Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 19 Location: Dallas Metroplex, USA
Feeling Guilty Posted: 10-22-07 13:48pm
i'm 45 and was diagnosed with
schizophrenia in 1984. My mother suffered
from severe paranoid schizophrenia and was
generally non-compliant with her
medicines. Because of this -- and also my
own experiences -- I know how important
it is to follow the advice of your doctors
and take those nasty pills.
What bothers me most is my terrible work
history and my dependency on government
aid for both medical and material needs.
I'm not sure, but I continuously feel like
people are saying that I'm" no good and
lazy " or that " I have not worked a day
in my life." (Actually, I worked summers
while I was in high school and off and on
since then with poor results)
I don't think people get the frustration
that many of us have. I really have a lot
else to say but I'll get to that later.
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Philo
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2007 Posts: 331 Location: Montreal
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Posted: 10-23-07 09:58am
My sickness is making me feel guilty for
not working. I am being harassed by the
devil because of not working. I guess you
have to solve the problem yourself for
yourself (whether you're allright with not
working) and then other people's opinions
(or the "devil's") won't matter.
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5277 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 62
Thanked:27
Posted: 10-23-07 12:14pm
I understand guys. People will think that,
and it really sucks. I volunteer in a
mental health awareness organization, and
we fight stuff like this all the time.
Just don't listen to them!! They don't
know what it's like.
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Dorgus
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 19 Location: Dallas Metroplex, USA
Night Crawling Posted: 10-23-07 15:04pm
First off, I'd like to say thank you for
your supportive comments about the guilt
thing. But there is a problem I have that
I think could destroy my health and I
guess it's really my own doing. I enjoy
waking up in the middle of the night --
about 1 AM -- and drinking coffee to stay
awake as long as I can. I like the
quietness and muted darkness. I'll just
sit there, think, drink coffee, think . .
. etc . . . until I've drank 4 - 5 cups of
joe and stayed up about 4 hours. I do get
7 - 9 hours of sleep in a 24 hour day, but
my periods of waking and sleeping are
divided. I really like quiet, dark
places, they seem magical and intensely
spiritual to me. Don't get confused here;
I'm talking about physical darkness not
spiritual darkness.
I'm mostly concerned about my physical
health if I keep this up. Note that I also
drink about 4 cups of coffee during the
day -- that makes a total of about 8 cups.
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5277 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 62
Thanked:27
Posted: 10-23-07 15:24pm
You need about 8 hours of continuous sleep
for it to be the most effective. I mean,
you're not going to seriously harm
yourself doing what you're doing, but you
will be more susceptable to illness,
harder to recover, etc.
And the coffee is the same thing, not
gonna seriously harm you, but in the long
run, not the best idea.
I kind've have the same problem, I'm
definitely a night person. I would love to
stay up until 3 every morning and sleep
until noon. But I am a student so I can't,
and I've had to adjust my natural
schedule.
Is there a way you could build in some
quiet dark time during the evening before
you go to bed? Know what I mean? A dark
room or (I don't know where you live) a
nice time in the evening, the sun goes
down here around 6 pm now so it's easier
for me.
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Dorgus
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 19 Location: Dallas Metroplex, USA
Good Suggestion About Sleep, Let's Get Back to Guilt Posted: 10-24-07 04:46am
Yeah, your suggestion about having my
quiet time before I go to bed is a good
one. In fact, I kinda came to the same
conclusion by myself and drank my coffee
in the evening before I went to bed. I got
the same relaxed response and more
continuous sleep.
About feeling guilty: I think the stigma
of being mentally ill and guilt of being
on welfare messes a lot of sick people up.
They go into denial and desperately try to
work -- which messes up their benefits --
then they aren't able to afford the help
they need -- and then they get sick and
break down. I've read blogs by people who
are desperately trying to measure up to
someone else's standards while being
terribly sick and neglecting their
illness. It's a sad thing.
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Philo
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2007 Posts: 331 Location: Montreal
Thanks: 4
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Posted: 10-24-07 10:05am
I totally agree. Sometimes the harassment
in my head (about getting a job) is so bad
that I swear that I'm going to get a job
the next day. But the next day I'm too ill
to do anything. Another thing is that I'm
not really allowed to work part-time. Well
I am, but the calculations the welfare
makes are so complex that I never know how
much money I have so in effect I can't
work part-time.
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5277 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 62
Thanked:27
Posted: 10-24-07 11:39am
You have a social worker philo? I don't
know how they handle it there in Canada
but in the states you would usually get a
social worker who would help you figure
that kind of thing out.
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Dorgus
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 19 Location: Dallas Metroplex, USA
Volunteering Helps Me Posted: 10-25-07 05:00am
One thing I do to get over that worthless
feeling I have is the part-time
volunteering I do at a local food bank.
The atmosphere there is really supportive
-- and hey you're helping people. I've
taken those surveys on the computer about
the kind of work that is appropriate and
they tell me that I need to work in a
predictable, supportive environment with
gentle encouragement. The situation at
the food bank seems to fit these criteria.
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Philo
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Mar 2007 Posts: 331 Location: Montreal
Thanks: 4
Thanked:0
Posted: 10-25-07 09:48am
The social worker can help you get a job,
but if it's a part-time job (not enough to
support you) the welfare starts
calculating each month how much you made,
how much they sent you, and how much you
owe them back. Since you're getting very
little to start with and you're getting
two different cheques, one of which you
have to partially reimburse the whole
affair gets too complicated. I tried it
once and I couldn't sleep I was so
stressed.
Volunteering is good, I did it last
Saturday at a local ecological centre.
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Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5277 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 62
Thanked:27
Posted: 10-25-07 12:32pm
I was more thinking to get the social
worker to figure that stuff out for you
lol... how much you could work and not
have to reimburse, etc. But I don't really
know that system.
Yes, volunteering is great. One of the
ways I've been able to boost my
confidence. It's a way to contribute and
have some sense of self worth.
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