He Moved to University and I'm Jealous Posted: 10-17-07 13:18pm
im 16, my boyfriend is 2 years older and
recently moved to university about 2/3
hours away. i get jelous of what hes doing
and who he is doing it with and all the
house party's etc.
we spent so much time together and we had
been together just over a year. i wish i
could have him back, i see him every
2weeks on average. i miss him so much and
i hate him not being around.
it has broke my heart. should i stick with
him or move on?
x
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ladyT02
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Sep 2007 Posts: 219 Location: ,
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Posted: 10-18-07 02:58am
You can't hate him for wanting to Go to
college and make something of himself.
Trust him, that's the most important thing
in a relationship...but if he does
anything to hurt you, like cheat etc. You
know what you have to do. I always go into
a relationship thinking "I'm gonna love
this person with all my heart... But I'm
keeping my soul to myself" you know how
they say love someone with all your heart
and soul...nope. But that's jus how I
think. Jus keep your head up and have self
respect in yourself. If he messes up its
done and over.
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Maddie34
Supporter
Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 1410 Location: ,
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Posted: 10-18-07 23:00pm
I agree with lady. Trust him as long as
you feel he deserves that trust. I'm in
the whole long distance thing too. Talk on
the phone a lot and enjoy the times
together that you can. Sometimes
distance(physical, not emotional) is good,
it gives you time to become independent.
You're young! Hang with your friends and
have fun!
Long distance relationships are hard. You
need to communicate really well and put a
lot of time into it. So if he's not
willing to take some time out of his
schedule for you-- or maybe if you feel
like its not worth it-- then don't waste
your time. It just depends on how much you
both put into it.
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entices1
Supporter
Joined: 25 Apr 2007 Posts: 120 Location: North Florida, USA
Re: He Moved to Uni Posted: 10-19-07 17:50pm
Speaking from "the other side" (IOW,
having gone through what you have), I feel
that there is a maturity difference
between a 16-year-old and an 18-year-old.
I'm not calling you "immature" by any
means but it's been my observation that a
16-year-old in the throes of romance can
become somewhat possessive and more than a
little insecure.
By the time one is 16, one hasn't
developed a "self-concept"--defining one's
self in terms of one's self. Not "I am
his girlfriend" or "I am somebody's
daughter" but "I am a strong person and
can accept (but not necessarily like)
practically anything that comes my way".
When one gets older, one doesn't
necessarily feel as though s/he has to be
around the "beloved" all the time. The
two are comfortable and secure enough in
the relationship that they can be apart
for a period of time (not defined) and
know that everything is all right.
I was a couple of years younger than my
Significant Other when I went away to Uni
(and we're talking over 30 years ago). I
was about three hours away and there was
no way I could see him as often as you see
yours. I was lucky if I saw him once
every couple of months. It killed me in
the beginning but I got used to it. I
felt secure enough and he never gave me
any inclination to feel otherwise.
Did you talk about this before he went
away? If not, and this is really
bothering you then the next time you see
him you really need to discuss this. No
accusations, nothing to make him
defensive, just calmly explain to him your
feelings. If he cares enough about you
he'll do what he can to assuage your
fears.
He's in a new atmosphere where he'll meet
women his age and make friends with them.
If that thought sends you into a frenzy
then there is something seriously wrong.
You can't expect that he'll cut himself
off from 50% of the population whilst he's
there no more than he would expect you to
cut yourself off from 50% of the
population.
I suggest that you find something else to
occupy your mind--if you're in school,
buckle down to your studies. Hang out
with your friends, start an exercise
regimen, just anything to get rid of the
insecurity and the unhappiness that goes
with it.
I hope this helps. Good luck and keep
posting.
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Mikolas
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Joined: 02 Aug 2007 Posts: 583 Location: Buffalo University, Hands off! My trained killer kitten has its aim set upon you!
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Posted: 10-20-07 14:48pm
If you don't think you can handle the
distance and you spend your days worrying,
I think you should move on because I doubt
you'd suddenly stop worrying after his
150th time going to house parties and
meeting another beautiful college girl. If
you are secure enough, then by all means,
make the distance but another test for
your relationship with him. As the others
said, if you think you can handle the
distance, trust him and try to enjoy
yourself.
Only you would/should know whether or not
he is the type of guy that would... drift.
Think about how he acts when he is drunk,
and how often he likes to go out
before/after his transition to the uni. If
he is a good responsible guy, then I don't
see a problem with trying this out. If
not... well lets just say I knew a few
younger girl/guy in college couples, they
never worked out. I'm not speaking on the
behalf of all guys, but I imagine for
those who are less strong willed, some
image of a girl you care for but is oh so
far away.. suddenly might be a bit hazy
when your chatting away with 3 hot
partially drunk beautiful girls right in
front of you in a party. So you are going
to have to ask yourself if he is loyal
enough.
Haha, NOOO for those of you thinking "oy
this guy must have cheated on his girl" I
didn't do that, I never had a girl, but it
has occurred many times I imagine.
