Scared that he's cheating on me Posted: 10-19-07 02:13am
I dont even know where to begin with this.
About 2 1/2 years ago I met this guy at
work..nothing happened..I went to college
for my freshman year, he finished his
senior year in h.s. Came back that
summer...and we met again, and sparks
flew...we started dating exclusively but
neither of us would put a title there bc
we didn't know what the other
wanted..well, i was leaving again for
college soon so we wanted to figure out
what we were exactly. We decided to go
through with a long distance relationship.
Before I left for college I ended up
giving it up to him. I've never been with
any other guy. He was just different. 8
months of college and we're still goin
strong. We've been dating 16 months
yesterday and recently things have gone
downhill. About a month ago I caught him
in a lie that I wished I'd never found. He
was texting some girl who he said was "his
sisters friend" and the text messages were
out of line. I called him out on it..then
called him out on his lie..it wasn't his
sisters friend. He admitted it was a girl
from work and came clean and
apologized..he was in tears because he
felt bad about it. He hadn't cheated on
me, and swore he never would (since thats
the reason his last relationship
ended..the girl cheating on him). We
talked things out..and I truly believe
things would be fine, but theres still
this parania in the back of my mind you
know? So tonight..I grabbed his phone and
found another outbox text message to a
random number...I saved it to my phone for
later and questioned him about it...he got
pissed and said he was tired of me being
all up in his caca,and went to
bed..leaving me crying and upset. Well...I
texted the number and get a call
back...its another girl from his work. We
talked..she said they were just
acquaintances but he had tried to take it
further though she wasn't interested. He's
been asking her to chill and watch movies
and hang out, when she couldn't he would
text back sayin "well you'll have to make
it up to me some other time then"...she
said she saw his "promise ring" i gave him
and asked if he was married...he said "no,
i'm too young to be married"..."is it from
your girlfriend"..."no i dont have a
girlfriend"....well..the first girl..i
just wanted to believe was a prostitute
who was bullshitting me..this is the
second time this is happening to me...i
know what I SHOULD do...i should dump this
loser and get over it right? easier said
than done being that he's the guy I lost
my virginity to and my first love. I
hasn't cheated on me...but the fact that
he's being flirty and trying to hang out
with other girls and being all secretive
about it drives me INSANE...as pathetic as
it sounds..i'm scared to loose him...he's
all i've known and i dont know what i'd do
without him...i dont know what to
do....sorry its SO long
It seems to me that you're caught between
who to believe. Your heart wants to
believe that she is lying, but your brain
sees what he has done before and wants to
believe the girl. I understand it is hard
to let go of the ones you love, but you
need to put yourself first here and if
being with him is hurting you, you may
want to end it sooner than later so the
healing process can begin. You need to
love yourself first here, put your mental
and emotional happiness first. Talk to him
about how he is making you feel and if you
think you can trust him, then hopefully
things will get better...but don't let
yourself live in pain.
|
meblonde01
Supporter
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 2113 Location: ,
Thanks: 6
Thanked:2
Posted: 10-19-07 09:02am
Whaturmuva
wrote:
It seems to me that you're
caught between who to believe. Your heart
wants to believe that she is lying, but
your brain sees what he has done before
and wants to believe the girl. I
understand it is hard to let go of the
ones you love, but you need to put
yourself first here and if being with him
is hurting you, you may want to end it
sooner than later so the healing process
can begin. You need to love yourself first
here, put your mental and emotional
happiness first. Talk to him about how he
is making you feel and if you think you
can trust him, then hopefully things will
get better...but don't let yourself live
in pain.
I want a man that wants ME.. one on one..
and if it looks he doesn't "so early in
the game" what will he be like latter in
life when the thirll of new wares off.
I won't tell him to hit the road. First
love or not you are way to young to have a
man that is already lieing to you! You
caught him twice.. one time is a mistake
and you can forgive.. The second time is a
way of life.. MOVE ON!
I know it will hurt but the old saying
"times heals" really is ture.. Do you want
to go through life wondering if he is
honest? NO.. one one does..
|
worrywart001
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 May 2007 Posts: 200
Posted: 10-21-07 09:54am
I'm talking to the girl he texted, texting
her and whatnot..she said she would let me
know what was up, whether he got her
number in a friendly way or if hes screwin
around, last I heard she said she would
talk to him but not be obvious then text
me, but..i haven't heard from her
so...we'll see...and I have the exact same
thoughts as you..thats why its so hard for
me..i KNOW that if he's making a pattern
of doing this...good lord..marriage life
with him would be terrible..i hate that
constant worry, I can't deal with it and
eventually its gonna screw up the
relationship, i'm just confused about
things right now, hoping the girl will
text me and say nothing is going on..
|
Maddie34
Supporter
Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 1172 Location: ,
Thanks: 43
Thanked:12
online
Posted: 10-21-07 13:00pm
Stop calling these girls, stop texting
these girls, and stop seeing this guy!
Doing anything else is just opening
yourself up for more hurt. Marraige with
this guy? You don't want it. Even if you
do resolve this situation, hun this is
going to be in your head forever! And
obviously things weren't perfect besides
just this because you felt the need to
poke around in his phone anyways.
A relationship where your just waiting to
catch him in another lie isn't a
relationship. I know it will be tough to
leave him because he's your first, but not
very many women get to do the whole "he
was my first and last" thing anyways. And
making it work-- never works. Move on, and
find a guy you can trust and love. Good
luck.
|
Inferior_Decorator
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Nov 2007 Posts: 12
Posted: 11-22-07 14:04pm
What advice would you give your best
friend if she approached you and told you
this story? I think you know the answer,
so stand up and be the strong woman you
are.......don't settle for garbage.
Never, EVER, stay with someone that makes
you an option rather than a priority.
You're so much better than this, move on
and find what you truly deserve. A better
man is out there waiting for you.
|
panicballoon
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2008 Posts: 10 Location: Chino Hills, CA USA
Posted: 01-31-08 01:11am
he was crying because he got caught.
also, if you two were dating exclusively,
i think that means you two were in a
relationship. So this 'having no title'
thing, is not right.
honey, you're in college...so many other
boys!
now, if only giving advice to other people
were as easy as taking it yourself! haha!
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