My Boyfriend Has Genital Herpes

I take 800mg of ACYCLOVIR a day, which is generic Zovirax Pills.

For me, it is just as effective as Valtrex, BUT MUCH cheaper. My insurance only covers a 'percentage' of RX meds, and Valtrex is still HIGH $$ with my coverage.

yeah thats what I take but it dryed me out. No matter what we did I couldnt get wet during foreplay or sex. And my insurance is the same for me, valtrex is way too expensive. Thanks

So if my boyfriend is on suppression daily valtrex and we only have sex with condoms when he has no signs of an outbreak, my chances of getting it are very slim right? Like as slim as getting pregnant? Also, does the shedding occur where his outbreaks occur? If his outbreaks were on the upper portion of his penis would that make me less likely to get it since that area is more covered by a condom than his lower shaft area?

RIGHT, your chAnces are SLIM.

Think of valtrex like you think of birth control.. It is not 100%, but it is VERY VERY effective.

Shedding occurs most DEFINITELY during an outbreak, but it also occurs randomly without an outbreak.

Daily therapy prevents this shedding, and it prevents it very very well.

"If his outbreaks were on the upper portion of his penis would that make me less likely to get it since that area is more covered by a condom than his lower shaft area?"

No, because Herpes is a SKIN TO SKIN contact disease, so technically it does not matter.

My husband did not know he ever had herpes, as he never had outbreaks.

I got herpes from him after we had been sleeping together for 3 months.

If you used condoms, AND he was on daily therapy, there would be about a 99% chnace that you would not get genital herpes.

It would be slim.

AS a side note... Herpes is not that BAD IMO, daily therapy means I do not outbreak, so I am not affected by it.

It must have taken alot of guts for your boyfriend to tell you he had herpes...so early in the relationship. I would be scared to death if someone told me that.... I probably would have to break it off... it is your choice...but I don't think I would have sex with him knowing that I was at risk of getting it. That would be a life long STD.. I have friends that have it and they say it is awful. How old are you? Do you think this will be a long lasting relationship? I hope you think about what the outcome may be before you decide... Good luck.

I'm glad the advice the OP got initially was more caring and open-minded than that. Certainly I'd be put-off as well, but if I'm in a relationship where I'm ready to have sex with the person, even AIDS wouldn't turn me away.

Everything is as bad as you make it. Herpes doesnt and isnt that bad. Yeah it sucks but with medication you can virtually have no outbreaks. Its a life long STD but it doesnt stop the important things in life, life children, love, sex, friends.

If you go around thinking its this horrible sick disease thats there no cure for and my sex life is over and no one will want me, then that how its going to be.

I think it's time for you to move on. If you're this contemplative of the issue now, you'll be unhappy down the road. You obviously have high standards...and that is a matter insufficiently discussed here. It's not just about being afflicted.

If you let your fellow down, be gracious, mature, and firm about it. He deserves special consideration for being forthright in his disclosure to you.

Marital candidates with problems often seek mates with similar problems, for this very reason. There is plenty of precedent on this.

And don't let anyone poo-poo your concern, by telling you "it's nothing." Set your own standards, and don't let anyone else do that for you.

Of course, you'll have to hold up those standards for future candidates, obviously. Don't be embarrassed to demand blood tests. There are plenty of reasons to be careful. You are valuable; don't allow yourself to be intimidated, and don't sell yourself short.

And I recommend chastity, until marriage, commensurate with your platform of responsibility.

While I appreciate your advice and respect your belief in not having pre-marital sex, I believe that having a sexual relationship before you get married is a huge part of intimacy and something that I think is important to discover and share before you decide to spend the rest of your life with someone. Over the last few days I have come to understand that with a condom, suppression therapy and safe sex practices, my chances of getting herpes is as low as 5% or less. The man I am in a relationship with is not by any means someone who sleeps around and is irresponsible. No one asks to get herpes. He just unfortunately got it. I am not going to hold that against him. It doesn't change who he is as a person or how I feel about him. You are right though, I do have high standards and want the best life for myself which includes being healthy. I am putting sex on hold for now with him until I feel more comfortable, and feel out where our relationship is going.

Some years ago I met my ex and instanly falled in love with him. And I contracted herpes without sexual intercourse. How? Well the regular coldsores are herpes type 1 and you can acctualy get herpes 2 from that. He did not have an outbreak and did not even know he had herpes type one. ABout a week after having oral sex I felt like I was getting the flu, had throat infection and little white spots appeared in my vagina. That was 2005 and after that BAD breakout I've never has one. I was never diagnosed beause its kinda hard to tell when you heal completely...I wish you the best...do some research about it and you will find out that a huge percent of the population has it...

Daily suppressive therapy makes herpes NOT AWFUL!

Nothing happens, I do not outbreak at all!

So, Emilyallen, you're putting sex on hold. Probably a good idea.

I'm not going to offer any arguments on conventional morality here, just practical (and unsolicited) advice. Because I happen to believe that rules of morality ultimately descended from practical discoveries, anyway. Some moral rules, like avoidance of pork, are now obsolete, while comparatively recent epidemiological realities render conventional morality to be itself obsolete, anyway.

Firstly, your argument that sex in advance of marriage is some sort of necessary trial, for compatibility, is a thinly veiled excuse for passionate, even reckless, behavior. It's a pretty safe bet that two people who are attracted to each other, physically, before marriage, will find sex to be about the easiest thing they will ever agree on. Conversely, do you expect to dump your boyfriend if he, say, can't last long enough to satisfy your sexual desires? Probably not. You'll find some remedy, and keep the boyfriend (or husband).

If you're really interested in testing compatibility, why not explore the difficult subjects like finance, child-raising, and tolerating objectionable in-laws? Then there are issues of behavior, such as how well each of you respects the other's ability to deal with stressful situations. Some folks can't even agree on how to celebrate a holiday, AFTER children are in the picture. It's oh-so-easy when there are just two of you.

It's easy when both of you are working, and there's plenty of money sloshing around. (That's when people hang out there shingles to find a partner.) It gets tougher when a couple can't agree on how much sacrifice, even austerity, might be tolerable, for the deferred reward of home ownership, etc.

Sexual habits before marriage are a pretty good indicator of how high a price each party puts on his or her own physical and psychological well-being. Easy lay, low price. Nobody "asks" to get an STD; it's a consequence of reckless behavior. And I'm not taking that word, "reckless," back, because, if you price your health correctly, there is no lesser adjective that applies. Ditto for smoking and motor-cycle riding. Ask any ER doctor.

Meanwhile, here's what's happening in much of our world...more of this to come...
Unless you plan to live for the moment, you might as well expect more of this. The world of "sex without consequences" lasted but a few years, about 40 years ago.
http://news.bbc.co .uk/2/hi/africa/5031378.stm

She really just wanted medical advice, not ethical. We don't judge here, but offer unbiased medical advice so people aren't afraid to ask.

Emily? This situation is happening to me right now. Your concerns and thoughts sounded very familiar to me... I empathize with the guy I'm dating, but I know I need to look out for myself first and foremost. However, I haven't felt this strongly about someone in a really LONG time. What did you decide to do about your situation?

Emily, your situation sounds very familiar. I have found myself in the same place. A guy I'm seeing told me after 6 weeks of seeing eachother. I find it so frustrating because I like him a lot. We connect on lots of different levels, but I don't want to put myself at risk. Do you have an update or any advice? I would appreciate either.

Just wanted to add this:

the good thing about herpes is, it doesn't get worse! Other std's put women at risk for much worse conditions, like cancer or pid (which can lead to fertility). However, herpes doesn't do this!! It's just annoying! My opinion- if you love someone, it's worth the risk (especially since there are things you can do to minimize the risk)