How Fast Is Too Fast for Committment? (freaked Out) Posted: 10-28-07 16:35pm
Thanks in advance for reading.
So I was wondering what everyone's
opinions on taking relationships to the
next level (living together, marriage,
engagement, etc.) were. And how do you
know when it is and isn't a good idea?
The reason is because I've been dating my
boyfriend for just about a year now. We
met exactly a year ago and started dating
a month later. We decided to move in
together in December so I can complete my
internship around here and live somewhere
cheap. That's a big step for me being an
only child and never having lived with
anyone or a significant other before and
it kinda freaks me out, especially because
we've only known each other a year and we
already argue about the apartment. And I'm
definitely used to my space and having my
own time and my bf is quite used to the
opposite. In fact, he's more clingy than I
am.
Anyway, I would consider that normal
worries, I just don't want it to ruin the
relationship. The real problem is he
proposed to me over the weekend (in a non
special way because his original plans had
to be canceled) and that just made me
angry. It showed that he wasn't paying
attention when I would change the subject
about when we should get engaged and
especially when I told him I should finish
my degree first. He "just couldn't wait,"
not even for a more appropriate time to
actually do it. Because, let me tell you,
proposing to a girl at a costume party
isn't the way to do it unless she's into
that sort of thing.
Of course I want to marry him some day,
but we haven't even had sex yet, and I
just don't understand why he couldn't take
those hints that I wasn't ready for more
changes. He said he wasn't sure because I
don't give him straight answers, but that
should be a huge red flag. One step at a
time for Pete's sake! I think he ignores
the fact that I'm 7 years younger than he
is and haven't gone through these things
like he has. He's at a place in life where
he can unquestioningly move in with his
fiancee after a year, but I'm definitely
not.
I accepted his ring sort of grudgingly and
gave him an earful later on, which made me
feel better, I'm just not sure what to do
now. I feel pressured. And that makes me
anxious. Should I feel happier? Should I
have felt more special when he proposed?
Should we call it off for now? Should I
wait to get used to it? What are your
experiences?
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Proudmommy13601
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Jun 2007 Posts: 85 Location: Fort Drum NY
Posted: 10-28-07 16:52pm
Trust your gut, if you feel it is too son
then it is!
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Maddie34
Moderator
Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 1623 Location: ,
Thanks: 88
Thanked:19
Posted: 10-28-07 17:03pm
When is a good time to take new steps? The
second you feel ready and comfortable! If
you aren't ready then its not a good idea.
I know what you mean, I've been putting
off even talking about living with my
boyfriend though it comes up regardless of
my efforts. He's far more clingy than I am
though i don't mind too much. But I'm
halfway through college and I wanted to
have the whole "living with friends from
college" thing but he's not getting it.
I'm still not sure what I'll do. Probably
make some compromise and agree for him to
move in over the summer for the summer...
I don't know.
Have a talk for now and see where you are
at. Ask questions and make sure you DO
give him straight answers, because
assuming he'll read into whatever you say
isn't smart. Who knows what he's going to
assume? Tell him you aren't ready. And
calling things off or not is your call,
but its not weird for people to stay
engaged for a long time-- thats again,
only if you are comfortable.
