Teenagers And Friendship (long) Aaaa I Need Help Posted: 10-29-07 08:50am
I think this goes here. I'll try to keep
this short but the situation is making my
brain hurt. I need help, please, I'm
practically begging here.
I have a friend who's over 3 years younger
than me, I turned 22 last month (female),
he's 19 in early '08, we're both in
college, both very inexperienced in terms
of relationships or sex and all, but we're
just kinda old-fashioned, I suppose. It's
long distance, but we're great friends and
just have an amazing spark, we've been
close but that was more up until '07, now
it's on and off. Anyways, his attitude
lately is badly affecting our
friendship...
.:: Point of the post ::.
I feel like I can't say anything right, or
talk to him when I need a friend because
he makes everything about him. He even
said "Oh, those msn subtitles aimed at me?
:p". HELLO EGOMANIAC. This guy means a lot
to me but I don't know how to deal with
his hot and coldness, this latest phase.
He knows what he means to me, we've tried
a relationship when he has felt the same
as me, yet doesn't see why he can't talk
"openly" about his latest crush. WHY would
I want to hear about that? How many times
do I need to spell it out for the total
person that I still feel the same about
him. That's just one thing though, he
lashes out at random things, or just gets
plain weird at times.
Anyway. I've asked him to chill, tried
talking about everything but he turns
stuff on me like I'm insecure or cynical,
like I'm the problem. Or says how I should
have some faith in what I'm worth to
people (he was dodging the issue, since I
asked what I was worth to HIM not John
Smith down the damned road). I was just
asking him to tell me something nice for
once, I suppose. Simply put, I don't know
how not to feel hurt and angry when he
treats me like crap sometimes, because
these days there's little balance.
What I'm asking for is some help on how to
keep "cool". At times he gets so moody
like a PMSing chick, whining over stupid
things like how he can't pull off a
certain song (he plays guitar and drools
over his own music) or how he has to watch
couples walking around and feels jealous.
Not to mention he has this "American
dream" attitude, where he talks like a
delusional fool, bypassing real issues and
people.
Sidenote: He told me he'd been clinically
depressed as a young teen. Now it's like
he tries to hard with everything. Could
that explain why he's being such a dick
towards me sometimes? Why he's so
self-absorbed and scatter-brained?
Something's just not right, with him. It
was months back, but someone who's known
him longer mentioned how he "didn't seem
sane".
I have plenty of reason not to trust him
or know what I mean to him, with how he is
towards me and everything I mention here.
He says he'd have left for good already if
he was ever going to walk away from me,
that I'm "a real hassle to put up with"
but honestly, everyone who knows of our
situation says they have no idea how I put
up with so much crap, or why he bothers
with me at all. One friend is seriously
like, "It confuses the life out of me". My
simple answer to everyone would be that I
love him, and he's not always a complete
ass but I don't know how to handle this
teenage idiocy. How do I oppose lashouts
without lecturing or criticizing? I need
tips, ideas or general interpretations.
D:
Someone tell me what to think, what to say
or do, and most of all how to put up a
white flag so this friendship can work.
=/
Feel free to stop here and/or reply if you
don't like long posts... the rest is just
a little more details.
.:: Background story ::.
In late September he came back after
completely cutting ties with me for about
a month (I was devastated by his leaving).
This followed a big argument because of
massive insensitivity where he rubbed his
meeting a new girl in my face, having been
very distant with me for almost two months
after our "breakup" in late June.
Basically I hit a few nerves with my reply
to that message where he went on about the
damned chick (completely ignoring my
previous message). He left but truthfully
my reply was WELL deserved. He apologized
upon his return, said he thought I hated
him, and for a few weeks he went on and
off of being into that same chick ("bad
crush on a bad girl", he says) til HE
apparently gave up on her (probably
defending his pride). :roll
We've been better since his return, in
some ways, but there's some kind of
unresolved tension or frustration, and
it's coming off worse from him than me,
short but sharp outbursts. It's like he
doesn't care enough to try and talk things
out, or expects me to be volatile when his
silence MAKES me volatile.
He's such a painfully typical teenager,
lacking his usual depth or character
lately. Not to mention he's INSANELY
self-absorbed, lame and as my friend says,
"he exaggerates his 'problems' into giant
proportions". Honestly... someone get him
a room with himself or his guitar.
.:: My liking him ::.
Sometimes he feels the same way, he
initiated everything, always does. We have
feelings for each other (mine basically
"love", his... God knows), and it seems
that feeling comes and goes for him. In
the past he's literally begged me to
forgive him for his painfully typical
teenage spazzout phases (smoking,
drinking, trying to act like one of the
boys), and he begged me to take him back.
What gets me is that he makes so much
effort at times, others I feel like a
spare part. My friends say that for some
reason he makes effort, even wants me in
his life, but they can't figure why he is
the way he is with me, or his attitudes.
Maybe without the long distance, something
more would happen, but that aside... I
just don't know. He says he doesn't feel
the same as me now, but I recall from what
he's said a few times that he thought he
was leading me on before, so maybe he's
not going to say anything even if he does
like me 'cause there's no point? His
feelings are fickle, so that might be why,
I suppose. He said he wasn't willing to
try with me again, 'cause he refused to
hurt me and he was "unstable".
Plus he seems desperate for a relationship
(at college) now, and we're less than
ideal given the situation and atmosphere
lately. Anyway. Now an "old friend" of his
has shown up, and they're having this
"great connection that's too good to be
true"... he said how they're hanging out
this week and probably "hooking up as a
couple", so that last chick is out of the
picture. :roll
Not five months ago it was me and him
talking about how we wanted to be
together, a month later he got his panties
in a twist after a roadtrip and was all "I
can't commit. Yes I want to be with you
but it's not worth it, for you. I'm too
immature. I can't put myself forth." blah
blah. Then he got distant, worked like a
crazy guy, didn't talk more than 3 times
til our spat where he left. Come on... if
he cared that much about me he'd have done
something about it, not run away, right?
Maybe I'm too much hard work in more ways
than one, and we conflict too much? =/
.:: His stress outs ::.
I'm pretty open about stuff, he can be but
when it comes to "our" issues, he doesn't
address them. Instead he'll lash out at
me, like how the other day I said he
should perform the vox to his own song,
not use his friend, and he bit my head off
about it, saying "JESUS. you're really
pushing my buttons here" -it was crazy.
That aside, we had a truly great day of
talking (all of which he was making
effort) and clicking as we can so well.
Same crap happened last night, though,
when he was trying to cover a certain song
and failed. He kept cursing and saying
he's frustrated beyond belief, then when
he said "I'm just stubborn" 'cause I
reacted, I said "No, you're just
irritable" (he was being a pansy) and he
basically stopped talking to me and
disappeared like half hour later. When he
came back a while later, he wasn't talking
to me, and when I did approach him it was
so stand-off-ish and making excuses. I
could have hit him. It's a contrast to
sometimes when he's all "HI HI HI" and all
over me, even if it's about his music or
whatever. I even woke up in the middle of
the night, sat online for a lil while and
he didn't approach me. (he's in a
different time zone) Lame. Schizo much?
o_O
There's also the case that he
wrote/performed this one damned song that
got me irritated/confused. He was going on
to me about it so when I read the lyrics I
swear to God it sounded personal... The
good kind, but ugh... I don't let myself
believe it might be aimed at me 'cause
we're not "that way" anymore, I mean he
doesn't feel the same so what was that
about? Either he's clueless, or sadistic.
And I don't even know for sure he'd
describe me as he described the person he
was effectively hoping to be like and with
in the song. Definitely doesn't sound like
any other chick he's been into, it
referred to our disagreements and such. A
friend who knows our situation was like,
"Almost seems he's talking about you, but
don't get your hopes up because he's
teenagery and odd lately".
K that was a grueling essay. I'm honestly
sorry. Thank you so much if you tried to
piece all that together. Help?
p.s. I am hanging in there because I
believe in the fundamental good of this
guy. I just need some strength at this
point in time. Losing that hope right now
will probably destroy my faith in anyone,
so yeah. Optimists? :p
|
Maddie34
Moderator
Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 1593 Location: ,
Thanks: 84
Thanked:18
Posted: 10-29-07 21:25pm
haha I bet writing this felt really good.
The perfect vent.
Ugh, he sounds like one of my ex's
personality wise. He would talk in detail
about ALL the girls he's been dating since
we broke up. ::Barf:: I have an extremely
high tolerance for this creep so I've
always just sat back and listened to all
his complaining and stories about new
girls. But I pretty much just let him talk
and then every once in awhile give a short
input even though I don't exactly listen.
He unfortunately still considers me a very
close friend but I will admit that he has
toned down and better now.
So you like this guy, but he acts crazy
and his moods and actions are like roller
coasters to you correct? I told you my
story because I think you're in the same
spot. You know he's a little crazy but you
are willing to be friends. Pretty much
all you can do is not get too worked up
with what he says or does. Sometimes yes,
its appropriate to argue with whatever
ridiculous things he says, but otherrwise
just roll your eyes and let it slide just
so you can get through the conversation
without wanting to beat him over the head
with a big, blunt stick
If you don't think you can do this sorta
thing, which is understable-- I'm a little
embarrassed that I do, then really just
cut ties with him for a bit. Don't listen
to his songs, don't answer his calls,
don't anything. Especially if you aren't
really over the guy. Give yourself some
time to get over the guy.
However basing off my personal experience,
I think that when you stop letting him get
a rise out of you-- and move on
yourself!-- he'll back off and become the
nice guy you say is there.
Does this make sense? I had to come back
to your story a few times so let me know
if I didn't get everything right
|
SmokeAndMirrors
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Oct 2007 Posts: 23 Location: ,
Posted: 10-30-07 04:43am
Did feel pretty good. ^_^
Thank you so much for taking the time to
read. I know it's a lot, but it helps.
<3
The thing is, I do consider him and me
close, and I care for him a lot. We've
been through a lot, at times we were kinda
all each other had. Most times he pulls
through even in these situations (longest
time being this "weird" was like 4-5
months n_n). In the past he replied to a
heartfelt letter I wrote, saying how he
just couldn't deal with how close he gets
to me but it's a flaw he needs to fix
'cause he does feel the same. If he's
afraid of closeness, why is he chasing for
that with these random crushes? And
suddenly all like "Omg I see so many happy
couples and I want that closeness" like
it's something you can buy? o.O
If I'm honest, I do want him back, not
even specifically the old version, just
the non-retarded him. The problem with how
he's acting, the hot and cold thing, it
just makes me wonder why he bothers at
all. And combined with how sometimes he's
seriously keen on just talking about
anything, as if just being with me is
great, then others he's quiet and
obviously angry or something. I mean... I
can't say ANYTHING right. This weekend was
great, then sunday the attitude turned...
Could he be like... schizo? or something?
or just narcissistic? o_O
Last night was... interesting, though. He
ignored me for like two hours online
(note: I don't approach him first, 'cause
frankly last few times I have he's distant
or just being all ADHD-ish), suddenly he
came to me saying "While we're being pissy
with each other: ..." and gave me some
random reply from a band we're both into.
I mean... then he made conversation, and I
wasn't in the best of moods but usually we
just fall into decent convo. I mentioned
('cause I said how I WASN'T being pissy,
just reacting to his pissiness) how I'd
come online at like 4am after a bad dream,
and he'd blanked me, he was just like
"sorry" I mean... EVERYTHING turns to
being about him. He says he wants
friendship, but he can't deliver these
days. He'll make effort with convo, but
even then I don't get why.
Anyway he said "brb in a minute" so I
waited. Ten minutes... half hour... almost
an hour and I notice his screen name's
changed. So I childishly made a mocking
subtitle on mine and he went offline not
long after. I was still signed into my
other account (offline) since my latest
email doesn't have all my emotes, and
noticed he'd UNblocked me on there (he'd
blocked me on there before, just not on my
new one). Guess he wanted me to notice,
but frankly I couldn't be bothered with
him.
I mean, if he'd block me, it hardly means
he gives a damn, right? Probably too busy
chatting to his latest crush. Although
he's said before that he blocks me when
he's mad at me... but frankly nothing's
being solved here. He's the one who as my
friend says "Doesn't seem to know what he
wants", and that his not knowing how to be
straightforward with me or "affectionate"
it because he doesn't even know what I
mean to him. =/
So at this point, given his lash outs,
mixed messages and general attitude, I'm
super confused. I mean... he wonders why I
get so irked at him, it's that kind of
attitude (which is weirdly only since his
latest crush of two weeks) that gets my
back up.
Yeah I tolerate it, 'cause I do love the
guy. I'm just not talking to him when he
gets online til he apologises or talks
about something other than bullshiz. I
might even just do what he did and change
screenname when he tries. Talking and
letting his little spazzouts slide sure
isn't helping, he just carries on, like
last night. So you're right... I'm not
letting him get a reaction, 'cause that's
usually when he comes crawling back. And
I've had practice with him being "gone"
what with the time he left... so I can
take dishing out some of my own casual
attitude at him.
God I wanna scream right now. I know how I
am, I honestly do... but how can ANYONE be
THAT mixed up, self-involved and oblivious
to their retardation as he is. -_-
|
Maddie34
Moderator
Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 1593 Location: ,
Thanks: 84
Thanked:18
Posted: 10-30-07 09:03am
Are you trying to get back to a
girlfriend/boyfriend kind of thing or just
stay good friends?
Staying friends is relatively easy, but it
involves a lot of patience. If you're
looking for more then I'd have to advise
against it. He's so up and down it will
drive you crazy.
I think that when you find a new guy to be
with, his erratic behavior would either
stop or cool off. Normally I don't really
like the whole you-don't-so-I-won't game
but in this case I think its warranted.
Stop talking to him for awhile, obviously
not too long though. When he realizes you
aren't gripping the sides of your desk
waiting for his reply then maybe he'll
learn to appreciate when you do answer a
little more. But this plan can backfire
pretty easily, so don't get too surprised
if it doesn't work and he just gets angry.
I don't know this guy personally so I'm
not sure how he would react.
|
SmokeAndMirrors
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Oct 2007 Posts: 23 Location: ,
Posted: 10-30-07 10:04am
Thank you, that makes sense. ^_^
Yes, I still have feelings for him. As
he's being, friendship itself is what we
need to focus on. And although I'd like
more, like you say he's all over the
place, and with his random crushes I guess
I'm not that important or as simple. Or
simply he just doesn't feel the same. Who
knows.
Like when we go from good days and long
friendly talks, then lash outs, or last
night's stuff, it really confuses me. =/
I've realised a lot in the last few
months, about how I can sometimes cause
some of our problems with lash outs, being
demanding, reading into things. I'm sure
he'd like to list more issues with me, but
not all of those are fair or even right,
'cause a lot of the time they're reactions
to him or his attitude.
It's like a cycle, not sure where the ball
started rolling but I just want him to
respect me more, listen and it wouldn't
kill him to genuinely give back once in a
while. He's extremely self-involved, badly
so... to the point where I feel
embarrassed for him, but all those
not-so-nice qualities aside, he's really a
good and respectable guy who I adore.
I suppose I gotta deal with all this
behaviourally, since letting him know
things doesn't get through or he lets it
slide. Like the issue with his crushes, or
how he's continuing in a few irritating
behaviours.
And you're right. I might just give him
some breathing space, see if things calm
down. He's not the type to get outwardly
angry -at people or me, I'm not sure how
to describe him... even though he can
express his mood and environment/life,
he's not really that emotional. He doesn't
like being serious at all, discuss issues
unless he's effectively defending himself
(seems I get his back up at times, this
week's lash outs aside -which weren't
provoked at all), or say nice things to
people he _supposedly_ cares for.
When we were super close, before he
started work (finished now) or college, he
was the same except when the need would
arise he pulled through and was an amazing
friend. And basically I was one of the few
-possibly the one person he truly "let
in". I wish I still felt that special to
him.
Maybe he's having his teen phase... but I
really hope we can get back that
closeness, or maybe this drama and
everything is ruining that. =/
|
Maddie34
Moderator
Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 1593 Location: ,
Thanks: 84
Thanked:18
Posted: 10-30-07 11:20am
Nope, I doubt this will ruin all chances
of friendship, and who knows what will
happen in the future?
These random crushes? Maybe he's just
trying to get you jealous. Again, who
knows. And I'm sure you ARE important to
him else he wouldn't even talk to you.
When you do talk, try and keep it light
and jokingly for awhile and see how that
works. Anything else is a step backwards
for the both of you. You've just got to be
patient. Since you've been close before
and he's been coming to you for problems I
think you will be able to get things back
on track. Just wondering though, do you go
to him for problems to? If not then maybe
try talking about your problems, even if
you don't really think its a big deal, and
ask for advice. Might as well give in and
let him play hero for the sake off
bringing him closer to you emotionally
right?
How old is this guy that you think he's
going through a teen phase? haha it does
sound like PMS
|
SmokeAndMirrors
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Oct 2007 Posts: 23 Location: ,
Posted: 10-30-07 11:59am
Thank you so much. Those are fantastic
ideas. ^_^
He's 19, and you're so right... it's
totally PMS. Haha. :p
I think he's just making up for the fact
he's held back from peer pressure his
whole life, along with his whole "I hate
the idea of regrets" and other issues
which he's striving/struggling to
overcome. So I could be more tolerant...
but he gets me so frustrated with his hot
and coldness towards me... and his acting
like a jerk in general. Last night REALLY
irked me... and he's not talked to me
today. n_n
I guess if I was just "some girl" he'd not
make any effort, so maybe I'm a little
important to him. Sometimes he's just so
impossible to figure out and it makes me
hostile, 'cause I want to understand.
Again... he tolerates that side of me, so
if I could turn that around into a
positive, in theory we'd be great and
close friends again. Hmmz.
I don't really go to him for problems,
actually. Aside from my problems with him
I don't really talk about my problems, I
don't bottle them up... I don't think, but
it makes me feel weird. Admittedly, I do
lecture him at times, but he seems alright
with it because he values my opinion and
insight into him. Still... maybe I'm too
serious too often... and let him get to
me, 'cause he knows just how to drive me
up the wall. n_n
|
Maddie34
Moderator
Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 1593 Location: ,
Thanks: 84
Thanked:18
Posted: 10-30-07 12:28pm
haha I understand completely. And after
reading what I said I've realized I'm such
a pushover!
But you don't even need to tell him really
personal problems, could be something kind
of dumb that you've already made up your
mind about. I'm thinking maybe if he feels
like you need him for support too he'll be
a little more uh... stable?
Yeah, I think just acting like friends
would be a good way to stay friends.
A conversation doesn't always need to be
serious. But I understand that he would
probably turn the conversation in a way to
make you cranky. Thats when you lecture,
but quickly take it back to joking and
happy conversation.
|
SmokeAndMirrors
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Oct 2007 Posts: 23 Location: ,
Posted: 10-30-07 17:10pm
Ugh.
Well, he emailed me today about last
night, and he was angry. It was a basic
rant that said he thought my screen name
was an attack on him and the girl (his
crush). Also told me that he was gonna
keep it a secret, but he's now dating her.
-_-
Anyways, he said "You're right, I dunno
why I'm trying to force a friendship with
you, which it sometimes feel like I'm
doing". And that we can hardly keep civil
for more than 24 hours either side, and
that that might not chance anytime soon,
maybe never.
Then he said it's good to know that I
loved him, but he's changed from the
"creepy fat loser" he was and to
summarise, he basically said I should move
on.
So yeah. Thankfully I replied and
clarified that bit about the lame screen
name thing, 'cause he didn't get that it
was a lyric, and took real dislike towards
it to the point he said it had irritated
him all night and even all of today (kinda
graphic Rufus Wainwright lyric)... and
basically he didn't see the non-horrid
sub/title which was aimed at him. -_-
As well as explaining other stuff. I'll
paste the rest below...
----------------------------
"And I don't care how you were or are now,
I care about WHO you are. I wasn't
searching for some random kid to talk to,
I just happened to meet you and I liked
what I found, I thought you were the same
with that. And I never said it
[friendship] was ideal, or cool, but is it
so easy for you to now brush off all the
time and closeness we found in each other?
I know it's easy to remember the caca and
how that can ruin things, but can't you
for one minute think over the great
things?
Force a friendship? I thought you wanted
to be friends. I know you'll probably not
think much of what I'm going to say given
how your mood and outlook, it feels like
you think nothing of the friendship just
because things are how they are (we can't
even sit and talk, or anything), but
when/if you want to talk about stuff... I
promise I'll try not to be hostile or
whatever. I don't handle things the best
of ways... but at times I just get so
mixed up and things like last night just
aggravate.
And I know we can't always be civil but
you confused me with your ignoring me
after talking yesterday, as well as
lashing out at me a few times, 'cause I
just wanted to talk. I know I'm volatile,
and there are things I haven't told you
but I'm not going to go into them 'cause
frankly if you are going to stay or talk
to me, I don't want that out of guilt.
p.s. You have a bad memory. How can you
tell me you value me one minute then turn
around like this to shove me away again?
Don't throw everything away, please.
p.p.s. If you're too pissed, careless or
don't wanna talk to me, then I guess all I
can say is that I do care about you, I
swear. Please don't question that. I guess
I just thought you cared about me too and
it seems not so much. =/
p.p.p.s. I'm sure I missed a bunch of
stuff, or failed at saying the words I
could have, but this was unexpected to be
fair. Hopefully you'll listen and give me
a chance to talk, but if you don't want
anything to do with me, what more can I
say except it'll hurt losing you again.
-------------------------------
Yeah we do the p.p.p.p.p.p.s. thing a lot.
haha.
He felt bad for getting that mixed up...
and I suppose now I need to just breathe
and let things calm down but I feel so
weird. Another friend who's known him
longer says he's just changed a lot, maybe
we're both two totally different people in
different points in life and we're just
fed up with each other. But the fact he's
making effort, I mean he could have walked
away if he didn't see the point, so
hopefully this friendship can work. He
still values me, and I value him. Help?
D:
Or maybe I guilt tripped him. But
honestly... a month ago he came back to
restore our friendship after some other
random crush that went bad. It's this
damned teenage maleness... I hate the
thought of him and her, but don't wanna
let my mind go there. -_-
Basically... I dunno how to keep strong
here, for myself and for everything. How
do I get over him when I care about him so
much? And is there a chance he's
experiencing life (his first relationship
where it's not long distance) and as he's
done in the past letting things with me
slide because of it. Is there a hope that
if we do drift apart, things can pick up
when we're both more... stable, I guess?
=/
|
Maddie34
Moderator
Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 1593 Location: ,
Thanks: 84
Thanked:18
Posted: 10-30-07 20:42pm
I know, it really sucks to try and get
over a guy. I'm so sorry you are in this
situation! I feel like such a wench
telling you this but you need to realize
he's moving on. You have to too. If you
aren't ready for a new guy then at least
stop playing with the notion of getting
back together with this guy. If it
happens, let it happen because its meant
to be, not because you've been holding off
for months or years while he explores his
options. That’s not right. You
shouldn’t wait for him.
You're never going to like the idea of him
with another girl. I still get annoyed
seeing any of my past boyfriends happy
with some other chick and I'm more than
happy in my own relationship. I don't know
why, but I think I always go back to
thinking why I couldn't make that guy
happy. Which is stupid. I just wasn't
right for them. Just as you may not be
right for him and maybe he’s not right
for you. Make sense?
***It has nothing to do with what either
one is lacking as a person!***
When you ask if things can pick back up
and be more stable, I'd think yes. But you
are going to have to just give it time.
I’m not saying give up hope for all
friendship, but just don’t rush it.
Things will work out
|
SmokeAndMirrors
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Oct 2007 Posts: 23 Location: ,
Posted: 10-30-07 20:50pm
Some friends have cheered me up tonight,
and I'm actually finding it amusing that
he's yet again blocked me. No idea why
but he still hasn't blocked my old account
so he's probably just careless, though
it's odd since he'd blocked it before
yesterday errr.... I'm sidetracked. So
yeah.
Methinks he's just basking in his latest
romance.
I'm giving him space, letting him wise up
or whatever if need be and just not
chasing him. I think I've become a bit of
a backup for him, hence why he comes back
when his relationships fail. So seems time
to stand up for myself, whatever that
means for our future as friends and such
or otherwise. D:
Thank you again.
|
Maddie34
Moderator
Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 1593 Location: ,
Thanks: 84
Thanked:18
Posted: 10-30-07 21:02pm
Yay! I'm happy to hear of your revelation!
It's good you have close friends to help
you through it!
Just don't think about him for awhile.
This whole blocking on msn thing is kind
of juvenile and really not worth your
time.
No problem. I'm glad you've got things
figured out a little more.
|
young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 10-30-07 21:08pm
wow
you guys type ALOT
|
Maddie34
Moderator
Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 1593 Location: ,
Thanks: 84
Thanked:18
Posted: 10-30-07 21:14pm
I've got workstudy Tuesday and Thursday
mornings.
And as long as I'm finished with my
homework I spend a lot of time fartin'
around on forums.
Besides, short answers never work for
relationship stuff anyways.
|
young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 10-30-07 21:15pm
true true
|
SmokeAndMirrors
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Oct 2007 Posts: 23 Location: ,
Posted: 11-09-07 11:06am
So... he hasn't spoken to me since. I'm so
confused.
It's like a relapse to the time he met
that chick and left for a month
*shudder*... maybe he doesn't care for me
or our friendship when he's got some new
girl to focus on (always seems that way).
Dunno if his new relationship is working
out... he started dating her on the
Monday, the 30th or something. Why has he
suddenly decide to cut ties with me again?
Why does a relationship mean he can't talk
to me? Why was he SO unbelievably
hostile?
I can't believe he's being this way AGAIN.
What the hell is it with that BOY? What
was with his coming back, the lashouts as
well as the flirtations -no, he isn't a
natural "flirter". He HATES when people
lead others on... what the hell was it all
about? My instincts on these things are
usually right, something doesn't fit,
here. =/
It's like we're some old married couple
arguing and then connecting and now he
goes and treats me like this. What was the
significance in throwing me away again
when he finally got his much-wanted
"college relationship"? What the hell AM
I? Is this that I'm "no big deal" or "too
much effort" or "avoided but difficult
'interest' ". God my head.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what
to think. Anyone got some ideas on why the
hell he's pulled away again? Please? Why
has he been acting like such an ASS
lately? Why the hell can't he ever just
say things straight up without being an
insensitive jerk? *sigh*
My head just can't take it all in. Can't
think why but I feel like I need to
understand, or just figure something. -_-
|
Maddie34
Moderator
Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 1593 Location: ,
Thanks: 84
Thanked:18
Posted: 11-09-07 13:43pm
Look hun, this isn't going to solve itself
in a little over a week. It wil take a
month or probably longer you know? The boy
is self centered. To. The. Max. He's not
going to change just after a week of not
talking and he might not ever change.
And any guy can say they hate "leading
people on" but it doesn't mean they won't.
He may not even think he's doing it,
especially considering how self centered
he is.
What are your instincts saying by the
way?
Don't know what to do? You sound like
you've got some great friends. Be with
them. Go out and have fun. And don't think
of this boy for awhile. It's just going to
drive you nuts because its impossible to
understand him. College is time when you
learn your true friends from high school
and gain new ones. It sucks, but sometimes
even the closest high school friendships
can come up short in college when there's
distance involved.
---
If you feel like you're going to cave and
start a conversation with him then I
suggest you keep it light. No arguing. If
that starts then be the mature woman you
are, and remove yourself from the
situation and try again another day.
Arguing will only be backwards for you.
|
SmokeAndMirrors
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Oct 2007 Posts: 23 Location: ,
Posted: 11-09-07 14:55pm
Thank you so much. ^_^
My instincts are saying that he still
cares about me, that I'm "something".
Otherwise I can't see why he came back at
all since he apparently "has it together"
at college, something he said when he
returned late September. I don't fit into
his life, yet he came back for me, then
with the chick on the scene it's like he
doesn't want to bother. Part of me says
alright, maybe that's 'cause I'd get
jealous and he's giving me time to get
over him. Another says he doesn't want to
risk his new relationship because maybe
he's worried he'll start liking me "that
way" again. We're like an old married
couple, and the flirting thing he did, it
was outright -he's a conscious guy, and it
just kinda struck me. Plus those lyrics,
that song he wrote, he was so in my face
about it and it could have easily be
written to me if we were still
"together".
He's beyond extreme about the leading
people on thing. If I so much as mention
to him about guys interested in me, he
goes off on one "say no, don't lead him
on" and can go on for like ten minutes
about how it could get me in dangerous
situations or break the guy's heart. He's
so weird. O.O
A friend says he'll probably talk again,
but it'll be if/when things go wrong with
the new girl. I kinda want to be mad at
him if he does, which he'll expect, but I
want to scream at him. I want to let him
know how I love and hate him, the way he
runs off like I'm nothing, the way I'm the
only real friend in our now poor excuse
for a friendship. How can he care about me
if he's not even around to be half a
friend? Teenage self-centredness? x_x
Maybe it's wishful thinking, given how
he's being right now. Something just tells
me that he wants what he wants right now,
and like he said once about us back in Jan
"This is one dream that I won't hold onto
forever because I know how these things go
99% of the time". He's very logical, mind
over heart. Whereas I'm heart over mind,
occasionally lashing out 'cause I have so
much passion for him, misdirected - ya
know? I wish I wasn't that way, 'cause I
can be cliché agro female.
He's determined to push his past away,
hell he mentioned how he's maybe getting a
tattoo with "Kiss your past goodbye" on
it, stuff like that... so maybe I'm
tainted with being a part of that past. He
has that whole lame "American dream"
attitude.
I'm doing a lot better than I did last
time he left, but grief/anger/upset hits
me in waves. If this weren't long
distance, I wouldn't ask myself "is this
love?", and if it isn't then no way do I
want to feel the real deal. x_x Missing
him is sometimes too much to take, and it
feels weak.
I can't approach him, I'm still blocked as
far as I know, although his profile is
still there he hasn't logged in for over a
week. I've blocked him on MSN, 'cause I
think if we do talk it needs to be through
emails so we can both gather our thoughts.
You're right, though, it's too much of a
mess right now and he's beyond
narcissistic.
I noticed a reply of his to a thread in
the music forum on the site we
met/sometimes talk on, about inspiration
to writing music, he was all like:
"Exhaustion, heartbreak, bad
relationships, drinking, drugs, and
general unhappiness has done wonders for
my writing, too". Angst queen, he is. I
know college was badly stressing him out,
too, and he had health issues, and now
with him being in his first official
relationship. Ugh. Guess I'm sidelined and
I don't think I'll believe anything more
because he turns away so easily.
Sorry that was really long. I could rant
for England. D:
|
Maddie34
Moderator
Joined: 06 Oct 2007 Posts: 1593 Location: ,
Thanks: 84
Thanked:18
Posted: 11-10-07 02:03am
Trust me; I love to rant, but I also love
to listen, so rant away!
Ok, there are a lot of reasons he's
ignoring you, many of which you've named
and I'll go with those because they are
very practical. Whatever his reasons for
not wanting to be with you-- even if they
don't make sense to you-- the point is
that he's trying to move on. I don't know
why he doesn't think you could be
together, but you shouldn't feel the need
to sit and wait for him to crawl back to
you. You are really at an age where this
game he's playing-- isn't worth it. It's
so junior high! Get out with your friends
and live your life without him for awhile!
If/when he does come back; hopefully he
will be more mature and then you can
continue a relationship as you see fit.
But if you get hung up on him for too
long, you may regret it later on.
When the two of you were together-- like
dating-- was it up and down like this?
This is not love, not the
head-over-heals--I'll-grow-old-with-you
love anyways. I'm not trying to belittle
your feelings, but love is so much more
satisfying than being "sidelined" for an
unknown amount of time. You're hurt right
now. He's treating you like crap, and you
shouldn't wait around and just take it.
That's not even close to love, so please
stop tossing it around in your head so you
can move on emotionally. Sorry if that
sounds harsh—I’m kind of blunt and
I’m not sure of a nicer way to say that
without it sounding too nice.
Your passion for him is misdirected-- you
remind me so much of my friend back home!
Please show more sense than her and stop
waiting for him to change. She's so
miserable sometimes and it’s hard to get
her out of it. Things have a very slim
chance of change hun, are you sure you
want to spend your time waiting for it to
happen or even trying to make it happen?
Are you sure it will be worth it?
Eh, sorry this post may seem really mean.
But you are sounding so much like my
friend alex-- its unreal. And she's been
in this situation for as long as I
remember. Too much heart and no head can
really work against you sometimes!
|
SmokeAndMirrors
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Oct 2007 Posts: 23 Location: ,
Posted: 11-10-07 09:57am
Eh, I probably need some meanness. I know
I'm foolish, but this isn't the first time
we've been in a bad state. He's come to
his senses several times, practically
crawls back to me saying I'm what he truly
wants, his "real/great friend in the
least", or that he feels "that way" about
me. And it's not like I'm looking for love
or anything. I'm not all "Move on and find
someone" 'cause relationships have never
been my priority. Sparks happen when they
happen, as far as I'm concerned. Hell,
maybe he's found that with his latest
hippy chick... almost as bad as when he
met that chick just before he left for a
month. Just sounded forced... somehow.
The dilemma is mind-blowing, though, the
situation. I guess I need to focus on
being happy, not letting him bring me down
just by not being here. He's in college,
until 2011, and God knows whether he'll
bother trying to fix things with me now
he's got someone -seems our friendship
isn't worth his time now he's got his
first "official" girlfriend. Clearly I'm
not a priority anymore, but his coming
back just threw me, the things he said,
the way he put forth effort (and believe
me, he's not remotely the type to bother
with people he doesn't care about)... now
with him running away again... it's just
ugh. So yet again I'm left confused with
the happenings I mentioned. I guess he
could be trying to move on, and the fact
that he can do that doesn't really suggest
he feels that much for me, I don't think.
Not as much as I feel for him, obviously.
When we were together it was great, but
the long distance thing was an obstacle,
like we couldn't do enough for each other,
or be official. He described that problem
as "Depressing" at times, but even with
that said, he made the effort and took
chances and again, he's just not the type
to bother unless he truly wants something.
We're like kindred spirits, but it's like
the problem of distance turned us into
monsters. His angst-ridden mood swings
along with my knowing what I want but
never quite saying it as I should without
female "clinginess". And I really would
take a chance on him. If things were as
great as I think they'd be, I'd happily
grow old with him and all that cliché
stuff. Not saying I'm "in love", but I
care about him so much, I do have love for
the guy, but right now I don't much like
him.
And no it wasn't up and down when we were
"together". Just as I described, it was
frustrating even though we care(d) about
each other. We both have our "off" days,
his turned him into an apathic thoughtless
teenaged brat, and made me outright
hostile and "difficult" -his word for me.
As things are right now, I'm so
disappointed in him, that he's turned away
like this AGAIN as soon as there's a new
interest on the scene. I don't feel like I
should forgive him, and I hope he'll fight
hard for my forgiveness if he cares enough
to. Kinda like I don't want to let him
just get away with this whole turn tail
and run attitude. I want him to prove
himself, if I'm worth that much to him,
even just as "friends". He said when he
came back, "I haven't proved myself to
you" and such. God, so many puzzle pieces
that won't fit together in my head. x_x
Perhaps he thinks that I hate him, again.
I'm too angry with him for being this way
to even disagree with him. Why should I
make any effort at all? =/
I'm not sure of much, except I would
regret it if I gave up hope altogether. He
came back for me when there was no need.
All those seemingly silly little things,
but I suppose I'll never know why he is
the way he is with me.
It's just hard, knowing he's so far in so
many ways, being a painfully typical teen.
I guess it's easier for him to find
someone there and brush me to the back of
his mind. =/
