Hi there. This is the first time I think I
will ever be completely truthful. This is
very hard for me and wanted somewhere to
get it off my chest. I am a 26 year old
girl and I suffer from depression. I have
never been able to keep friends as I find
it very difficult to cope in social
situations and can never think of what to
say or talk about and I find small talk
very difficult. I always imagine I am
boring or dull and they would rather not
be speaking to me. Whether this is all in
my mind I don't know. I find it much
easier to become friends with men, as I
can flirt with them and I know they like
me because they are men and I'm female. I
prefer the banter and knowing they are
unlikely to be health forum about me.
Women usually don't like me because they
think I am after their boyfriends. I am
not. But there has been occasion where I
have acted upon feelings with somebody's
boyfriend and so I have cheated and then
denied it. I am constantly worrying about
people finding out what I have done and so
create more lies to cover it up, until I
find myself in a whole tangled web that I
am terrified will unravel. I find it very
difficult to make friends with women as I
don't have much in common with girls, or
feel I have anything to say. I lie a lot
about my past and what I have done. I want
to stop the way my life is as I am losing
friends left right and centre as they find
out my lies and I can't sleep at night. I
want to be a good honest person and I
haven't lied about anything since
realising all this, but should I come
clean and confess to previous lies, to
clear my conscience? Or just continue
telling the truth and put the past to bed.
I am a good person, I am kind hearted and
loyal and hate the thought of ever hurting
anybody. So why do I? I hate myself
|
Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5321 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 63
Thanked:28
Posted: 10-16-07 10:14am
There's a certain circumstance where
telling someone from your past the truth
really won't help them at all. And a lot
of people usually already know when they
are being cheated on or lied to, give them
some more credit! But either way, it's in
the past. This is just my opinion, but try
to let it go and turn over a new leaf, no
more lying! If there are current issues
that your friends are upset with you, work
on that, and tell them the truth if you
need to resolve the conflicts and
apologize. Tell them you've been
struggling with this and you're sorry, and
you'd like to try again and move on.
The fact that you are so worried about
this shows that you really are a good
person. I don't doubt that one bit.
Sometimes it's just hard to deal with
reality! Everyone lies from time to time
and sometimes it goes too far and you get
stuck in a rut you can't get out of. But
now that you recognize it, take the chance
to break the cycle.
But in the end, you need to do what you
need to do to make yourself better. Good
luck.
|
kimbeam
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Oct 2007 Posts: 1
In Reply Posted: 10-18-07 04:08am
hi im new to this to, and reading what you
have put makes me see myself a little.
i dont think you should tell all and come
clean as this could loose the friends that
you have left, however keep being calm and
think before you speak and if things go
wrong least you will have that though that
you were tellin the truth.
i hope this help, i just felt that i had
to reply as you sound so upset
xx
|
Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5321 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 63
Thanked:28
Posted: 10-18-07 12:10pm
Welcome to the forum, you two. Good to
have you
|
anlyharo_4
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Oct 2007 Posts: 1
Posted: 10-18-07 14:09pm
I too, am new here.
I too, have a sorrowful story to tell.
I am a mother of 4 beautiful children.
My daughter lives with her father, my
first marriage, which to date, is a
divorce still not finalized.
My 3 sons live with their father and I.
But let me start from the beginning:
I began lying shortly after my father
remarried when I was seven. I was
terrified of my stepmother, and I
witnessed her blatant favoritism shown to
her children over my brother and me. I was
forced to do entire load of housework. If
I didn't complete this, I was punished.
Beaten. Verbally and physically.
I began lying to try thwarting these
punishments, which inadvertently made them
worse.
I turned to promiscuous and self
destructive behavior as a teenager,
resulting in one abortion and a 2nd
pregnancy at 18, (my daughter). I also
sought counseling at 16, which after
nearly a year, I decided I no longer
needed to talk to an objective party.
When I first married at 19, I began lying
to my husband, out of fear of being
verbally abused. He drank excessively,
seemingly unaware of the emotional abuse I
was suffering by his hand.
Finally after two years, I developed the
courage to leave him.
Then I met my boys' father. We've been
together for nearly 10 years, and I've
felt "trapped" for lack of a better word
for at least 4 of these years.
I started lying about the bills that were
being paid. I let our auto insurance
lapse, continuing on like everything was
okay, acting almost without conscience.
Once confronted, I was sorrowful, and
begged forgiveness, with the promise that
I would never lie again.
Yet, here I am now, about to lose a house
that he worked so hard for, because I DID
do it again.
I made sure all the bills were paid, for
the most part. Insurance lapsed again, and
the house payment was ignored.
Why? I can't answer that. I honestly do
NOT have a reason. I threw away all trust
he had in me.
I realize now that looking back at my
journals, though randomly kept, I have
been crying out for help for at least four
years.
I don't understand my need to compulsively
lie to the ones I love the most.
I do know that I cannot do this alone. I
cannot help myself when I don't know who I
am.
Currently, I feel I have identities that
do not define ME. I am a mother, a
daughter, a girlfriend. I have very few
friends. I've always been that way.
But now, at 31 years old, I know that I
need help, and someone to talk to.
|
CarolDiane
Moderator
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2221 Location: Finally a picture to a name,
Thanks: 87
Thanked:125
Honesty Posted: 10-19-07 08:12am
To be honest about passed lies is not an
easy thing. You sound like a very sweet
knowledgable gal to me. Yes, I feel you
are wasting away a wonderful life with the
lies. And yes, I would come clean. You
will feel so much better after you have.
If you loose some friends, then so be it.
The honest lifestyle you will be living
afterward is well worth it girl. So, I say
go for it and start your new life as an
honest and kind person that I know you
are.
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