Daniella
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Oct 2007
Posts: 217
Location: Ohio,
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Have You Ever Felt Like This?
Posted: 10-22-07 08:49am
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Im usually soo excited about being
pregnant and having a baby but there are
days (like today) that I feel overwhelmed
by the thought. I am sooo in love with my
fiance its always been him and I. I've
lived with him since I was 17 (in our own
place) and worked with him for so long so
we would see each other 24/7 and even then
that felt like it wasnt enough time lol Im
terrified that things between us are goin
to change once Lil baby Emery gets here, I
have always said Im goin to put Dust
number one and our relationship my top
priority...anyone ever feel like maybe
they CANT do it?
Sorry he started a new job today and I
just miss him terribly...sighs 
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Marianne0558
Supporter
Joined: 10 Sep 2007
Posts: 1726
Location: Charleston, SC USA
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Posted: 10-22-07 08:52am
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I think everyone feels like this at times.
When you bring the baby home, things WILL
change. The sooner you come to terms with
that, the easier you will be able to cope
with the change.
Babies change EVERYTHING.
Baby Emery should be #1, and the
relationship should be #2.
It's okay to miss someone so terribly, but
you can't possibly be with someone 24/7.
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Daniella
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Oct 2007
Posts: 217
Location: Ohio,
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Posted: 10-22-07 09:04am
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See I have to disagree, I will never put
my baby first because then I would be
jepordizing my relationship with my
Fiance..I believe that if you have a
strong foundation, (aka meaning a stable
relationship) it will only benefit the
baby, if she sees that her mommy is so in
love with her daddy and that theres
stability there she will grow up in a
HEALTHY environment...I know its really
taboo in this society but Its how I feel
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pixma
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Aug 2005
Posts: 1015
Location: NSW Australia
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Posted: 10-22-07 09:13am
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to a certain degree i agree with you
Daniella!!
But why do we have to put anybody first
priority?? We should be all equal.
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Marianne0558
Supporter
Joined: 10 Sep 2007
Posts: 1726
Location: Charleston, SC USA
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Posted: 10-22-07 09:14am
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You are certainly entitled to believe
that.
For me, I will ALWAYS put my child before
ANYONE, even myself.
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pixma
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Aug 2005
Posts: 1015
Location: NSW Australia
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Posted: 10-22-07 09:23am
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Hey, who knows when my Gracie arrives i
might think differently.
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Marianne0558
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Location: Charleston, SC USA
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Posted: 10-22-07 09:25am
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| pixma
wrote: | | Hey, who knows when my
Gracie arrives i might think differently.
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I think you might. But you won't know
until she gets here!!
I can relate to both of you. When I was
pregnant, I wanted to have my relationship
stable for the sake of Kyleigh, but things
change once you meet this little baby
face-to-face.
It's so much different than feeling her
inside. You get to look at her. She looks
at you. It's instant, unconditional love.
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Daniella
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Oct 2007
Posts: 217
Location: Ohio,
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Posted: 10-22-07 09:37am
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Yea I get that I am goin to love and
cherish her but I want my relationship
with my Fiance to always be numero uno,
but I also think everyone should be equal
ya know. I just dont think its fair to put
ur marriage or relationship on the back
burner because u have a baby I think its
healthiest for everyone in my opinion
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pixma
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Aug 2005
Posts: 1015
Location: NSW Australia
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Posted: 10-22-07 09:37am
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| Marianne0558
wrote: | | pixma
wrote: | | Hey, who knows when my
Gracie arrives i might think differently.
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I think you might. But you won't know
until she gets here!!
I can relate to both of you. When I was
pregnant, I wanted to have my relationship
stable for the sake of Kyleigh, but things
change once you meet this little baby
face-to-face.
It's so much different than feeling her
inside. You get to look at her. She looks
at you. It's instant, unconditional
love. |
I really hope you are right!
I realise life as i know it will change
and will never be the same again. I thrive
on taking care of my fiance, to me it has
given me a purpose in life as stupid as
that may sound.
Juggling both is going to be a challenge
for me along with taking care of myself.
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Marianne0558
Supporter
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Posted: 10-22-07 09:42am
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Oh yes. I know what you are going to be
dealing with. I've been juggling the 2 for
almost 2 years.
It is very different once you actually
have the baby home.
I'm a stay-at-home mother (for now) and
all I do is clean, take care of Kyleigh,
take care of (try to) my fiance. It's hard
work. It's worth it though.
I was merely pointing out that not all
relationships are forever. If something
bad (God forbid) happened in the
relationship, your child would be first,
not the fiance.
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Daniella
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Oct 2007
Posts: 217
Location: Ohio,
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Posted: 10-22-07 10:02am
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Now u have a good point I will only put
the father of my baby first (if we are
still together) no other man say we do
break up will ever go before my baby..does
that make sense? Im not saying all
relationships should be put above ur child
but I feel strongly that the mother and
father should work their best at staying
together therefore putting the
relationship first...(I grew up in a
broken home..was NOT fun)
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vanessalouanne
Extremely EHEALTHy
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Posted: 10-22-07 11:24am
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But look at it like this..
some fathers abuse their children (in no
way am I saying yours will Im just trying
to get a point across)
if your child was being abused, would you
side with your fiancee over your child
because that relationship is number 1?
Trust me when you look at your baby's
face, that kind of love is the strongest
thing you will ever feel in your life.
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Marianne0558
Supporter
Joined: 10 Sep 2007
Posts: 1726
Location: Charleston, SC USA
Thanks: 48
Thanked:6
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Posted: 10-22-07 11:51am
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I grew up in a broken home as well. It's
NOT fun. But that would never, ever, ever
make me see how it is right to put a
relationship before your own flesh and
blood.
The man can always take care of himself in
the end. The baby cannot. It relies on you
to keep it alive and well.
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Phant Ears
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Oct 2007
Posts: 111
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Posted: 10-22-07 11:52am
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| Marianne0558
wrote: | I grew up in a broken home
as well. It's NOT fun. But that would
never, ever, ever make me see how it is
right to put a relationship before your
own flesh and blood.
The man can always take care of himself in
the end. The baby cannot. It relies on you
to keep it alive and
well. |
agreed.
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Ingi
Moderator
Joined: 09 Mar 2006
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Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
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Posted: 10-22-07 11:55am
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Things will change when the baby comes. It
is natural and it happens to everyone.
Your 'family' goes from 2 to 3 and the
dynamics of your relationship will have to
change. Babies are a 24/7 job and will
make the demand to be put first. Above
your own sleep. Above your own schedule.
Above your relationship with your fiancee.
A baby is a demanding little dictator of
your time and energy. Thankfully they are
cute and we love them mady, huh?
It is overwhelming at first. You'll get
the hang of it. You and your fiancee will
both change and become different people in
the process. That is part of the beauty of
expanding and growing as a family.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007
Posts: 13932
Location: everythings better in, texas USA
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Posted: 10-22-07 12:02pm
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eventually hun the baby will be your
number 1
you think youlove your fiance alot now
just wait to see how much you are in love
with your child!!!!!
its okay to feel this way though!
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Shanyan
Extremely EHEALTHy
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Posted: 10-22-07 12:27pm
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It makes sense what you are saying about
wanting to have a solid foundation for
your child but honestly once that baby is
here you will see that nothing will be
more important than he or she. But I can
also say from experience that having a
baby, as stressful and time consuming as
it may be, will actually make you love
your fiance more. I found that when I saw
my husband with my daughter I fell in love
with him all over again because she was
both a part of us and it made us whole.
Just remember to try to take some time for
the two of you. It may be hectic at first
but once everything settles down and you
get on a schedule than maybe make a date
night where it is just you and your
fiance. It really helps the two of you
just have time to focus on each other even
if it is just for a little while.
So good luck and remember it is normal to
feel this way........but really expect it
to change because I am sure it will!!
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mrsJ
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2007
Posts: 81
Location: ,
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Posted: 10-22-07 12:31pm
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I agree with putting your relationship
first.
I am aware my baby will be number one to
both me and my husband making us both
number 2 to each other but the
relationship meaning us as a couple (not
my husband as an individual) will, in my
opinion, always come first. If we do not
have a healthy relationship, if we slip
apart or lose interest or if we don’t
care for and nurture whatever challenges
come with our future then our child will
not have the stability he needs for his
own happiness.
I guess in a sense putting our
relationship first will enable us to put
our baby (as an individual) first as well.
Obviously most of you will disagree with
me but I have spoken with several veteran
mommies, wives and husbands that always
say put your relationship first...
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Becky
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jan 2006
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Posted: 10-22-07 12:37pm
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People who have the view of 'putting their
partner first' are always mothers who
haven't had their child yet.
once you have your baby and feel the
overwhelming protective instinct and love-
you will put s/he before EVERYONE.
I would be very worried if you didn't.
That's what the foundation of being a
mother is all about
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kaiteo
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Posted: 10-22-07 12:42pm
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I'm pregnant with my first and already
plan on putting my child before anything
or anyone.
I know I will feel more love for this
little person than I have ever felt in my
entire life, and I can't wait.
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