Broken Hearted Forum - Why Does She Keep Contact?


Why Does She Keep Contact?

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velox0

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Joined: 15 Oct 2007
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Why Does She Keep Contact? Posted: 10-15-07 03:07am


This is my first post. I will try to be brief so here goes. I met a girl who had a b/f at the time. We hit it off super well and all. Eventually we got very close and developed feelings for each other. I asked her to break up with her b/f before we do anything. She refused and did not want that. So we were together while she still had her b/f. This happened for a few months then finally she broke up with him and moved out. We then started our own relationship. Eventually I found out about her past from a friend and found out she slept with other guys while w/ her 3 yr long b/f. This bothered me as to make me think I was another guy. I then pushed her away and was really bothered by it. Eventually we pushed each other away and I hurt her badly because I didn't want to talk to her. By this time we were together for half a year. She was so mad and upset at me that she went back to her b/f. At this time I began to think that I know I cannot reflect her by her past. I have to accept her. I finally wanted to talk again to her and wanted to try. By this time she already moved back to that b/f. I was so depressed at this because she went back so quickly. Now its been 7months since I've seen her. We text each other basically everyday and stuff. She is so up and down that her emotions are all over. She is so mad at me for everything and told me she will never give me another chance. We both think we are the one for each other. But because of her past that made me so upset. Because I hurt her so badly she now wont see me or talk to me. She only responds by text. My question now is why will she keep contact so long if she will never give me a chance. Why not just break it off. She is back with her b/f. There is nothing I can do or say that she will believe I want us. Do you think there is still hope? thanks.

Mikolas

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Posted: 10-15-07 09:39am


I'm going to be a bit of a meanie here and generalize based on my observations of people and relationships. Firstly, I thought it was highly immoral of you as a man to take it upon yourself to attempt to break a relationship for your own sake, so I don't think you should be given another chance to break it yet again. If karma exists then the issues you are dealing with now is "expected". But going past the criticisms, because I'm sure you will shrug this off as "what would he know" kind of thing, 7 months is a lot of time to fade, "love" doesn't seem to last that long in absence towards younger couples. You are losing your chances increasingly by the day with so much distance between you two. People, though stereotypically women, have trouble breaking off relationships or any sort of bond because of their ability or curse to be attached. She was with you for a good amount of time, she still has feelings for you, likely doesn't know what to make if it or what to do, but she knows that you hurt her deeply, so she will stick with her ex who she also has attachments for. Your attachments to her however, made you switch your thoughts from being turned off to the fact that she cheated on her ex in the past - to "I cannot reflect her by her past and should accept her". Question is, are you good enough to be her man, are you the best she will likely ever meet? If not, you might find yourself being in her ex-boyfriend's shoes. There is still hope though, since she is obviously still talking to you.

paul995

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Joined: 22 Apr 2007
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Posted: 10-15-07 18:36pm


Been there, although in two different situations. First, I was with this girl who's really sweet and caring, although she was in a relationship at the time. However, we go out and do things like bf-gfs do. She will never leave her boyfriend though she's been telling me that she loves me and what not. Anyway to cut the story short, We moved on, although sometimes, we still keep in touch. I have a girlfriend now and she's wonderful. This makes way to my second point. I had a problem with my present girlfriend about her past. I actually have a post stating how i hate the "past" of my current girlfriend. This has tainted our relationship for the first few months and seems hard to shrug it off. Now i've come to realize that the person who she is now is because of who she was in the past. Ask yourself, would she still be the person you'd fall in love with now without her past? I exactly feel you mate. You're just probably either, expecting too much on her (she being sweet and all) and you can't even fathom why she could do such things, or you're just afraid that she might do the same to you. Either way, I think that you should be able to erase everything and accept her as she is. With regards to getting back together? Try to eradicate your hate feeling towards her, then start from there.

nightangel73

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Posted: 10-15-07 19:09pm


okay let me see this gal was cheating on her bf with you for several months. That's all i need to know..what begins wrong, ends wrong..let me confirm something else..how old are you and this gal? There is no way I personally would consider to marry someone whom I'm aware cheated on their partner in the past..maybe if it happened when he as very young, teenager and long time past by that I could confirm with others that the man has matured.. I think you both guys need time to mature..

velox0

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Posted: 10-16-07 01:50am


thanks for your replies. Actually mikolas I don't think you're being mean and I sort of do believe in karma. many things in my life what happens goes around. I did not attempt to break her up, I asked her if we could not be intimate until she was single. she would not give me that option. anyhow that is not something i can change and because I have been the guy who had lost a g/f due to another guy I thought I could never do this thing to another guy. I will not do it again. I agree with you day by day I am losing my chances. but I also feel I am stuck and not sure what to do. I want to tell her that I would do anything to try again, but she does not believe me and only remembers the hurt. I know that she thinks we match perfectly. but it is because of my actions that has pushed her away. it is my fault and I admit it. I know I hurt her by not giving her the benefit of the doubt. Her past just influenced me so much that I could not be with her in fear of it being repeated to me. In result I closed her off and she went away. Paul995 that is where your statement comes in. I know I can get past her history. I know now what she had done is what has made her who she is today. I have come to realize this AFTER all this happened. therefor after I wanted her back and by that time she had gone back to her ex. at this point I knew I could get past it and I knew I did not care about her past. If it never happened she would not be this person. I have already eradicated my hate for her, now I just want us to work... That is where my problem lies. We contact each other and we have communication going on. However she does not believe that I have changed and she does not believe that I really want us. She only remembers the hurt and thinks I will do it again. I don't know how to get past this and that is where I am stuck. She wont even see me in person, only contacts me through text. I am so frustrated because she still contacts me. But yet she says she will never give me another chance. So why does she still want contact. I'm 30 and she is older.

mrsbuzski

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Why Does She Keep Contact? Posted: 10-16-07 02:03am


Wheh you say, "you hurt her", was it physical or mental hurt? I think if you love someone with your entire being you would not want to be with someone else. Maybe, it's the sex?

velox0

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Posted: 10-16-07 02:36am


mentally of course. never physically. I hurt her in the sense that I pushed her away and rejected the idea of us. I did love her, but when I found out about her past I just freaked and that really hurt me. That is what made me push her away from me.

nightangel73

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Posted: 10-16-07 06:37am

velox0 wrote:

thanks for your replies.

Actually mikolas I don't think you're being mean and I sort of do believe in karma. many things in my life what happens goes around. I did not attempt to break her up, I asked her if we could not be intimate until she was single. she would not give me that option. anyhow that is not something i can change and because I have been the guy who had lost a g/f due to another guy I thought I could never do this thing to another guy. I will not do it again.

I agree with you day by day I am losing my chances. but I also feel I am stuck and not sure what to do. I want to tell her that I would do anything to try again, but she does not believe me and only remembers the hurt. I know that she thinks we match perfectly. but it is because of my actions that has pushed her away. it is my fault and I admit it. I know I hurt her by not giving her the benefit of the doubt. Her past just influenced me so much that I could not be with her in fear of it being repeated to me. In result I closed her off and she went away.

Paul995 that is where your statement comes in. I know I can get past her history. I know now what she had done is what has made her who she is today. I have come to realize this AFTER all this happened. therefor after I wanted her back and by that time she had gone back to her ex. at this point I knew I could get past it and I knew I did not care about her past. If it never happened she would not be this person. I have already eradicated my hate for her, now I just want us to work...

That is where my problem lies. We contact each other and we have communication going on. However she does not believe that I have changed and she does not believe that I really want us. She only remembers the hurt and thinks I will do it again. I don't know how to get past this and that is where I am stuck. She wont even see me in person, only contacts me through text.

I am so frustrated because she still contacts me. But yet she says she will never give me another chance. So why does she still want contact.

I'm 30 and she is older.

oh my so you are talking cheating at the 30's..

She is a cheater and you have no dignity trying to break a relationship up. Can you imagine my bf texting his ex like that? Look the very least that you can do is stay away from her. Cut the message texting, stay away. If she comes back to you she was yours. If she doesn't come back she never was.

Emma2

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Posted: 10-30-07 13:27pm


would u all give it up with the lecturing about cheating and dignity...they werent married for crying out loud.... give it up....and to the poster the girl doesnt really love you if she cant be with you and only you....she has some self esteem issues and is taking u for a ride ...drop her and move on.