Caught My Bf Lying about Pot Use Posted: 10-25-07 10:41am
Like I said in previous posts, my bf and I
just recently moved in together and have
been together for almost a year and a
half. Just this past weekend we got in
our first fight. I had gone to a wedding
reception and he went over to his buddies
place. I got home around midnight and had
this gut feeling I should stay up. Well,
just as I was about to go to bed an hour
and a half later, he strolled through the
door. Right away I could tell he was
drunk and stoned, with the squinty blood
shot eyes, and the smell on his clothes
and breath.
Now he knows that I don't like drugs (my
parents used to argue all the time and
fight because my dad did it) so when I
asked him who was there he told me. Then
I asked if there was any pot and if he did
any. He said there was some but he didn't
do it. Right away I knew he had just lied
to me. So after watching a bit of TV (he
could tell I was pissed and kept bringing
up stupid topics like the garden and
stuff) I asked him again and said not to
lie. He then confirmed it. He had taken
a few puffs. So I immediately started
crying. After a long talk, and a few
tears shed from both me and h im, he
promised me that he'd never do it again.
Then I made him sleep in the other room
because I couldn't deal with the smell.
Am I wrong to not want him to do drugs?
Am I going to be able to trust him again?
I'm going to be afraid every time now when
he goes to a party with his buddies that
majority of them smoke pot. What do I do?
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Maddie34
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Posted: 10-25-07 11:08am
No, you aren't wrong for wanting him not
to do drugs. I'm the same way. Drinking,
sure with moderation of course but pot?
Ick, no thanks. I can't really think of
specifics as to why I dislike it other
than smell -which is really hard to get
out- but it sounds like you have some
really good reasons.
As to whether or not you can trust him is
up to you, does he break your trust often?
You probably will be annoyed every time he
goes out with his friends, especially if
its all his friends do. Is he just willing
to stop smoking? maybe when he's around
his friends they can do something other
than pot.
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LadyKitten
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Oct 2007 Posts: 59 Location: ,
Posted: 10-25-07 12:10pm
Well, he hasn't lied to me about anything
else yet. In fact, with him I find I
trust him more than I did with previous
boyfriends. For the first while in our
relationship, it was a long distance thing
(I'm in Ontario he was in Nova Scotia) and
never once did I feel I couldn't trust
him. For some reason with him, I just
felt that he was really into the
relationship and wouldn't want to cheat on
me.
But here's another thing, I needed to use
his computer because mine was acting up,
so I got a little snoopy on it and checked
his received files. On Feb 2 (while he
was in Nova Scotia) of this year (we
started dating June 2006) there was a pic
of some girl named Rachelle showing her
boobs via webcam. I don't know who this
girl is, but if it's a file he received
after we started dating, it makes me
wonder if he cheated on me. I don't want
to ask him about it because he'll know I
was snooping. I really love him and I
know he really loves me. Should I be
concerned?
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blondie_899
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Oct 2007 Posts: 62
Posted: 10-25-07 12:27pm
Well I would be concerned if some girl was
showing her boobs to my boyfriend even if
it was on webcam.As for the drug thing you
had every right to be upset.I hate drugs
and I know that it messes up people's
lives.If he continues to smoke pot and lie
to you then maybe you should re think your
relationship with him.
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Maddie34
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Posted: 10-25-07 12:48pm
Ugh... I hate stories like these. haha
they always make me feel the need to snoop
because I'm in the whole
I-trust-him-to-no-end thing too.
If it bothers you-- which i think it
does-- then bring it up. Just try not to
be accusing or anything because he'll
probably get really defenssive and then
nothing will be accomplished but a huge
argument. He's going to be mad about you
snooping so I would get ready for what you
are going to say when that comes up. I
don't mean excuses, I mean getting the
conversation back on track.
I do feel the need to tell you that,
despite the possibly valuable info you've
learned, you shouldn't snoop. I know--
easier said than done!-- but its his
privacy and you should respect that.
Out of curiousity, how much did you have
to dig to find this video?
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LadyKitten
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Oct 2007 Posts: 59 Location: ,
Posted: 10-26-07 06:44am
It wasn't a video, it was just a pic of
some other girl's boobs. It was just
under his received file. It wasn't hard
to find at all. I could easily say that I
needed to use his computer because mine is
acting up and I came across it. Mine is
really acting up so it's not like I'm
lying. He even said I could use his
computer if mine keeps up. It's just so
frustrating. I love him and trust him,
but why a pic of another woman?
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Rosie H
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Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1079 Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
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Posted: 10-26-07 10:39am
The pic of another women probably doesnt
mean anything, other than hes a guy and he
likes boobs. Mu guy has a lot of pics of
women on his phone, he gets them from his
friends as jokes or they pass naked
pictures around to each other. This
doesnt worry me. He likes porn and I like
porn. But he just likes it in his phone.
If you know you trust him to not cheat
then stop thinking about why he has this
photo. Trust me the more you think hes
lying or try to analyze the situation the
more confused and upset you will be.
As for the pot, you have every right to be
upset. I presonally have zero tolerance
to drugs. I dont hang around people using
and I definately dont want my hubby
smokin. Once he did I would leave him.
But our relationship is different then
yours. So you just need to find out how
much you are willing to take. Maybe set
some boundries with him. Like Im and
alcoholic and my guy drinks. No alcohol
is allowed in the house and I dont see him
drinking or I am not around him while he
buzzed out.
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Maddie34
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Posted: 10-26-07 17:24pm
Oh a pic, why did I think video? I must be
going crazy. Sorry about that!
I agree with Rosie. I wouldn't be upset
about a pic. It's annoying, I understand,
but guys have stuff like that.
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LadyKitten
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Oct 2007 Posts: 59 Location: ,
Posted: 10-29-07 10:24am
But him having the pic in his received
files only means he received it via msn
which means he was chatting with some girl
named rachelle who sent him a pic on Feb.
2, 2007 (7 months after we started dating)
of herself topless. So wouldn't that be
considered cheating in a way? I know some
people believe that chatting with someone
online and having online sex may not
constitutre as cheating, but in my books
it does.
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Birch
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Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 3757 Location: A perpetual state of busy, In the land of Tired.
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Posted: 10-29-07 10:37am
I would be more concerned about the lying
than the pot use.
Where's there's smoke...there's fire.
Have you talked about why the pot use
bothers you?
You see chatting online and online sex as
cheating, but does he know that?
This happened a looooooong time ago, have
you talked to him about it?
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LadyKitten
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Oct 2007 Posts: 59 Location: ,
Posted: 10-29-07 11:14am
He does know how I feel about the pot use,
but he still did it, and then lied about
it. I've given him a second chance with
that and will give him another opportunity
about it. He seemed to be very sincere
about it when he apologized. He even
cried. But for the online sex chatting,
we've had discussions about it generally
saying that we both think it's considered
cheating, but I haven't actually talked to
him about the pic I found on his computer.
I wouldn't want him to know I was looking
around on his laptop.
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Birch
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Posted: 10-29-07 22:13pm
Wow, that's tough.
I would tread lightly. Someone who would
willfully do something he knows you hate,
lie about it, and then cry about it later
sounds like a rather manipulative person.
I don't know him obviously, but I would
just, well, hesitate to be involved with
him. Best of luck to you!
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LadyKitten
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Oct 2007 Posts: 59 Location: ,
Posted: 10-31-07 10:29am
I don't think he was being manipulative.
I think it was just peer pressure that
made him do it. You know guys, when all
your friends are doing it, and you think
because you're gf isn't around, maybe she
wouldn't find out. The real test is the
next time he hangs out with these friends
again. If he does it again, then I'm
afraid, as much as I love him, I'm going
to have to say sayonara. I don't want to
be with a guy that will be doing drugs
like my father did. And he knows it.
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To0kxy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Nov 2007 Posts: 24 Location: ,
Posted: 12-04-07 18:48pm
I would be more worried about the pic than
the pot. His more inclined to cheat on you
when his drunk than is his stoned or
stoned and drunk. If his going to go out
with his friends and you wont be there. I
would rather my bf be stoned. its a downer
drug, and if his with a girl like you he
wont become addicted or anything like
that. When it becomes mroe than once or
twice a week i would be worried.
He obviously use to talk to this girl abit
for her to send a pic of herself with no
top on. Check his received items and stuff
when his not home! hehe
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Jude-Love
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jun 2007 Posts: 727 Location: Williamstown, Kentucky USA
Posted: 12-05-07 13:13pm
I agree with To0kxy. The pic seems like a
bigger concern.
As far as him using pot goes, you aren't
wrong to not want to be with someone who
smokes pot. But did you know he was a pot
smoker before you began dating him? If
you did, then in my opinion you can't
really complain about it.
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