I've been having this problem for nearly a
year now and I just don't know what could
be causing it. I'm 22 and I've been with
my partner since last December.
Reaching orgasm for me was never easy.
I've never had an orgasm during sex and
I've never had anyone else manage to make
me come but at least I used to be able to
do it myself, usually with the aid of a
vibrator but it wasn't always necessary.
However, since around the time I started
seeing my current boyfriend, I've not been
able to make myself come at all. Not by
with him, not even by myself.
I feel like we've tried everything, we've
bought toys, tried sex from every angle,
with toys, without, breathing
techniques... The number of hours he's
spend going down on me is phenomenal but
we've not really acheived anything.
But it's not quite like I'm not reaching a
climax. He's come closer than anyone else
at making me come and just about every
time it's the same - it builds up and
builds up and builds up and then, just
when I think I'm going to come I get
really over-sensitive and everything
starts to feel unpleasant, or even hurt. I
used to get like that after coming so it's
like still having an orgasm but without it
actually happening.
I really don't want to go and see a doctor
but could anyone give me some advice on
other things we can try, or anything
really?
It used to be that I got so frustrated
that I couldn't come but we're past that
no into being where I just don't expect to
come and can't see it ever happening
again. Which is just depressing, really!
One more thing, and I don't really think
it'll count for anything, but I contracted
chlamydia from my last boyfriend and,
thinking about it, it was probably around
that time that the problem started. As far
as I'm aware though, that wouldn't really
make any difference.
Thanks in anticipation!
|
zian
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Oct 2007 Posts: 29
Posted: 10-26-07 11:56am
i used to get like that sometimes it was
when i had some things on my mind, maybe
subconciously ur thinking about the
chlamydia! i know how frustrating it can
be especially when ur boyfriend is trying
so hard. i found that just relaxing andnot
expecting to reach climax helps, sometimes
we even watch porn whil were doin it that
seems to wrk for me also i find when we
havent had sex for a couple of days it
helps keep me interested, i dont know if
this ever happens to u but i can be n the
middle of sex an just completly lose
interest and have to tell my partner to
stop! i really dont know what else to tell
u to try sorry hun.
|
Kpen
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jan 2008 Posts: 4 Location: ,
Issues Posted: 01-13-08 17:41pm
I'm 21 and I've had one sex partner 2
years ago and ever since than I haven't
had sex with anyone. I have a partner and
he and I have been together for the past 2
years... and never... even with my bf
before.. .have I had an orgasm and its
driving me insane. All I want is to have
an orgasm... And I've been faking it every
time. I think that's probably hurt my
chance of having one now that all I've
been doing is pretending.
Everyone's telling me that I need to learn
by myself and figure out what I need....
I'm scared to. My guy now wants me to do
this too. He has been trying and trying to
help me. He would do anything to help me
with this.
But... someone tell me what I'm doing
wrong. It's so frustrating and I don't
even want to get vaguely passionate
together anymore. So, I need to fix this.
|
Accolade
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jan 2008 Posts: 11 Location: ,
Posted: 01-15-08 12:39pm
kathyj: Sounds like you need a new
boyfriend. You may think you love him, but
move on. Think long term, do you really
want to be with a guy who cant pleasure
you or makes you think that you're not
doing something right or correct with your
own body? Great that he spends lots of
time trying to pleasure you, but that is
what you want with a person who *can*
pleasure you. Ultimately, there is nothing
wrong with you, there is nothing wrong
with his dedication, you are ultimately
too different. Never deny the power of
human emotion.
|
Georgia59
Moderator
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 5557 Location: Along the Mississippi, USA
Thanks: 90
Thanked:32
Posted: 01-15-08 12:48pm
I disagree, I think your boyfriend is
worth keeping! Just takes some work.
Are you on birth control? If you are, it
might be affecting your sex drive.
assuming your chlamydia is treated-
think back to when you were able to climax
before- what was different? And how did
you masturbate, with your hands? Try
getting him to do exactly what you used to
do, and definitely try it yourself.
Usually they say to work on exploring your
body and find what feels good WITHOUT
expecting or working towards an orgasm.
I'd try this some more. Just try have fun
for a while and see what happens. Don't
pressure yourself or him to orgasm, just
have fun.
I don't know that seeing a doctor would
really help- at least yet. If you were
able to orgasm at one time it's probably
not a physical problem, but a mental one.
And some women just have a really hard
time orgasming. If you are interested, you
can look up female sexual dysfunctions and
see what seems to fit and how it can be
treated.
BUt since you weren't able to orgasm with
another guy either, it's probably not your
relationship, you think?
|
Brigantine
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2008 Posts: 11
make it fun Posted: 01-18-08 20:00pm
KathyJ-
some suggestions:
Fantasy life
Alcohol
games
maybe a glass of wine can help you relax.
when you were able to orgasm by yourself
before, were you involved in a fantasy?
(if so, try 'acting out' the fantasy with
your partner, or telling him about it. I'm
pretty sure he'll think it's incredibly
hot and not weird at all). Make foreplay
a game of "how long can we stimulate each
other without ___" (intercourse, orgasm,
you decide the rules). Get good lubricant
to aid in prolonged foreplay. don't put
such an emphasis on "ORGASM"- just try to
explore and have a good time. If you still
have fun and feel satisfied, then don't
worry if you didn't orgasm, and don't let
him add stress about it (hours and hours
of oral stimulation might be adding to the
stress- "look all he's done for me and how
much he's tried, and I still can't
come!"). that's what all the
articles/books I've read have to say
anyway.
|
fiona05
Supporter
Joined: 21 Dec 2005 Posts: 663 Location: , Norn Iron
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-18-08 20:30pm
Accolade
wrote:
kathyj: Sounds like you need
a new boyfriend. You may think you love
him, but move on. Think long term, do you
really want to be with a guy who cant
pleasure you or makes you think that
you're not doing something right or
correct with your own body? Great that he
spends lots of time trying to pleasure
you, but that is what you want with a
person who *can* pleasure you. Ultimately,
there is nothing wrong with you, there is
nothing wrong with his dedication, you are
ultimately too different. Never deny the
power of human
emotion.
she cant reach orgasm when she's by
herself either, i dont think it's the
guy!
i really dont know what to suggest to you.
i wonder could it have anything do to with
the chlamydia. i take it you got treated
for it? i really don't know, but i hope
this gets better for you this must be such a
frustrating situation!
|
young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-18-08 20:35pm
kinda oldish post guys
|
Brigantine
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2008 Posts: 11
Posted: 01-18-08 20:41pm
sure but other people with similar
problems still peruse the boards... they
might get something out of it without
cluttering up the boards with their own
thread.
this must be such a
frustrating situation!
