Dear friends,
I may post this in another forum as I am
desperate for an answer. I hope that is
okay. I really appreciate any help I can
get (or any intentions to help
)
I am young, eighteen years old. Shortly
before starting university this past
August, I was at a house party and saw
some people preparing lines of cocaine. I
am what you may call a very adventurous
person; I have a strong need to experience
anything just once; I feel good being able
to tell myself I have done something most
people have not and would not (it is
vanity, I know). In fact, while most
young people promise themselves they will
never touch drugs, I once made a vow to
myself that if the opportunity to use
cocaine ever arose that I would make
necessary provisions for the day/night so
that I could experiment with it.
Therefore, I asked the person for a some
and she obliged, showing me how to
insufflate it.
It obviously felt good; I have not felt
inclined to do it again nor have I even
been in contact with somebody who could
facilitate the procurement of the drug for
me since that night.
But anyway, as the effect of the drug was
wearing off, I suddenly remembered that I
had a medical check up the following
morning, for immunization forms for
school. As those who are knowledgeable
about cocaine know, the "crash" involves a
lot of anxiety and paranoia. So I became
incredibly anxious, convinced that I would
take a urine test, that the results would
indicate I had used cocaine, and that my
parents would find out and my whole life
would blow apart.
It is inexplicable because logically I
know that even if the doctor was going to
ask for a urine sample they would not test
for these things for school immunization
forms! Yet I was paranoid nevertheless
I went home and began drinking juice and
water in copious amounts, I went to the
physician's office the following morning.
You should have seen me in the waiting
room; I kept filling cup after cup of
water from the tank and drinking it while
waiting to be called. I went into the
office and my blood pressure was high
enough that the nurse remarked about it,
but at any rate the doctor came in and I
was incredibly nervous. I was still
crashing and felt convinced I had ruined
my life. There was no urine sample, but I
was a damn fool and at the end, when my
doctor was asking me about drug use, I
froze for a little bit, he looked at me
expectantly, and I explained what happened
the previous night (I really felt as
though I were being interrogated by
government intelligence)
Anyway, at the time I didn't know anything
about insurance or medical records. I had
just become independent of my parents in
this regard and left my pediatrician.
Obviously, I didn't want this to go on my
records but my anxiety caused me to crack
and tell the doctor what happened. At the
time I was worried my parents would
realize what I had done and the doctor
reassured me that it was unimaginable that
they would, so I calmed down.
Lately however, I have been trying to
learn more about medical records and I see
that they are not as confidential as I had
figured they would be. I know that, for
example, this incident precludes me from
working in law enforcement or things like
that (not that I care about that, it just
makes me wonder); I also expect my
insurance rates will be high throughout
life because of this, but I am wondering
how else this will effect me. Suppose I
wanted to work with charitable
organizations abroad like...say...the
peace corps. Would this preclude me? How
will it affect my future?
I don't know why I felt compelled to write
all of that, I could have just asked what
one incident of cocaine-use at age 18
would do to my future...at any rate I am,
for some reason, experiencing a great
degree of anxiety about this such that it
is interfering with my life, and would be
extremely grateful for any enlightenment.
Take care, and for those in this forum who
were not as fortunate in life
circumstances as me and have had to deal
with addiction, I truly wish you all the
best.
