ok so i've been going out with my
boyfriend for almost a year now. and when
we met he would tell me about his past
when he lived in chicago and all his
friends and how much fun they would have.
and i was blind at the beginning of the
relationship. we got in fights because i
would see him calling other girls sexy and
flirting online. i confronted him but i
let it go because i didnt wanna seem
jealous. until i found out these "new
friends" of his were talking about me
pretty bad behind my back and he didnt
tell me for a couple months. until i found
out and confronted the girls. i would find
little hints he was flirting with other
girls but i just let it build up and not
say anything. after a while he started
talking about how he wants to spend the
rest of his life with me. at first i
thought it was cute. now its getting
annoying. im a junior in high school.
He constantly asks who im talking to.
where im going. if im out with my family
or friends he constantly calls or texts
and if i dont answer for a while he gets
worried and mad. he saw a guys name in my
call log and got really mad, got really
close to my face and ask why did he call
you!! then he made me delete guys names in
my phone book, i feel trapped, scared,
depressed, my appitetes changing, im lazy,
and im just not myself. hes told me before
hes scared about other guys liking me,
looking at me, or haning out with me. he
said he doesnt trust other guys. i
confronted him finally and he started
crying for almost 2 hours when i asked for
a break for a little he wouldnt let me. He
then confessed he didnt really have much
friends before and without me he has no
one. im his only best friend and he
wouldnt know what he would do without me.
he texted me the day after i confronted
him and said lauren i dont know what to do
anymore my family is driving me insane
your gonna break up with me. i want
someone to kill me. my life is a mess and
im so scared im going to amount to
nothing. so my being sooooo simpathetic
went over to see him to tell him forget
everything i said the day before. im never
gonna break up with him. now i regret it
because im depressed still. but without me
he has nothing and he wont let me go, his
parents arent very nice to him but i dont
konw what to. i know he loves me. but im
scared
I understand that he doesn't trust other
guys, but he needs to have trust in you.
You really need to sit him down and have a
talk about his trust issues, if you do so
maybe the relationship can be saved and it
can start going uphill.
But if he makes you miserable, you can't
stay with him out of pity. It would not be
fair to you to do so.
|
PenguinsRus
Moderator
Joined: 05 Nov 2007 Posts: 1181 Location: New York, NY United States
Thanks: 28
Thanked:8
Posted: 11-05-07 14:33pm
Jealously is okay, but only when it is
under control. For example, its
understandable if he didn't want you to
hang out with another male alone. Perhaps
to accommodate for that, you can hang out
with your male friends together, or make
sure you are in a group when seeing other
males, so that way you are both
comfortable. He won't have to be worried
about the other males, and you won't have
to be worried about not seeing your
friends.
However, what he is doing is extreme.
Deleting people from your phone book and
being so overbearing is unfair to you.
When in a relationship, you should not
lose your sense of self. You need to sit
down and have a serious talk with him to
figure out what is up and why he is acting
that way. If he doesn't start to change
and trust you more, you should let him go.
It may be hard, but it would be the best
decision for you in the long run.
|
w0esurrt
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Sep 2007 Posts: 22
Posted: 11-07-07 14:10pm
wow. you need to find a way to get rid of
him. boyfriends shouldn't scare you. nor
should they have the upper hand in who's
involved in your life. he either loves you
and trusts you or he doesn't and when he
says its the guys he doesn't trust, at
least he should have trust in you. I'm
sure you can find a better guy who can
make you happy and not scared all the
time. then you'll wonder what you were
doing with a guy like this one!
seriously. talk to him. if he gets angry,
don't get scared. snap back and show him
that he's not the boss of you &ditch
that guy!
|
baby_laine
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Nov 2007 Posts: 3
Posted: 11-11-07 14:37pm
Hi guys,
I am 19 year's old and I have been with my
boyfriend(21 yrs old) for almost a year.
He is my first REAL boyfriend...At the
beginning things were great. But i think
all relationships are great of first. Here
being a year later, things are definitely
not great. My boyfriend is insanely
jeolous and constantly asks me if i talk
to guys at school or who is this guy, who
is that guy. He gets mad at me when i want
to look good like fix up my hair or wear
makeup and asks ..."who are you trying to
impress?? people at school??". He thinks
everything is slutty/whory when it comes
to clothes i want to wear sometimes. Also,
he gets angry easily .. so easily. he
doesnt want me going out with my
girlfriends to the bar or something .. not
cause he apparently doesnt trust me but
b/c he doesnt trust guys. B*llsh*t. he has
also come to the point where he has hit
me, pushed me, dragged me, squezzed my
arms, and lifted me up by the neck... im a
5'1 little girl he is almost 6 feet. I
have gotten bruises on my arms..
everywhere. i got this bruise once on my
arm and it was REALLY bad it was bleeding
inside. his older sister has asked him to
the side what happend to my arms and he
lied and prettended he didnt know what she
was talking about.. he is very embarassed
that he does these things to me. he doesnt
want anyone to know. He has also
threatened me that he is going to see
other girls and has told me to F*ck off
but next minute he is hugging me saying
sorry and not to leave? i nearly break
down in tears. i am so confused of all
this.
I have given him so many chances... why
you may ask? He can also make me the most
happiest person in the world. He loves me
and shows it so much at times. He drives
to my house which is 30 min away because i
don't drive... and he drives me
everywhere. he takes me to work we have
lunch everyday. He cares about me. he
doesnt want me getting hurt, he wants to
make sure im confortable. He also says im
the best girlfriend he has ever had and
cries when i want to leave. he begs me not
too. he says he needs me. He has gone
through alot.. his parents JUST divorced,
he's never had a real family life and his
sister has recently left the house becasue
she got married. he is all alone now. his
dad is constantly at work running thier
busniess and he has told me his parents
were never home all his life. They also
apparently underestimate him alot too.. he
was a dumb kid in school. never got good
grades.. never really tried. and was
always the jokester.. he is very popular
and has a lot of firends because of his
funny personality. His ex-girlfriends have
also had a toll on him. They were LIARS
and very abusive also.. I dont understand
why he is like that to me? because i am
definitely like his ex-girlfriends. I love
him so much and care about him. sometimes
i feel so bad for him and think .. there
are other reasons why he can be both
emotionaly and physically abusive.. He is
all i got right now. Honestly the love in
my life i only recieve is from him My
parents totally disrespect me and i feel
they hate me because i havea boyfriend (i
am 19!!) they are old school traditional
parents and all they want me to do is
clean the house n get good grades and not
havea boyfriend. THAT is not fair so i
dont respect them either
My friend tells me: "he is only want you
know now. that doesnt mean hes going to be
all you know forever"
She wants me to break up with him and
leave him. BUt i can't i care about him
too much to leave.
I dont know. life is realy confusing/hard
right now. What do you guys think about
this ?
|
Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 3165 Location: Vacationland, USA,
Posted: 12-01-07 16:33pm
I would end this relationship. He is
being abusive and punishing you for his
past. So what if his exes were mean to
him. You are not them and shouldn't be
punished for their wrongdoings.
You have the right to get dressed up and
look nice and you shouldn't be questioned
for that.
He probably takes you to lunch every day
so you won't go anywhere with someone
else.
your too young to be in such a raunchy
relationship
|
purrfection
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Dec 2007 Posts: 35 Location: Sydney, Australia
Posted: 12-18-07 09:48am
My bf sounds exactly the same as your bf
lauren1. If you love him and dont want to
leave him (or like him and dont want to
leave him) then maybe tell help him get
some help. He sounds like he has
insecurity problems and probably
depression or seperation anxiety issues.
This could help him if he can sort this
out and understand why he gets these
feelings. Please PM me if you want to
talk because your situation seems
identical to mine... even with the bf
having no friends and saying he cant lose
me cos I am his only true friend and he
will have nothing in life without me. take
care hun
|
mominashoe
Supporter
Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 1560 Location: , USA
Thanks: 13
Thanked:3
Re: Possesive Boyfriend Posted: 12-18-07 10:52am
lauren1
wrote:
ok so i've been going out
with my boyfriend for almost a year now.
and when we met he would tell me about his
past when he lived in chicago and all his
friends and how much fun they would have.
and i was blind at the beginning of the
relationship. we got in fights because i
would see him calling other girls sexy and
flirting online. i confronted him but i
let it go because i didnt wanna seem
jealous. until i found out these "new
friends" of his were talking about me
pretty bad behind my back and he didnt
tell me for a couple months. until i found
out and confronted the girls. i would find
little hints he was flirting with other
girls but i just let it build up and not
say anything. after a while he started
talking about how he wants to spend the
rest of his life with me. at first i
thought it was cute. now its getting
annoying. im a junior in high school.
He constantly asks who im talking to.
where im going. if im out with my family
or friends he constantly calls or texts
and if i dont answer for a while he gets
worried and mad. he saw a guys name in my
call log and got really mad, got really
close to my face and ask why did he call
you!! then he made me delete guys names in
my phone book, i feel trapped, scared,
depressed, my appitetes changing, im lazy,
and im just not myself. hes told me before
hes scared about other guys liking me,
looking at me, or haning out with me. he
said he doesnt trust other guys. i
confronted him finally and he started
crying for almost 2 hours when i asked for
a break for a little he wouldnt let me. He
then confessed he didnt really have much
friends before and without me he has no
one. im his only best friend and he
wouldnt know what he would do without me.
he texted me the day after i confronted
him and said lauren i dont know what to do
anymore my family is driving me insane
your gonna break up with me. i want
someone to kill me. my life is a mess and
im so scared im going to amount to
nothing. so my being sooooo simpathetic
went over to see him to tell him forget
everything i said the day before. im never
gonna break up with him. now i regret it
because im depressed still. but without me
he has nothing and he wont let me go, his
parents arent very nice to him but i dont
konw what to. i know he loves me. but im
scared
This is NOT a healthy relationship. He is
abusive and manipulative. You need to
stop seeing this guy. He is just a
BOYFRIEND which means that he has no hold
over you. You are not in a committed
relationship. I would suggest getting a
restraining order against him. You are
not getting anything out of this
relationship but misery and fear.
Don't worry about what happens to him
because you cut him off. He isn't stable
and that's not your responsibility. If
you do decide to break up with him, don't
tell him. Let the restraining order do
that for you.
Stay safe.
|
mominashoe
Supporter
Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 1560 Location: , USA
Thanks: 13
Thanked:3
Posted: 12-18-07 11:00am
baby_laine
wrote:
Hi guys,
I am 19 year's old and I have been with my
boyfriend(21 yrs old) for almost a year.
He is my first REAL boyfriend...At the
beginning things were great. But i think
all relationships are great of first. Here
being a year later, things are definitely
not great. My boyfriend is insanely
jeolous and constantly asks me if i talk
to guys at school or who is this guy, who
is that guy. He gets mad at me when i want
to look good like fix up my hair or wear
makeup and asks ..."who are you trying to
impress?? people at school??". He thinks
everything is slutty/whory when it comes
to clothes i want to wear sometimes. Also,
he gets angry easily .. so easily. he
doesnt want me going out with my
girlfriends to the bar or something .. not
cause he apparently doesnt trust me but
b/c he doesnt trust guys. B*llsh*t. he has
also come to the point where he has hit
me, pushed me, dragged me, squezzed my
arms, and lifted me up by the neck... im a
5'1 little girl he is almost 6 feet. I
have gotten bruises on my arms..
everywhere. i got this bruise once on my
arm and it was REALLY bad it was bleeding
inside. his older sister has asked him to
the side what happend to my arms and he
lied and prettended he didnt know what she
was talking about.. he is very embarassed
that he does these things to me. he doesnt
want anyone to know. He has also
threatened me that he is going to see
other girls and has told me to F*ck off
but next minute he is hugging me saying
sorry and not to leave? i nearly break
down in tears. i am so confused of all
this.
I have given him so many chances... why
you may ask? He can also make me the most
happiest person in the world. He loves me
and shows it so much at times. He drives
to my house which is 30 min away because i
don't drive... and he drives me
everywhere. he takes me to work we have
lunch everyday. He cares about me. he
doesnt want me getting hurt, he wants to
make sure im confortable. He also says im
the best girlfriend he has ever had and
cries when i want to leave. he begs me not
too. he says he needs me. He has gone
through alot.. his parents JUST divorced,
he's never had a real family life and his
sister has recently left the house becasue
she got married. he is all alone now. his
dad is constantly at work running thier
busniess and he has told me his parents
were never home all his life. They also
apparently underestimate him alot too.. he
was a dumb kid in school. never got good
grades.. never really tried. and was
always the jokester.. he is very popular
and has a lot of firends because of his
funny personality. His ex-girlfriends have
also had a toll on him. They were LIARS
and very abusive also.. I dont understand
why he is like that to me? because i am
definitely like his ex-girlfriends. I love
him so much and care about him. sometimes
i feel so bad for him and think .. there
are other reasons why he can be both
emotionaly and physically abusive.. He is
all i got right now. Honestly the love in
my life i only recieve is from him My
parents totally disrespect me and i feel
they hate me because i havea boyfriend (i
am 19!!) they are old school traditional
parents and all they want me to do is
clean the house n get good grades and not
havea boyfriend. THAT is not fair so i
dont respect them either
My friend tells me: "he is only want you
know now. that doesnt mean hes going to be
all you know forever"
She wants me to break up with him and
leave him. BUt i can't i care about him
too much to leave.
I dont know. life is realy confusing/hard
right now. What do you guys think about
this ?
I would suggest the same for you as I did
for the OP. I know he may sometimes make
you the happiest person, but relationships
like this cannot go anywhere. What if you
accidentally get pregnant? or he wants you
to get pregnant? Are you going to risk
your life and a baby's life because he's
unbalanced and likes to abuse?
Are you saying the ex-girlfriends were
liars because you talked to them yourself
or because of what he's told you about
them? Maybe it's time to check out the
truth on what they really have to say.
Because the wool is over your own eyes
here. I'm sorry to be so blunt with you,
but this happens to so many people and I
hate to see guys taking advantage like
this and people get hurt!
There are many fish in the sea, and a lot
of wonderful guys out there who would bend
over backwards to help you, not makes life
worse. Don't feel like there isn't anyone
else. People like you BF should have
restraining orders against them or be put
in jail. You have to force yourself to
realize that it's not really HIM that you
care about. He's just manipulated you
into feeling sorry for him or thinking
that he's wonderful......when truly, he's
the worst jerk for manhandling you! There
are other guys out there sweet and decent
who need your love.
The site is not a replacement for professional medical opinion, examination, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your medical doctor or other qualified health professional before starting any new treatment or making any changes to existing treatment. Do not delay seeking or disregard medical advice based on information written by any author on this site. No health questions and information on eHealth Forum is regulated or evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and therefore the information should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease without the supervision of a medical doctor. Posts made to these forums express the views and opinions of the author, and not the administrators, moderators, or editorial staff and hence eHealth Forum and its principals will accept no liabilities or responsibilities for the statements made.
Schizophreniahealth
This page was last updated on June 11, 2008
