have the shortest fuse. The smallest
annoyances set me off. I can hardly focus
on my work, but manage through it. I have
little motivation to exercise (although
few people do), but manage to do 3 days a
week of cardio (45 minutes) and 5 days a
week of weightlifting. Exercise helps
significantly, but I don't have time for
any more than I already do. Lately, all I
have wanted to do is lie in bed and watch
TV. I have lost a few close friends due
to my lack of need for social interaction.
I make poor and whimsical financial
purchases because they feel good. My
dreams at night are vivid, and I feel like
they are creeping into my days now. I
could go one, but I think I have made the
point.
Recently I have had a few notably bizarre
episodes: About 2 months ago I made a very
poor attempt at suicide - I couldn't break
the surface with the knife on my wrist
(and didn't really want to do it anyways I
think). I've had a number of overwhelming
panic attacks recently where I become hot
and tingly all over and feel an
overwhelming sense of hopelessness. I
have had several episodes where I have
"blanked (not blacked) out", curled up
into the fetal position, cried and
basically become frozen for a period of
fifteen minutes.
And lastly, yet most importantly - I feel
that my marriage may be suffering. I am
amazed that my wife can still tolerate me
at this point. I don't treat her very
well anymore. My sex drive is
non-existant. I feel so guilty that she
has to bare the brunt of these symptoms.
I know she has to tip-toe around me and I
hate it.
In summation: I am in a daze. Life feels
fuzzy. My memory is poor. I can barely
concentrate enough to write this. I want
to be normal, but I am not quite sure what
"normal" means anymore. I feel like I
have been over-medicated, poorly diagnosed
and victimized as a patient. I feel like
I have reached my breaking point with the
symptoms and issues discussed and the
constant adjustment to new medications. I
don't have the guts to commit suicide and
know that I have a good life, despite my
mental issues - so don't worry, I am not
going to go that route. My wife and
parents are amazingly supportive of me and
want to help. But I just can't take it
anymore. I'm fed up. There has to be a
solution.
I appreciate those of you who have taken
the time to read this rant, and any help
or advice you might have to offer.
Thank you,
Andrew
|
Birch
Supporter
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 4047 Location: Bliss,
Thanks: 143
Thanked:13
Posted: 10-06-07 17:55pm
Hi Andrew,
Thank you for sharing your story; it must
be really difficult to live through this.
Can you describe your manic episodes and
anxiety in more detail? I know I am a
"nobody", but my first thoughts about your
story were along the lines of "why is he
diagnosed with BP 2 and not BP 1?"
Best wishes for you...
|
AndrewSC
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 3
Posted: 10-06-07 19:23pm
Birch
wrote:
Hi Andrew,
Thank you for sharing your story; it must
be really difficult to live through this.
Can you describe your manic episodes and
anxiety in more detail? I know I am a
"nobody", but my first thoughts about your
story were along the lines of "why is he
diagnosed with BP 2 and not BP 1?"
Best wishes for
you...
Hi Birch,
I appreciate your reply! To answer your
questions in as much detail as possible:
The manic episodes aren't too ridiculous.
I get a real high out of shopping though
(I sound like a woman, haha) - making
purchases gives me a rush and sometime
euphoric feeling. I haven't run up any
debt, but I am very good at spending money
unfortunately. I have purchased a lot of
things that are completely unnecessary. I
am sold VERY easily because I am easily
convinced by sales pitches.
On some occassions, I will get very caught
up in a work or overly excited about it.
I experience a feeling of invincability
and prowess that I really crave. I find
that sometimes I can easily convince
myself that I have done an amazing job on
a piece of work when in actuality it's
only been OK.
On to the anxiety... I am constantly in a
state of worry. My wife is a dentist and
I am a business consultant -- we earn a
very good living, but I am always worried
to death about money. I find myself
constantly counting what's in my accounts,
how much I've spent, what I earn, etc.
Likewise, I can't stop thinking and
obsessing about my health condition, from
mental to physical. I am definitely a
hypochondriac. I find it difficult to
focus on things because I am constantly
worrying about this. I am also constantly
thinking about my wife and whether or not
she is going to leave me (she assures me
she is not).
During my vicious anxiety attacks I feel
incredibly scared - of what, I don't know
however. I just feel like the world is
closing in on me, and life is too much to
bear. I feel isolated, alone and
frightened - like the world is too small.
It's hard to describe in words, and not
really tangible. Maybe a sense of
hopelesness would be the right phrase.
I know I fit a lot of the BP2 or even BP1
profiles... But I am just not convinced
that is my problem. Likewise, I just
can't stand all the medications any more.
They haven't solved these problems, and I
don't feel like a REAL human being any
more. I feel like I am floating around in
the proverbial ether and not living my
life properly, effectively or fully.
Does that make sense?
Thanks again!
-Andrew
|
AndrewSC
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 3
Left a Few Things Out... Posted: 10-06-07 19:23pm
Hi Again,
I left out a few things that I think may
be important as well (in no particular
order)...
I am 6'0", 185 lbs, 10% bodyfat.
When I was 23, I used marijuana and
cocaine 7 or 8 times each. None since.
I drink alcohol on average once a week -
typically up to 4 drinks. It doesn't
really make me feel good anymore, and I
get hungover very easily.
I was only recently diagnosed BP2 --
before that it was always anxiety or
depression.
I have also been diagnosed obsessive
compulsive - which I failed to mention is
also a significant "symptom" for me. I
don't do rituals or anything like that,
but everything must be in a straight line,
no clutter, etc.
I eat a clean diet of about 2700 calories
a day including lean proteins and whole
grains, complex carbs, etc.
I am very doubtful that BP2 is the correct
diagnosis for me.
That's all... Thanks again for your time
and help
-Andrew
|
Iniquus85
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2007 Posts: 1
I Know How You Feel Posted: 12-07-07 01:23am
I know this is a little bit of an old
thread, but I had to reply. A lot of what
you said sounds like me Andrew. My name is
Mike by the way.
I'm about to turn 23, diagnosed with BP2,
apnea, low testosterone, and a slew of
other medical problems. But I'll focus on
the part that I hope will help you.
I've never had a full manic episode. I
sometimes become hypomanic, but mostly
have mixed episodes. My insomnia has been
getting worse and worse lately, but it
appears not to be related to bipolar
(professional opinion, not mine), probably
my neurological problems interacting with
my apnea. My last testosterone levels were
127, so they put me back on treatment for
the first time in a year. I have some
decent experience with all of this.
The portion of my cocktail you'll be
interested in is:
Lamictal 200 mg qd
Symbyax 3-25mg qd
Provigil 400mg qd
Testim 5g (1% testosterone)
I've found recently that I feel better on
the testosterone than without it. BP2
probably doesn't fit me too well either
(I'm a psych major, diagnosed before I
chose it), but I'm definitely bipolar.
I've never been too severe, but every case
is different. A sleep study might help if
you've never had one. And as for the my
main piece of information, the Symbyax has
probably been the most helpful thing for
me. It's a combination of olanzapine and
fluxetine. It's what I've felt best on.
I'm just on a lower dose because of how it
affected my appetite.
I'm assuming you don't need to hear about
how these drugs can affect everyone very
differently. I'm just sharing my
experience in hopes it gives you some
ideas. I can't say "This is what you
should do" because that would be
irresponsible, and I'm not saying that.
What I'm saying is, it may be hard, but
you can find a good balance for
everything. The problem is, a LOT of BP
cases are hard to spot and it can be very
vague and atypical. We'll never be
guaranteed complete relief, but you can
live a good life. Good luck.
