I began dating the most wonderful woman in
the world on july 4, 2000. I knew early
on that she was the woman of my dreams.
She's the only person in my life -
including family - that I completely trust
and feel totally comfortable around.
She's amazing. Her compassion,
personality, loving attitude, etc. Is
amazing.
We've always known we'd get married.
Times have been tough during our
relationship because she went back to
school and I was struggling financially
because of my job. On top of all that I
have lived my entire live behind a bunch
of walls because of a bad family life.
She is very open and loving. I, too, am
very loving but i've always had a hard
time showing it because of the walls.
We've been really good for each other in
that we've grown tremendously during our
time together. I've put off getting
engaged because I was too concerned with
trying to make everything perfect for her.
I wanted to be able to give her a nice
house, nice vacations, etc. Simply put,
I was worried about the things that didn't
matter instead of just marrying her.
Instead of just giving in to our love I
tried to make it too good. Being a
perfectionist has always been a problem of
mine.
A few weeks ago she dropped a bomb when
she said she couldn't do this anymore.
My personal defense mechanisms have kept
me from just being the person i'm capable
of being. As a result, i've pushed her
away. This has forced to to take a long,
hard look at myself for the first time in
my life. I know realize where i've gone
wrong. Through soul searchig,
counseling, and the help of some
recommended reading material, i've made
some unbelievable changes in my life. I
just wish it hadn't come to this to bring
these realizations to the surface.
All of my hopes and dreams for my life
have been based on spending it with her.
I want nothing more than to be with her
the rest of my life. I know I will never
find anyone like her. I have been deeply
depressed for the last few weeks and it
only seems to be getting worse. She
wants some distance for now but I find
that it's hard to respect that wish.
I know that if she just gives me a chance
she will realize i'm the man for her.
She still loves me but i'm afraid she's
scared I will hurt her again. Please
understand that my intentions have always
been the best but the end result is now a
disaster.
I don't know what to do. I love her more
than life itself and I can't imagine
living my life without her. All I want
is to be with her.
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
the Wall Posted: 04-05-04 13:41pm
It is time to break down that wall and be
yourself. I know it is real difficult at
times! You have to realize no one or
nothing is perfect! And tell yourself
that today is the first day of the rest of
your life and that we all have problems,
have you ever thought of emdr, this is
done by the knee taping it is done by a
psychologist, not a psychiatrist it has
helped a lot of people with past problems,
it takes you back to your troubled times
and it alows you to release the
negativeness in the past, it really is a
great release! I hope this has helped!
Always,
sandy
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Deeply Saddened
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Apr 2004 Posts: 2
Posted: 04-05-04 21:40pm
I have sought out help that allowed me to
face many of my past issues as well as
realease much of the good i've always had
bottled up inside of me. The real
problem is that she's not here to share it
with me. I know she loves me. Hell,
she was physically ill and had to miss
work for two days when she told me.
I don't know what to do. I'm lost.
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 04-07-04 15:43pm
Well, the only thing you can do is tell
her what you just told us. If you want
to keep her in your life that is what you
are going to have to do.
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 04-08-04 00:19am
This is true! I agree!
Sincerely,
sandy
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Saraphia
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Apr 2004 Posts: 3
Broken Hearted Posted: 04-22-04 14:17pm
I was just passing through and I read your
post. I am so sorry to hear about this.
My boyfriend (now husband for 4 years) and
I went through something very similar. He
was so afraid and so unsure of himself and
I took that as a form of rejection, which
I know now was wrong. I never got upset
with him or fussed at him, I just started
putting some space between the two of us.
Once he explained to me exactly how he was
feeling and held nothing back, I
understood him and he felt more
comfortable in making this huge decision.
You have to tell her what you feel, just
like you did in your post. You have to
tell her everything, including your fears,
etc. - afterall, this is the person that
you love enough to marry and this is the
person that you want to spend the rest of
your life with. You will find that you
will feel much more at ease and so will
she. I hope that this helps some.
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nice2beeme
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Apr 2004 Posts: 7 Location: Maryland
Posted: 04-25-04 18:02pm
Well first of all I would like to tell you
that this is not just a problem for you
but I found out that most men always hold
back what they really need to share with
the one that they say they love instead of
holding back. What men don't know about
most women is that we are very
understandable people and we love to
communicate. Men biggest problem is
communication.So if she do give you
another chance please tell her what you
are feeling and what you are not feeling.
We can read minds but sometimes we want a
day off from that do you feel me
